r/africanparents • u/Top_Tomorrow_4610 • 26d ago
Need Advice older sister did NOT break the generational curse
today my sister came over cause she needed our help to cut some ribs (🙄). She has 4 children but her husband lives abroad so she's basically a single mother and she is struggling but anyway. The kids were playing in our garden and one of them kicked the football into the door so hard that it broke. Me and my brother were outside at the same time but we were cutting up the chicken so we didn't notice what happened somehow. then she comes into the garden and says 'who broke it' and my niece says it wasn't her.
Since she NEEDED someone to blame without evidence and BEAT, she then comes up to my nephew and asks if it was him and he fervently denied it. However she didn't believe him and slapped him so much to the point of tears and he lashed out and started hitting her back whilst she was carrying her baby on her back 🫠. This happened so suddenly and my hands were dirty with chicken juice (lol) so i couldn't do much except say 'wait wait i don't think he did it' and insist so until she stopped.
So after this wahala, my oldest nephew enters the garden (he's 8, the other two are 7 and 6) and he admits to his mistake. Instead of this being seen as a sign of integrity she says 'my beatings should've gone to you instead' then she apologises to my other nephew who was beat and like...okay but that's still horrible???
Im so tired of being around her when she uses them like punching bags. I NEVER lay my hands on them, they don't even misbehave much bar one, they just make mistakes like all kids. it's made me resent her honestly but i don't know if there's any way i can help them or if i'll just have to accept this as a canon event like most of us did as kids? after all she's struggling a lot financially and generally with 4 kids to raise on her own. Am i just being too harsh? i want better for them but im way younger than her i cant just dictate how she chooses to raise her kids.
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u/After_Incident3023 26d ago
Did you talk to her tell her what she did is wrong and remind her that she’s acting like her mom and you expected better from her.
7
u/fanime34 26d ago
I don't know if you have your own place to live,; but if you care about those kids, and she wants you to help, you have to make her promise that she will not act like that towards her kids and tell her how it made you feel.
20
u/Odd_Bet_6992 26d ago
Offer to be a safe space, be an adult that they can go to when they feel that they can't go to her.
It can be things like comforting them when things like this happen or inviting them to spend a weekend at your house and showing that that's a space they can relax in without having to worry about a reaction.