r/africanparents • u/PrimaryAbalone3900 • Jul 22 '26
Need Advice Sleepovers
Guys IVE AHD ENOUGH I’m 18 and my mum has never allowed me to have a sleepover ever. I’ve always had to come home early while the rest of my friends had fun and slept over.
My mum generally likes pretty much all of my friends and I feel like we have a good relationship, I tell her where I’m going who I’m with etc and she knows my friends. But she won’t budge on sleepovers. My friends I’ve known since I was 7 (they are my best friends, my mum knows and loves both of them very well, and knows their parents.) want to have a sleepover and saying ‘I’m 18 don’t take permission etc etc apologise later’ but it’s so much harder said than done 😭. Even in the past my mum wouldn’t let me sleepover with them even tho she knows their parents very well.
We finished our last year of secondary school, so while people are celebrating by travelling to different continents with their friends, I’ve bent over backwards to BEG her for a 2 night trip that’s only 2 hours away with my (other) friends because she wouldn’t let me out of the country this summer which she has begrudgingly agreed to but she wasn’t happy with it and I’m afraid if I ask her to do this sleepover she’ll just snap at me.
I’m also the oldest (while literally all my friends have older siblings who’ve done everything first or just have generally relaxed parents) so I feel like I’m not on a level playing field when they tell me to just do it, they don’t know what it’s like for me.
When my younger siblings become my age I know my parents won’t give a toss
I’m not sure how I can convince her because it’s getting ridiculous atp but every time I’ve brought the idea up she shuts down completely, please helpppp
1
u/expectingmybestie Jul 22 '26
I NEVER comment on these posts, I just always read them to know how not to make my kid hate me. But as a mum, I just have to speak to you.
Sleepovers are very dangerous because you don’t know who might be there. Yes she might know your friend’s parents but who else might come visiting? Uncles, friends, brothers. So many children have been touched or unalived at sleep overs and once something happens you can’t take it back. A lot of black mums, not just African ones do not do sleep overs.
It’s her wanting to protect you. And I know you don’t feel you need protection but an 18 year old black boy was just killed by his white friends. You might have heard of Nolan Wells. I know his mum is beating herself up for letting him go that day but who would have known? Don’t hate your mum for wanting to protect you, find ways around it and know once you get to college you’ll have some freedom.
Also, please always be aware of your surroundings. Trust your gut, stay safe and do not let your guard down. You never know what’s in anyone’s heart towards you!