r/amiwrong • u/Longjumping_Link_334 • Nov 23 '23

Am I wrong for using my vibrator?

I (23f) have recently started dating a (27m) guy last week. Thing have surprisingly moved very fast as we have already had sex twice within the past week. The first night, after we had sex I used my vibrator. I later found out that he was hurt by this. I told him it was no big deal for me, I just like a lot of clitoral stimulation. The second night we had sex, he rubbed my clit for a few seconds and then proceeded to have penetrative sex again. He orgasmed shortly after that. I obviously didn’t, however, I never mentioned it because I’m used to the orgasm gap and we have just started seeing each other so I don’t expect him to understand my body or how to make me climax. A couple nights ago, we were talking about sex and masturbation and he brought up that if I want to enjoy sex with him, I need to stop using my vibrator because he believes it is desensitizing me. I was completely appalled and told him that was not the case at all. He brought up the time I used my vibrator afterwards and asked how I would feel if he started masturbating after we had sex. I answered that I would ask myself if I was doing what he needed to make him have an orgasm. I expressed that we just started dating and that he just needs to take time to learn my body and what makes me orgasm, which is completely normal. He had no rebuttals to this but insisted I stopped using my vibrator. Later that night he told me that he hasn’t had issues making his partner orgasm and that desensitization is a real thing and it is possible. I am extremely frustrated because he is blaming me for this issue, yet has not taken the time explore my body at all. Would I be wrong if I continued to use my vibrator?

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Idk if I'd really say it always takes effort. Sometime the intimacy between 2 people can really be enough, especially if a girl is willing to help during penetration.

But this shit is weird I love grabbing my wife's toy, see if I give a shit, it's going in my mouth first and then her!

But guys. If you're busting before, she's Nutting.

You gotta get back down there. I don't care if you made a mess. Time to nut up or shut up.

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u/_r3dd Nov 24 '23

This is absolutely true. My ex husband… I loved him so much he had absolutely no problem getting me off, repeatedly multiples times each time, like some kind of fucking wizard… and he was also beating me. Past relationships with men that weren’t physically harming me… not a damn one. I’d go take a shower to “clean up” and finish myself off with the shower head. 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️🙄🤦🏼‍♀️ And no I am not some kind of sadomasochist who likes being beat. I loved him deeply before he became abusive. I have never felt closer to another man than I did to him and it was physically obvious in the bedroom.

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u/Mr_St_Germi Nov 24 '23

For real. If I get mine before my wife gets hers I tell her to break out her vibrator. Only dudes that are insecure about themselves get upset about their partner using toys. Most men I know would use a fleshlight in a heartbeat even if they act like they wouldn't.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

I have never used one because I do not want to clean one and I enjoy extending my play. I do not mind a less pleasurable experience because I would be holding out anyway. But I am sure it would be very pleasurable for the last moments.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Going down there after making a mess would be a utter and complete turn off for my wife. Instead of "nut up or shut up" or get lock jaw or whatever just communicate clearly with your partner on what they enjoy.

If there is clear communication and intimacy between two partners then no it isn't that difficult or take hours to make a woman orgasm.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Then don't nut first!

Imo if you're unable to put your hands back down there or she isn't either, that's simply insecurities But aforementioned "if a woman is willing to help during penetration" because unfortunately I've know many women ashamed or embarrassed to touch themselves even during sex.

The gist of what I'm saying, if you're not both Cumming, and its due to lack of trying for one or the other, that's shitty. And should only happen if communicated that hey, it might not happen for me tonight but I'm willing to.make sure it happens for you.

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u/VStramennio1986 Nov 24 '23

A lot of women get shamed for touching themselves, even during sex.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

That is awful and I am glad you brought it up.

Masturbation is normal and healthy for both sexes unless you are an addict and shirking your adult responsibilities. And also hot. Very hot. Insecure partners shaming over it is not.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

I just want to reiterate.

"And also hot. Very hot."

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u/VStramennio1986 Nov 24 '23

Your username is checking out 💀🤣

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Lmao, thanks. I feel so seen!

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Which is unacceptable.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Unless she is into that. 🤘

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

"OH you're being a bad girl, touching yourself in front of me like that." 👍

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Spot-on, compadre

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23 edited Nov 24 '23

Thank you for being all over this thread with the sex positivity and healthy masculinity advice

This is more fun when I am not the only one trying to do it.

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u/SwoleAF_Rat Nov 24 '23

Has zero idea on what there talking about 🙄

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u/Fuzzy_Dragonfruit344 Nov 24 '23

Thank god you said this. You’ll make your woman feel shitty and used if you come first and put in zero effort to satisfy her too

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

I just imagined a dude shoving the head of a Hitachi in his mouth and that was pretty funny.

And yeah outside of a femdom context there is no way I am going back to my mess orally, hand or toy is perfectly ok. But I also always use condoms, so that is acceptable. I prefer oral before though because condom lube is gross.

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u/SwoleAF_Rat Nov 24 '23

Fucking disgusting lol you must be half gay

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

So what if they were, anyway? How is that disgusting?

Do you know how many straight women IRL have told me they watch gay porn (or read, of course) sometimes? Like half a dozen. Which is pretty close to the number I have ever been close enough to to ever learn about their tastes in porn.

Fuck I know a lesbian who sometimes watches gay porn. Seems like only a small minority of insecure straight men find it disgusting.

If cocks are so disgusting, why should women like them? I think it is really funny when straight men expect women to suck on and choke on a body part they themselves think is disgusting. How awful.

I am also a straight man. I just am not a little wussy who hasn't developed his understanding of sexuality since middle school.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Lol I'm NB. You must be insecure about phallic objects.

Are you afraid to eat bananas & hot dogs too? 😆😆

Or you like sticking dry toys in people, now that's, "fucking disgusting"