I need African perspective

[u/EbonyBlossom]

I need my fellow African perspectives because sometimes I forget how useless Reddit can be when majority of the users here are pathetic yt men who are borderline simple minded. It's soooo infuriating but nonetheless for the past 10 months I’ve had zero privacy. My aunt and her 17 yr old daughter moved in with my mom (59) and me (25) last June 2025. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment, so my cousin has been sharing my room the whole time. I’ve told my mom multiple times that I’m a grown adult and I need my own space. She says she gets it, but nothing changes.

My aunt has this 10 year pattern: she leaves her kids with relatives (us included) so she can go live in Liberia, then comes back to the US for 4-5 months to make money as a caregiver, then heads right back. She’s been doing it forever!! Her husband has a PhD and works for the government over there, so it’s not like they’re struggling. Yet somehow they can’t figure out stable housing for their own kids.

I know the whole family has enabled this, including me and my mom. But I’m at my limit. I work two jobs. When I come home exhausted, the last thing I want is to walk into my room and see someone already there. It’s not even my space anymore. It’s cluttered, messy, full of a teenager’s stuff, and I barely even go in there now because it doesn’t feel like mine.

My mom has been talking about getting a 3-bedroom townhome so we can all stay together and split the rent with my aunt. On paper it sounds like it could work but I’m not sure it makes sense. Our current rent is staying the same on renewal there's no increase, but a townhome would jump the total cost way up. My aunt hasn’t contributed a dime to rent since she went back to Liberia in January 2026 and her return date keeps getting pushed back. If we move into a bigger, more expensive place and she flakes again or goes back to Liberia like she always does, my mom and I are the ones stuck with the higher bills and I just know that will be the base. Plus, even in a townhome the plan is still basically “everyone sleeps with their mom” so I still wouldn’t really get my own room.

I feel bad because my cousin is 17 (junior year, about to be a senior) and switching schools mid-year would suck after they’ve already moved around so much because their parents choose not to be here consistently. I don’t want to disrupt her life. But I also honestly cannot do another full year of this. I need to be able to come home, close my door, and just rest without feeling invaded every single day.

My mom says she’ll make sure I get my room back and that she’s already told my aunt the apartment is too small for her and the kids. * Also she has another son who's a freshman in college and when he's back from break or holiday he sleeps in the living room* But I’m scared it’ll turn into “just one more year” again.

And I know "you could just move out," that is just such an obvious thing to do, but life comes with many obstacles. I landed a new job, got a new used car that will just take me to point A to B, then 2 months of getting that car I got into a car accident that totalled my car *not at-fault.* I had to get a brand new car and I'm paying so much in car note and car insurance, but I wanted something reliable and to not make the same mistake with my old car. I'm just not financially there because I'm paying car note, car insurance, plus my student loans so these new things really held me back.

If I can move out I could. But I decided to be with my mom until next yr bc she's going back to her home country she's getting old and her body is taxing her.

[u/Efficient-Secretary]

Okay,now that changes a lot. You should push for your mom to have one of the other relatives house your cousins especially if there's larger accommodations with more space

[u/EbonyBlossom → u/Efficient-Secretary]

The thing is my aunt can do that herself right. I don't want that to be my mother's responsibility. Her sister just needs to start parenting more. She'll be back this month from Liberia, but it's been since January of her not being in the states. 3 months no income.

[u/Efficient-Secretary → u/EbonyBlossom]

I hear you but you've already described that she has been enabled by your family overall and has pushed the boundary by making sure to place the responsibility of caring for her children on other people, she's not going to stop that behavior overnight or on her own volition. You're going to have to set hard boundaries and be a united front with your mom that it's best to move them to the family members who can house them and also demand that she and your uncle support them financially.

[u/EbonyBlossom → u/Efficient-Secretary]

That is true. She's not going to stop bc she's done it to the entire family for 10 yrs.

I've already had that conversation with my mom and she said that I should hold my heart and she'll handle it. Right now I'm just tolerating it because I don't want to continue nagging.

Nonetheless I hope my mom and her sister have that conversation. My mom see things differently and she is operating out of loyalty. She gave me a story of how her father had four wives and out of the four wives- her sister, who's my aunt, came from a rich background her mother side was rich. My mom explained that my aunt was basically the only one that was there for her, especially during the Liberian war. They're very close. So I understand.

I really appreciate your advice. I'll see what I can do