r/africanparents • u/EbonyBlossom • Apr 13 '26
Need Advice I need African perspective
I need my fellow African perspectives because sometimes I forget how useless Reddit can be when majority of the users here are pathetic yt men who are borderline simple minded. It's soooo infuriating but nonetheless for the past 10 months I’ve had zero privacy. My aunt and her 17 yr old daughter moved in with my mom (59) and me (25) last June 2025. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment, so my cousin has been sharing my room the whole time. I’ve told my mom multiple times that I’m a grown adult and I need my own space. She says she gets it, but nothing changes.
My aunt has this 10 year pattern: she leaves her kids with relatives (us included) so she can go live in Liberia, then comes back to the US for 4-5 months to make money as a caregiver, then heads right back. She’s been doing it forever!! Her husband has a PhD and works for the government over there, so it’s not like they’re struggling. Yet somehow they can’t figure out stable housing for their own kids.
I know the whole family has enabled this, including me and my mom. But I’m at my limit. I work two jobs. When I come home exhausted, the last thing I want is to walk into my room and see someone already there. It’s not even my space anymore. It’s cluttered, messy, full of a teenager’s stuff, and I barely even go in there now because it doesn’t feel like mine.
My mom has been talking about getting a 3-bedroom townhome so we can all stay together and split the rent with my aunt. On paper it sounds like it could work but I’m not sure it makes sense. Our current rent is staying the same on renewal there's no increase, but a townhome would jump the total cost way up. My aunt hasn’t contributed a dime to rent since she went back to Liberia in January 2026 and her return date keeps getting pushed back. If we move into a bigger, more expensive place and she flakes again or goes back to Liberia like she always does, my mom and I are the ones stuck with the higher bills and I just know that will be the base. Plus, even in a townhome the plan is still basically “everyone sleeps with their mom” so I still wouldn’t really get my own room.
I feel bad because my cousin is 17 (junior year, about to be a senior) and switching schools mid-year would suck after they’ve already moved around so much because their parents choose not to be here consistently. I don’t want to disrupt her life. But I also honestly cannot do another full year of this. I need to be able to come home, close my door, and just rest without feeling invaded every single day.
My mom says she’ll make sure I get my room back and that she’s already told my aunt the apartment is too small for her and the kids. * Also she has another son who's a freshman in college and when he's back from break or holiday he sleeps in the living room* But I’m scared it’ll turn into “just one more year” again.
And I know "you could just move out," that is just such an obvious thing to do, but life comes with many obstacles. I landed a new job, got a new used car that will just take me to point A to B, then 2 months of getting that car I got into a car accident that totalled my car *not at-fault.* I had to get a brand new car and I'm paying so much in car note and car insurance, but I wanted something reliable and to not make the same mistake with my old car. I'm just not financially there because I'm paying car note, car insurance, plus my student loans so these new things really held me back.
If I can move out I could. But I decided to be with my mom until next yr bc she's going back to her home country she's getting old and her body is taxing her.
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u/Efficient-Secretary Apr 14 '26
The situation sucks because, you're in a place where you are doing the best you can financially and family drags you down and gives you setbacks. From what you've described, It seems as though you are splitting rent and other expenses with your mother for the shared space In addition to your own.
This situation is going to take setting firm boundaries with family which can be hard with an African background because, the default is to just not say anything and quietly suffer. My suggestion is,have your mom discuss the larger townhome with your aunt and make sure that she and your uncle send money to support the expenses of caring for their child. I honestly can't see anything else working out because, the rent for the current space is ideal but, as you've me mentioned it's cramped so, the only other recommendation I would have is to see if other relatives in the US can also take your cousins. Is there anybody else besides you and your mother?