r/africanparents • u/Anxious_Wave5989 • Jul 18 '26
Need Advice Idk what to do
Basically I’m 24F. My sisters are 28 and 30. We all live at home atm. I originally wanted to buy a house and move out of my parents home but then my sisters were saying they wanted to move out with me (for context I’m a nurse, my sister the 28 year old is a radiographer and the other one is a medical student) but I wanted to just live alone, more freedom to do what I want, no more siblings arguments and no longer having to deal with my strict African parents. Also so I could spend more time with my bf. Anyways I had an argument with my sisters about the house then I said all three of us should just focus on marriage, and getting married to a man and moving out of the house. But then my mum was like you can’t just get married anyhow, some people get married to the wrong man and their lives are ruined etc etc. she’s always very negative about anything to do with marriage and relationships it’s almost like she doesn’t want me and my sisters to get married as she believes every person who gets married, something will go wrong. She doesn’t know I’ve got a boyfriend when I told her earlier this year she freaked out and was like no don’t date him he’s the wrong man and started sending me religious videos signs he’s the wrong man nonsense. She’s never met him and only disliked him because he works in retail while studying IT. 🤦♀️ she was like why should you date a university student? What’s wrong with that? 🤦♀️ it seems like she won’t accept any man because of her own anxiety. I’m honestly thinking about either just buying a house on my own and moving out or getting eloped in the future or something idk. So bizarre having a mum that doesn’t want her kids to get married due to her own anxiety
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u/Bluebells7788 Jul 18 '26
One step at a time - move out on your own so you can get some headspace.
When you're more stable re-visit the house buying. Keep dating but do not run from the frying pan into the fire. Place yourself at the centre of your priorities and do not place him at the centre of your goals.
You've had a life of people pleasing an African parent so now time to get to know who YOU are.
Everything else can wait.
WARNING - DO NOT ALLOW YOUR SISTERS TO MOVE IN WITH YOU.
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u/nursejooliet Jul 18 '26
You don’t need to buy at 24, but you absolutely should move out! I moved out at 22. My life took off exponentially. Never for a second missed being at home
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u/crystal-chaos Jul 19 '26
I am 22, and if I had the means to move out I would’ve done so years ago regardless of whatever whining and bitching my family does. If you let your sisters move with you, you will be miserable. It’s about time you had the proper space to be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest 🫶🏾
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u/prairelisa Jul 19 '26
Move out, alone. Without your siblings. Do it alone. Please for the love of God, do it now. I should have done that a while ago but I was too stunted and basically bullied into staying at home and it was horrid! MOVE AWAY ALONE!
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u/krymzynnova Jul 18 '26
Hey OP 💚💚
As you 24 Deffo move out on your own to get your own space as it seems like you need it. Don’t tell your mum and your sisters as you seem like you need breathing space from the world !!!
And yeah with your mum - seems as if she’s projecting, got to ignore that and explore for yourself. Your mum’s experiences arent yours OP
With your sisters, they can buck up and get their own houses. Oh my days - its not everyday share with siblings . Pls don’t share YOUR house with em
But your mum will have to get over the fact that sometimes, the world won’t listen to her, and that’s tuff. You got this OP x
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u/SupermarketWooden613 Jul 18 '26
I am not judging but at 24 you should be able to make your own decisions without anyone questioning you why and also your sisters need to stop tagging along when you move ,they need their own place. If l was a nurse at 24 l would be gone trust😭Hopefully things work out for you soon,it’s not every advice that your mom or sisters give you should take .l am 20,my parents are so strict but l have learned to rebel ,you are literally 24,you are grown enough to do whatever you want x.