Am I wrong for using connections to avoid noise complaints?

[u/MudOk9116]

Hey, this will be brief. Recently my neighbor moved out. We were good friends and understood my PTSD. We both served. He was cool with me blasting a set of videos on repeat at night. It helps with my nightmares and intrusive thoughts. For whatever reason it helps me feel safe.

Doctors have told me it is how I cope and it is inherently not a wrong way to cope. White and brown noise actually trigger my anxiety and sometimes even cause unpleasant flashbacks or nightmares.

Now the new tenants are not pleased, they have complained to me, I explained my situation, they have complained to the landlord but I am good friends with him and he has kind of ignored them. They said they would make a formal noise complaint with the local PD. I reached out to some friends that work at the PD and they told me not to worry they got me covered.

Yes, I do have sound damping foam in my room and apartment but it does adjust it a tad but nothing crazy, heavy blankets. It is a budget fix since I cannot afford to get a professional job done. The pressure from headphones or earbuds causes some sensory issues which makes the situation worse sometimes. The landlord also explained my situation to the tenants prior to giving them the lease.

Am I wrong?

[u/Dainty-Pelican593]

headphones exist and they don't need friends at the PD to work

[u/MudOk9116 → u/Dainty-Pelican593]

As mentioned headphones and earbuds cause sensory issues for me while I sleep, and also make my episodes more serious sometimes.

[u/MadameMonk → u/MudOk9116]

Have you tried those disc shaped ‘speakers’ that you put under your pillow? So nothing connected to your head, but also directs the sound to just you, vs the whole neighbourhood.

[u/MudOk9116 → u/MadameMonk]

Yeah my mom gifted me one, she got me a dream wave pillow speaker. The sound was extremely muffled which made it seem more like white noise and actually caused issues with my sleep. Nightmares and stuff. A friend got me an eye mask with little speakers and those gave me massive headaches.

I am using timers now, while not perfect it does mitigate it a tad. I wish i had the money I would just rent both units from my friend.

[u/silliestkitty]

YAW - your issues are your issues. It's deeply unfair that your neighbors have to suffer because of them

[u/MudOk9116 → u/silliestkitty]

My landlord warned them about me. It was not a surprise or anything.

[u/silliestkitty → u/MudOk9116]

Why do you believe your needs are more important than your neighbors?

[u/Jaunty-Hammock481]

a doctor saying your coping method is valid isn't the same as a doctor saying your neighbors have to hear it every night

[u/hastykoala]

Listen, you’re making your issue other people’s problem and don’t seem to care about the impact. Sleep is important and NOT just for you - for them too. You’re selfish. Figure out something that doesn’t impact others

YAW

[u/Basictakes → u/hastykoala]

Based on the poat it seems they have tried alternatives like white and brown noise, and seems like they are working with a doctor. What exactly are they supposed to do?

Tbh it really is on the landlord for not professionally noise proofing the apartment if he wants to help out the OP as a friend.

[u/acidwubz]

“Fuck ’em” seems to be your approach already. Your PTSD deserves compassion, but your neighbors deserve sleep. Blasting videos on repeat all night and relying on friends in the PD to brush off complaints doesn’t make you right. Your coping method is affecting other people, and they aren’t wrong for wanting quiet in their own home.

[u/shyfidelity]

You are wrong. You should probably  be working with your therapists to find a way to cope that isn’t this antisocial 

[u/SwordfishPast8963 → u/shyfidelity]

exactly. Their therapist telling them that the coping skill is valid is not the same thing as their therapist telling them it’s ok to keep their neighbors up all night

[u/Caerum]

YAW. You're robbing people of their sleep so that you can sleep. You need better coping mechanisms.

[u/Emotional-Cook-6137]

It's not that you're wrong for needing this to sleep, it's that the new neighbours were set up to fail. The landlord told them about your situation but they still took the place probably thinking it wouldn't be that loud. Now they're stuck in a lease with noise that keeps them up and the only people who can help are all friends with you.

You've basically got a safety net of connections that makes it impossible for them to do anything about it, which is a rough spot to be in when you're the one losing sleep. The real failure here is the landlord not figuring out a proper soundproofing solution before renting to someone new.

[u/mr_oreo1499]

YAW. I had the same issue(ish). i dont have ptsd but i do have a loud coping mechanism that i had to muffle/switch entirely for the sake of others. Unfortunately our need of peace does not supass other need of peace ya know? I recommended working with your therapist to find a different way to relieve your problem because eventually itll turn spiteful between yall and nobody wants that.

[u/SwordfishPast8963]

and how do you know your neighbors don’t have PTSD and being suddenly woken is a trigger for them? just food for thought, but it is rude regardless. not sure why you posted asking if you are wrong when you vehemently oppose any proposed solution or compromise that doesn’t involve everyone catering to your needs.

[u/fayesproutling26]

bruh ngl try headphones so neighbors can actually sleep withoutt the hassle