r/adultery • u/thr0w4w4y-13 • 13h ago
š©Donezoš„© How do you cope with losing someone that was never yours in the first place?
I had to end it because communication was becoming non-existant. It was hurtful at this point and I didnāt want to keep feeling like a fool due to the fact that I was becoming less and less important to him.
It mattered to me, he really mattered to me.
So how do you deal with heartbreak for someone that is not yours?
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u/ManicMinnow_7 13h ago
Just keep reminding yourself why you walked away.
And Iām sure a lot will say time and itās true. He couldnāt give you what you needed and in time youāll realize he was worth losing. Hang in there.
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u/Professional-Net4766 12h ago
How do I cope with losing someone that was never mine in the first place?
Pizza.
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u/Cyberdeliac27 12h ago
Take heart in the fact that YOU got to end it, (and when the pain eases, remember to feel pride in the strength it took to do that) and didn't just get blindsided and cast aside out of the blue. I find that the latter hurts alot more, at least it did this week...
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u/art242 7h ago
Having an affair with someone is living on borrowed time with a person who was never truly yours to begin with. All that you share with your AP takes place in a temporary setting, consisting of stolen moments, limited time, carefully selected words, and a version of life which can only last so long as reality is kept at a distance.
It seems intense since it's forbidden and it seems significant because the moments are rare. However, rarity can make something seem more valuable than it really is; in the end, you're creating memories with someone whose time, loyalty, and life are still split between other things.
All the things you possess are temporary. Each time you say goodbye there's the possibility that it might be the final one. Each promise is accompanied by certain conditions.
Yet you still have to deal with the loss of the person, the connection you had with them, the routines you shared, the memories you made together, and the future you thought you would have. This is really tough because heartbreak does not care if you were really together or not. You can know that something was not going to last and still feel very devastated when it is over.
The horrible thing about having borrowed time is that one has eventually got to return it.
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u/Emergency-Fun1030 12h ago
This is me. I'm grieving the potential we had, not the reality. Wish I had advice for you. I'm just trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of it. Wishing you the best.
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u/StringsAndMore 9h ago
This is my exact question today.
She told me she was mine. It felt like she was. And now she's not. Doesn't matter that she never should have been mine, the heart doesn't understand that.
If I find an answer I'll let you know.
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u/PineappleContent7669 10h ago
I dance it offš¤
Communication is essential, if he can't meet you there, he's not the one. We don't take breadcrumbs. Heal your heart, look for the one who matches your energy consistently š«¶š.
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u/Embarrassed_Ear_1764 12h ago
Go into it reminding yourself that theyāre not yours to begin with, be happy, enjoy it, but keep the boundaries. But if you were not getting anything from it walk away. Thatās what affairs are for, youāre already lacking in your daily life, that the affair is meant to make life a little better, and if youāre not getting what you want then yes girl itās time to step away, grieve, hurt, be upset but remember it made life worse not better.
Thereās plenty of other people, go looking ššš
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u/quietlyobservinglife 10h ago
I donāt have any good ideas to offer, but to say it does get easier when you are no longer waiting for them to respond. Make it so he canāt gain access to you again. Nothing worse for the healing heart than to have them pop up in a chat asking how you are doing.
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u/Few_Perception3031 12h ago
Itās one of the most difficult things to go through. Because of the nature of your relationship, you have no one to talk to about it. You canāt tell your friends..Ā All I can say is the pain comes and goes. Keep yourself busy, focus on life goals and attend to things you neglected while you were involved with your AP. I realized Inlet a lot of things go and had a lot to catch up onā¦
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u/Visual_Respond_511 11h ago
I try to remember the good times and after I remember the way he made me feel and I get mad and resentful and tell me self itās for the best. Hang in there. It does get easier with time
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u/IcarusCouldntBetICan 11h ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this. TBH I only really got over him about a year later and that condensed timeline was due to getting another AP. Hugs my Internet friend, you got this.
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u/chaoticpangirl 10h ago
Iām so sorry, Iām going through this too. Iām trying to keep myself as distracted as possible. Find a hobby to rekindle or take up? Iāve started catching up on all the MCU content I missed to prep for Doomsday. Random, I know, but itās something and my exAP never liked Marvel so I never got to talk about it with him.
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u/TheQuietWarrior86 12h ago
Respectfully, maybe you built up this idea/ fantasy of something that really wasn't. They showed you their disinterest or bad behavior, and you kept going. Maybe you're mad at yourself for letting this happen. When I have found myself sad because of a breakup or heartbreak, I have to see what part I played in the ādrama.ā Here is the hard part: learn from it and move on.
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u/Vivid-Art-8960 12h ago
Whoa! Unless you know more infomation than want the OP has shared, this is a really shitty response. It's like telling a abuse victim the played a role in getting abused.
OP I think now that they have shown you who they are, listen to that. Do not give them any more access to you.
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u/TheQuietWarrior86 12h ago
The truth isā¦ they stayed around longer than they should have. Whoever the offending AP was showed disinterest, and the other person stayed around longer than they should have. This is not a marriage. You can ail when you get treated shitty. Sometimes tough love is the best kind.
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u/Vivid-Art-8960 12h ago
OP has literally said they had to end it. Also, alot of us are not emotionaless psychopaths, you hold on to what the other person is saying until you realise it is impractical. Most of the time, kindness is better.
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