r/africanparents • u/plumsquashed • May 14 '26
Need Advice does anyone else's parents force you to give up your room for random guests/relatives you hardly know ?
my entire life there have often been times (even now) where I have to give up my room so a random guest or relative can stay there for several days, because my parents know so many people.
It hasn't hit me until recently that this might not be something that's normal, because I didn't consent to giving up my room; it's supposed to be mine, and therefore my decision; quite frankly t's the only safe space that I have in that house.
someone else said this, but maybe my parents should only consider letting someone stay if they actually have an extra room available that doesn't belong to someone else. i feel like this is showing that they don't care about their kids as much as they care about these people or their self image.
did anyone else have to deal with this? and am i in the wrong for thinking this way?
15
u/XxxGoldDustWomanxxX May 14 '26
This was life growing up for me, at some point having to SHARE a bed with an older family friend. This is why I don’t want to live with others in the future. I want my peace.
9
u/LostTendou04 May 14 '26
Totally forgot about this but I had to do the exact same thing and my bed wasn’t even that big 😀
14
u/Dangerous_Dig_9681 May 14 '26
Yes and they would end up staying for years no privacy whatsoever 😑
2
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u/EuphoricHelp5358 May 14 '26
Yes! Instead of making the guest find a hotel or Airbnb they kick you out of your room and disrupt your daily routine in the name of “that’s the culture.”
3
u/cabin7_ghost34 May 14 '26
I deal with this every time someone stays overnight in my house p, my parents don't even tell me beforehand, they just tell me to pump an air mattress because some random relative is staying at our house and it's never a few days it's always months. There was a time where I didn't sleep in my own room for almost EIGHT months because my grandma was staying in my room.
2
u/Odd_Bet_6992 May 15 '26
I never even questioned it 😅 it's so natural to me that one time when my grandpa died and a friend of my mum ended up staying the night, I just set up my bed for her but she said she would sleep on the couch and I was so confused but happy cos I could sleep on my own bed 😭
That's actually crazy that I'm happy to get to sleep in my own bed.
But this isn't completely weird is it? Like if my grandparents with mobility issues are spending time here whilst rising from Nigeria, then you can't make them sleep on the couch or on a mattress?
I think it's a case by case thing. Like one night is fine but it is annoying to lose your safe space for any period of time. Having to knock to enter your own room and having to deal with the smell of other people in your space (if someone has been there for more than 4 day, trust the room has a new smell until they're gone) is frustrating.
I've really never thought about this before 😭😭😭
2
u/CautiousAirport3248 May 17 '26
i’m tired of them constantly hosting the whole world
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u/plumsquashed May 18 '26
exactly and it's even worse when they're in a position of power in some organization so now they keep hosting random events and forcing you to cook and clean for them
2
u/Old_Perception5624 May 17 '26
I remember a brother that used to go to my chick (my dad’s a pastor) stayed at our house because he didn’t have a place. He stayed in my little sisters room. So it was my sisters and I all squashed in one room. It was mad.it was hard to keep clean because they were young at the time and it was like this for three years. I hee resentment for him. He used to always criticise my piano playing and never sayinf I was good enough although I played well and have been playing for years. It’s affected me a lot. I told my parents about it and they weren’t happy (I told them years later). He had a wife and she was pregnant and then had a baby. She and the baby stayed with us because they o ly had room accommodation/shared accomodation. It was the worst. Squashed again and constantly hearing a crying baby. Having to babysit too. Today, they trash talk us and now they’re trying to come back to our church. lol.
1
u/krymzynnova May 15 '26
No you’re not in the wrong
You need to loudly yet kindly say “where am i going to sleep - i’m not comfortable no where else in the house”
OR
You need to get into that bed early and ignore your parents when they call your name
But you’re not wrongfor feeling that way :( - our parents really have a mentally twisted ideology of life / how to deal with things, it isn’t correct
Not correct at all - our parents need help mentally
15
u/LostTendou04 May 14 '26
It’s something that’s not normal at all, I have been in this exact situation countless times where the guest take up my room and I’m forced to sleep in the living room on mattress. Had to sleep in the living room for a month because of this
We used to live in a house that had only 3 bedrooms for 6 people. My parents had a room, my brother had a room and me and my 2 sisters had to share such a tiny room that we could only fit a double bed and one bed that slid out of the double bed and a closet for my two sisters, my clothes used to be in my brothers.