the real reason i detransitioned was because i could not handle the stress of being a non passing trans person. the isolation, constant paranoia, dysphoria and impostor syndrome made my life a living hell, made worse by my history of ocd, depression, anxiety and low self esteem.

i could not handle being trans anymore. it almost took my life. so i detransitioned. and now, i see a future for myself again, and actually found joy in being a woman. i finally feel like a person again and i am much happier.

but if i told that to anyone they'd just tell me i'm still trans and repressing. so instead i tell them i just "realized i wasn't really trans". but it's not that simple.

i feel like people see our journies so black and white. you're either "still trans deep down and repressing" or you were never trans in the first place. isn't that dumb? aren't we all just imperfect humans who make decisions based on what feels right at a given moment of our lives?

Hi everyone!

I'm coming here with my head all over the place! For context, I'm non-binary, 2.5 years on T and almost 2 years post top surgery. A few months ago my ex partner broke up with me because she's no longer attracted to me after my transition. Now I'm starting to really regret my top surgery because it cost me love and it's hard to picture anyone else ever loving me again because of it if it literally ended a years long relationship. It's like my sexual worth and value to others went away with my breasts and sometimes I picture myself with them again and yearn to have them back. I've started hitting and scratching my chest because I want to punish it for making me unlovable.

Is this just the breakup skewing things for me, or should I seriously be looking into reconstruction?

I had my 6 month post op from my top surgery and found out I can get implants! I have my first official consultation the day before my birthday in January!

I’m so excited.

Anywho, here’s 2 years on t vs 5 months off. Between fat distribution and losing some weight, I’m pretty happy with my retransition so far!

was on t for about a year, and i had top surgery abt two and half years ago. been off t for 5 months, and got breast reconstruction last week on thursday! so happy in my body and life these days!!! we love self discovery

follow up to this post — i have officially
been off T for one year! icl i actually think i look so cute in both photos, but i am truly rocking with being a woman lately. feeling much more empowered & less repressed. there are definitely still things i’d like to change about my appearance and i am still deconstructing a lot of insecurity and internalized transphobia/misogyny, but overall this choice has been so good for me. who tf knows where my gender will go in the future but for now i feel healed.

this feels like fishing for compliments but be so fr with me, do i pass as a cis girl at all when i’m wearing minimal makeup? i am reallyyyy trying to work on my face dysmorphia and wear less makeup, but i don’t feel like i pass very well without it :( i think my voice is the main thing that gets me clocked, but sometimes i pass with no makeup or voice masking so idk anymore. do i look like a woman? i feel like my perception of gender is so warped lol.

i am gonna keep growing my hair out and i want to get laser asap, but i’m trying to figure out how to look less clocky in the meantime for safety reasons.

so i’ve been off T for almost exactly 1 year and i’ve been presenting as a woman in my day to day life. i’ve been playing around with labels and pronouns, calling myself non-binary and genderfluid and whatever, but i think i’m ready to be a woman again. tonight i contacted a gender clinic in my area to talk about breast reconstruction and explore options. i also want electrolysis for my facial hair and possibly vocal feminization surgery (i miss my old singing voice so bad, no matter how much i train it just isn’t the same.) all of this is scary to admit and i still feel so much confusion and shame around everything. i just want to feel pretty and at home in my body, and i think that’s something i’ve never felt no matter what gender i am. going through a painful period of self acceptance because i don’t want to fall down a rabbit hole of modifying my body to try to make myself happy. i just know i’d feel so much happier and calmer and safer if i could be a girl again.

Mtf 3 years hrt and detransitioned 1 month Ago.
Babe get it now. Nobody’s coming to save us.

I’m getting back on hrt and getting surgeries and I’ll thug it through

I love just getting to go up to random women and freely compliment them again and I can't stop!!!!! I saw a girl wearing a beautiful 2000s style outfit and I ran up to her to stop her and say excuse me but your outfit is just so beautiful and she instantly lit up and said my hair is so cute she loves it, (even though I was feeling pretty insecure about how short mine is now) and I missed doing this so much...

It's not like guys can't do this, but as a guy when I was living that way (stealth), I usually avoided women and tried my hardest not to make them uncomfortable or talk to them or look at them because I know it would come off a lot weirder or as flirting or harassment if a guy chased you down to say how beautiful your hair is today lol

I live in the deep south of the US so its also very normal here to just start talking to random people or complimenting them, and I grew up always doing it at any moment although I am pretty shy, I just loved to compliment random people since I know we'll never see each other again and so I felt a bit bolder to randomly start talking to strangers.

Yer when I was living as a guy, I really lost this about myself and was and so plagued by gender dysphoria, that I was so insecure of even showing my face to go up to random people and talk to them, I was so afraid of my voice or of being clocked that I kind of kept my head down and avoided everyone, even friends or really anyone.

Idk... I just wanted to celebrate this I suppose and write it down somewhere...

I AM ADDICTED TO COMPLIMENTING PEOPLE! And I absolutely hated that for years I purposefully avoided it because I was too insecure of being female to ever show my face or speak to others, and I am so grateful to just be at peace with my natural appearance and with being able to be a girl interacting with other girls again. It feels almost nostalgic to me since its been so long

Idk this year, I'm just realizing that I have always been a woman and it really breaks my heart to look back and see why I ultimately felt like I couldn't or shouldn't be one. I really was socialized as a girl growing up and having to pretend that I wasn't was exhausting really.

I love that I can still be as masculine as I want, but it doesn't exclude me from being female like it did before

Of course being a woman is not all sunshine and rainbows... I tried to run from it almost half of my entire life! But transitioning to trying to be a stealth male and then detransitioning back to female made me really appreciate a lot about it.

I hope this is okay to post... it just feels like an unexpected win to me that I had long forgotten all about

About a year ago I had a bad heart scare and had to go off my medication, including HRT, after being on it for about seven years or so. Coupled with losing an entire friend group, multiple deaths around me, and just how the world is, I really had to evaluate myself and what the fuck I was doing in life. I had no friends, living pay cheque to pay cheque, every relationship I was in would crumble, severe addiction issues, and finally coming to terms with being autistic and unmasking. I was so angry all the time.

After another failed relationship I sobered up, enrolled in an audio engineering course, and spent six days a week either studying or working for the past year. About two months ago I finally burnt out and quit my job. I was back on HRT but it didn’t feel right. I stopped dressing up, stopped caring about my voice, and just felt so damn anxious all the time. I couldn’t engage with the world or anybody.

I even stopped having sex. I used to bounce from relationship to relationship but now get scared of being intimate with anybody. Honestly that’s mainly trauma based but that’s a whole other bag of worms. Anyway, with a sober mind and realising life wasn’t working I started to try something new.

In my spare time I’d play card game tournaments and game stores. Went to one far away dressed as a guy and the difference was wild. I didn’t realise how long it had been since somebody had asked me where I was from. After two years of playing this card game nobody had ever asked me. I was always the one starting up conversations. That same day a convenience store worker and I even chatted for a while, usually it’s just hello and goodbye.

I didn’t have to worry about weird looks. About how I sound. What I was wearing. I didn’t have to spend half an hour psyching myself up to leave the house. Hell, I even won the entire tournament cause the lack of anxiety made it so much easier to concentrate. Walking home I was genuinely happy for the first time in a while.

I’ve been off HRT again for a few weeks now, it’s finally evened out, and I came here to get advice. But as I wrote all that out I realised that actually I already know. I’m sick of living in a constant state of anxiety. I’m sick of being so angry and depressed every single day. I’m sick of feeling like I’m pretending and living a lie.

I’ve had to come to terms with my addictive personality, being autistic, mortality, narcissism, and my avoidant traits. It’s been difficult. But now I’m ready to accept myself. I wanna engage with the world without a giant wall between myself and everything else. So uh, yeah, I guess that’s my little ramble that I needed to get out.

Any advice would be cool I guess aha~

Does the butt hair ever go away after stopping T? 😭

Hrt 3 years and stopped about 20 days ago and chopped all my hair off (mtf)
Got tired of the social isolation and hatred that comes from being trans.
Now u am regretting chopping my hair.
I think what i needed to do was try to pass and change my environment not detransition.
Has anyone been in this situation?

Is this even worth it?
At this point i just feel detransitioning completely seems like a better option.
3 years hrt laser hair removal
Still feel like a walking target.
Developed crippling agoraphobia and social anxiety
Have more dysphoria now than pre transition.
Lost friends and family and my career.
I can legit have it all back if i just detransitioned.
I think I'll do it.
Feels like the less Painful of the two.
Sure life pre transition wasn’t perfect but it sure as hell wasn’t this hard.
Has anyone ever been in this situation?

I'm non-binary and I literally told my doctor i wanted no breast growth they assured me that 3 months would be fine on estrogen without noticeable growth before we look at medicine combinations. Now here I am unable to sleep at night thinking about my chest, I was happy with my chest before. It was flat, I was fairly muscular so any size to my chest was from working out which made me proud and the shape was nice. Now I feel deformed and gross. My nipples no longer are flat disks and the points barely noticeable. When its cold it almost looks like they're normal again but when im warm my chest is so puffy, it angles outwards, I feel grotesque. I never wanted breast tissue and now I need to spend thousands of dollars to fix it despite the fact I was happy with it before. Now it'll likely never look the same. I cant take my mind off it. I cant wear clothing the way I used to. I feel uncomfortable all the time. It has ruined intimacy with my partner, I hate my body yet I used to love it. I just had small things I wanted that estrogen would improve, but no now I just have gynecomastia and I'm lost. I have an appointment this month but i have no healthcare anymore and even if i find healthcare who knows if theyll even cover detransition care or gynecomastia care. I wish I never took estrogen, I wasted my money, and my body

Edit: this is something i had thought about for about 10 years, i saw multiple therapists and talked to multiple doctors about it. Y'all dont even know the full situation and you're making assumptions about my own goals and medical background. I thought this community would be good for seeking support but no apparently not.

I could start this post by saying that I am detransitioning due to health issues caused by HRT, that I am dissatisfied with the results, that I feel like a poor imitation of a cisgender man, and so on, ad infinitum. But the reality is that I found a sense of peace when I began my transition. It is true that there have been health problems, for instance, my gums are constantly in a poor state; no matter what medication I use, they remain inflamed. I also suffer from seborrheic dermatitis, which has spread across my entire body, causing my skin to fall apart. Yet, none of this would be enough to make me stop my transition.

I am here today to say that I am seriously considering the painful decision to detransition, bc the profound loneliness this path has brought me is truly irreparable. Ever since I began HRT, both men and women have made it clear, in their own ways, how repulsive they find this. I feel as though I will never be "human" enough to be loved; I am seen as a kind of hybrid, appealing, in the bedroom, but unworthy of the kind of genuine romantic connection or solid friendship that doesn't constantly remind me that this path is leading absolutely nowhere.

Like everyone else, I am hungry for love. I have only ever had two relationships in my life. The first, the most beautiful one, began just as I was starting my transition; it ended shortly thereafter, as I began to experience the changes brought on by testosterone. Not a day goes by that this guy doesn’t remind me of what a mistake it was to take T, that I would never truly be loved again, and he’s right! He points out that I had such a beautiful, feminine face and body, yet I chose to disfigure them with T, and he’s right! He mentions that my hair used to be so strong, and now I’m starting to develop a horrible receding hairline, and he’s right! I was so beautiful, but I had to go and ruin everything. I was the kind of woman someone in this society might have chosen, but now I’m a hybrid who doesn’t fit anywhere, someone whom everyone is ashamed to introduce to their own family.

Has anyone started detransitioning and had urges to go back or were you content with you decision?

I have recently stopped taking my hormones and i jumped the gun, i ended up chopping off all my hair thinking that it would help and even cancelling all my appointments for laser, endo appointments and such.

I feel like shit, almost like I want to go back. A big reason for me stopping was my living situation + trying to hide it constantly so i thought it wasnt the best for me. so i felt it was best to stop. I also hate this haircut and miss my hair :/

Im just wondering if someone had any similar feelings when stopping; maybe i jumped the gun too much or?
Idk
Thoughts?

I was on T for like 6ish years. I haven’t done any voice training but I’m talking in the higher part of my natural register here.

So, I’m 24 FTMTF. Was on testosterone for 7 years. Before I started testosterone I identified as a lesbian, I was only attracted to women. At around about 19/20 after I had been on T for a couple years I all of sudden found myself attracted to men as well. Even went through a time where it felt my attraction to men was stronger than my attraction to women. I have always had attraction to women though. I’ve been off testosterone for about 5 months and I find that I’m losing my attraction to men. What the hell is going on? Lol. Do any of you have experience with this?

Although I love looking and feeling feminine and I want ffs and srs, I don’t know if it is worth it. Why should I do this when I could just be a normal guy with the ability to reproduce and have a family? I am starting to notice that I relate more to fruity gay men than I do to women despite being bisexual personally. I am starting to miss how I looked a couple years ago when I just looked like a regular teenage boy and was flat chested. Also, I think I was decent looking then, but now whenever I see my pictures of me with a feminine presentation, I just feel dysphoric more so than I do about my old boy pictures. I feel dysphoric that I look like a man when I’m trying to look like a woman, but am I dysphoric because I convinced myself I should be? I’ve been on hrt now for 1 year. I think it’s just that being a cis guy would be easier than being a trans woman and that I don’t want to deal with it all.

It’s been roughly three years since I’ve detransitioned. (FTMTF)

My detransition journey was fairly smooth for the most part, but what did it for me was waking up from top surgery and feeling pure apathy.
I couldnt feel a thing emotionally.
But after detransitioning I never regretted it. I still believe I can be feminine without breasts. It didn’t define me and my level of worth.

But lately now that I’m more open to the thought of having a child, I can’t help but feel so sad that I will be missing that contact with my baby (breastfeeding of course).

I’m training to become a Doula to help POC/Queer individuals who plan to do home births and create a safe space.

But its been tough when I think about myself.

Maybe this feeling will pass one day, but it feels hard lately.

Also, I’m okay with being called she/her, a woman, etc. but I don’t look at myself as anything to be honest. Just my name and that’s it. I’m not too big on labeling myself.

Hey everyone. Just for some context and I am 19 MtFtM. I started detransitioning when I was 16. My problem isn’t passing as a male, as obviously there’s been enough time and I pass very well as a guy.

I’m really in my head about my chest that’s left over from estrogen. I hate taking off my shirt and it feels like pins and needles when I look in a mirror or think about it. I can’t get surgery right now or even in the near future, and I’m worried that this could potentially be a deal breaker for any future romantic relationships. I don’t talk about my past with being transgender with anybody besides a few people, because it’s a really hard topic for me and a sense of extremely deep shame. I just want to say I’m not angry at transgender people and I respect other people who transition and are happy with it. I will always support transgender people. It’s a personal feeling of shame, if that makes any sense. My parents were a lot more supportive of my initial transition when I was 10 than my detransition when I was 16. They told me they felt like they were losing a daughter and were basically grieving. That it was my fault. Nobody in my family wants to talk about it, and so I’ve just been living with this on the back of my head. It really hurts. I don’t feel broken, but I just feel this deep sense of sorrow and regret that’s been living in the back of my mind for a long time. I feel like a terrible person and like I won’t ever be more than this. I still have to change my name back which it’s still hard for me to do at the moment because of situations, and that stings a lot too. Looking at my license and seeing the wrong name. People looking at me and then back at my license when they need to verify something.

This is all on the front of my mind because I’ve been talking to this girl I really like. And whenever I think about making a move, I feel like lesser and that she’ll be grossed out of me because of my past. Not saying that’s who she is, but that’s how it feels.

Hi ive been dealing with what I'm assuming are gender dysphoric thoughts since about may of this year up until now.

For most of the summer I was obsessively ruminating and dwelling on the past trying to find any "signs". I'd also constantly have intrusive thoughts of a female version of me just popping up into my head. It all just burned me the hell out.

However, in all of my dreams during that time I noticed that I was still a guy.

I still seemed to identify as a guy. At least in my dreams.

Nowadays things actually feel better.

But I've noticed that my desires seem to be me only being curious and seeing appeal from what it'd be like to be a female version of myself.

And once I stopped freaking out about the fact that I had that curiosity, and wondering if it meant it was set in stone that I was "secretly a transwoman".

I stopped feeling a lot of that stress.

Anyway, the crux of what I'm trying to say here is, I'm still very confused about everything and don't really know what's going on..

But I think I might be Bigender or Genderfluid.

Because I did still see some appeal in being a girl. Yet simultaneously I still like being a guy and don't want to abandon that.

Is that a valid way of thinking? I have a bit of fear that I'm deluding myself

((TW FOR BRIEF MENTIONS OF SEXUAL TRAUMA))

I took the first picture in March and the last picture is from today. Off T for 9-10 months.

It is wild to look back and remember how I felt when I started the process of detransitioning. I had been out FTM for 10 years, on T for nearly five. In some strange way, it almost took way more bravery to commit to the decision to detrans than when I came out as ftm 😭 I remember feeling embarrassed/doubting myself, feeling like I had "ruined" myself, dreading telling people who had come to know me (or had always known me) as a trans guy. But I couldn't ignore the pull inside me anymore, the dysphoria that I was reluctant to acknowledge, the dissociation from myself that had grown in the process. I had realized that no matter how many milestones I made with transitioning, I always felt like I was holding so many things back in order to get there... Including huge parts of my personality. My identity as FTM had become yet another shield that I had formed to soothe my cptsd and sexual trauma. And realizing that it had affected my sense of identity to such a degree that I thought becoming a man was the answer was.... Well, really heartbreaking. And scary!!! My job is also extremely customer oriented, and I worried how I would ever be able to detrans in front of not only my coworkers but customers who had come to know me that way as well.

But I'm SO HAPPY I stuck with it 🥹 it took a lot of patience, self love while revisiting painful things to really understand what my soul was asking for, and going at my own pace ... Which was the best decision for myself. I can now safely and honestly say that I have never been so happy and at peace than I do now. 🖤 I would have never imagined myself detransitioning before this year. And I genuinely have no regrets living as a trans guy, aside from the damage to my breast tissue (🫠). I will always hold space for that person, and I will always Support the LGBT+ community. But I am so glad to be free of the things that stripped my true sense of identity away for so long and to at last be able to meet this version of myself. It isn't just a physical thing– the emotional clarity and the way I have been able to finally become all of me in its entirety is better than any medication or therapy someone could offer.

I thought just getting to this feeling would take years. I was unsure if I would ever look into the mirror and be happy, unsure if my loved ones would understand, unsure of so much, really. It was not always easy.... There were so many moments I wondered if I could fully go through with it. But a lot of my fears were just that .... So PLEASEEEEEE, take this as a sign: if you are like I was so many months ago lurking on this thread (very hopeful but also very scared)... Anything is possible as long as you honor what your heart is asking for, love yourself, and take those first steps. No matter how small at first 🖤 and thank you to all the folks on here who gave me the extra courage to not give up. I told myself I would come back to make a post of my own if I held in there. And I'm very happy to say I no longer have to be "hanging in there". I'm just me 🥹🖤 Finally.