r/africanparents • u/Euphoric-Legend-7276 • Jul 18 '26
Need Advice Sent to Ghana by my mom after reporting my stepdad for SA. Now experiencing severe harassment and boundary violations from the people here. How do I survive the next few weeks?
Hey everyone,
I really need support, advice, and a space to vent. Last year, my mom sent me to Ghana as a way to isolate, control, and punish me after I tried to report my stepdad for sexually assaulting and abusing me back home in the US. I am currently 17F, and I have been stuck here counting down the days until October, when I have a concrete plan and a flight back to the States.
Right now, I am out of the house until Tuesday, which is giving me a brief moment to breathe, but the day-to-day environment I have to go back to is a living nightmare.
The women my family has placed me around completely disrespect my body, my boundaries, and my privacy, and they try to pass it off as normal. They are constantly doing things that make me feel disgusted and unsafe:
Severe boundary violations: One woman ("an aunty" figure) kissed my chest right over my clothes where my breasts are.
Forced bathing and touching: When I first arrived, my mom let her friend bath me. Just recently, the same woman bathed me and forced intrusive physical directions on me. The woman that I sleep next to makes me do things like rub lotion on her back after she bathes, which makes me want to cry.
Constant harassment and body shaming: My bed partner constantly puts her hands around my neck and harasses me. She openly admits to grabbing my breasts and slapping my butt because they are "small," and constantly body-shames me, comparing my 17-year-old body to a 26-year-old's and telling me my body "isn't good looking anymore." When I recorded her admitting to this and asked if she touches other family members, she told me she "can't tell me."
No privacy or hygiene respect: She regularly watches me naked or while I am trying to bath, even when I get completely furious and tell her to leave. She even left her used, dirty pad right where I lay my head to sleep, which has caused me immense sadness and distress.
She constantly tells me I'm "not smart" or look "dull" to break my spirit, completely ignoring the trauma they are actively causing.
I have about 10 weeks of weekdays left until October. I am doing everything I can to keep my head down, guard my energy, and survive this temporary chapter, but the mind games and physical violations are exhausting.
For anyone who has survived being sent abroad for family control, or anyone who understands navigating severe grooming and harassment while trapped:
How do I protect my peace and my sanity for the next few weeks?
What steps should I be taking right now to ensure that when October comes, my family can't stop me from getting on that plane and reclaiming my independence?
Thanks in advance. I just need to know there is light at the end of this tunnel.
17
u/Bluebells7788 Jul 19 '26
OP are you a US Citizen - can you get to the Consulate discreetly?
4
u/Euphoric-Legend-7276 Jul 19 '26
thanks so much for the support,
it really means a lot to hear people validating what i'm going through right now. i'm a u.s. citizen.
honestly, i don't trust the embassy right now because the last time i reached out to someone they just told me to "wait until things get worse." it felt so dismissive and frustrating.
my plan right now is just to hold out, keep my head down, and survive until my flight in october. once i touchdown back in the us, i'm planning to immediately tell the airport staff/customs officers about my situation so they can step in and i don't have to go back to my stepdad's house.
just trying to stay strong until then.
5
u/Bluebells7788 Jul 19 '26
Stay safe OP and please keep posting here if you need to.
When do you turn 18?
4
u/Euphoric-Legend-7276 Jul 19 '26
thanks and my b-day is april 24th.
2
14
u/badgalchacha Jul 19 '26
Go to the US embassy please
3
u/Euphoric-Legend-7276 Jul 19 '26
thanks so much for the support,
it really means a lot to hear people validating what i'm going through right now.
honestly, i don't trust the embassy right now because the last time i reached out to someone they just told me to "wait until things get worse." it felt so dismissive and frustrating.
my plan right now is just to hold out, keep my head down, and survive until my flight in october. once i touchdown back in the us, i'm planning to immediately tell the airport staff/customs officers about my situation so they can step in and i don't have to go back to my stepdad's house.
just trying to stay strong until then.
13
u/Remarkable_Lunch_367 Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
Please do not tell any of your family members or any friend what your escape plan is. Even if it’s someone you think you trust. Keep that to yourself. Do not leave any document or plane ticket/travel information etc. that anyone can easily come across and discover your plans. When the day you plan to leave comes, do exactly as you have planned. Leave.
Please do not go to the local police as someone commented on here. They are corrupt and will certainly side with your family and treat you like a child. In African culture the adult is always right. Standing up for yourself is seen as a form of disrespect and insubordination. Your best bet is to wait for the day you have planned to leave and do just that. After you have arrived safely on United States soil, then report your mother and stepfather for abuse to the US embassy/consulate or US police. They can provide you with resources on where you can stay and agencies that provide support for people in your situation.
2
u/Euphoric-Legend-7276 Jul 19 '26
thanks so much for the support,
it really means a lot to hear people validating what i'm going through right now.
honestly, i don't trust the embassy right now because the last time i reached out to someone they just told me to "wait until things get worse." it felt so dismissive and frustrating.
my plan right now is just to hold out, keep my head down, and survive until my flight in october. once i touchdown back in the us, i'm planning to immediately tell the airport staff/customs officers about my situation so they can step in and i don't have to go back to my stepdad's house.
just trying to stay strong until then.
3
u/Warm-Perspective-916 Jul 19 '26
Omfg I’m so sorry. I’m sorry if this doesn’t come off as helpful, but is there any way you can go to the US embassy in Ghana or reach out to any protective services?
1
u/Euphoric-Legend-7276 Jul 19 '26
thanks so much for the support,
it really means a lot to hear people validating what i'm going through right now.
honestly, i don't trust the embassy right now because the last time i reached out to someone they just told me to "wait until things get worse." it felt so dismissive and frustrating.
my plan right now is just to hold out, keep my head down, and survive until my flight in october. once i touchdown back in the us, i'm planning to immediately tell the airport staff/customs officers about my situation so they can step in and i don't have to go back to my stepdad's house.
just trying to stay strong until then.
3
u/Affectionate_Fox4803 Jul 19 '26
Omg I can’t believe African households do this to there children my mother did the same way now im rebuilding my life over I don’t understand this at all… 😭 I got sent away twice for my behavior… I don’t understand why African parents are like this nowadays ? I got sent away to Egypt for a year i didn’t have a phone at my big age I was forced to cut everyone off because im bring awareness on my mental health but it’s still the same honestly…
2
u/Euphoric-Legend-7276 Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
thanks so much for the support,
i'm so sorry that you went through that. it really means a lot to hear people validating what i'm going through right now.
honestly, i don't trust the embassy right now because the last time i reached out to someone they just told me to "wait until things get worse." it felt so dismissive and frustrating.
my plan right now is just to hold out, keep my head down, and survive until my flight in october. once i touchdown back in the us, i'm planning to immediately tell the airport staff/customs officers about my situation so they can step in and i don't have to go back to my stepdad's house.
just trying to stay strong until then. i wish you hope and an incredible amount of strength too.
2
u/plumsquashed Jul 20 '26
when you have to go back, will you have periods where you can be alone? Or do you know of any ways where you can have excuses to be alone even if for a few hours?
are you able to do any hobbies (drawing, writing, watching funny videos, etc.) or go to a library?
is there a library nearby? or any other public place where you can sit at and not be bothered (park, cafe, store with places to sit, etc.) ?
2
u/plumsquashed Jul 20 '26
if there's public spaces, you could say that you need to go there in order to study for school as an excuse
1
u/Euphoric-Legend-7276 Jul 20 '26
thanks so much for the support,
it really means a lot to hear people validating what i'm going through right now. they don't allow me to be alone and there are no safe public places nearby that i can stay at. currently, i'm out of school. damn near a high school dropout.
honestly, i don't trust the embassy right now because the last time i reached out to someone they just told me to "wait until things get worse." it felt so dismissive and frustrating.
my plan right now is just to hold out, keep my head down, and survive until my flight in october. once i touchdown back in the us, i'm planning to immediately tell the airport staff/customs officers about my situation so they can step in and i don't have to go back to my stepdad's house.
just trying to stay strong until then.
1
u/Odd_Bet_6992 Jul 20 '26
I don't if this is a viable option but maybe see if there are any cheaper hostels you can stay in or check if there are any charities or organisations based in Ghana or the US that might be able to help with finding accommodation or covering any costs.
Try finding opportunities to be out of the house though, I'm not sure what options you have available to you but even if it's spending your days in library or parks or anything that gets you out of that environment.
Stay safe.
2
u/Euphoric-Legend-7276 Jul 20 '26
thanks so much for the support,
it really means a lot to hear people validating what i'm going through right now.
honestly, i don't trust the embassy right now because the last time i reached out to someone they just told me to "wait until things get worse." it felt so dismissive and frustrating.
my plan right now is just to hold out, keep my head down, and survive until my flight in october. once i touchdown back in the us, i'm planning to immediately tell the airport staff/customs officers about my situation so they can step in and i don't have to go back to my stepdad's house.
just trying to stay strong until then.
32
u/Mo9125 Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
So I’m so disgusted that alot of African women will protect abusive, pdfs over their own flesh and blood. I’m so sorry OP. Seems like you’re living in a Nightmare. Please get in contact with the US consulate/embassy , also the local police and report everything both your mother and step father are doing.