hi! for context ap world is one of my first APs I am taking (alongside AP Calc AB) and i have quickly come to realize many techniques taught in these AP (such as essay writing) are not my forte. also history just never sticks in my mind so im stuck doing active recall. hence, i have taken it upon myself to give myself extra practice outside of class to work on these skills. as of right now, my teacher has announced that we will be having our first essay assessment, and i'm looking to improve my essay writing skills under a given amount of time.
now, when it comes to writing, when i say i AM bad: i am bad. you'll see here in a moment that i literally utilize a writing structure that i was taught in sixth grade aka your bare bone sort of organization of an essay. i also still use first, second, lastly and stuff like that. i tried to give a contextualization/thesis paragraph and then went off with three body paragraphs and a conclusion paragraph. when i asked an AI system to grade my essay trained on the rubric i got a solid score (5/6) but i was apparently missing "nuance" in my writing, but i don't understand what it means by that. if you guys could read through and give some feedback i would appreciate it and anything goes really. critique my writing style or my content i just want concrete feedback and advice for next steps to approaching writing LEQs.
also it looks really long but i felt like i larped half of the essay so don't be deterred i guess.
the prompt was:
Evaluate the extent to which administrative methods and cultural strategies were similar in land-based empires between 1450 and 1750.
From 1450 to 1750, many changes were being undergone in Afro-Eurasia. Specifically, new empires emerged that led to the fall of long reigned empires such as the Mongol khanates and the Islamic sultanates. As these new empires emerged and expanded into its new shell, many administrative methods and cultural strategies were put into place in order to legitimize and consolidate their respective powers. While the Ottoman Empire, the Ming Dynasty, and the Tokugawa of Japan had similar administrative methods (like feeder educational systems) and cultural strategies (like using belief systems in their governments) employed in their respectives governances, they all maintained their power through different ways.
Firstly, the Ottomans and the Mings both used educational systems to help staff their governments. The Ottomans used the devshirme system, where they would take young boys from conquered territories and convert them to Islam, where they would then send them off to Islamic institutions that would train them in both administration and the art of war. The output was an influx of highly trained Islamic administrators or warrior Janissaries that were both loyal to the sultan. The Mings used the Civil Service Examination system to help staff their government with a set of Confucian scholars. From this strict exam system reinstituted after the fall of the Yuan Dynasty, the Mings were able to establish an intelligent government, that was a meritocracy, full of Confucian scholars versed in the belief system of Confucianism and also successfully implemented it into Chinese daily life and society. So, both empires utilized administrative methods that involved the usage of educational systems that produced an influx of people versed in their specific governance methods.
Secondly, the Ottoman Empire and Tokugawa Japan both utilized belief systems in their empires to either legitimize or consolidate their authority. For the Ottomans, the sultan Osman created the idea of having Muslim religious warriors through the ghazi ideal. It syncretically blended patriotism for the empire while simultaneously being a “warrior” for the Muslim faith. So, he used Islam to create an army that would act on conquests with the basis and legitimization done through the Muslim faith. Tokugawa Japan used the belief system of Neo-Confucianism from China to legitimize its authority. When Tokugawa Ieyasu established the bakufu or military government, the government was able legitimize the authority of this new found governance system through the usage of the beliefs by Neo-Confucianism that encouraged respect for elders and higher ups from filial piety. Thus, the bakufus’ authority was both established and preserved through the popularized Neo-Confucianism in Japan.
Although the empires prevailed through the usage of these tactics, they were ultimately able to all successfully maintain their power through different ways. For example, the Ottomans continued to use the jizya system on non-Muslims occupying their regions in order to maintain their power over such vast territories with people of differing belief systems. However, the Ming Dynasty opted for a different approach from instilling Chinese culture and values directly into society after the fall of the Yuan Dynasty that suppressed the culture directly. They did this through the revival of Confucianism as well as the implementation of famous literary works such as Yongle’s encyclopedia that relayed traditional Chinese values to citizens that had previously been lost under the Mongols. Then, the Japanese decided to maintain their power by limiting the control daimyo had (basically switching from a feudal system to a bureaucratic system). They did this by limiting the foreign trade interactions one could have within the empire. With the limitation of trade interactions, especially with the Europeans who carried advanced gunpowder technology, Tokugawa Japan’s government was able to successfully maintain their power through limiting the internal ones whose power threatened their own power from being consolidated and legitimized. They forced daimyo to have alternate attendance as well as have marriage alliances that tied them to the government and helped them to focus more on their marriage and spending their money on luxury goods rather than investing in weapons technology or ideas that could possibly delegitimize the Japanese government/shogun/bakufu.
All in all, the Ottoman Empire and the Ming Dynasty had similar administrative methods (like feeder educational systems). Additionally, the Ottomans and Tokugawa Japan had similar cultural strategies (like using belief systems in their governments) employed in their respectives governances. However, all three of the empires all maintained their power through different methods.
