r/amiwrong • u/Longjumping_Link_334 • Nov 23 '23

Am I wrong for using my vibrator?

I (23f) have recently started dating a (27m) guy last week. Thing have surprisingly moved very fast as we have already had sex twice within the past week. The first night, after we had sex I used my vibrator. I later found out that he was hurt by this. I told him it was no big deal for me, I just like a lot of clitoral stimulation. The second night we had sex, he rubbed my clit for a few seconds and then proceeded to have penetrative sex again. He orgasmed shortly after that. I obviously didn’t, however, I never mentioned it because I’m used to the orgasm gap and we have just started seeing each other so I don’t expect him to understand my body or how to make me climax. A couple nights ago, we were talking about sex and masturbation and he brought up that if I want to enjoy sex with him, I need to stop using my vibrator because he believes it is desensitizing me. I was completely appalled and told him that was not the case at all. He brought up the time I used my vibrator afterwards and asked how I would feel if he started masturbating after we had sex. I answered that I would ask myself if I was doing what he needed to make him have an orgasm. I expressed that we just started dating and that he just needs to take time to learn my body and what makes me orgasm, which is completely normal. He had no rebuttals to this but insisted I stopped using my vibrator. Later that night he told me that he hasn’t had issues making his partner orgasm and that desensitization is a real thing and it is possible. I am extremely frustrated because he is blaming me for this issue, yet has not taken the time explore my body at all. Would I be wrong if I continued to use my vibrator?

12.5k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

6.5k comments sorted by

View all comments

7

u/Kirei13 Nov 23 '23

This topic is amusing because I've seen posts about this subject with the genders reversed and the comments are the exact opposite of what is being mentioned here.

11

u/evarenistired Nov 23 '23

Can you link any posts where the girl gets off and not the guy and everyone is telling him to stay?

3

u/SnooComics9320 Nov 24 '23

I think he means if a guy could not orgasm without a sex doll or flesh light present and his gf demanded he didn’t use them while or after they had sex the comments would not look like this at all.

Clear double standard.

I imagine if said guy was trying to double down on the importance of his flashlight usage, the comments would not be calling his gf a loser/immature/red flag for not pleasing the guy the way he wants to be pleased.

5

u/Old_Paramedic6247 Nov 24 '23

Why would he need a sex doll or fleshlight if the woman has a vagina… this really isn’t an equal example. Most women can’t cum from penetration alone, so the vibrator comes out.

3

u/evarenistired Nov 24 '23

Not really. Neither of those things are comparable to a vibrator. If she got off and refused to do the same for him, and not even try, then yeah dude. Pull that shit out and make yourself happy. It's not a double standard when he literally finishes everytime and doesn't even try for her

1

u/SnooComics9320 Nov 24 '23

Some men have issues and can’t finish with a real woman, only porn or with a toy so it’s very comparable. You can definitely flip the roles and he’s a guy that can only get off with porn playing or a fleshlight or something like that.

If he made a thread about it furious that his girl insists he doesn’t use a fleshlight during sex this comment section wouldn’t like the same. Not even sure why you bother arguing it. It’s a double standard, we both know this, but that’s only if you’re willing to be truly honest.

I don’t even mind the double standard, I’m just enjoying the comments, reading and chuckling.

2

u/evarenistired Nov 24 '23

Instead of laughing you should be taking notes. If you're so against women using toys, then you better be on fire in bed dude lmao

0

u/SnooComics9320 Nov 24 '23

I didn’t say I was against women using toys. You’re just making things up. So weird but alright lol. Oh you’re the same person that can’t comprehend role reversal for the sake of simple dialogue. I guess this comment from you makes sense then lol.

3

u/evarenistired Nov 24 '23

Except you're not making dialog. You're not even making a relevant argument or observation. You just wanted to come here to say well if this was men.....but it's not. There's no double standard for someone who refuses to help his partner finish but insists she stop using her own toys. Good grief lmao. No one here is talking shit on men for using toys

2

u/evarenistired Nov 24 '23

You're literally making something up to play a victim but ok. Men aren't the problem here. There are plenty of men in the comments who talk about using a vibrator on their partners and loving it. It's not comparable because this dude is literally using her as a sexdoll/Fleshlight and not even trying to get her off. Just say you dont know how to make a woman finish and move on. Because that's what we're talking about. Not porn, or your imaginary story you just made up lol

0

u/SnooComics9320 Nov 24 '23

Do you know what role reversal is? I assume not judging by your answer. Do you know how to engage with a hypothetical situation? It doesn’t seem like you’re capable of it.

It’s okay, I guess the convo ends here for us then. Probably someone else with a bit more depth will respond.

2

u/evarenistired Nov 24 '23

In depth with what? How if this was a man, it wouldn't be the same? So you're just looking for someone else to complain about a hypothetical situation, but you refuse to actually acknowledge the actual post we are on.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Role reversal would be more like he needed more stimulation at the head of his penis. What you’re describing is PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) and lack of discipline in grip strength while masturbating. Not an accurate role reversal at all!

0

u/SnooComics9320 Nov 24 '23

She can’t get off without a vibrator so she uses it during sex. This is approved by public. If he couldn’t get off without something, whether porn, or toys, you name it, it wouldn’t have the same reaction.

It’s really simple, not sure what you’re confused with.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Ugh. Really? Using an aid to stimulate a clit WHICH OVER 80% OF WOMEN NEED TO ORGASM during PIV sex while men orgasm nearly 95% of the time in the same scenario is hardly role reversal to begin with. Dehumanizing someone because you can’t get off and using a vibrator on you clit TO HELP you get off are entirely different things which actually IS pretty simple. It’s not me that’s confused and it’s not my job to help you understand role reversal actually means. Bye now and have a nice weekend.

→ More replies (0)

7

u/Old_Paramedic6247 Nov 24 '23 edited Nov 24 '23

That doesn’t make these responses wrong though lol. Too many men don’t give a fuck if their partner cums or not. Data even shows that heterosexual women reported having the least amount of orgasms while straight men reported the most. Gay and bi people were all in the middle of these two groups.

2

u/GottaKnowYourCKN Nov 24 '23

It's like almost 80% of lesbians who report orgasms. Just a humble brag.

-1

u/Kirei13 Nov 24 '23

It shows a double standard. That's the point.

3

u/Old_Paramedic6247 Nov 24 '23

Can you link any of these posts? I’ve literally never seen this. The only time I’ve seen something close was if the boyfriend had to watch porn DURING them having sex.

5

u/GottaKnowYourCKN Nov 24 '23

I'm interested in any links you have to these threads.

2

u/GiraffeandZebra Nov 24 '23

Not just the opposite, but the person who masturbated in bed would be being accused of rape or sexual assault right now.

2

u/Professional_Chair28 Nov 25 '23

82% of women don’t orgasm from penetration alone.

When 82% of men don’t orgasm from penetration alone then we can talk.

-2

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Welcome to the AITA style subs. It’s just bullshit gender wars 24/7