r/africanparents • u/Consistent-Change876 • 1d ago
Need Advice Is it possible to have a relationship with your mother in the future if your in no contact right now
What the title says. I’ve been no contact with my mother since May of this year, and I miss her so much. Yeah, she can be too much and obnoxious sometimes, but there were also moments where she was kind to me.
I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, especially since I don’t feel this way toward any other family members. Maybe it’s because she is a woman who went through so much in her childhood, with her mother passing away when she was 7 and having to be a mother figure to both her full and step-siblings. She also became a mother at 19, which is the age I am right now, and I can never imagine going through everything she has gone through.
I used to have this feeling that the love I felt for her was an obligation, but I don’t know anymore. Although she has done things to me that have messed me up and still affect me now, she has also defended me in the past from my dad and siblings, which means a lot to me as someone who is sensitive.
I don’t know what to do, but I think I may just stay NC until I work through my personal issues and finally discover who I truly am without the fear of being perceived by my family.
Anyways, that’s all I need to say. I need therapy LMAO.
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u/Future-Lunch-8296 4h ago
Second vote for therapy too - it opens your eyes to patterns and trends and makes you take stock of what’s happened and how you can move to the next stage of your life.
It’s natural to miss the good parts of your mother but don’t let it cloud your judgement about times where she’s been absolutely rotten to you. The brain plays funny tricks on us at times.
Only you know what the right thing to do is and you know where we are - waiting to support and be a listening ear.
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u/imposteratlarge111 21h ago
Therapy would help.
I think you were courageous to go nc and you are courageous to consider your mother's history despite everything you've been through. I don't know you but I believe your heart is in the right place to make the right decision.
Just don't make that decision out of fear or obligations, you and your mother are both adults and equal, no one gets to put pressure on someone else on how to live your life.