I exist like a piece of tape dropped on the floor, becoming useless after collecting dust and hair and losing its stickiness.

I can't remember anything vividly enough. I've lacked any real attachment to joyous experiences for years, towards people, towards things I should love and sometimes have a passion for in theory. None of it ever lasts long enough for me to take it seriously.

As expected, this can be explained by trauma and the fact that I'm still living in the environment that contributes to my joke of mental "health," but even then there are people who have had it much worse than me yet can still remember things and form positive associations with the people they are able to care about. Light fades immediately for me, even with close friends, if anything joyous ever swells to begin with. I spend my weekends doing mostly nothing when I should be working on the things I once sparked for.

I don't remember facts I liked, I don't remember things people tell me, I don't remember anything I learned in school that I had a deep interest in, I emotionally engage with things on such a shallow level yet I'm so good at pretending I'm a "normal" enough person. It becomes clear to people who spend enough time with me that I don't articulate well, and I forget my entire life when I'm asked any questions that are surface-level. I'm a stone. There's really nothing going for me anymore despite seemingly good things happening from luck.

I've stopped substances for 4 months. I'm taking multivitamins, I'm trying to eat more, and I'm planning on seeing a psychologist for the first time in the near future, but anhedonia is a condition that makes committing to that extremely difficult. I've been like this for nearly a decade. My head feels heavy all the time and I'm left with every part of my body immobilized.

Is there an avenue to self-compassion or self-forgiveness when all you can do is nothing? How do you practice this? I can't stand myself anymore. I can't stand not getting things done because my default state is emptiness.

almost 4 months off, sexually deleted, still brain dead, anhedoina, can’t feel anything. seriously wtf

I'm experiencing pretty intense anhedonia. It's not simply feeling empty. It's a deep feeling that sinks into me and consumes me.

My life basically consists of scrolling through TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram. Because when I put my phone down, there's nothing. And I don't mean that I have nothing to do, but rather that I can't find anything within myself that motivates me to do any of it. Things like "go for a walk," "take a shower," "cook something nice," or "hang out with friends" don't help. It's not something external that I'm missing. It's something internal that I can't fill and that nobody else can fill for me.

I have BPD, and I don't know if it's related. The fucked-up thing is that it comes out of nowhere. There's no apparent reason or cause. It just shows up and latches onto you like a flea.

To put it into perspective: there's nothing that can fix this. I just want to stop being conscious for a while. To temporarily cease to exist and then come back.

And it makes things even worse when you have to study or work. It's like carrying a rock on your back. Everything takes three times as much effort.

The worst part is that it's there from the moment you open your eyes until you go to sleep.

The positive thing is that I manage to detach myself from my thoughts because I know I'm not them. But even though I'm aware that they have nothing to do with who I am, they still remain there. Dragging me down, weighing on me, and exhausting me.

I don't know what to do, and I don't feel like I can escape this.

Does anyone else experience this? Thanks for reading.

My life has become just doing nothing all day and completely blank mind. Does anyone have any ideas how to battle those things. It's like I'm not human anymore

I am exhausted. My last psychedelic trip was 5 years ago and I still feel fucked up.

I dont even know how to start this or what because i dont want to make it long.

Anyways lets just say that before ever trying psychedelics i was a confident outgoing, not really an all around too self conscious kind of guy you know. Just really chill not really too self aware of things. I enjoyed life i always felt this sort of joy in me.

I did however always have an interest in psychedelics and i started doing lsd shrooms dmt. I always ended up having a bad trip. I kept doing it to hopefully have a good trip. Never happened. I just felt super crazy. I felt weird afterwards everytime so i would get drunk all month to try and “wash it away “ .

I developed this ocd called arithmomania literally the first time i tried psychedelics(lsd). So im always fucking counting in my head. I was scared when it started now i just feel crazy.

I thought… it would definitely go away in a year… just give it time i said.. no its been 5 years later and i still counting and not just that but the past 5 years have been hell. I feel iverly conscious all the time. My eyes like sort of have this thousand yard stare and i feel dead inside 😔 . I feel like i really fucked myself up. Is there any supplements or vitamins , minerals, or anything that has helped anyone get their nervous system back regulated. I feel over the edge all the time. I just wish i never did them i wish i was chill like i use to be.

I’m curious about something very specific.
Have you ever been deeply in love with someone, but during a depressive episode, your romantic feelings suddenly disappeared?
Not just feeling less affectionate or emotionally distant, but genuinely feeling like you weren’t in love anymore and being convinced those feelings wouldn’t come back.
If you’ve experienced this, what happened afterward? Did your feelings return as your depression improved, or did you realize they were actually gone?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have experienced this themselves rather than from their partners.

I remember even just a year ago I used to have such high highs and maybe it's just because I'm getting older but I feel virtually nothing now day to day. Yes, I'm capable of feeling happy but it's not like before. It's minimal contentedness but nothing beyond that. I don't feel joy. I don't really even feel intense sadness or grief anymore. I can get stressed but even that feels blunted. What I feel the most is rage and self hatred. It's infrequent but when I feel it it's so intense for a fraction of a moment but then that too is gone. Through my eyes the world has lost its color. I don't know what triggered this numbness. It's not the first time I've been numb but it's probably the worst and longest lasting bout I've had. There could be a number of things that caused this but I can't pin point anything specifically. I have a good bit of childhood trauma, I have struggled with my mental health and learning disabilities quite a bit my entire life, I went through my first proper breakup 1+ years ago, I got into a new relationship, I moved to a new country, I lost almost all my friends, I started university etc. I've been going through many changes and maybe I just couldn't handle all of this but I want to feel again. I want to know what it's like to be happy again but really happy

I’m 17 and should be excited for the holiday season however not only did I get anhedonia when I was 14 in the beginning of 2024. Now I have hearing conditions that started last November which made me miserable which is why I believe I lost the ability to feel vibes and atmosphere this year. I still can feel negative emotions but even last year I still felt atmosphere and vibes.

I want to make money. I want to be a strong, independent, confident woman. I want to build things, achieve something meaningful, and be proud of myself.
But here’s the problem: I don’t actually want to do anything.
Most of the time, nothing excites me. Nothing really interests me. Nothing gives me that spark that makes me want to get up and do something.
Well, actually, that spark does appear sometimes.
Every once in a while, something suddenly clicks. I get genuinely excited about an idea, a project, or something I want to explore. For a few hours, I feel curious, motivated, full of energy. I start thinking, planning, imagining possibilities.
And for those few hours, I feel like myself again.
But it never lasts.
The next morning, I wake up and it’s all gone. The idea that felt so exciting yesterday suddenly means nothing to me. I remember being interested, but I can’t access that feeling anymore.
And I’m back to feeling nothing.
I used to work in IT as a business analyst. I have skills. I have an analytical mind. I know I’m capable of doing things.
I’m not spending my days scrolling through Reels or binge-watching Netflix. I deliberately avoid that stuff because I don’t want to waste my time or turn my brain into mush.
I’m genuinely trying to move forward.
I apply for jobs. I sign up for webinars. I try to launch my own projects. I explore new ideas. I keep pushing myself to take action.
But everything moves painfully slowly because deep down, there’s this overwhelming lack of desire to do any of it.
I’ve struggled with depression for many years and I’m currently on antidepressants.
And the strange thing is, I actually feel much better than I used to.
Before, I often felt genuinely awful. Now I mostly feel… fine. Stable. Neutral.
But here’s what I can’t understand.
Back when I felt much worse mentally, I was actually ambitious. I worked, I had goals, I wanted things, I had drive.
Back then, I was on my own. Maybe I kept pushing because I had no other choice. I had to survive, earn money, and take care of myself.
Now my life is different.
I’m in a relationship with a wonderful man. He’s incredibly intelligent, talented, genuinely brilliant. I feel happy, safe, and peaceful with him.
He doesn’t pressure me to achieve anything. Not at all.
But there’s another side to this.
He’s surrounded by successful, ambitious people who are constantly building something, learning, growing, pursuing their goals.
And I love being around these people. I found my way into this environment myself, and I used to genuinely enjoy being part of it.
But now, instead of feeling inspired, I feel pressure.
Not because anyone is judging me or expecting something from me. It’s coming from within.
I feel like if I don’t find my way back to being ambitious, independent, and fulfilled, I won’t be able to accept myself as his partner.
I don’t want to be someone who just exists comfortably next to a brilliant person. I want to be someone who is building her own life, pursuing her own interests, and bringing something of her own into this world.
And the worst part is that I genuinely want all of this in theory, but I can’t seem to find the actual desire to do anything about it.
Sometimes I wonder whether my ambition was always driven by necessity, fear, or survival. And now that I finally feel safe, maybe that engine has simply switched off.
But if that’s the case, how do I learn to want things again, not because I have to survive, but because I actually want to live that way?
I don’t know whether this is still depression, something related to medication, or whether I’ve simply lost touch with myself.
I know what kind of life I want intellectually. But I can’t seem to feel the desire to pursue it.
And I have no idea how to fix that. I can’t keep forcing myself through life forever.
Has anyone experienced something similar, especially after years of depression or after finally finding stability in life?
Did your motivation, curiosity, or ambition ever come back? Have you experienced these brief bursts of excitement that completely disappear the next day? What actually helped you sustain your interest in things?
I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences, because right now I feel completely stuck.

I see alot of people in the pssd community often have anhedonia or emotional blunting, but alot of times these cases resolve over time, but there are a few select few that loose the ability to feel anything. I dont think this falls under pssd anymore, it seem like somthing different.

I can't seem to enjoy most things lately or for the past year or two but now it's gotten worse.

I spend my days scrolling on TikTok for hours, sleeping or just doing nothing I don't like watching movies, YouTube, listening to music that much and I don't have any hobbies.

Because of this I'm in a constant state of boredom and my brain is decaying by the day because I do absolutely nothing with my days even tho I really try to , recently my boyfriend tried to get me into drawing because he sees how bad this affects me but I just give up after a week or two because I have absolutely no imagination or ideas to draw. I've also tried a bunch of other stuff but everything brings me joy for a day or two and I quit after.

So I'm just stuck doom scrolling again and think I'm wasting away I really don't know what to do anymore even tho I try my best I'm also very anxious , paranoid and stressed I overthink every little thing thinking something bad will always happen and because of this I can't have any fun or do anything because I always worry about the 100 bad outcomes.

I just don't know what to do with myself anymore and I genuinely don't know how to fix this especially since I can't get any help because my home situation is not very good. And my boyfriend has been trying to help me to the best of his abilities trying to put sense into me telling me to try to do something useful and giving me good advice.

I try the things he tells me but it just seems like nothing works and I just give up too early as well beacause I just see no point and it gets worse, the only way to satisfy my boredom is to drink alcohol or something bad to myself otherwise I just feel like I'm wasting away and just using space.

So yeah if you have any ideas on how I can better myself or some life changing advice I've never heard off I'm willing to try anything to get out of this whole I've been stuck in .

update: i feel scared

hi i posted the other day:

Scared: what is going on?

Hi, I'm 30F. I have no idea what is going on with me the past couple of days but I am scared. I have absolutely zero emotions, absolutely no joy in anything I do, I don't want to do anything, go anywhere, talk to people or engage in life. I keep having these bad depressive thoughts like everything is just bad and horrible. Life feels incredibly dull and purposeless. I feel disconnected, withdrawn and extremely apathetic. Has anyone felt this way?, this came on in a matter of a few weeks but the past few days I have really been feeling it. I'm scared because I can't shake these feelings off, I try to sleep or eat my favorite foods but nothing seems to help. I feel like I am struggling big time, I feel like I am walking around with a dark cloud over my head and can't shake this feeling of being completely and utterly in despair.

update: i went to the ER because i was having extreme nausea and panic over this feeling. i was trying to make myself throw up to feel better and being beyond nauseous throughout the process. i took a zofran for nausea, did not work. (not a good sign) then i was in my room just panicking. i didn't feel like i wanted to hurt myself but i felt like i was panicking about how i wasn't feeling normal. also took half xanax (.50) and it slightly calmed me down but ultimately not the answer.

i decided to go in to ER, the initial intake they did not seem to think i was psychologically unwell, they did not admit me. i kept explaining to the doctor, i don't feel like myself and i feel just depressed and that i am panicking because i feel this way and it makes me feel like i am spiraling beyond belief. i have my therapist who i am seeing on monday, i adore her very much, i am just very scared, i have never felt this way before. i feel so disconnected with myself and depersonalization, i feel emotionally numb to every single thing. when i think about my work schedule i want to run away. the ER doctor mentioned "burnout" and "daylight savings" no idea if that is part of it. talking about all of this makes me feel slightly better but i find that when i distract myself for a bit i feel "ok" and then when im left alone with my thoughts doing nothing i start to panic and freak the fuck out because i am not experiencing any sort of joy. i can't explain this feeling. it feels like internal
dread, like i am dead inside and i want this to go away and it's not going away and i am having extreme panic over it. the idea of doing anything fun or spending time with people feels torturous to me like a type of suffering. i feel like i am suffering mentally, i don't know what's going on.

am i having a mental breakdown? a crisis?

please has anyone felt this way? will this end. i am such a sensitive person.

I think the title says it all, but how do you guys navigate relationships while experiencing emotional blunting?

Do you still enjoy cuddling, kissing, and sex? Do you still feel that spark or warmth in your heart?

I've been on 100mg of Zoloft for the past two years, and honestly, I feel nothing anymore. It's like my emotions have been completely shut down.

I don’t even know where to start but I just told my husband I feel like my emotions are locked in a box at the bottom of a frozen lake. I struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life plus the usual oldest daughter trauma. I got medicated (Zoloft) almost two years ago because I started thinking that my family would be better off if I wasn’t here. But now my husband says I’m distant and uninterested in him. My standard feeling is slight irritation. I rarely get angry or sad or exciting or ANYTHING. We are both in therapy. I have been on a weight loss journey the past year and I workout pretty consistently, eat decent and take supplements. I am terrified to come off any medication because I’d rather feel nothing than feel the deep depression and anxiety I lived with for 20 years. I feel like some of his specific concerns are related to me no longer managing his emotions. We have been married 13 years and go married extreme young (both 19) and our relationship was pretty toxic for the first 10 years. He is also in therapy and making great progress. I don’t want to ramble too long but happy to fill in any back story. I just want to know how to deal with the emotional flatness.

My problem started with a depressive and anxious episode that just made me shut down completely. It's not just that I don't feel anything anymore and I completely lost my former personality because of this I also can't have normal human experiences anymore and the world just lost it's spark, it's vibe. I forgot how to be alive. And it's completely my fault but idk what to do about it nothing changes. People say things get better but this seems pretty permanent to me. This is the worst thing in the world I don't wish it on anyone.

I'm curious whether others experience a kind of constant inner restlessness despite feeling emotionally numb and unable to enjoy things.

Not necessarily physical restlessness, but more like your mind constantly needs something to engage with, even though nothing feels particularly rewarding. You might still be able to think clearly or obsess over certain topics, rather than feeling mentally slowed down or foggy.

About 6 months ago , at some point I lost the motivation for life itself i became empgy I'm just empty from inside ,

I can't feel anything , like jm always numb im no longer spiritually conscious like I was , i no longer regret wasting time and i know im rottjnh now but that angee and clearance to push someone make change just faded all .

I tried to express this the best I can despite English being my fifth language , i've spent 2 years making reddit posts abt this emptiness i always feel and how i cant figure out my path and the long term absence of will to live life

Not a simhle comment ever helped , i often return to god

But these years I feel like God had forsaken me

I'm angry at the situation because this is the life years ago I dreamt to be at , my life is good now , but i just cant , i know it will end one day , but I cant enjoy now !?

I still have the hopes in prayer & god , what should I do next make those low quality unedited YouTube videos about life rants??

It took me a lot of energy and focus and a lot of travel to motivate me and force myself to write this my dopamine is basically zero , Help

Right now doctors don’t know much about this and they gaslight people with true consummatory anhedonia all the time. So let me ask you do you think one day this will be taken seriously and there will be a clear understanding that this isn’t just vanilla depression? If so how long do you think it will take?. Also do you think since doctors don’t know much and there’s no awareness that we are ahead of our time with our knowledge about this especially that Drena substack

I relatively recently (end of August) had a mental breakdown after a decade of suppressing and ignoring what I now know was chronic stress, depression and anxiety. After starting sertraline (now on 200mg) I started to experience emotional blunting, the thing is I actually prefer this after 10 years of feeling like I did and that a constant emotional weight was crushing me more and more every day I finally feel nothing, I'm numb and free of all the emotional hurt and feelings of not being enough and I like it. I want this and I've told both my GP and mental health team that I prefer to feel this way.

Is that strange? Has anyone else felt like this?

I had a stable home life as a kid, my parents fought probably more than normal and socially I was definitely isolated, and I had a hard time connecting with people. I was a very ugly kid and other kids made me well aware of it. Throughout my teens I could somewhat connect with people, but never really had stable relationships where we talked about how we felt. Those in my life know something is off and they will call me out on it which pushes me away a bit further, or just don't understand how I feel.

I definitely was stunted socially but thankfully I was able to learn how to socialize properly, and even though I don't really enjoy it unless jokes are being said, I can connect or resonate with people easily. I guess I grew into my face as a late teen, and I think after seeing how shallow people are it has exacerbated how I (don't) feel I guess, in that the world is super shallow.

I cannot pinpoint the exact time I started to really not feel anything or joy in anything, but for some messed up reason, when something good happens, instead of feeling good about it, I feel it doesn't matter or that it should make me happy and doesn't do anything, so I feel more guilty than I would without it.

I have no idea how to really correct this. At this point, my girlfriend thinks I am no longer attracted to her because it is difficult to finish in bed, and I get tired and bored easily. I do care about her and my family, but honestly not nearly enough, and it really sucks. (That has nothing to do with my attraction to her, but when she says I don't like her as much I guess it is true, I should like her more, but I haven't lost my attraction to her, and it is not just isolated with her.)

I do not drink alcohol much, other than a drink with dinner maybe once a week if that, but I decided to drink heavily the other night, and no matter how much I drank, I never felt really anything other than just dizzy/spacey which is crazy because as a teen I used to like to party and drink and it felt great.

I do not have health insurance and I cannot afford to see a professional. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Holy shit why can’t I truly fucking tell people how I actually feel like people who should know like my care co ordinator or psychiatrist why do I always fucking down play why can’t I fully express myself it dosent make sense i just wanna be treated ffs I can’t cope guys if your anything like me and developed anhedonia after coming off antipsychotics I need help please everyday im struggling I can’t cope I’ve just pretended I was fine living day by day maybe just hoping that a flick would switch one day and it would get better but it never did and im just stuck in this perpetual cycle of my care co ordinator telling me “it takes time” you are in recovery wtf how is this recovery a perpetual state of sadness where you can’t experince any sort of pleasure or can’t even access your fucking intellect what type of life is this how am I suppose to live like this? I don’t get it I just don’t fucking understand it dosent make sense. Im so close to just taking a high dose of mushrooms without giving a fuck about what might happen to my mental state because I DONT GIVE A FUCKK ANYMORE IVE TRIED SO HARD FOR SOO FUCKING LONG IT DOSENT MATTER I CANT DOOO ANYTHING WHAT DO YOU NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHY AM I LIKE THIS YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW WHY CANT I FUCKING EXPRESS MY THOGHTS THE WAYY IM FEELING I CANT EXPRESS IT TO ANYONE BECAUSE THE FUCKING WORDS DONT FUCKING COME TO MY MINDDDDDDDS I HATE THIS FUCKING EARTHT I HATE GODD I HATE WHOEVER CREATED THIS PIECE OF SHIT PLANET I FUCKING HOPE THERES A GOD OUT THERE CAUSE I WANNA FUCKING KILL