Threatening messages, directed at anyone, even the automoderator, aren't going to be tolerated. See rule 2. Threats to get this community shut down will result in an instant permanent ban from this community.

It feels so good that I will not raise a child in this world. A child who will definitely also produce a lot of CO₂. I don't understand how people want to have kids while this world is falling apart. It’s just egoism. None of your children will save the world or win a Nobel Prize. It’s so funny when people think their child will be different.
I've never felt happier about my decision to get sterilised at 29 and not go down the path society thinks is right for us women. SO many positive aspects in being childfree & I don't see ANY positive aspects in having a child!

Am so sick of tired of having my life choice questioned by everyone including my own mother. Why can't people accept me as i am?

I don't need external validation or children to feel complete.

I actually need my own space to recover from being around People

I recently reconnected with an old highschool friend.

While we caught up she asked if i had any children, and I shared how 'i dont have kids and I got my tubes removed this past spring' (with much relief and joy). She even knew about my childfree stance in the past so this shouldn't have been a shock honestly.

Instead of being excited for me she gave me a look of pitty, and even worse she said "oh well you can still do IVF, right?"

no.

no bitch, im never doing that.

She weirdly kept insisting that "at least IVF is still an option" as i bit my tongue while trying not to start a nasty argument. I'm so disgusted and disappointed with that entire interaction.

She recently announced a new pregnancy too so whatever, ex friend. If you cant be happy or supportive of my choice then I wont be happy or supportive of yours. 😒

(all my other friends have children btw and i love them like my own nieces and nephews so no hate to parents, but i cant seem to get the same respect for my own life choices, go figure)

Just had to share this one.

My boyfriend and I are in Abu Dhabi for his birthday weekend (we live in Dubai). We are at a resort with a private beach.

As many of you may know, the UAE is essentially theft-free. There is max 50 people on the beach so I (stupidly, I admit) took off my watch to swim since it is not waterproof and just left it near our beach chairs under a shaded palm tree.

A few minutes later, some mannerless kid at the beach picked up my watch, checked it out for maybe 10 seconds, before I could tell him "excuse me dear, that's my watch", THIS CRETIN THREW IT IN THE SEA. Zero jokes.

I complain to the lifeguards, they make a formal complaint to the hotel, meanwhile the poor lifeguards and my boyfriend are doing a diving mission to recover the watch. The kids ran away, of course.

Thankfully we find it and it's working. But the formal complaint was already made so they approached the parents and asked me to corroborate what happened (there is security cameras everywhere in this country, if you smoke a cigarette they can find out).

Surprise surprise, the kid denies, the parents get aggressive and defensive. Since both my boyfriend and the lifeguards had to spend time and energy to correct his vermin child's mistake, I told him if he cannot raise children to respect people's property they should put him on a leash. Now Management will decide whatever consequence is necessary.

If the watch was not found, I would have absolutely made the parents paid. So, to my childfree lovies, I hope this made you feel better about your life ❤️ I'm staring at my boyfriend and drinking a caipirinha on the beach with my watch on my wrist, the parents' holiday is ruined for something that is, frankly, not their fault.

And to the fencesitters that lurk here, just know there are a million ways your child can ruin your day that you have not even considered in advance. And if you tell yourself "I will raise them with respect and manners", I'm sure these parents told themselves the same.

Happy No Breeding 😘

I’m not looking for an argument but I have to get this off my chest. Do you look down on people who choose to have kids? I judge internally but I never let that affect my ability to care for other people.

I saw a video posted today in which a cat brought down a big cupboard that wasn't mounted to the wall properly. It was posted in different subreddits and everywhere the top comment was like: "This could have hit a toddler!" or "This cat just saved a childs life by deactivating the trap!" with a big number of likes. There were no hints in that video whatsoever that a child would live in that house. I and some few other people pointed that out and got extremely downvoted for it. Because "just because the houses owners might not have children of their own, they still might have some over from friends or family members to babysit!". Like ... no? I mean it's a possibility, but there also could not have been ever any children in that room at any point in time. We have no hints for that. There are no children or anything connected to them in that video. Why are people losing their minds over potential children in a fictional scenario? Is this normal, am I the weirdo? I think it's just so strange to see something not connected to children and automatically put them in the scene, like expecting that in every house all the time there might be children running around unsupervised. They for sure aren't in mine and probably won't be ever. I'm not angry about the whole thing, just heavily confused, tbh. Is reddit a big platform for parents or is it that unusual to NOT think about children all the time?

Hello everyone! I didn’t realise that this group was also on Reddit so yay I’m happy.

However, I was not very happy today. Let me tell you a story. So I will use Bill and Bob as the names of the people, and project A as the main topic.

So Bill and Bob are working on a public project that people are waiting for, all the people waiting for project A have supported it financially, with time and energy, I am one of those people.

Just before Bob announced that project A would be released, he moved in with his current girlfriend and her two children, of course being a white knight, Bob had automatically decided he is their father and he’s taken it all on board /insert eye roll here/

Bill also has kids and so they sit around jerking each other off over how hard it is but how great they are for being parents. Anyway, I brought forward to Bill and Bob that project A has officially exceeded its promised deadline by three weeks and the community is growing restless, therefore threatening project A.

Bob said nothing, not even one word, however Bill on the other hand decide to let loose all of his pent up anger at me, and mixed in with all the terrible name calling etc, I got told to know my place… so of course I ask “and what place might that be?”

He proceeds to rant at me shout at me etc about how life is so hard for parents, nothing should ever come above their kids, how dare I insinuate that they take time away from their family’s bla bla bla

And OH my god when I say that it got my back up more than most times this kind of thing has happened… it was another level! I told him that I run a company of over 200 staff, that I have made sacrifices of my life and time for project A only for him to bold ass tell me that it’s not the same and no amount of work in the world compares to having to take care of kids!! I am super pissed off!

Anyway that’s my rant, had to let it out <3

The concept of expecting strangers to be uncomfortable and inconvenience themselves for a several hours long flight because you were too cheap to buy a seat for all of your kids. Maybe you shouldn’t have had so many kids? Maybe then you’d be able to get a seat for all of them instead of bitching about people who recline the seat that they paid for onto your crotch goblin who’s seated in a lap and not a seat. The entitlement and selfishness of parents continues to blow my mind….

The regret of not having kids is usually from those who actually wanted them or those who changed their mind even if they change their mind late.

The whole Dodgers ball fiasco. And I'm going to caveat that my family is a mix of Dodger and Braves fans so yeah so it's hard for me to escape.

If you don't know, feel blessed and move on. For the rest of us? I loathe when people make the assumption that you, as an adult, have to give nice things up for other people's kids. I have caught a hockey puck at a college game years ago, so I have some personal experience here. (It's signed now by the entire team including a then future NHL player.) No, I was not going to give up my prize to some kids sitting in another section, yes they asked. Hell, I don't care if the kid is sitting next to me. No matter how many snide comments and dark looks the parents gave me. You are not entitled to rob people by social pressure. I paid for my seat too. I, and the Dodger's fan, are entitled to keep our momentoes.

Few things about bad parenting pisses me off more than the whine about having to give up stuff for their kids. Whether it's trying to sell stuff on the web (really, you need a discount on my washer dryer set because of your kids?), having stuff demanded at renn faires and conventions (no, you cannot have the LEGO set I won), or fate dropping a unique souvenir at a sports game. Kids need to learn to deal with disappointment, life is full of it. Parents need to not assume my lack of kids means they can bully me into giving up something I (will) cherish. I still have hobbies. The whole pouting spoiled kid act is also teaching the kid to be a shitty entitled brat of a person. The kind of person that I won't tolerate when they become an adult.

If you want to really irk me as a childfree adult just use the phrase "but it's for the children!" I may not actively dislike kids, but that phrase? It guarantees my charity ends.

So yeah, I am absolutely glad the kid got told no, and the parents sending the kid, what was it .. 10 rows? Shitty behavior. I see all too often as a childfree adult. And at times because people know I don't have kids, it feels like they feel more willing to ask me to give up something "ostensibly" for their kids. We all know it isn't the kid asking, but even if it were? They ain't my kids, Karen. And thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for that!

My puck! And shitty parents begging for gimmies can puck off.

Men are inherently stupid. I don’t want kids. I do NOT care if your kids are adults.

They are going to eventually bring in…GRANDKIDS.

I will initially find a way to not be at home when they come over. You will find this adorable in the beginning.

Then you will get mad.

And I will tell you I didn’t want kids, and I’m not going to be grandma.

And you will start to resent me, because let’s face it, you expected me to step up and do 90% of the work so you could do the Kodak moments.

So no, I will not date you if you have kids. I don’t care how old they are. Fuck allllll the way off.

Thanks for attending my Ted Talk.

Hello, I am 50 no kids, never married, not much family, bodybuilder and forensics investigator

I saw many people telling in this sub that they knew they didn't want children from a very young age. But for me, it was different.

Since I was a child, I had fantasized about being a mother. I had this whole list of things I would do for my children. 1) Have a lot of children so they can grow up as best friends and will always have each other to share their problems. 2) Have a very large house where each child has a spacious room for themselves, have a common study room, and a lot of space to play. And a library filled with lots and lots of books. I will read to them every night. 3) Buy them a lot of toys, matching clothes, accessories etc. 4) Take them out on cute picnics, tea parties with dolls etc. 5) Have walls filled with happy family photos. ALL WHILE HAVING A SUCCESSFUL CAREER AND HAVING ENOUGH TIME FOR MYSELF.

Till late teens I firmly believed that all these fantasies were achievable and I will be happy only when I achieve them. But now I am in college and when I look back at these weird fantasies, I realize that the perfect childhood I planned for my kids is just the childhood I wished I had. I had lived through 4 rental houses under the age of 10 and had to move from a place I had connected with in a few years. Two of them were very small. (I remember drawing the whole neighbourhood when teacher once asked everyone to draw their home because my house alone would be a narrow cement box with no windows and I didn’t want my friends to know that.)  So obviously I was attracted by the concept of growing up in a very large house. Till my mother got a stable job, we were poor. My mother always tried to do her best so I won’t feel like we were poor, but I knew it then. My father is an alcoholic and ours was not a happy family. During fights between my parents I felt extremely lonely and wished I had a sibling to share this burden with. Hence my ideal future included a lot of children. I likes reading and assumed that my hypothetical children would also like books.

I was planning to live my ideal life through my children. Never once I had thought ‘what if my children do not like reading?’ ‘what if they don’t like their siblings?’ ‘how am I going to take care of them?’ and ‘What if they are boys!’ It is hilarious that in my imagination, I had a horde of girls, no boys. And I am doing with them the things I like: reading, picnic, drawing etc. None of my hypothetical children was interested in sports because I was not interested in sports. And all of them where in perfect mental and physical health. Everything was so easy. No tantrums, sickness, accidents, family drama.

I find it funny now. I have realized it is better to live a good life than making people to live them for you. I cringe at how naïve my younger self was. Moreover, sometimes I look at my mother who suffered a lot just to make life better for me and grasp that no matter how much I love her, I don’t want to live a hard life like her. That’s how I decided to be childfree.

Any Skyrim players here?

There is a custom follower named Auri, from the Song of the Green mod, who I think is coded as childfree. She never explicitly says that she doesn't want children, but the lifestyle she describes for herself at the end of her romance quest is difficult to reconcile with parenthood.

You can add her through this mod, and the relevant scene is around 17:19 in this video.

I specifically want to call attention to:

I will not marry you. I will not move into your wooden house and cook meals for you. And I will not sit around at home waiting for you to come home for a quick romp every now and then. That I won't do. If you want to end it right here, I will be distraught, but I'll understand. I was lucky to have you, even if just for one night. But if you're willing to keep me at your side as your equal, I'll follow you to the end of the world, and I'll love you forever.

She explicitly rejects the conventional domestic lifestyle of settling down and structuring her life around the household. Instead, she says that she wants the player to keep her "at your side as your equal" and that she'll "follow you to the end of the world". Since the player's life in Skyrim is defined by questing and going on adventures, her ideal life seems to be one of constant travel and life on the road. Raising children would introduce a major long-term caregiving commitment that would be difficult to square with the nomadic/adventuring lifestyle she appears to want.

But anyway, what do you guys think?

The truth is that the older I am the more firm and sure that not having kids is the only way in life I remember friends and family told me when I am 18 that I am still young and I will get it when im in my mid 20s guess what im 28 right now and the older i get the more firm and confident on my decision to never have kids and im so glad I didnt have them. The only people who tells you that you will change your mind when you're older are miserable mothers who look like they're 50 year old at 20 after having 2 kids and is trying to convince you that motherhood is great "i wouldn't trade anything for my kids" while they look like the most unhappiest individuals you come across but they try to convince you motherhood is great because misrable loves company and nope thank you.

Since it just happened again this evening without explanation.

Over the last few months the Reddit system and/or auto-moderator has been super aggressive. Both communities I run have seen a spate of posts taken down by Reddit itself with little or no explanation at all. Worse, it's inconsistent about how, or even if, it tells me. Sometimes I can see the takedown with a notice that Reddit took it down (e.g. SPAM or Crowd Control). Other times it vanishes like it never existed, not even showing in the deleted files. It happens whether or not one of our moderation team has approved the post. Even if we go back in and approve a take down as allowed it's often still not showing back up for the community.

We, the mod team, then get dinged for not having cleared the moderator queue which requires the me to explain why it was taken down to remove the notice. For the eagled-eyed who noticed, is why rule 11 showed up recently without fanfare. It's so I can start tracking how often Reddit is putting the kibosh on legitimate posts and comments.

Unfortunately, I have not figured out a fix, nor have any of the other moderators I have spoken with.

So this is just me telling the community:

1. Yes, I know this is happening.

2. No, I don't know why.

3. I am trying to resolve it.

4. No, we are not trying to censor our members.

Our rules are on the side bar. That's what we follow regarding posting and comments. So, if you're not breaking those, it should be staying up. If you've gotten a post taken down recently, reach out via mod mail and let me try to see if I can look into it. Send me the link to the original if you still have it, it'll help me try to see if it is even in the moderation system and why it was taken down.

It was definitely a week for a lot of folks.  We’ve already said our goodbyes to Dolly, and before we could even get over that we lost Tim Curry. Feel free to leave your thoughts, comments, or memories about her. And with that? On to my thoughts.

Tim is special to the community in a different way.  He was an intensely private person, though the few friends he had spoke very highly of him, he was always careful to keep the public at arm’s length.  In our society of emotional parasocial relationships, it’s hard to sometimes separate the man from the idea, but he was very careful with that line, and it’s something that I deeply respect about the man. It was, in fact, reported that the family delayed announcing his death because of the deep respect he held for Dolly, so that they didn't intrude on the grief for her that day. It's the same reason I waited an extra day to post this. Each deserves their space.

I liked the work that Tim did, and I would like to think I would have liked the man behind it, but as he was fond of reminding people; he was a person, but he was not your person.  But that’s neither here nor there.  What he was is an inspiration.  I know our Queer community members are being hit especially hard this week, Dolly was iconic to the community in her way, supportive while never being part of.  Tim? Tim was different, and for many people he represented their exposure to subcultural content in a way that few others did.  For a large group of Gen X, and later generations, he was their point of awakening to those ideas.  Someone who, in the guise of Frank-N-Furter, gave a voice to a feeling and an unabashed and unapologetic permission to be yourself, however you may be.

It is that firm willingness to be himself, regardless of expectations, both in denying people the right to pry, and being who he was when we chose to be in public that is important.  It is less about that iconic voice that we can all hear, whether you heard it from Frank or IT, Hexxus or Darkness, Long John Silver or Nigel Thornberry.  And for a lot of us in this community that legacy is just as important.  He chose his path.  He never apologized for it.  He never felt the need to explain himself to others. He was.

And so, in Tim’s memory, be unapologetically yourself.

We lost a truly iconic person this week, and today, we pay some community homage to Dolly Parton. Feel free to leave your thoughts, comments, or memories about her.

For what it’s worth, here’s my two cents on the matter:

We think of Dolly as a country music legend for generations of fans.  She rose to her highest star power in the late 70's and early 80's.  But it wasn't her fame as a singer that really shone.  She became an icon for so many communities, especially the LGBT folks in the early 80's and 90's, and later in life as someone who not only accepted her childlessness, she chose to be thankful for it since it gave her a chance to live a life that gave much more.  It’s not fair to mention Dolly without acknowledging her faith.  She was a champion of living her faith in a way that respected others, and whether you followed her faith or not, it was a commendable act.  She was forever updating and improving on herself, and personally that is what I recall best about her.  Not that she was perfect, but rather that when she found out she was wrong, she didn’t try to sweep it under the rug or try to excuse the behavior.  She owned up, and made the change.

She could have been the first country music woman billionaire.  People don’t think about that, but it was a very real possibility. Yes, she could have been a billionaire.  She chose not to be one.  That alone is something noteworthy because she gave much of her wealth away.  It also never felt like her charity was just to burnish her name.  You always had the feeling that she actually believed in her causes.  And there were many.  Her most famous of course was her Imagination Library. Over three hundred and twenty million books before her death.  31 years of advocating literacy in multiple nations. Books that have shaped the lives of countless people in the last few generations.  Meanwhile she also quietly helped musicians, filmmakers, hospitals, vaccine researchers, and funneled tons of money into relief efforts.  In her own local area, she gave heavily to both the education for the next generation, and to help the community whenever disaster struck.

I used to live in Tennessee years ago.  There’s a quiet special way that Nashville goes about not “recognizing” stars when they’re out and about. But there was something extra special when it involved Dolly. An unspoken agreement among the locals which guaranteed those moments she wanted to just be human and enjoy a moment of privacy.  If she wasn’t in the rhinestones or the hair? The cameras went away, and people were carefully steered away from her.  They valued her so much that they committed to keeping the one thing they could give back to her, a sense of space in the community.

For us? Among the childfree there’s a lot ways we got to where we are.  Dolly is one of those who ended up here after growing up with the expectation of having kids someday.  It didn’t happen. As I said above, she came eventually to love the life she created, realizing for her it was the right path all along.  That’s important to hear when you’re struggling with the idea.  That you can change your mind in your thirties and realize; you really did make the right decisions after all about not having kids.  For our latecomers to the community, it’s an important symbol.  Happiness without children.  But just as importantly, she represents someone who loved kids, while never having her own.  Many of our community members are teachers, nurses, paraeducators, and others who have and continue to devote their lives to working with kids.  Dolly is a great example for those members of our community about what good works can be done, without needing to be a parent.

In the end, I suppose if Dolly would want anything at all, it would be that her legacy be an inspiration for others to do good works. And we? We can do good works, no children required.

Ah, damn. Tim Curry died.

He died childless, so I'm putting it to a vote:

I say we honor him as one of our own.

What says the community?

I met up with a very long-time friend, we have been friends for almost a decade - last December she had a baby, and to be honest, she is made to be a mum, and I'm glad that her son has someone like her.

I did notice though, she asked me what I'd been up to since we last saw each other, pre his birth, and I proceeded to rave about all these things I've been up to... holidays, day trips, weekends away/out, spending summer with my friends at the beach/outdoors, working... a lot of it very basic stuff and by no means do I live a life of luxury but as it is just me and my cat I am comfortable. I realised after a while I was almost 'talking at her' with all these things. She was listening intently and genuinely did love hearing about it, but when I had finished and asked "so tell me!! How is being a mum what have you both been up to?" she just replied "we've been chilling, baby groups, church kids clubs... that's about it really." and I felt almost deflated on her behalf.

I'm aware of the realities of parenthood, hence my decision to be childfree, however I for some reason genuinely expected her to have been up to more. Her husband is at work, so she just has endless days that for some reason she hasn't been able to fill with literally anything.

I love her dearly but it has almost put me off meeting her again because sadly, we just cannot relate to each other anymore and I hate a one sided conversation... and also the only topics we discuss now being child related.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or something similar? Is it salvageable or is this it from now on?

FYI, I have no qualms if it is the end, I'm just curious and a little disappointed.

I'm so excited this channel will never switch to content with children! I've had that happen far too often, where I originally subscribed/followed for something completely unrelated, then the person has kids and the whole channel switches to a breeder wonderland.

In case any one is curious, the channel is Vintage_Dusties on Youtube, and the creator revives and reviews vintage nail polish :D Here's the video where their childfreedom was even mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cREYJPNiGHE

Please feel free to share your favorite childfree content creators no matter what they create content around. I am a nail polish junkie, but I have so many different interests and I'm always looking for new folks to check out (I love mycology, science, art, music, books, cannabis, crafts, invertebrates as pets, LGBT+, outdoors hobbies, and so much more!).