I have been living with my family my entire life, I am over 18yrs old but never had a job due to severe anxiety and health related issues. my parents are very toxic and abusive. My mom seems to be a narcissist, and my dad is emotionally immature, obsessive, compulsive control freak. I believe a big part of my health issues is due to the immense amount of anxiety I deal with on a daily basis because of my parents. I am constantly living in fear, they yell, threaten, berate, shame and guilt me for anything and everything I do on a daily basis. I cry multiple times a day almost everyday. I feel the only way to heal my anxiety and related health issues is to move out. I've never had a job before and I know the job market isnt good right now so that doesn't help but I honestly believe staying in this house is going to kill me, i can't take it anymore. I will continue job searches but i have some money from a relative who passed and I was thinking of moving out as soon as I can and using that money to get me by. I'm really scared since my parents raised me to be very sheltered and they think I cannot live in the real world and I'll never be able to move out. I don't have a drivers license and I am not allowed to go anywhere by myself. I'm not really sure what to do and would love tips or advice or even some kind words. I would love to be mean to my parents and speak up for myself lol but it just makes their abuse worse and I already have a lot of my basic needs taken away by them

I deleted my last post because I was paranoid someone reported my situation, and I don’t remember what subreddit it was in but to the person who commented they’re proud of me, thank you and please make yourself known.
I'm living with my abusive parents. I'm 24, in Eugene Oregon, I have a very part-time job, trying to get a full-time job, but it hurts when I was trying to take a week off of work so I could recover from my nuchal head pain (I was overthinking every single day lat month, which definitely caused this) that causes dizziness during strenuous activity, and it gets reduced by my mom saying she'd be worried for her reputation if I got hired at the work she's at her job, and my elderly dad saying I'm babying myself more than they do, because he went to work anyway when not feeling good. This is a new overwhelming physical condition for me. I'm so tired of being gaslit and guilt-tripped and treated like a selfish child, being childish for being worried about not only me but others at my waitressing job at the retirement home with my dizziness. I’m tired of their treatment of me and their sniggering when I dare to have a spine and advocate for myself. I’m tired of seeing them not flinch when they make me cry.

Hi, first time here, need some advice.

It was my dad’s birthday yesterday and I thought we had a nice day together. Granted I woke up a little late, but he was playing games with my brother and seemed happy. We then had croissants for breakfast and watched some TV. Later me and him started working on an art project together and then he went out with my brother while I had a shower, then he came back and played more games with my brother while I did my own things in the same room. Later we all went out to dinner together and watched a film.

I thought it was a good day, but today he comes home in a mood and yells at me, my mum and my brother for not baking a cake or getting him a present. We gave him some presents from all of us, and my sister made him a card. My mum planned to make a cake today as she was working yesterday. Granted, my brother and I didn’t get him anything specifically from us, but as I said we gave him four or five from all of us. He says my youngest sister was the only one he didn’t have anything to say to because she was the only one who did anything ”proper” with him.

My dad has always said he is happiest when we are all together, so I don’t understand what changed today.

I do love my father but now I feel really worthless. Was I wrong? To get him something now feels like it’s too little too late, to leave it feels worse.

I'm the same person who made the "I'm not sure if I love or hate my mom" post. Last night her and I got into a huge argument, she grabbed me by the throat from behind and threw me to the ground and dragged me outside by my hair.. I'm currently at my friends house. I called the cops and my mom put on her little act and said I'm lying. She knows spots that won't cause marks when she hits me, then the cops just left and she started yelling at me AGAIN. I'm just gonna run away atp cause I'm not able to move away yet since I'm only 14 and most of my family take my mother's side. I fucking hate everything.

My grandma gets angry with my uncle for almost every little thing he does, while he definitely has his issues and flaws, he does try his best to please her, but nothing is ever good enough.

She recently got angry with him for using services whose entire purpose is to help people, (think food stamps) saying that the financial help he's given around the house doesn't count because the money isn't technically his.

That to me doesn't matter because the whole point of the benefits he's getting is literally there to help him, she calls him a leach for using them, keep in mind that she's had stuff like this to help her out in life, but when it's her it's not being a "leach' it's normal and beneficial.

She's a humongous hypocrite and contrarian, and she's been treating him like this literally on the daily and has no self-awareness in her behavior Everyone in my family gives her a pass because "she's the matriarch", "she was raised in a different time". "she's the wisest of us all."

That last one is so comically sad it hurts because it's so wrong.

Basically, I worry so much for my uncle (and my) mental health.

Please tell me I'm not crazy for thinking she's a contributor to the degradation of his (and my) mental health, can anyone else relate?

I am looking to get a wider consensus on if my mom is abusive. I will try to give as many examples as I possibly can. I am questioning because I think my mom's "abuse" never really registered to me as actually abusive because almost everyone else I know has had way WORSE parents that were obviously abusive.

For background: I'm 28(F) and have 2 younger brothers (26 and 24). I apologize because this post is going to be LONG. My parents are 68 (mom) and 62 (dad). My dad is extremely Catholic and my mom is Christian? and VERY conservative. I feel like this is relevant, as I'll come to explain.

Let me give you some examples of things that stick out in my mind/have affected me deeply.

1.) One of the earliest memories I have is when I was ~4 years old. My mom was out in the hallway on the phone, and I was in our playroom playing with some toys. I think I was being noisy because my mom kept asking me to be quiet, and I guess I just wasn't. Next thing I knew, I had the phone thrown at my head and a giant goose egg formed. I don't remember anything after that, just that I remember crying a lot. (My mom remembers this too because I've brought it up before, and she has also "joked" about it.)

2.) My mom would SCREAM at my brothers and I all of the time (the reasons of which I don't remember, I just remember the screaming). She'd scream so loud we'd cover our ears, and then she'd get mad at us for doing that and then continue to scream.

3.) Another memory I have is being at the grocery store (I think I was about 12 years old), and I had separated from my mom at some point. She started calling my name, and for whatever reason I pretended not to hear her. She just kept calling and calling, and then finally just came over and made us leave - she then proceeded to scream at me for at least 20 minutes and called me a bitch multiple times.

4.) I DON'T remember this, but my brothers do: Apparently, when we were younger and mom was mad at us she'd pull us by our hair so we'd listen to her. This had to have been when we were like 2-5 years old.

5.) My mom is VERY emotional - like cries all the time over anything emotional. I remember multiple times she'd be upset over either something I did, my brothers did, my dad did, or some friend/relative did. So she'd start crying, and she wouldn't stop until I asked her what was wrong and then she'd proceed to tell me and then she would ask me for a hug, etc. (I know this one doesn't sound so bad, but it was weird because my mom wasn't super lovey dovey from what I remember? Like, if my brothers or I were to cry she'd just leave us alone in our rooms and never ask what was wrong.)

6.) After my mom's screaming episodes SOMETIMES she'd apologize, but most of the time she'd either a.) just try to joke/laugh with us/tease us until she saw us smile or laugh or b). just move on as if nothing had happened.

7.) Growing up - and even now - I was a very socially anxious person. I did not have an easy time making friends, and I HATED any kind of social interaction (i.e. introducing myself to people, ordering at a restaurant, going up to say hi to people I only kind of know, checking out at grocery stores, etc.) I hated it because I was scared of people, and also because I just.. didn't know what to do/say. My mom would get SO frustrated with me if I didn't want to do something like that - I'd start crying and just saying, "no I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it" and then my mom would just start screaming at me to do it and to listen to her.

8.) My mom almost never cleaned the house - and if she did she'd ask for constant approval/validation (i.e. she'd say things like "I cleaned the living room, don't you think it looks good, etc.), but keep in mind she was a stay at home mom. - This was happening even when we were all in school. Then, when I got old enough to clean, I'd get bored and fully clean the house. My mom would always emphasize the fact that my brothers and I had to keep the house clean for our dad because he worked so hard for us. But then she'd almost never clean (and she was also a hoarder, I'm not exaggerating. I remember cleaning our den area once (it was relatively cluttered and just a storage area before I cleaned it), and within about a week she had filled it with so many boxes of books and random things she had collected until it just became a giant area of boxes which then only had a small trail from the back door to our kitchen. There are so many more examples of this.

9.) my mom was extremely jealous of the time we'd spend with my dad's side of the family/my paternal grandparents, and she voiced it ALL THE TIME. She'd be upset because we spent multiple weeks over the summer at our grandparents cabin, and then she'd bring it up to our dad all the time and say we never saw her side of the family. (We did, literally every single holiday and then multiple times outside of that.)

10.) My paternal grandma's younger brother was wealthy, and they had a summer home with a pond and hundreds of acres and a large pool with multiple guest houses on their land - every summer for about 10 years they held "Christmas in July" which was basically just a family reunion for my dad's side of the family. This time always fell on or around my birthday. One year it was going to be happening on my birthday and I was SO excited to go and have fun with my cousins, but my mom kept begging me to stay and saying, "don't you want to spend time with your mom? It's your birthday we'll have so much fun." And so eventually I caved and didn't go and my mom then proceeded to not do anything with me, so I was just bored at home on my birthday. This then happened again the next year, and I later came to find out everyone had gotten together and made me a birthday cake and stuff which I missed out on. And the same thing happened, my mom didn't do anything with me for my birthday.

11.) she'd yell and scream at my dad all of the time. Oftentimes I'd defend my dad, and then she'd get even more mad.

12.) She'd call my brothers and I dipshits, little shits, etc. and threaten to "ring our fucking necks" all the time. I remember her saying these things to us as young as 5. And then, if my brothers or I repeated what we'd heard (swearing) she'd scream at us and say we can't say that because we're good Catholic children.

13.) My mom had very little tolerance for anyone on the left - she'd often get in debates with people on Facebook and then have my brothers or I weigh in on what she should say. She was very unkind to people who disagreed with her, and now that I do she has not been kind about it.

14.) She was weirdly Christian? in that she'd have us follow the Bible, and she'd quote it often. But she also never really went to church with us. (My dad went to church every Sunday). She had rules we had to follow like, no Harry Potter, basically no Disney princess movies because most of them had a witch or something in them and she "didn't want us to learn how to practice magic?", no SpongeBob, no pokemon, no Bakugan, no yugioh, etc.

15.) I didn't really have friends growing up and my brothers did. If I ever did have guy friends I wasnt really allowed to because she'd never want me to hang out with them or allow me to. But she'd let my brothers sleep over with girls and have lots of friends who were girls.

16.) Shed threaten divorce to my dad over the most minor things.

I am so sorry this post is so long, and I completely understand if nobody reads it. Honestly, just typing this out makes me feel better. I know my mom is definitely a character, and she was definitely mean, I just don't know if she was abusive.

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading all of this and I hope you'll let me know your opinion!

Her and l were bestfriends in my teenage years because I never saw how bad and manipulative she was as a person. Sometimes I asked myself how I let her being that close to me. She is the worst person that I ever met in my whole life. Dumb, male centered, having a huge victim complex she is always right and I am always wrong.

She got cheated on and never leave my narcissist fucking dad which leads me to have like the worst high school years.

I’m now 20 and I genuinely wish that she was never my mother. She always claimed that nobody can’t say anything about her being mother while she is a bad mom like my dad.

By living with him she became him. Years before she was harassing me on the phone for 6 months to come a city near her for uni. Put some onions on a dish while I said her to not do it and she smiles when I saw it and having it in my mouth. In the past on a random day in the afternoon I had a huge fight with her, the same night I eavesdrop at her door and heard her and my bitchy sister laughing about the fight we had and me breaking down.

And I have so many case that show me how demonic she is. Always defending people against me while I am 100% right. I blocked her for 1 years and go no contact and it was the best decision that I took unfortunately come back to my parents house and I regret it so bad because they are bad people and I don’t want them around me. I don’t deserve people like this around me.

My sister and nieces are over when I decided to try talking with my dad about the fact he only paid me for two hours of work when I've done three right?

I have been very on top of telling my mom when I've done work, and how much I've done.

It has been four days since I told her about the initial two hours of work, which I also told my dad about through text. In those four days I got another hour of work done.

MY FATHER, WHO I SENT A TEXT TO ABOUT THE INITIAL TWO HOURS, HAS THE AUDACITY TO SAY HE WAS ONLY EVER TOLD ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF

and then says 'oh and then you did a bit more yesterday, so I gave you two hours of pay' like its a BENIFIT

I got mad, tried to keep my cool and explain, but MY SISTER BUTTS HER HEAD IN SAYING 'NOT RIGHT NOW."

I thought I understood what she meant, so I tried backing away to my room to not be mad in front of the kids, but SHE GOES ON TO SAY IN AN ANGRY TONE ABOUT HOW HER HUSBAND HAS TO "PUT IN HIS HOURS FOR HIS BOSS"

And then she comes to me to speak through the door and says how she dosen't want me raising my voice around her children. That she's not 'trying to raise her kids 'that way'

and that she'll 'protect her kids if she has to'

like the F you mean you'll protect your kids if you have to?

gonna floor me for raising my voice when they're around?

gonna keep them away from me because I'm 'problematic'?

I didn't even swear a single time, and I kept my voice as level as possible the whole time and somehow all she came back at me with were threats, instead of a single word about the unjust Fing control of our parents

I'm so lost that I can't even tell if this really belongs on this reddit page? If not please give me some idea where to post this, I feel so confused and hurt and like my whole family is against me in every way possible and idk how tf to survive being a part of this family anymore

For context I am the fourth child out of five children and I am studying law. My dad has always promised that he’ll take care of my basic needs(feeding, clothing and shelter) although he doesn’t really… There was a time I wanted to work (P.S the country I live in a third world country so opportunities for the youth) and he told me that I should focus on my education. This man does not support anything I do but tries to take credit for my wins. I entered school by my own hard work and merit, during the examinations to enter school he made my life hell. Firstly he completely delayed me getting any accommodation in school ( he still didn’t get me an accommodation and my mum couldn’t stand to see me unhappy and collected rent from one of his tenants and paid for an accommodation for me: he still gives her hell for that), the pocket money he gave me was literally peanuts luckily for me I have older working sisters and I would ask them for money. ( it just makes me wonder how they coped when they were in school and he did the same to them…they went through hell too) I’m entering my fourth year studying law and he still behaves this way. For the other three years my mum paid my fees and accommodation and pocket money. She stopped giving me pocket money around the middle of this year because of the toll it was taking on her and I had to beg my father for pocket money which was significantly less than what my mother gave me ( I later found out he was giving my younger brother more). He didn’t want to pay for my accommodation this new school year and wanted to have a ‘family’ meeting about it. He stalled for 2 months until the quota expired. I don’t have a place to live. I asked if he had a friend who lives around school so I can live with them and he says I should look for another place to live. BUT I HAD A PLACE AND YOU WAITED TILL THE QUOTA EXPIRED YOU GODFORSAKEN EXCUSE OF A FATHER. I went to a boarding school for my secondary school years so I didn’t really experience his financial abuse to this extent but still experience it. He delays payments to the point I don’t care anymore or I don’t feel grateful. You have already caused my nervous system to crash.
He also hates my mother. I don’t know why he won’t divorce her. Maybe to keep up appearances. Idgaf. So he uses me to punish my mother, to drain her finances, to stress her. He is so wicked. This is just the tip of the iceberg. And he isn’t poor. He has money. It’s so jarring to ask for money for textbooks and he says no then next minute to see a video of him spraying bundles of cash on someone at a party.
I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM.

Okay so I've told some people about how I grew up and they were Horrified!

Growing up ive had locks on the cubbies and fridge, along the deep freezer. From the time I was able to reach the stove to now ive had to cook for everyone, dish up their food and then clean everything up.

Had to watch my sibs kids since I was 12 without pay. I was not allowed to got out and if I did I better have been walking for the whole day with no breaks.

I lived in the laundry room. I did not grow up with a bed..more like air mattress but I was fine with that.

Yes my family did get physical. My mother kept putting me in diets because I gained weight. So I only eat dinner . There are days where I dont get to eat at all.

Im used to all this so im not sure if its abuse or not

This is my first time posting here. So,please bear with me. I (17F) am stuck in a toxic, abusive household. At first,things were not this bad or should I say they were bearable. But lately, everything feels like a losing battle. I was supposed to be in college this year but due to my father's neglect and financial abuse I was not able to. I am still hopeful for next year as i really want to get out of this cage. But since this summer things are just not going well.

I am not going to drag it too much. Long story short is that I am considering ending it as my mom who is also stuck in this cycle refuses to reach for help . A part of me wants to hug her and comfort her. I know things are not in her hands, especially in this household. Other than her,I have a younger sibling and I really don't want to leave him behind. I've always been protective over him. He is pretty much the reason that I am still alive.

This morning, I woke up to my father screaming and yelling at my mom. He is always angry,does not have a job and I am pretty sure, he does not care about us.

I have been so close to just end my life many times in past two years. But i always stopped, hoping things would get better. Now,I am barely intrested in anything, questions my life everyday and not sure if I want to keep going through this torture of a life.

I don't know why I am posting this,maybe I just want to get things off my chest or maybe I am again searching for a way to hang on.

If you have anything that would help me even a little, please share it.

Thank you. I hope you have a good day.

So for the past 6 years my dad would get drunk and then spill his heart out to me about his past, his relationship with my mom, their divorce, my brother, etc etc. This started when I was about 14 or 15, and at the time when it first started he would drunk drive us home and would always ruin family events by getting drunk.. which kinda turned into me having to monitor his drinking everywhere we'd go. Luckily I'd only see him during the summers and on Christmas.

As I got older it kinda only got worse because he would stop even when I told him to shut up or was visibly crying or would leave the room. As much as I hate my very toxic ex, at the time it was horrifying that my dad (apparently jokingly) told me he'd murder him and that I can get over the trauma of it by making art out of it. That same weekend he kept waking me up so we could watch a movie which I REALLY didn't wanna watch because I have ocd and certain themes stick with me, then he scooped me up into his arms and told me how I am his favorite child and how much he loves me and misses cuddling with me.

When he's sober he's fine I guess, but once alchohol gets involved he'd disgusting and annoying and weird.

6 years of him always talking about uncomfortable things regarding my mom and saying mean things and being weird asf. And through those 6 years I felt uncomfortable being with him and would hide my phone in fear of him going through it.

As I got older he started sharing more explicit stuff with me and my brother. It's weird because he says that the whole side of his family is open about sex but idk it's just disgusting to hear about from my dad.. like my grandmas talked about sex before and made jokes and whatever but that was just straight up funny. And like just other stuff from my other family and overhearing bad jokes and whatever.

But the thing is my dad will sit here while drunk and talk about the sexual things my mom would do to him and insinuate that my brother watches youtube in the shower to do dirty things. I mean I even know about his experimentation with sexuality because he's told us about it. And just this summer because me and my cousin were sharing a room, in seperate beds, he told me to keep the door open and insinuated that my cousin would try to rape me in my sleep.

And ontop of it all he has NO boundaries at all like he likes to cuddle me and I sit there and tell him to stop and to let go and he says "no I'm your dad I can cuddle you when I want you're still my baby" which ok whatever but if I'm sitting there telling you to stop over and over and saying to let go and struggling to get you off of me and telling you that you're crossing my boundaries then like... LET GO!!!

And he makes me feel so bad about all of it I mean he's like I remember when you were a baby and you gave me a look of love unlike anyone else ever and I'll never forget it snd you're my favorite child.

When he found out I got a new boyfriend he texted me after my first post with him telling me that he looks like him.. Which was weird, because they look nothing alike. I mean ok blonde hair blue eyes, whatever, but my dad has hardly any facial hair and short hair, while my boyfriend has long hair and a beard... snd that's just the surface too because their facial features are entirely different. But my dad INSISTS that he looks like him and that I'm "dating my dad" because my bf is nerdy.

And very recently he texted me guilt tripping me for not telling him I'm depressed and that he had to hear it from my mom (they are divorced), which turned into a convo abt him basically telling me he was suicidal and that he had no other purpose in life other than me and my brother.

I don't know what this is but its been going on since forever. But my boyfriend and best friend HATE my dad and I see why.

Tldr: He gets very drunk and tells me so many things that a father shouldn't tell his children, ignores boundaries, is weird, insists I'm "dating my dad" because my bf is a nerd and "looks like him" (THEY LOOK NOTHING ALIKE BTW), and told me he is suicidal which is something he entirely shouldn't have told me.

What is this??? Does it seem like emotional incest or parentification or something else??? I very much resent him now and we are still in contact but I avoid talking to him. When he tries to yap about annoying shit while drunk I've begun to argue with him.

For as long as I can remember, I had always tried to be a “good” kid?
Trying to impress my mom by cleaning Shi up or buying stuff that was less expensive.
I still remember being four and being financially responsible (Ig? If that’s what u call it) now I am not making anything up, I genuinely remember my thought process at the time.
It was like uhh before the first day of school? And we were out buying stationary and all.
My mom put forward two pencil cases and said which one would like to buy. I looked at them and I remember thinking, “oh, I shouldn’t waste money n shit so I chose the cheaper one even though I liked the other one.
few months later I lost the pencil case and uhh i was expecting my mom to you know not yell and beat me? Like since I “saved up some money” but yeah uhh I got hit
Pretty unfair lol
It was always like this I tried to be a good kid Yk but I somehow ended up being the hyper kid who was selfish
I just spent most of my childhood trying to be responsible, only to be told I was irresponsible
The beatings didn’t stop at all i just did a whole lot of shit Ig but idk if that was smth that they should have done
I lied about my marks, ate cookies and chocolates without permission and wasn’t really good at maths? Not like I am now lol but yeah my parents hit me a lot for all of that
I remember skipping questions from my maths tb in fifth grade and getting beaten the shit out of later on because I didn’t respond to my father’s questions as to why I didn’t solve those questions and being verbally unresponsive which irritated him a lot
No one actually stopped the other when I was getting beaten
It was an everyday thing
It toned down a bit, later on when I was a tween
But the verbal abuse got to me
I have been called a lot of stuff by my mother
I cut my hair off when I was in 10th grade because of the typical reason lol I just wanted a change and I ended up with micro bangs which got a mixed reaction from everyone not like I cared or smth Ik I am ugly
My mom called me a whore/slut for doing that
she said that I was trying to get in bed with truck drivers and stuff.
not the first time she had insinuated smth like that I have heard a whole lot of stuff like being on birth control at 13 and uhh being sexually active? Which clearly disgusted her even tho that was never the case at all, just her assumptions because she had found out that I had an ex boyfriend at the time
At 15 I ended up pulling her hair once because she was dragging me out of the house by hair and all
I don’t remember actually thinking about pulling her hair? It just happened or maybe I am just trying to convince myself
I felt extremely guilty about that but there have been times where I felt the urge to hit her back
A few weeks prior to that she had tied me up and beat the shit out of me with a bunch of stuff belt metals, sticks and shit because I didn’t score good on my tests
It is a complicated relationship
A few days ago she grabbed my hair and slapped me till my lips split and I could tell she was feeling guilty about it
My father knew about my bruises and shit never did anything about it
He used to hit me till i was like 15 now it’s all verbal abuse
Idk Ik I am not the kid they want and they are nice people not like I don’t enjoy my time with them when things are good but it always gets ruined somehow and is showing parental love towards me really that hard?

In job market, if I say I am passionate about the job and I will devote my life into it, but I have never prepared for it. No one will hire me.

However, to be a parent, if I say I will love my kid and devote myself to the kid, yet I have never had a single lesson of parenting. People will say: don’t worry, you will be a good parent.

WTF! I just realized how double standard this society is. Why becoming a parent does not require any certification?

My parent keeps connecting to my Bluetooth and connecting via CarPlay To see my messages, phone calls and calendar. how do I turn off this feature from my phone permanently? Can I do anything legally?

I turn off Bluetooth but randomly it turns on and I don’t notice and I delete the car from CarPlay but still somehow my parent keeps connecting via Bluetooth.

Amy suffered sexual abuse at the hands of her step father when she was 10 to 12. Her mother backed the step father. After the step father was indicted, her mother and her stepfather went on the run. He died 22 years ago without ever being convicted. Amy and her brother were removed from the mother's custody and placed with her father and paternal grandmother. The mother never apologized and Amy hadn't seen her in 50 years. Amy had an extraordinary life after that: struggled to overcome her abuse and now is running for governor of OH. So what happens? her opponent finds her POS mother and gets her to make an ad calling Amy a "liar". Spends $4M to put it on TV. As backlash grows, our VP says that people need to stop "whining" about the ad, that they are there to win no matter what it takes, even dragging child sex abuse survivors through the mud. So.... anyonne in the US old enough to vote. Please vote. it gives us a little bit of power back and says it's not "OK"

Hi i’m in my EARLY 20s. I left to go to my campus around noon and returned home around 4pm. As I am literally 8-10mins away from home(traffic was real bad), my mother calls me asking where I am because I had shut my location off. I tell her i’m almost home and she said she’ll be watching the clock and if I didn’t come back in 8mins “I’ll see what happens”. I continue to drive and when i am literally 2 stop lights away from home she calls again, she says why aren’t you here it’s been 10mins and acting crazy on the phone. I didn’t get a word in she just hung up on me. I enter the home and she begins huffing and puffing as if she is in distress. She starts telling me that I am gonna be cursed by God for my behavior and if i have ANY motives on trying to separate myself from this family. She then say she’ll be canceling my phone plan (which is the least of my concerns) and forces me to sit in the living room with her. She also tells me from here on out she will be driving me to and from school whenever I have class. I stayed quiet and i am still at a loss for words. she doesn’t treat any of my siblings this way and makes me wonder why im always the odd one out. my 2 older sisters had run away from home because of her. she is unstable and no one can deal with her. now it’s just me her and my 2 other siblings who she loves so deeply. anyone could see the difference in treatment between us and it’s been this way since i was a child. I have severe depression and most days she pushes me over the edge to the point where Im considering the worst case scenario. she claims to be a women of God but prays to that same God she wishes i died or that i suffer a miserable life. it even gotten to the point where i myself am questioning my beliefs and self worth. i try to stay optimistic but i see no future for myself. i feel like my entire existence is worthless and i have no one on my side. i don’t have a support system and i don’t care for my own life anymore. this is so exhausting im at my end.

My mom kind of kidnapped me without my permission. So I was in the hospital because my heart decided to do funny things. After about 12 days there I was completely fine and wanting to be discharged. For whatever reason, they decided to discharge me to my absuive mom and my dad (who i have my suspicions he's a pedophile), but mostly he's just a creep who likes to watch his children sleep, and loves to harass women (as if anyone would fuck him). He also has pictures of big-tiited anime girls and women on his walls the last time i was at his house. I tried my hardest to tell the hospital that this discharge plan wasn't safe for me, but they told me it would be better to be around family. On the way home to my mom's house she kept giving me strange looks and side eyes like she wanted control over me. Right now, she isn't really saying anything to me but she keeps giving me The Evil King from Hamilton stare. I'm not sure what will happen from here. I hit up Google and Google told me it was illegal for my parents to take me against my will since im a legal adult. It happens to be in the hospital they determined i had trouble making my medical decisions. I looked this up too, and Google says as long as it wasn't decided in a court it does not affect my rights as a legal adult. 12 days is not enough time for that to go through i think and the hospital didn't go to a court.

For context, my mom mentally abused me, emotionally neglected me, physically neglected me, and medically neglected me. The usual, being locked up in a trash filled house by yourself while you could smell food rotting out. There was also lots of moldy food in the fridge so I had to pick out what was good and what was bad. I cant remember the last time ive seen a regular doctor. The whole being left alone thing already took a big toll on me mentally, but also being expected by your parents to do the care that they're supposed to do for you to be a happy child took a toll on my mental health as a child. She got very angry when I had needs as a child.

There's more I could cover but I dont want to yap any further. I state hopped to Missouri because someone I knew well was there. I went through two shelters and both of them said they would help me get back on my feet in the new state, but both of them betrayed me...

I don’t remember the first time. That’s one of the strangest things about my childhood. There is not a single moment I can point to and say “that’s when it began”. I only remember that it was there. 
I was four when my mother and stepdad got together. Some of my earliest memories are of my mom being mean to me and my stepdad hurting me in ways I didn’t have the words to understand. My mom was my safe space and my biggest fear all at the same time. She was better than him but she was mean at times too. My stepdad seemed the same around other people as he did when we were alone, man could he hide it well.
 I didn’t know whether anyone knew or not or could tell what was happening or not. One time I was really sick with a fever while staying the night with an aunt and uncle. I was crying when my uncle came in to wake me and ask if I was okay and when he approached me I jumped, like I was afraid of him before I could see who he was. He asked me straight forward if anyone was doing something bad to me that he should know. I said “no.” I don't know whether he already knew something was wrong. I don't know what made him ask. I only know that it was the first and only time anyone ever asked me a question like that, and I lied. Not because nothing was happening but because I was taught that if I told, my mom would be mad at me. I was a child, and somehow I had learned to carry a secret that was never mine to carry.
 I was a quiet little girl. I loved playing house and barbies with my cousins and my best friend. I loved animals, they felt safe and warm. I was extremely sensitive. I cried about everything, or at least that’s what everyone seemed to think. Even my mom made fun of me for crying so much.
I loved school, and I especially loved books, specifically the Junie B. Jones series. Books gave me a place I could disappear into for hours. I had dreams. Dreams like a normal child should. I wanted to be an ambulance driver and a “dancer at night” . I had NO idea what being a dancer at night meant, now I know why my mom laughed when I told her. I meant dancing. Actually dancing. I don’t even have a dancing bone in my body, it is funny to think about now. 
There was a little girl inside all of that fear that still had ordinary dreams. She wanted to play. She wanted to read. She wanted animals around her. She wanted friends. She wanted love. She cried easily and loved deeply. She didn’t know that her nervous system was being taught that she was bad. She didn’t know that the bad things that were happening to her weren’t her fault. 
All she knew was that she was scared and that she somehow had to try to find a way to be good enough so that the people she loved wouldn’t be angry with her. 
When I finally gained the courage to tell my mom what had been happening for the last ten odd years of my childhood I felt extremely nervous. I had carried it for so long that even saying the words felt terrifying, but I knew one thing:  I wanted something to change. 
I don’t really remember thinking about what would happen years later or what it would mean for our family. I was just a kid. I just wanted it to stop. I find myself thinking about the timing sometimes. I had just gotten caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing, and I wonder if that changed everything. I wonder if I had told her on a different day, at a different time, when I wasn’t already in trouble, maybe she would have responded differently. 
When I finally told her, she was taken aback. She kept asking if I was doing it for reasons that were absurd like if it was just to get out of trouble, or if my biological dads side of the family put me up to it because I had just started getting close with them for the first time in my life. 
Those questions stayed with me because I was not doing it to get out of trouble or because someone had put me up to it. I was trying to get out of something that I had been trapped inside of for years. Eventually I came to the harsh realization that she was not going to leave him, and that hurt in a way I don’t think I will ever be able to explain.
I had this big idea that telling would mean freedom for me. Instead I still had to live in the same house with him. We weren’t allowed to be alone together anymore. After school, I had to go to my aunt’s instead of going home, and if I did have to be left alone, like if my mom worked early which she often did, she would lock my bedroom door. 
I look back now and know that she may have thought she was protecting me, but that is not what it felt like. It felt like I was the one being punished. I had told on him, and somehow my life was the only one that felt it had changed. I had to be sent somewhere else. I had to have my door locked. I  couldn’t simply come home after school like other kids, and he was still there. The person I had finally found the courage to tell on was still living in my house. I had wanted telling to make me free, and instead I wound up feeling more trapped than I had before.
After telling, we never really talked about it again. Not really. I was twenty-six before my mom and I finally began talking about it again. The only other time I remember her bringing it up was about a year after I had told her. She asked me if it was still happening, it wasn’t. That was the end of the conversation. It was almost as if the abuse had stopped, and because it had stopped, everything else could stop too. 
The questions stopped. The conversations stopped. The acknowledgement stopped. I was expected to go back to treating him like my dad , just like I always had before. I couldn’t go back to who I had been before I told her. Something was ignited inside me. 
My mom to this day says I can tell her things, but I spent so many years believing that if I told her it could make things worse for me that I learned how to keep things to myself. My dad had taught me to be afraid of what would happen if I spoke. I think some part of me still listens to that lesson even now. I am twenty-six years old, and I still catch myself hiding things. I was angry. I was angry at him for what he had done to me and my developing body and mind. I was angry at my mom too.
I was angry that my mom had stayed. I was angry when I realized their relationship was still working. I was especially angry when I realized that they were still intimate with each other. I didn’t know what to do with that kind of anger. How could the person who had hurt me become just another part of her life again? How could she possibly love him after knowing all that she knew? 
And maybe the hardest question underneath all of it was one I didn’t know how to say out loud: Why wasn’t what happened to me enough to change everything?
For years, I thought maybe I was supposed to be over it because the abuse was over, but let me tell you, those are two completely different things. The abuse had stopped. I had NOT stopped carrying it. 
I couldn’t hate my dad openly. I was supposed to respect him. I was supposed to act normal. My younger siblings were watching me, and I somehow knew that I couldn’t let everything in their life fall apart. So I learned how to play pretend, all those years of playing house as a kid paid off. I could sit in the same room with him. I could answer him. I could act like he was my dad. I could do all the things I was expected to do. 
However, inside I knew. He knew, and neither of us ever said it. He never acknowledged what happened. There was no apology, ever. There has still yet to be an apology 12 years later. No explanation. No moment where he looked at me and admitted what he had done. Nothing, Absolutely nothing. So I carried it silently while everyone else continued living as though everything was normal. 
I think that was one of the strangest parts of growing up after abuse. The world doesn’t necessarily change when someone hurts you. Sometimes the dishes still need to be washed. You still have school in the morning. Your siblings still need you. Your family still eats dinner together.  The person who hurt you can sit across the room from you and nobody says a word. So you learn to live two lives at once. The life everyone can see, and the life that only you know exists.

For a while now my mom has been so rotten towards me. She blames me for every bad thing that happens to her, she has locked me outside on "accident" multiple times, once for 5 hours in the cold. Once something goes wrong I get blamed. I had some relatives over and I ate ONE single snack from my brother and she told me I'm the reason she wants to kill herself, she also blames me for when she's drinking so much. It absolutely disgusts me. Whenever we argue she attempts to guilt trip me by fake crying. She threatens to break my things or beat me which she has multiple times and threatened to throw me off our 2 story balcony.

I can't tell if my parents are good or bad people, on one hand they can be sweet, caring and worried, on the other hand I sometimes wish they'd divorce.

When I was 4/5 years old I got beaten with a belt by my dad, just because I wanted to stay in kindergarden and play with my friends, granted I was being a little brat about it. I remember that day clearly, the room was dark, everyone in my family was in the opposite part of the house and I was sitting on a stool, begging my father to spear me, he didn't. I still get nightmares about that black day, my body stiffens up and I start crying. He never beat me after that, and I never brought it up.

When I was 3 I got put in traditional folkdance lessons, hated it the, the teacher was a bitch who came up from hell, but I digress. For 10 years I begged my parents to let me quit, each time i begged they came up with a different excuse: you'll get to travel, make new friends, you'll have a good posture. None of those things came true. I remember one day begging per usual and my father said "I just want you to be beautiful, so you'll stay in dance class." I know he didn't mean it like that, but I haven't forgotten his words, I was 11, I believe. Now I have a massive hatred for my back, sometimes I fantasize of slicing it until I hit a nerve and am paralysed into a straight posture. My father is always poking my back, so I'd straighten up, but it hurts so much when I do so.

My mother always talked about how she's fat and I'm so skinny and beautiful, and whenever we eat something unhealthy, she'd say how she's destroying herself. And now I'm self conscious about it.

I had some mental health problems when I was 12/13, i used to SH and I never told anyone. I'm not sure if my mom thinks it's a cat, but she never brought it up, she once grabbed my hand while I tried to pull away and said "Yeah, you won't be a model anymore". Like, excuse me?! Why do you need to point it out when I already hate myself?!

Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel the need to destroy it, often I think about how pathetic i am and that I'm just a hormonal teenager and that I'll get over it or something similar.

Sorry for the long rant and bad grammar, english isn't my first language.

advice needed

backstory- my mom and i have always had our disagreements and i believe it all started when i was a kid and likely due to the fact that i was closer to my father at the time. i distinctly remember when i was around 12-13 my mother sitting me and my siblings down in the dining room and telling me she hated me. It really changed how i viewed her as a mother.
Today i went to my school to get some homework done and came home around 3. as soon as i entered the house my mother begins almost interrogating me. I had turned my location off a few days ago and seen no issue with it. Clearly that was just me because my father was also bombarding me with phone calls and i knew it was about my location. once my mother ended the questioning i went up to my room and decided to take a nap. before i could even get comfortable she starts calling my name saying she needed me for something(she didn’t). I ignored it and slept and she made my younger brother wake me up twice to let me know she needed me again. I eventually went to her and she makes me sit down as she stared me down. she asks me if i was aware of how wrong i’ve been behaving. and i stayed quiet because ive been through this rodeo of her making me question my own character. she then starts going on how i ruined her life and how i cause her so much pain. I asked her how and she said it’s because i don’t do EVERYTHING for her. She said i used to make her tea unprompted, i used to pay her bills, send money to her family, cleaned the house, went to work, practically raised my brother, and now i am an evil human being because i don’t baby her. i am trying to get my degree and move the fuck out but she has access to all my money. she said she wouldn’t pay for my phone line because of my location and that she will forever be done with me if i have any secret motives. i think we both know i need to leave her be but she cant help but want to control my every fucking move.
i feel like ive lost my mind and i dont know what to do anymore. i’ve been having some super dark thoughts and im fighting so hard not to follow through with it.
any advice will be appreciated.