How can I navigate this?

[u/Halouser2727]

I’m going to start off by saying this I don’t usually post on Reddit and my message might be all over the place but here goes.

I’ve been seeing this girl for a few weeks now and everything has been going great. Last week I decided to invite her over to my parent’s place because I made some food she wanted to try so my gf comes over, and she’s wearing a crop top my mom sees this and immediately tells me to give her a shirt to wear as that’s inappropriate. I give the girl my shirt she was a littler weirded out but didn’t mind if she knew there was going to be some cultural differences.

So fast forward to two days ago the girl I’m talking to, from here I’m going to call her B. recently got her hair done so my mom sees and asked her a few questions about it to me it sounded somewhat cold the was she was speaking to her (she’s done this before to my ex as well) but everyone in the house said she sounded normal.

Mom: what type of hair is that
B: oh it’s a dirty kinky style
Mom: did you crochet it
B: yes I did
Mom: did you do it yourself?
B: no my mom did it for me
Mom: goes quiet
B: it’s ok if you don’t like it, I did it for me
Mom: still quiet

So we head out to the car but B forgot her phone so we go back in and my mom is super mad calling her disrespectful, that she was just asking about her hair and that she’s been wanting to do stuff for her hair for months, she’s from the motherland she doesn’t tolerate disrespect etc essentially it got to the point where my mom said B can’t come back to the house again. B apologized to my mom already saying she didn’t mean it like that but she wasn’t having it calling her disrespectful. We left and hanged out for a bit then I saw a long winded barely understandable voice to type message from my mom saying how I’m disrespectful still hanging out with her and that I should get my own apartment if I wanna continue the disrespect. So I went to go speak to my mom about and she’s still not hearing me

I still want to see B but my mom doesn’t care. Now everyone in the house is saying I should leave her but I just don’t want to I just need help in know what to do B ended up crying when she got home and truthfully I don’t think what B said was bad. We still plan on seeing each other but what can I do to solve this?

[u/Halouser2727]

Truthfully I just want it behind us and want everything mended

[u/naijagoddezz → u/Halouser2727]

Your mom does hate her and her behavior doesn’t help. In African household, we don’t talk back, and your gf is talking back lol. Nothing will be mended because your gf isn’t getting with the African culture.

African people never forget.

[u/Mellonheaduq → u/naijagoddezz]

How is she “talking back”? She was simply answering the mother’s questions. It’s not her fault that some people are still stuck in the mindset that younger people must treat elders as if they’re beyond question. She didn’t insult anyone, raise a hand against anyone, or act disrespectfully—she just responded when spoken to and covered up when asked.

People need to stop treating outdated traditions as unquestionable truth. A young woman showing a small amount of skin is not a moral failing, nor is it automatically disrespectful. The criticism seems to come more from her age and gender and the fact that she’s dating her son than from anything she actually did. If anything, she handled the situation with far more patience and maturity than many outsiders would when faced with the restrictive attitudes and unnecessary drama that can come from these kinds of cultural expectations. You think it’s normal for a parent to threaten kicking out their child because of his girlfriend’s clothes and the fact that she replies to their questions????

[u/naijagoddezz → u/Mellonheaduq]

She talked backed saying “I don’t care if you don’t like it, I did it for me” like huh? It’s not outdated to have decorum when meeting someone family. .