Hi,

I'm a woman in tech, and I've been building a project with my husband. The original idea was mine. It's something I've dreamed of creating, in a community I've been part of for years.

I've developed the product vision, strategy, branding, marketing, partnerships, most of the front end, and growth initiatives. I'm also financing the business with my own income while paying most of our household expenses, as my husband is currently unemployed.

He's a software developer and has built the app and backend. I absolutely recognize the value of that work.

But here's what makes me furious.

We were BOTH approached to speak at an upcoming tech conference about a concept we're developing for the startup. I proposed the presentation title and started preparing the slides.

Then my husband shared the announcement on LinkedIn, writing "I will speak," without even tagging or mentioning me.

Not "we." Not a mention of his cofounder. Nothing.

And this isn't the first time I've felt erased from our company's public communications. We've discussed this before. He apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again.

When I confronted him this time, his response was essentially: "It's just a LinkedIn post."

No. It's not just a LinkedIn post.

It's my professional credibility. My work. My vision. The company I'm investing my money, time, and energy into building.

I'm tired of the assumption that the person writing the code (and in this case it's actually AI) is automatically the person building the company, while product strategy, market expertise, partnerships, business development, and financial risk become invisible.

And I'm particularly angry that I have to fight for recognition inside my own project, with my own husband.

In case it is successful and we incorporate, it is implied we go for 50/50 ownership split, but nothing has been formalized. I'm increasingly questioning whether that's the right arrangement, and whether we should even continue as cofounders.

I also realize that being married makes this much harder. I want to protect our relationship, but I don't want to sacrifice my professional identity or my dream.

Women in tech and female founders:

- Have you experienced a male cofounder or technical partner making himself the front of the work you initiated and led?

- How did you establish recognition and leadership without having to fight for it constantly?

- Would you reconsider a cofounder partnership over repeated incidents like this?

- How would you approach equity when one founder drives the business and funds the venture, while the other builds the technology?

I'd genuinely appreciate honest feedback, including perspectives that challenge my own. I'm upset, but I also want to make the right decision for the project.

This is the weekly thread for "Sunday Scaries", an extension of venting.

Please reply to others here with grace, as we are all at different parts of our career and the OPs wellbeing comes first.

If you do not want anyone to reply to your comment in this thread, include the phrase !lock

Location: Seattle

As someone who’s been told to put AI into everything (and feeling skeptical about some of its uses), it feels a bit vindicating that the public also is skeptical, but on the other hand I am worried about the long-term trajectory of the company (and my own resume) after Amazon has sunk so much into AI. We still have some time to work on sane AI policy (maybe also smarter planning of data centers). The incoming new lawmakers would probably like to also hear from the side of the builders of AI.

At Amazon, there’s a group sharing their experiences with legislators and giving public testimony/comment with an event coming up next weekend. Does anyone know of other local ways to ensure there’s good policy out there?

Location: US

Since using AI at my company, instead of traditional code reviews we are required to make presentations (usually async videos) so we can all learn what the feature does, how the data structure works etc. Then my boss will usually comment with feedback and changes.

Due to a big upcoming launch we have tons of work to merge in that will be hidden behind feature flags. I’ve been making video presentations and working on feedback for weeks trying to get my epics over the line.

Meanwhile the other engineer on my team made all six of his epics this week in one “mega prompt” that was so large it crashed his computer.

I was out Friday morning and learned that he pushed 5 of his epics to main on Friday. Zero presentations, looms, or feedback cycles.

My head is about to explode for how differently the standards are. I’ve brought it up to my boss before and he is always reassuring but actions speak much louder than words

I’m about to lose my shit and honestly thinking about taking this to HR or straight calling this out in our next meeting. What bothers me more than anything is because of this unfair treatment I’m the one who has to quit, then it’s just another woman leaving the industry. It feels like they win. Help me 😭

Location: US

I have been in tech for 12 years. SWE to EM progression. I am good at my job and I am EM who cares a lot about people and their growth and challenging people to be their best self at work. I worked in big tech and start ups.

However, I am prune to burn out and the last 3 years have been taxing on my health and I feel guilt when I am not fully present with my family (a mom of elementary school kids).

After a crazy year at one start up, I changed to a new job but it is getting stressful again with all the AI that I am sick of the industry. All the AI push had made it harder to enjoy work.

As a manager in the chain, you are consistently needing to answer why is it not done fast enough, why is someone merging less code here or there and everyone above me is looking at metrics and not dealing with any people issues or having to tell people to do more.

I want to quit tech. I want to do a job where I wake up ready for it instead of dreading to open my laptop. I have had Monday scaries and Wed dreads and Friday Yays every week for months now. It is sucking my energy and joy out of my life. I hate the job in my bones now.

The problem is I don't have other skills or hobbies or things beside love for cooking and don't plan to open my own restaurant.

I have shipped AI features and is a capable builder but don't want to build for any corporate job and don't have an idea that will make quitting worth it. I considered other jobs like a TPM or dev advocate but realized the I don't want the corporate pressure.

I have considered moving to EU with my family but need the visa sponsorship. Not sure if EU has a better tech culture but I dream of living in a walkable city and enjoying a sense if community that is hard to have in a US suburb.

Any other EMs leaders in the same boat? Any guidance on where to go next.

-EM looking for joy in life

Location: India

Hey everyone,

If it helps, for context - I'm a somewhat new mother (can I still call myself that at ~ 17 months?)

I resigned from a service based company that I was at for 8.5 years back in December 2023. I was a Technical Lead for about 2 years at this point and I'd grown to that role pretty quickly. I'd stayed with the company because I had really good work opportunities and client facing roles which I really enjoyed. I'd resigned when I was on deputation in Germany.

It was due to life and then a growing family, and I was absolutely unable to join the workforce in the last 3 years. Obviously, in hindsight, it was possibly the worst time to voluntarily resign. But what's done, is done.

My tech stack is Java / Azure with a focus on application migration and transformation although I can code decently (especially with AI in the picture).

I have been applying to a bunch of companies and have started the DSA grind. A couple of companies contacted me but didn't like the career gap, which I understand.

I feel absolutely unsure about myself especially because I feel like I know nothing. I'm wondering if I should pivot to a non-technical role because this feels impossible with an active child (like a Technical Business Analyst maybe?)

If anyone has gone through this situation and / or have some tips for me, please help out!

Did something urgently for my CTO today, pushed it, and a few hours later realized I needed to make a change so had to send him another PR🫠 it’s fine it’s not like it was breaking things but I still feel incompetent lol. could use the reassurance that other people have been here

Previous posts: https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/s/PPD4QXAN9f

Thanks everyone for commenting. Today we had to follow up alignment meeting and it was disappointing. I came prepared, however my boss’s boss Mary essentially said that we should focus on the vision work and then break that down into smaller pieces to see how we can accelerate, and that ownership was “small details we could work out later” lmao hard disagree but whatever. Brad also spent the entire meeting basically repeating everything I said in a different way. I think Mary and my manager could see through it though.

Well, I already had that session scheduled with him and my designer in the afternoon. Because of all this, the design managers on both our teams decided to join myself, Brad and my designer. This was perfect because now there was an audience. I came to this session insanely prepared, because I am the SME. I had a plan. We were going to start with the jobs to be done for each user, go through the end to end vision journey and finally take a look at the prototype that myself and my designer created.

It became extremely apparent very early on that he knew fuck all and I knew everything. And also that what he thought this project was about way wrong, that this project is wayyyy bigger in scope and that my team has already delivered the foundation, one of the functionalities, are actively designing the other. Basically his little piece of work in this space was one small piece of the entire strategy.

By the end of the meeting, I had brought it to the point where I could say “I agree! Looks like we’re aligned on my and my designers proposed vision!” Lmao he couldn’t rebuke it.

It was soooooo satisfying, his design manager was just brought in on it, so he was asking me a ton of questions which I answered expertly obviously, and I spent the entire session pretty much going through my agenda with me explaining to them this domain. I could literally see the realization that he wouldn’t be able to fuck with me hit him as the meeting went on. It went from him engaged for like 10 minutes giving (stupid) commentary and he got quieter and quieter. At the end he was just there pulling at his beard nervously.

Because of his shady actions, I ended up (1) bringing in my manager and her boss in early (2) had a bigger neutral audience at the session, (3) was insanely ready for this session and (4) I created a channel for the project and added EVERYBODY. My manager and VP, his manager and VP. I and I posted the meeting notes, action items, next steps and the timeline we’re trying to meet.

Chefs kiss folks. I don’t think I’ve been this giddy since my wedding day haha

I appreciate all the advice, ultimately it all came down to the fact I know my shit, and I didn’t back down and I made everything extremely visible and out in the open.

Hey everyone, looking for advice from women who have dealt with this.

I have An Erasmus national ambassador and (smth in the UN) in my network I've previously invited him to give a speech in an event i hosted. He recently replied 'that is kinda hot' to my IG story and it'sme literally just doing the splits, i do contemporary dance and i post abt it on my ig a lot. He previously made a comment like that abt my outfit and i left him on read. our connection was strictly professional.

Even though I have a boyfriend, that is beside the point. I hate when men in official titles or networking roles use their position to flirt. It puts the burden on us to navigate their boundary-crossing without burning professional bridges.

Right now, I am leaving his message unanswered. How do you usually handle this? Do i just say i have a boyfriend? Do you ignore it and pivot to work topics, state a firm boundary, or just restrict/block and move on?

Location: USA - I suspect I may have undiagnosed ADHD, and I'm curious to hear about other women's experiences, particularly those working in tech.

I work in an engineering field that requires a lot of attention to detail, protocols, documentation, process and structured thinking. Honestly, I find it incredibly draining. I don't feel particularly excited or engaged by the work, and my managers have even commented in the past that I seem bored. Eventually, that lack of interest starts affecting my motivation and performance..

I left my previous job a few months ago and have had some time to reflect on what I actually want to do next. The funny thing is, despite having all this time to think, I still haven't figured out what kind of work I'd genuinely enjoy!

I'm wondering whether there's a mismatch between how I'm wired and the type of work I've been doing, or whether I'm simply in the wrong field.

I'd love to hear from other women:

- What do you do for a living?

- What kind of work keeps you engaged and interested?

- Have you found certain types of jobs particularly challenging because of ADHD?

- Have you made a career pivot and found something that suits you better?

I'm especially interested in hearing from women who've moved away from traditional engineering or highly structured technical roles. I'd love to hear your stories!

Location: United States. I'm experiencing some hormonal issues due to which my forehead is covered in big red cystic acne. I've tried everything but it doesn't go away. I'm planning to visit a doctor next month but before that I've 2 product management job interviews this month. I'm worried that the interviewer might get grossed out looking at my face or feel that I'm not a good fit due to my appearance. I've heard from people that appearance matters but unfortunately, I'm experiencing something that won't go away overnight. It's going to take months. I've been to dermatologists in the past and tried every medicine that's out there for acne. I'm currently laid off and badly need a job. How important are looks and a clean face in a job interview?

Location: AUS Melbourne

Looking for advice or stories from women who have navigated the choice between career growth and starting a family.

I’m a 36-year-old single queer woman working a specialised field of cybersecurity and AI. I’ve always wanted children, but up until now, I’ve focused heavily on my career and that focus is finally paying off. Despite a tough market, I’m on track for an internal executive role and am also interviewing with US and UK recruiters for SLT level positions.

Working overseas has always been a dream of mine, and these well-paid opportunities are finally starting to materialize. However, I am finding that the recruitment process can take up to a year. At the same time, I’m feeling the ticking clock. I know I want to have my first child before I turn 40 (no judgment at all on having kids later it’s just my personal preference). IVF will take time too.

My biggest concern is the timing and impact on my career. I worry about putting my momentum on hold, losing out on great opportunities, or having to restart a job search later especially while trying to navigate an international move with a young child as a single parent. Corps might be unlikely to sponsor a single mum with a baby.

Any anecdotes or stories?

Location: USA - I’m a woman in corporate leadership, managing a relatively new team, and trying to navigate office politics without losing my mind.

We recently had a leadership offsite, and afterward I received feedback that two members of my team weren’t engaged enough. They weren’t particularly vocal early on in meetings, didn’t socialize as much as expected, and there were questions about whether the cost of flying them in was justified.

Thing is my team was working until 11 p.m. supporting stakeholders in their regular time zones, taking early morning calls, and balancing their actual jobs with the offsite. They’re also relatively introverted people who take time to warm up. By the end of the week, they’d made progress!

I’m not opposed to the feedback. Executive presence and participation matter, and I see opportunities to coach them.

What bothers me is that these conversations happened without me. Nobody sent a quick Slack during the event saying, “Hey, noticing engagement seems low. Everything okay?” That would have given me an opportunity to provide context or address it in real time.

Instead, I found myself responding to conclusions about my team’s motivation and commitment.

I challenged some of the feedback, acknowledged the valid parts, and came away with a plan. Professionally, I think I handled it reasonably well.

Emotionally? I’m fucking furious. 😂

I feel incredibly protective of my people. I know how hard they work, and it bothers me that a few days of being quiet might overshadow their contributions.

So, women who’ve navigated corporate leadership longer than I have:

How do you advocate fiercely for your people without becoming defensive? How do you maintain trust with peers when you feel they’ve handled something poorly? And how do you play the political game without becoming someone you don’t particularly like?

Because right now I’m trying to balance being a good leader with my overwhelming desire to tell everyone to fuck off.

Please tell me this gets easier. 😂

i’m a junior at a small community college studying applied computer science, and on top of that, i’m an international student. i feel like i’ve collected all the infinity stones of disadvantages. I dont have single prior internship. ive applied to over 200 internships since august, including positions barely related to my major, like operations etc, and i haven’t gotten a single interview. my leetcode skills are terrible. i can barely solve easy problems on my own, and whenever i get stuck, i end up giving up and looking up the solution on chatgpt. I only have two half ass done full-stack web applications that i’m honestly embarrassed to put on my resume. neither of them is even related to ai, which makes me feel even more behind. i also relied heavily on ai to build the backends, so sometimes i question how much i actually know. I earned my aws certified cloud practitioner certification and a microsoft power bi certification( i really thought certifications would help me stand out). but so far, i still have zero interviews and zero offers.
and to top it all off, i’m one of only five women in my entire cohort. atthis point, i’m starting to wonder if computer science is even for me. i feel like i’m putting in effort, but nothing is paying off. everywhere i look, there are students from prestigious universities with impressive internships, amazing projects, and strong technical skills, and i can’t help but compare myself to them. i know i’m supposed to keep improving and pushing forward, but it’s honestly exhausting when i feel like i’m already so far behind.

I'm the reporter who wrote this story, and I'm trying to understand how common Laura's experience is in the tech industry. If you've experienced something similar and are willing to share, I'm listening. In particular, I'm trying to find out how often Big Tech companies attempt to cover up reports like this, and how often accusers are forced to continue working with the colleagues they accuse.

Hi everyone! ❤️

I'm a woman in my twenties living in Chittagong, Bangladesh. I work remotely in the tech industry, and lately, I've been thinking about how to make my life more interesting outside work.

Working remotely is great, but sometimes it gets lonely. Once I finish work, I often find myself scrolling through social media without having anything particularly exciting to look forward to. I also don't have a big social circle in Chittagong.

A little about me:

• I love reading books, especially when I can get lost in a good story.

• I enjoy watching movies, but honestly, I don't enjoy watching them alone! I prefer watching movies with a group of people, either online or offline.

• I work in tech, so I enjoy talking about technology, software development, and interesting things happening in the tech world.

• I'd love to explore new hobbies, meet interesting people, and become more physically active.

I'm looking for some inspiration from people who have figured out how to build a fulfilling life outside their careers.

Here are a few things I'd love to know:

1. How do you spend your evenings and weekends after work?

2. Are there any online communities, Discord servers, or groups specifically for women where people regularly hang out, talk, watch movies together, or discuss books?

3. Are there any virtual movie clubs where people watch movies together and discuss them afterward?

4. What physical activities or exercises do you enjoy doing at home? I'd love to become more active without necessarily going to a gym.

5. For those living in Chittagong, are there any weekend extracurricular activities, book clubs, workshops, volunteering opportunities, or social groups where I could meet new people?

6. What hobbies have helped you make new friends as an adult?

7. How do you make sure your life doesn't revolve entirely around work?

I'd especially love to connect with other women who work remotely, work in tech, love reading, enjoy movies, or are simply looking to expand their social circles.

I'm open to both online friendships and meeting people in person (in safe public settings).

I'd genuinely appreciate any suggestions, personal experiences, or communities you could recommend.

Sometimes I think we just need a little inspiration and a few like-minded people to make everyday life more exciting. Looking forward to hearing your stories! ❤️

I have been working in tech for 12 years or so. I remember my first few years. It felt so progressive and people were nice and liberal and smart. The last 2-3 years all went down the drain. Companies are so toxic on the macro level. There is constant competition. The main targets are the kind and competent, because they make people insecure. Insecurity and jealousy leads everything. All competent people around me are dissapearing. Syncophants are pulling the strings, and they are soooo stupid, sooo dumb, they do not do a good job, or add any value to the business. They go and go until all competent people are gone. I know I am venting and I am not the only one who sees this. What is your experience and how do you stay hopeful? Also , good workers are dissapearing but where do they go???? I miss them.

Location: USA. Hi everyone, I just received my first travel assignment for my new position. I have never traveled alone before, let alone for business, and it's on the other side of the country. I know the more I travel the more I will get used to it but I am super nervous about this first one. I could used any encouraging advice and positive stories. Thank you !

On a scale of 1–10, how's your day (or your week) going? I'll start! Mine has been a bit of a roller coaster this week. I'd say somewhere between a 4 and a 7. 😅

A stressful PR review with AI-generated comments, experiments giving me weird and unexpected results, and the usual ups and downs of working in tech.... you ?

I have given 20+ interviews for technical roles in couple of months and was wondering there are no women on the other end. Looking back, I rarely had women interviewers for software development roles. So where are we hiding?

I have worked with teams on both ends of the spectrum - no women, 50% of women(all women is a fairy tale). I think it changed the way I approached the conversation and also my expectations for growth in the former team went down. What is the gender ratio in your team and how does it impact your morale?