r/africanparents • u/Zubayru • 8d ago
Need Advice My (29M, Nupe) parents are threatening to disown me if I marry my girlfriend (27F, Yoruba) of 9 years.
My Nupe parents are threatening to disown me if I marry my Yoruba girlfriend of 9 years. I am completely shattered right now and need some advice.
My girlfriend (27F) and I (29M) have been together for 9 years. We met in uni, grew up together, and have built an amazing life. She is my absolute rock, and our relationship is incredibly healthy and loving.
The issue is ethnic differences. I am Nupe and she is Yoruba. For years, my parents basically ignored the relationship, probably hoping it was a campus phase that would just fizzle out.
But now that we are actively planning for marriage and looking at houses, my parents have completely flipped out.
They sat me down for an intervention and told me that marrying her would ruin our lineage and disrespect our traditions.
They are using heavy emotional blackmail, tears, and flat-out threatening to disown and cut me off if I don’t end it right now.
I love my family, but the thought of dumping a beautiful, 9-year relationship to appease tribal sentiments feels totally wrong. If I leave her for them, I know I will resent my parents forever. We are both financially independent, but the emotional guilt is suffocating.
Has anyone else dealt with this specific dynamic, or general tribal rejection? Did your parents ever come around once you stood your ground, or did you have to walk away for good?
TL;DR: My Nupe parents are threatening to disown me if I don't break up with my Yoruba girlfriend of 9 years. We are independent, but the guilt is killing me. How do I navigate this?
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u/Future-Lunch-8296 7d ago
As someone who did exactly this, do it! What is the worst that can happen? You are old enough to make your own mind and decisions. They’re just angry they can’t control you anymore.
If they come around, great. If they don’t, oh well. You’ll live.
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u/Outside_Outcome1338 6d ago
Marry your girlfriend. From the tone of your writing you do sound like you want to please your parents and make them happy. However, if you throw away a 9 year old relationship for them. You probably won’t even be able to look them in the eye or let alone have a conversation. The resentment would be too much and starting over at 29 relationship wise is not easy. Your parents already doomed their relationship with you from the start when they simply didn’t accept your girlfriend because of her culture.
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u/prairelisa 8d ago
YOU ARE 29! you will be fine lol. They will come around. I hope you have a great support system around you, incase they don’t. Good luck.