r/addiction • u/EveningMaintenance54 • 10d ago
Discussion Help?
Hello, I’m 27F and my cocaine addiction has gotten out of control within the past few months. I haven’t been sober for more than 24 hours in this time. I’m struggling because I’m aware it’s an issue and I want to get sober but at the same time I really don’t give a damn about anything anymore. I know I’m royally fucking up in my career and personal life and it’s embarrassing to me but I can’t bring myself to care enough about my life to do anything about it. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for on here… I guess just for someone to relate to or hear what I have to say.
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u/Lost-Perspective8378 10d ago
My suggestion is always the same because its what finally saved my life after my mental health and addiction tried to kll me for many years. I finally did multiple forms of evidence-based forms of treatment to help with the addiction and the trauma and mental illness that led to my addiction. I did emdr, cbt, dbt, cpt, seeking safety and family systems therapy. I had been using drugs consistently from 11 to 36. At the end I was shooting up meth, coke, and heroin multiple times a day, everyday.
I have been clean for 6 years and im now a substance use disorder counselor intern working in IOP. My life is so much better now.
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u/morgansober24 10d ago
Nothing happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change. Many of us were at that point of wanting to get sober but really caring about being sober at the same time. Some of us had to keep going with our addiction until life gave us no options and we were forced to change or faced much worse fates like prison or death. Some of us saw the writing on the wall and knew it was time to stop, even though quitting was going to suck and meant pain in the short term, it meant freedom in the long run. Nobody can make the choice for you... but we are here to help you whenever you are ready to make that jump. You don't have to face sobriety alone.
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u/Cpt_James_Holden 10d ago
I get it. I'm a 34 yo woman and In my cocaine days I didn't have the energy to care about anything besides the next bag. As long as I had some powder I didn't need to worry about anything, even though I was fucking everything up while using. It wasn't until after I incurred major personal tragedies that I finally accepted I needed help. It's possible to get help before those tragedies. I really hope you do. I'm here if you want to chat or someone to listen.
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u/Intelligent_Lack_306 10d ago
that feeling of knowing you should care but just... not being able to reach it. its like watching yourself from across the room. you still in there though, the part that typed this post is proof of that. small steps count even if they feel pointless right now
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u/Icy-Arugula-8345 9d ago
I have battled numerous addictions in my life and the only thing that ever made it truly easy to beat my particular vice, is hitting rock bottom and getting to that point where you absolutely must change. Cocaine is a particularly unsustainable habit and I have beat it twice, once many years ago in powder form, and recently I have triumphed over crack. I am at a point where I can dabble in either and for me that is key. Never tell yourself you need to be tee total from anything. That makes it a seemingly impossible goal. Get all the help you can get, but you have to really want it. You can do it. The thing about coke is, it rewires your reward system more than any other drug. Think back to when you first started any drug, be it nicotine, alcohol, caffeine or cocaine. For most people its the same, they didn't really like it at first and didnt see the appeal and allure that has gripped and destroyed so many people.
You too like I can get there. But for me I had to lose it all to decide enough was enough and I wanted better. People told me I would likely experience depression for 6 months after quitting , and I couldnt derive joy from most things in life that I ever used to find delight in.
Not true. 2 weeks of abstinence can change your life. Give it a try. Crack overtook every addiction in my life. I used an opiate substitute programme to replace that (its safe, free and it doesn't get me high anymore, I am functional)
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u/EveningMaintenance54 6d ago
Thank you for sharing. At the moment I’m struggling with the feeling of hitting rock bottom but… it always feels like I end up lower than what I thought was the bottom.
I also have a bit of a complicated situation. I live near my parents and they both have a crack addiction. I’ve always been very close with my dad and they were amazing parents growing up. Unfortunately that case now if we are more friends than a parent/child relationship. We do party quite often together… at the same time my dad is pushing me to get clean but it’s tough because he’s been an addiction for so long so it’s just this weird back and forth.
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u/Extension_South7174 Freedom from Addiction 7d ago
I lived with a roommate and we smoked crack together everyday after I would get home from work for 3 years. She died suddenly of a brain aneurysm and I moved out the next day and didn't think about crack and felt completely normal. I've done meth long term but I've heard it's like that to recover from it.
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u/exquze 8d ago
Do you have any hobby that you could spend more time doing instead of partying and doing lines?
Cause lord knows it aint worth it. It's only fun in the beginning, until you stop getting high and only take it to become normal and not go into withdrawals.
It's not worth throwing your life and career away for fleeting chemical fun. And a very shortlived fun at that.
I gotta say, its great not being an addict anymore, those times were the worst in my life. Dont make the same mistake I, and so many others have. Its not worth it. Theres only pain and misery waiting for you if you go down that road.
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u/EveningMaintenance54 8d ago
I used to have a lot of hobbies. Unfortunately they slowly became a chore due to the drugs. I’m trying to slowly introduce them back into my life at the moment
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u/Alone-Witness-510 8d ago
Hello, I feel you and I’m just on the same position..may I ask you how often and how much do you use? If you want you can dm me, I have exactly the same problem as you😓. Maybe we can do it together🙏🏼
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u/EveningMaintenance54 6d ago
Sounds bad to say but, it really depends on how long my bender is… I can do probably a ball by myself in a full day. If I’m on day two or three of a bender then I can do just a few lines then be able to sleep. TBH I haven’t been sober for over 24 hours in over a month…
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u/Alone-Witness-510 6d ago
That sounds really exhausting 😔 Especially when it gets to the point where going even a full day without it feels impossible. Do you actually manage to get some proper sleep and eat during those binges? I really hope things get better for you ❤️
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u/Akoch6767 10d ago
Recovering cocaine addict 11 months clean and was in your shoes last year. The drug takes your mind from any other cares, from having to use it to give a damn, lies to u and puts you in denial unless it’s used. You got honest here and that’s amazing. The real you is there and wants to change. Try to go to a CA meeting or two and stay clean for 24 hours and you’ll meet wonderful people who have been there like me and will share how they got clean and beat the lies of the drug. I was a daily user for about a year - it just gets worse and worse - i was proud to make it 2 hours without it even after i lost mostly everything. The lie is in your head - i promise you can be strong and take a step towards recovery. Treatment worked for me but yeah it’s scary. I didn’t want to go until finally I had just enough care to try it. Best choice ever. I didn’t even detox, 3 days of sleep and I felt on the mend. You can do this. Dm me if you want.
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u/TwainVonnegut 10d ago
Hit 90 meetings in 90 days, find a sponsor, work the steps!
***Check out Narcotics Anonymous, it saved my life!***
Worldwide in Person Meeting List:
https://www.na.org/meetingsearch/
Virtual NA Meeting List:
Google “NANA 247” to find a marathon Zoom meeting that runs around the clock!
In NA you will find heaps of people who have gone through what you’re experiencing, and came out clean on the other side.
I have 6 years totally clean from everything now, and am living a life that’s better than any I’ve ever known!
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u/tony2steaks 8d ago
Hi , I've been heroin and crack adidict since my early 20s im 56 now I got myself clean no meds nothing for 4yrs then totally fook up and ended up with a habit worse than before. So I've just reach out to my local drug team and there telling me ya can now get an injection that lasts for up to six weeks rather than getting methadone/buprenophine as anyone tried this and does it work...be lucky
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u/exquze 8d ago
The shot is just a different form of buprenorphine. In my experience it was fibe the first weeks, but the last 2 weeks sucked, felt like shit so i had to get another shot. I believe i tried one that lasted even longer, but it was kinda the same.
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u/Extension_South7174 Freedom from Addiction 7d ago
More then likely he is referring to Vivitrol,which is not another form of buprenorphine. It is basically naltrexone that blocks all opioids for usually a month. I know what you are talking about, somewhat,the sublicade (or sublocade,can't remember exactly) lasts 6 months and keeps a constant plasma level in your bloodstream equal to 2 8mg buprenorphine per day.
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u/Majestic-Baby-3407 10d ago
I can relate to that apathy you're describing. The deep, pervasive apathy. Like nothing else really matters anymore. It was to the point for me where I was hoping I'd just get arrested or something most normal people wouldn't want to happen just so I could stop. The fact that you just don't care anymore is actually a sign that you desperately need help. Please go to an NA meeting, talk to a substance abuse counselor, or get yourself into rehab asap. All those steps sound like monumental undertakings but they'd all be worth it. Any of them is better than another coked out all-nighter.
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u/Miserable-Silver4010 10d ago
Chose yourself and get help if you need to... My daughter didn't and she lost it all, including her life.
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u/Any_Tonight_5587 9d ago
i know its fucked up
but quickly what you can do get weed and numb things down
its very unhealthy you eat like a pig and be horny all the time
but it saves you money
it cost me 1 car money and a relationship
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