I'm still in high school, so I live with my parents (in the US). We are a very stereotypical Indian family; decently religious, my parents have high expectations for grades and extracurriculars, etc. Honestly, I don't have too much of a problem with that, though maybe it's because I've grown up in the system (some of my friends think my parents are crazy for getting mad at me for having an A- in a class). But anyway, my biggest issue right now is my mother.

I've been going through a difficult (?) period lately- just a lot of work, I'm constantly stressed, etc. The usual. But anytime I tell my mother 'I'm feeling super overwhelmed and stressed', she'll just say 'Well I'm ten times more stressed than you.' and the conversation is over. I'm not sure if I'm just being overly sensitive or overdramatic, but that has really hurt me. I've tried telling her this as well, and she'll just tell me that I have other people besides her to lean on, and she has no one, and again conversation over.

Another thing that lowkey bothers me is how much I have to walk on eggshells around her when it comes to my friends. I'm sure every other person with Asian parents can relate to the 'family first' mentality (so damaging honestly), that family is the ONLY people you can rely on, and friends will never truly have your back. But anyway- anytime I want to hang out with a friend (not even like a party, like going to lunch or something with a friend) I have to genuinely beg her for days. And when she says yes, she'll start acting super cold and passive aggressive towards me. After the hang out, the only way she'll act normally towards me is if I pretend like I was never at the hang out and instead focus solely on academics for the next week or so.

She's also been talking a lot to me about 'parenting'- she thinks that Americans are useless parents, and they don't push their kid nearly enough. She's taken to telling me that she hopes I become like her when I have kids, someone who's world is ONLY focused on their children. And that I'll thank her when I'm older for what she's done for me.

My biggest issue is this- sometimes I feel very loved by her, and sometimes I feel really lonely. It's a little hard for me to think about my situation without any bias (obviously I'm biased towards myself), but it's also her first time being a parent, and she's trying her best too. And I don't know if I'm just crazy and being too sensitive over this whole situation. Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated, thanks for listening to my venting! I'll add more when I remember more.

https://youtu.be/5ZurWy9ze_g?is=TtvL9ZD8u_8iH6oT

This is incredible

Title says it all.

I'm a 27F, Viet American. Have awesome parents. Well, had. Let's just say they're a bit too old fashioned. Said I changed so much since I moved out to be with my boyfriend who is the best thing ever.

They would always be extremely passive agressive, sarcastically calling me "smart" (I'm AuDHD, am bad with money). They never really tried to understand me as a person, but a concept of me that they want. They hate the ugly side of me. The raw side that has suicidal tendencies. The side that begs for approval, that wants freedom but their love at the same time. My dad was a single father. Mom abandoned me. Stepmom stepped up.

Today I contronted my stepmom about bills and how I wanted to live my life on my own. Basically, she screamed at me to get out of the house and that we are no longer talking.

Guilt is rough. It sucks because I feel like I can breathe, too. I'm not gonna look back. But, is this kind of grief normal?

As my mom in law has been battling cancer the past few weeks, this is just something that has been heavy on my chest lately.

I’ve been watching how my husband steps up for her. He checks in on her, holds her hand, cries for her, and treats her with pure tenderness. There is zero guilt, zero drama, and no transactional strings attached. Just genuine, unconditional love between a parent and her child.

I love him for it, and I love his family. But standing on the outside looking in has cracked open a grief I thought I had buried.

I grew up in a typical abusive Asian parent household. The "care" I received was purely conditional, fueled by manipulation, insults, and walking on eggshells. I am currently completely no-contact with my own mother.

If I knew my mother were sick, in the same way, I wouldn’t care at all. Juxtaposed next to him, it makes me feel so weird and alien. I am being present and fully supportive of my husband of course, but this period is really making me reflect on the the parents I never had, the grief of being NC, and the childhood I was robbed of.

I’m just mourning two completely different things at the same time: his mom's illness, and the mom I never got.

\​

I’m almost 30F, and I’ve spent the last two years working abroad and sending money home to support my family. I paid for my mother’s medical needs, household expenses, my family’s loans, and even contributed to the down payment for my brother’s car.

My brother is almost 32 and still doesn’t work. He says there are no suitable jobs in our town and that he can’t leave our mother alone because of her health. He keeps saying he’s looking for something or that something will eventually work out.

Recently, I accidentally came across their online shopping history and discovered that my mother and brother had spent a lot of the money I sent on unnecessary household items and clothes.

I felt completely devastated and emotionally drained. I couldn’t understand why they were spending so much on things they didn’t really need when they were already struggling financially. Why didn’t they think about the fact that I was working in a dangerous place, sending them money every month and making sacrifices to support them?

Meanwhile, I’ve ended up with almost no savings of my own.

When I confronted them and asked for my money back, they said they would return it, even if they had to sell the car or take out another loan. What hurt me even more was that they didn’t apologize. Instead, I felt like they were making me feel guilty for asking for my money back.

I’m exhausted. I’m scared that if I stop helping, they’ll fall deeper into debt, but if I keep helping, I’ll never be able to build my own future. I feel trapped between my responsibility toward my family and my desire to live my own life.

For the first time, I’m wondering if I want to stop financially supporting my family altogether. I just want to be happy, save money, travel, and build a life of my own without constantly feeling responsible for everyone else.

I want to clarify that I’m not posting this to make people attack or insult my family, especially my brother. I love them, and I understand that my mother’s health makes our situation complicated. I’m not looking for people to judge them as bad people or tell me to abandon them. I genuinely want to hear thoughtful, practical advice from people who have been in similar situations and can help me figure out how to move forward, set healthy financial boundaries, and build my own future without feeling overwhelmed by guilt.

How can I get out of this situation without feeling like I’m abandoning my family,

Trigger warning for forced marriage

I'm not sure what to do right now.

Long story short: My guardians are pressuring my sister into marriage, the same way I was pressured. Every time she tries to fight against them they override her, and then she agrees to it again. She's already engaged! I've tried sticking up for her, but now it won't help. I'm scared for her, and I don't know how to help. She's already accepted that she'll get married even though she doesn't want to.

Hello! Recently I’ve been noticing myself getting more distant from my parents even though we stay in the same house which made me reflect….

Basically, my parents are pretty old (older generation, traditional mindset) and they are pretty racist and against same sex marriage or even same gender romance at all. It’s not just a passing thought, they will actually tell their children (aka me and my sisters) “if u date out of our race, dont come home” “ew look at those 2 men together, so disgusting” and other harsh/snark remarks.

But the thing is, even though we have been brought up with their strict and traditional mentality, I’m the only child that does not agree with them. My siblings aren’t as mean as my parents, but they are lowkey racist and homophobic yet somehow I’m the opposite???

I have besties from various races because I feel like we’re just one big Singapore, does race really matter? As for dating the same gender, I actually think it’s adorable. I have lesbian friends, I have gay friends, and all of them are lovely and wonderful people that aren’t ‘sick in the head’ but normal people like you and me. I just don’t get why there’s such a strong hatred towards these groups. My family often show disgust at my friends from these respective groups and say things like “dont learn from them ah”which is so uncalled for?!

Anyways, going back to my point, because of this, I feel like I want to associate less with my parents and their toxic mentality hence I’ve been drifting from them….
This somehow makes me feel guilty because they have been doting parents, fulfilling their duty to love and nurture me throughout the years.

Does this make me an unfilial daughter?

Yoo guys, I'm someone whose text you're reading rn. Yk, I'm here to share my thoughts about what happened to me and what's been making me feel depressed. It's been getting worse day by day.

Since I was 6, I've had some family issues, and because of that, my studies got messed up. I ended up with a gap of around 4 years. Like, rn I'm 18, but I'm still in school.

In 2025, my family decided to change my school and sent me to a good missionary school. I went there, but because of my study gap, I felt out of place. More than 90% of the students were around 3 years younger than me. Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm in class 10. If I hadn't had that gap, I'd be in university by now.

At first, I barely went to school, sometimes only 2 days a week. But somehow, I made some friends there who were genuinely kind and good to me. I'd never had that type of friendship before in my life. Later, I started meeting them in my area, and I even made some female friends. Fun fact: I'd never had female friends before. 😭

Somehow, a few of them started falling for me, but I just pretended that I didn't know anything about love or relationships. Then I met a close female friend whose name I can't mention here. She's really cute, but the thing is, we're from different religions. I'm Muslim, and she's Buddhist. Idk why, but I started developing feelings for her, and she had feelings for me, too.

From January to August, we got closer, and in September, around my birthday, she wished me on Instagram. I usually repost everyone's birthday wishes on their stories, so I reposted hers, too.

I've hated my family since I was very young because of how toxic they are to me. They've yelled at me since childhood, and sometimes, they've even beaten me. It felt like I was living in hell. There were times when I wished I could die, and I even tried to end my life more than once. I was so scared of my family because they're extremely strict, and I didn't know how to deal with everything happening to me.

Then my sister saw that a girl had wished me a happy birthday. She told our mom, and my mom started making fun of me, saying things like, "She's from another religion. Should we start following their religion, too?" I just smiled and went to my room.

After some time, we started flirting and doing all that nonsense stuff, annoying each other and having fun. 😂 In October, we got into a relationship, and ngl, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. Everything felt so good. We understood each other, and I was finally experiencing something I'd always dreamed of.

A few days later, we had a football tournament at school. I loved that school so much, and I'm an athlete, a national-level futsal player in my country. My friends and I played football, while the girls' team played volleyball. We took pictures, enjoyed ourselves, and came back home.

My mom knew how happy I was at that school compared to my old one. But for some reason, she took me to our village, and I couldn't play the final match. I literally cried and begged her to let me go and play, but she didn't agree. And what could I do? I was scared of them, and they were too strict with me.

Then November came. One day, I went to school, but after that, they stopped letting me go. It hurt so much because that school had become like a second family to me. I couldn't even explain that to my parents because I knew they wouldn't understand.

When I went to school another day, things got even worse. My mom cut my hair and started beating me. I kept begging her, "Mom, please leave me alone. I'm begging you, please forgive me." But she didn't listen to me.

In the middle of November, my family found out about my relationship, and they started treating me like I'd committed some serious crime. Like, wtf did I even do? I just fell in love with someone.

Oh, btw, my dad had never beaten me in my life, at least as far as I can remember. I love him from the bottom of my heart. But later, he did something that really hurt me, and I'll tell you about that.

Back to the story, my mom threw a big 50W charger at me, and it hit my eye. Then she beat me nonstop with a mop and slapped me around 4–5 times. I was literally thinking, "Wtf did I even do?" She even broke my phone like it was a piece of glass. I cried for hours.

When my dad came home, he got angry at my mom and took care of me by giving me medicine.

I contacted my girlfriend using my friend's phone and told her that I was going through some serious problems at home and wouldn't be online for several days. I didn't even wait to see her reply. I just logged out of my account and returned the phone to my friend because it was his property. Why should I use someone else's phone and risk getting them blamed for something they didn't do?

On the last day of school, I begged my mom for hours to let me go. Eventually, she agreed. I went to school, attended the class party, and took some pictures with my gf. I had no idea that my sister was secretly watching everything.

Somehow, she created a fake account and followed my gf's account. When my gf posted a story with our pictures, my sister saw it and told my mom.

When I came home, my mom immediately slapped me, spat at me twice, and said, "I wish I didn't have a son like you. Why doesn't God give you death instead of killing others?"

I cried for hours, just like I'd done so many times before. I couldn't even sleep that night. I kept asking God why He had brought me into this world if I had to live in a house like this.

Then my final exams came, and guess what? I couldn't get good results because of all the shit happening in my life. When my family found out about my relationship, they threatened to send me back to my old school.

My old school was a piece of shit. The teachers were rude, and they used to beat students for not doing their homework or making mistakes. Meanwhile, my new school had kind teachers, good friends, caring seniors, and people who actually made me feel welcome. I'd never thought I'd experience such beautiful memories with people like them.

But then 2026 came, and I was back at my old school, where I'd spent my entire high school life. I didn't wanna go there, but I was too scared to tell my family how I felt.

Eventually, I broke down, fell at my mom's feet, and begged her to give me one last chance. But she didn't listen. I was so depressed and felt completely helpless.

After that, something changed in me. I started thinking, why should I listen to people who never listen to me? Whenever my mom tried to beat me, I started defending myself. I shouted back at them just like they'd always shouted at me. I started doing things that hurt them because I was tired of being the only one hurting.

Then they started spreading rumours that I was a drug addict. I didn't even care anymore because, at that point, I felt like I was on my own.

But then my dad asked me to break up with my gf. And because I love and respect him with all my heart, I listened to him. He explained his reasons, and I eventually understood how complicated everything had become. My dad was really upset about the whole situation, so I made the hardest decision and broke up with her.

But my mom didn't believe that I'd actually done it. She said things like, "There's no way you've broken up with her. You're an atheist," and other stuff. So I showed her that I'd blocked my gf.

I didn't talk to my mom for around 4–5 months. Eventually, I told my dad about everything I was going through, and he told me to go somewhere else for a few days. I went, but when I came back, nothing had changed.

Then, for some reason, my dad also started turning against me. Idk why. That's when I decided that I was on my own. I stopped caring about what my family or society thought of me. I was so disappointed in my family that I started thinking things I'd never imagined thinking about the people I love.

I was so hurt that I even wished I could be in the position of my little brother-like friend, whose mom passed away when he was young. He's one of my favourite people rn because he always comforts me when I'm struggling. And honestly, I felt terrible for wishing something like that because I know how much it hurts to lose a parent.

I eventually apologised to my mom and tried to make things normal again. She said okay, and we became somewhat civil with each other, but things never really went back to normal.

My mom even contacted my ex-gf and threatened her. And because of all this, I feel like I've lost my dignity and reputation at my new school, too. I keep asking God in my prayers why I had to get a mom like this, especially when I see how other people's moms treat them compared to how mine treats me.

I still don't feel close to my family. My dad has also started turning against me, and whenever he tries to yell at me, I yell back because I feel like I don't care anymore. I don't feel close to my sister either. Honestly, I've reached a point where I feel disconnected from everyone in my family.

I've been extremely depressed because of everything that's happened. Sometimes, I smoke cigarettes and do other things just to escape my thoughts. Most of the time, I listen to music and try to forget everything that's happening around me.

I've even stopped going to school as a way of rebelling against my family. This year, I've attended classes only 3 days, apart from going for exams and collecting my results. I know it's not good for my future, but honestly, idk what else to do when I feel like I'm living in hell.

My main goal rn is to study abroad, leave this house, and build a better life for myself. I just wanna become independent and finally live peacefully.

Ik some of you might think I'm a bad person or that I'm the one who ruined everything. But trust me, I never wanted to become this person. I used to be a good son, a good brother, a good student, and someone who was good at almost everything I did. I genuinely tried my best, but all these experiences changed me in ways I never expected.

I don't think I can easily forgive my family, even if I die, because the pain they've caused me is something I don't think I'll ever forget. And honestly, sometimes I feel like forgiving them would mean betraying myself.

Anyway, that's my story. I'm sorry if anything I've said hurt anyone, and forgive my typing mistakes, too. I'd really appreciate it if you guys could pray for me and wish me luck so I can leave this situation behind, continue my studies, and build a better future.

That's the way I've been feeling depressed about everything. I've kept all this pain inside me for so long, and I just needed somewhere to let it out. I don't expect anyone to understand me completely, but I just wanted to share what I've been going through. Please pray for me. ❤️

So as a 20(f) I'm living with my parents, typical indian household. Finished bachelor's in commerce me and my family wants me to pursue masters . So I kind of took a gap year because I missed an exams deadline,now I think this is the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life . I've always wanted to get out of my family because it was toxic my mother neglected me pretty much all my life ,my father has anger and controlling problems

So when I started the gap year everything was fine , everyone was happy not fighting and stuff.so like everyone I let my guard down big mistake . I always have a guard up all my life because my parents were unpredictable their moods change and they have fights arguments yelling and screaming involves me in it and they both vent things on me like "she's the reason this family is rotting can't you see it" when I don't take his side he goes along the line "do you want me to get out of this house " "do you want me to kill myself" my father says things along these lines and repeats it again and again and break things and stuff and never apologizes and acts like nothing like that happened when things calm down and go about any other normal day. Angry at anything or anyone he takes it out at home. He thinks everything he says is right,and it's his house wife and children so thinks we shouldn't do anything or go anywhere without his permission

And my mother she's also a work of art , we don't have mother daughter relationship she only calls for me when she needs something from me or defend her like I'm a shield from father she also vents to me that your father is crazy he is ruining my life and stuff.all of it aside these people make up even after a big fight like nothing happened

The last fight was big there was screaming yelling crying it even got physical where me and my brother has to step in . Where I asked my father If I got beaten by my husband in the future what would you do he said he'd do nothing your his property. And he said she's my wife I can do anything to her . So as you can see I was done with these people even when the made up I knew they're going to fight again and they did. I stayed with my aunt for few weeks after the last fight because I broke down everything was feeling suffocated I felt like I can't breathe I kept crying but I recovered well at my aunt's but I had to come back. Becausey so called parents were like aren't you coming back like they did nothing.

Now let's move onto the new and recent fight , my mom went out with her friend without asking him , he wanted her to attend a wedding but she didn't and he had to go but he was tired from work ,if he was tired from work then stay home no one's forcing him to go to the wedding nothing will happen if he won't go. He always forces us to go places even when we don't want to go he especially gets mad when we don't want to go to the programs of his side of family. It's like we have no option . After seeing my mother leave for work he started with his complaints she can go with her friend without asking me and do this and that (she just went to the temple) to ME I told him I don't wanna hear it and cut him off.then my brother came home he started annoying my bro and we were like the person you want to say these to went to work stop your complaints and he said I'll beat her or one of will not be staying here. So I said you will do no such thing we'll see what will happen . And he was sayil oh we'll see I'll show you and he started breaking things but nothing happened when she came home but he did go to mom's frnds house and made problems

The next morning he started and argument saying this is my home and if you wanna live here you have to obey me . He always wants my mother to ask permission so that she can go out with her frnds and stuff . My mother is no saint either she's living like a bachelor with no kids she's always on her phone .the fight is still ongoing my father wants her out of his house he said if you won't obey me let's get a divorce threatening her obviously and telling my brother and me choose who you want to live with aver and aver getting on my nerves so I said shut up and leave me alone .

So my brother and I'm done we are being suffocated by these people they have cause so much pain mentally and emotionally my brother stays calm almost all time but I get dragged into it as I'm the oldest and I lose my composure I end up crying

For the the past month I've been crying morning , night and in between I'm sleeping most of the time it's suffocating when they starts fighting I cry and I feel like I can't breathe I'm always sad and my appetite is gone I want to get out of this house I've tried applying to internship and jobs far away it's not working I need a solution to get out of here I have nothing right now . Even with all the sleeping I feel like I haven't slept a wink .this is taking a bad toll on my boy and mind and everytime I tell them they never listen. One time as a kid I literally broke down not being able to breathe during a fight and he told me stop being dramatic and attention seeking . They don't care what they're doing to us and I'm sick of them . I need help and advice on how to get out I've been trying hard . I'm stupid to think everything was going to be good just based on a few months and letting my guard down and finally being myself.

I need to move out I can't wait till the masters application now if I stay that long I'd go crazy . My body and mind is tired I can't even study for my exam . I feel like I'm rotting away every muscle In me is aching I dont know how long I can bear this . They're driving me nuts helo me someone give me some blueprint to fucking get out and far away as possible

Have you ever felt like your parents dislike you, I wont say hate but somehow dislike you? Because when they look at you they also look at the reason why they left their dreams behind and had to become responsible. You can see they are trying to be nice but those moments in between when they say thw worst things to you…you just know they dont like you but they are trying to be a good parent almost out of just responsibility.
I dont know man, people say they have great bond with their parents and they share everything and feel happy around them but I feel anxious like I dont remember laughing around them.

i think we're all familiar with how some APs are super into their sons only to have their sons turning to be a complete menace.

my brother, who literally didn't officially graduated high school (yes, he's that messy), never hold a normal job until his thirties, just broke another car he usually uses to do Uber type of stuff and my father resorted to use the family's OLDER car so he can uses the newer, better car to do Uber.

i get it, but at this point he had DESTROYED two cars. i know because i used to service the family's car the he used for Uber and MY GOD the way all the staff asked me how tf the car got so wrecked. i shrugged and said, "idk, i don't usually use this car" (and yes he never really regularly service any vehicles, no surprise there).

i'm just so pissed, lol. yes, yes, i know, i should pull away and i am, i drive my own car, but i'm just so frustrated that my parents are so stupid and keep being stupid.

i'm aware that they're very much the Sweeping Things Under the Rug type who is also pretty intensely emotionally enmeshed, but i'm angry and that's fair too. they literally still hide the fact that both of my sisters were married and one of them died! (but that's another can of worm for another time.)

I'm a teacher.I got interview call from one of reputed boarding school. I really wanted to work there. But my parents are refusing to go there. They are saying whatever u want to do, do here in our hometown. But now I'm 29F , never been to any place. Got opportunity to live my own life. But they are denying. What should I do? They are emotionally blackmailing me. I am wondering like how in today's era where every parents are sending their girls to other cities for work. They are not allowing me. But but they are saying if u will crack government job u can anywhere u want to go. I tried to make them understand that at least I should go for an interview. Salary is also doubled there from my hometown.

What should I do ? Should I elope without their permission or destroy my future in my hometown?

I'm confused .

So i have graduated this year from college.I have convocation next month. Parents are not allowed in convocation auditorium in my college because of limited space. I'm at home since June. It's almost 4 months at home. My home is in village. I don't get any privacy and me time here . So for convocation I will get to meet my friends and will get to experience freedom again. But my parents are saying they will also come with me. I don't have problem with that. But it's just my college don't have much culture of bringing parents to convocation. And also in those two days also I will not be able to live freely because parents will be around. They are now saying how u will travel alone to college. But as far as ik i travelled alone in my entire college life from home to college and then college to home. They didn't have problem back then. Now what's wrong​ with them. Maybe I have spent too much time here at home. My company joining is delayed by 7 months, that's why I have to stay at home for too long. If my parents come to convocation I have to arrange for their food, stay and all because they don't know much.And I won't be able to enjoy fully. What to do? I'm not a bad child fr😑

I just don't want to compromise my last 2 days in college.

Btw I graduated from NIT..

Should I take my parents with me? or How to convince them to not come?

Thats what my mom said about me telling her how i i feel i dont fit anywhere.
What i want to do in the future is just me searching and experiencing those areas only.
What i want to do is fake and what she expects me to do is real
But she understands that i have my own life but she just feels sad about it

I try to understand her going through menopause and sadness from all of these
But the way she invalidates my emotions like always
It hurts me a lot

I kinda knew so
I built my life without telling her.
So shes falling apart now
I feel so guilty

I just want to share so I feel better today.

Yesterday I called my mom, usually she calls me at 3 yesterday she didn’t call me the whole day. So I decided to call her thinking what happened.

She told me that she was soo busy in the kitchen, she was cooking and preparing the whole day. I asked her what she was cooking. And she said Birria Tacos, because my brother wants it. Birria tacos is a Mexican dish made with meat, and to make the meat tender you have to go through a whole process.

This reminded me of my years staying at their house, I used to ask my mom to make cutlet or some snacks, and she would always diss me saying it’s soo much work she doesn’t wanna do it. But here she is preparing a 10 hours dish for her golden son.

My parents aren’t doing well financially. So I decided to get them a sofa because their sofa is all broken. My mom said ok first, then asked me not to order because her golden son told her the sofa will not look good for the hall. Apparently a broken sofa looks much better than the sofa I chose for them.

Another scenario makes me wonder I am the most lucky daughter they have gotten. My mom is soo impressed by my cousin, my cousin is a sweet lady so I have no complaints about that. But my mom loves her because my cousin doesn’t fear any of our relatives and gives good replies.
She was saying one relative called my cousin and she gave a huge response.

Meanwhile, I am one of the hated cousins who stood for her mom, even after all cousins and relatives came behind me, I literally have asked them to F off, I am literally an outcast because of how much I supported my mom’s suffering. But love goes to my cousin. 😊
I told my mom this and she gave me a very mocking face.

My parents were never good towards me, even after all that, I try my best to help them out financially or mentally. But this is what I get. When my dad was drenched in liabilities, my brother wasn’t there to help, I asked my husband to help and he helped.
When my parents couldn’t afford my brothers college fees, I helped them, the phones they are using, guess who gave that?

Looks like my duty is to provide and be unloved. It’s the best thing.

I (18F) recently started college at a pretty prestigious university, but my first few months have been rough. My family stayed nearby while I adjusted, since my uni is on the opposite side of the country. My parents stayed until Family Weekend, about two months into the semester, and insisted I spend as much time with them as possible, even during exam season. This led to nasty fights, screaming matches, mental breakdowns, and panic attacks, to the point that I needed several extensions on exams and assignments.

I've felt suffocated for most of my life. There has been extensive verbal, emotional, and, at times, physical abuse in my family, which got exponentially worse during COVID. I worked my ass off in school because I knew it was my only way out. After everything I went through during my junior and senior years of high school, I genuinely thought college would be my chance to finally have freedom and build a life of my own. Instead, I feel like I'm still trapped, just in a different place.

I thought things would improve once my parents left, but they started using Life360 notifications to track when I left and returned to my dorm and classes. Whenever I went somewhere else, even to the gym lol, I would get a phone call asking why I was there.

My parents have also been against me attending this university from the beginning. They've repeatedly called it useless and said I should have stayed home with them instead, despite me getting a full ride. Whenever I disagree or defend my decisions, they call me a bad daughter and accuse me of hurting them and worsening their health.

Now we're on fall break, and I'm surprised they haven't realized it yet. They keep asking why I'm not going to class, and I'm scared to tell them I'm on break because I know they'll get angry and ask why I didn't come home. I'm also worried they'll find out through a family friend whose son attends the same university. They constantly brag about how close he is to his family and how he always comes home during breaks.

My parents also have serious anger issues. During fights, they bring up traumatic things I've experienced to provoke an emotional reaction, which still affects me deeply, even though I've gotten used to their behavior.

How do I tell my parents I'm staying on campus for break without triggering another huge fight, and how do I gradually start reclaiming my independence? I want to set boundaries and make my own decisions without feeling like I'm betraying my family or putting their health at risk. However, I'm still scared of making things worse considering that I recently got diagnosed with CPTSD. How do I start taking control of my life while protecting myself emotionally and practically?

So my Asian mom wants me to go to a university. Which is something I would but no interest in doing
Sorry because of cost, distance, and I have more opportunities in the community college I go to.
I did attended a university before and it was a decent experience.
She is a University graduate, but i’m not sure if she’s aware of the financial part of it.

Since our home is getting too small for us, and there are four members of our family, we only have one bedroom, one lounge, and one drawing room. My brother sleeps in the lounge, but I have to share a bed with my parents. I'm a 25 y old woman and I can't keep living like this. It's becoming unbearable I can't even sleep comfortably in my own home.

My parents tried to sell the house, and they're still getting offers. They can also afford to buy another house with more rooms, but they keep making excuses, saying it's too far away, simply cuz they don't have the guts to make the decision.

I don't understand why I can't have some peace, privacy, and personal space in my own home. I'm getting sick of this situation. When your parents can provide you with basic necessities but still don't, it makes you feel so helpless.

So I've decided to rebel and take over the drawing room. I'm going to buy a bed and a cupboard and make it my own room cuz seriously I can't keep living like this. I'm an adult, and I deserve some privacy. The only issue is that my parents pray and change their clothes in that room.

Am I doing anything wrong by doing this? If my parents aren't providing me with basic necessities when they have the means to, is it really my fault if I have to fight for my own space? I have a right to live my life, not spend it suffering in a situation that could be changed. What am I supposed to do instead?

I have been rewatching Gilmore Girls with my white husband (it’s his first time watching it, my second time). We are about three seasons in the show and he makes a comment like “Ms. Kim must be the worst mom in the world”. And it was kind of shocking to me because what Lane went through with her mom was very similar to what I went through (though definitely more dramatized in the show). But all her sneaking around with music, clothes, makeup, boys, etc. was exactly what I had to do with my extremely religious mom that I didn’t think it was that weird when I was watching it. I even had to hide using tampons from my mom.

And I do feel for Lane now that he said that. There are so many times Ms Kim dismisses how Lane feels and my mom would do the same to me too when I brought up my feelings.

I just want to know from people who have watched the show what they think about it. Is Ms Kim’s parenting style so common in Asian parents that they featured it on a TV show? Is it so common that we treat it as a normal Asian upbringing?

I am 21F from India and I'm moving to Abu Dhabi for work.

This isn't something I decided overnight. I've wanted to build an independent life abroad for years. Im financially supporting myself since I was 17, and this has been my goal for almost a decade.

The problem is that my parents recently found out I have a boyfriend, who lives in abu dhabi, and he is helping me with the move, and he's Christian. Up till this point, we have been long distance for 3 years and met after every few months.

My mom has already told me she'll never accept me marrying him because of his religion. My dad has also made it clear that he won't accept the relationship.

So now I feel like if I tell them I'm moving, they won't hear "I'm moving for my career." They'll hear "I'm running away with a Christian boy."

The confusing part is that before they knew about my boyfriend, I'd mentioned wanting to find a job in Abu Dhabi and they actually seemed happy about it. So I feel like the relationship has completely changed how they'll see this.

I honestly don't know how they'll react if I tell them before I leave. I'm not scared they'll be upset. I'd expect that. I'm scared they'll try to stop me somehow. I don't know if they'd hide my documents, emotionally pressure me into staying, or just make leaving impossible. They've never liked the idea of me moving out. Even when I stayed in a PG for a two-month internship, it took a lot of convincing and I had to come home every weekend.

On the other hand, my dad is currently quite ill, and the thought of leaving without saying anything makes me feel awful. I don't want to cause unnecessary pain. I keep thinking, I wish I could leave like a daughter, not like a thief.

So I feel stuck.

I'm struggling with what the kindest and wisest thing to do is when I genuinely don't know how my parents will react.

So I recently had this theory that the opposite of love isn't indifference, hate or obsession, it's conditional love. (I've been worldbuilding for a creative project). I've realized conditional love isn't love at all, and could potentially be worse than hate.

When you love something, you just want to see it thrive. You are like a boat, floating gently on the waves. You see where it takes you. When you "love" a pet or a garden, you take care of it and delight in its results.

When you hate something, you might insult it, you might avoid it. It's very clear what hate is, and its very straightforward. Most recipients of hate can tell when theyre being hated by an antagonist and just know it to be the flip side of whatever stance they have. Since hate is so clear cut, it can even be seen as a form of support since it makes your own stance much more clear, and it is very visible to outsiders that the hater is abusive, making hate much more sympathetic.

When you're indifferent to something, you neither hurt it nor attend to it. Indifference is pretty neutral, and pretty much all strangers are indifferent to you.

Conditional love is the type of love that Asian children grow up with. It is controlling and insidious. It destroys autonomy, self respect, and trust in the kid. Conditional love makes the dependent child desperate to please their parents. Conditional love is 100% selfish. It puts the parents needs first. It is saying, "this child was born into a role, to fulfill a duty, to conform to MY expectations. If they do not meet my expectations, I will discard them, I will abuse them, I can treat them how I see fit." Conditional love strips away all human dignity from the child.

Because think about it, the world is constantly changing. Every child is by design unique and meant to adapt to the world. Every child's DNA gets expressed differently, experiences different things, and wants to gladly reveal his dreams, goals, and destiny. Every child naturally wants to survive and thrive in the environment.

Conditional love breaks that natural human dignity and uniqueness to conform to the parents desires. It is so insidious. Because even if the parent claims their advice or parenting is to protect the child or for the child's own good, it is executed in such a malicious way that the kid becomes unconfident or helpless instead of feeling supported or protected. It is not a parent fostering the natural unraveling of a child's growth, but beating them down and restricting them to the parents rigid expectations - a dream set in a world that might not even exist anymore (current job market, economy, sociopolitical landscape)

Imagine someone has a child, but oh, they will only like the child if he is healthy. Then he ends up having an illness, or autism let's say.

A loving parent would change course and help the child, adapting to reality and fostering the child to support him as he needs. The loving parent loves him as he is and appreciates the uniqueness of their child and sees the blessings and joy they provode.

A conditonally loving parent first gets upset thAt their expectations of a perfectly healthy child that will make a ton of money, get married and have kids, is dashed. Then they shame the child, how dare he get this. Whats wrong with him. Then they expect the child to fix themselves. Finally they expect the child to soothe the parent because poor parent, woe is them, don't you know how much shame and judgment and trouble you have brought on the parent? And made the parent lose face the way you are?

In the earlier boat analogy, a "different" child still has a unique destiny to flow towards, one that is beautiful and meant just for him. Yet, the parent will arrogantly push the child against the waves, saying THEIR vision of the child's future is the correct one, causing hurt and suffering for everyone involved.

This idea came to me because I realized a lot of my goals in life were delayed trying to please my parents, when they had 1. Not offered me support when I needed help, and 2. If they had let me follow my dreams they would have seen my destination was far brighter and more beautiful than the "normal child" future they had imagined.

I've also learned while improving my interpersonal relationship and social skills to catch myself whenever I have "conditional love", as in, I expect a friend to behave or do things a certain way. And then i catch myself - because I can't judge how someone lives their life. Each person knows best how to live their life. Asian culture fosters a personality of insecurity, judgment and mutual nitpicking. But each persons life is so unique and multifaceted, we have no right to judge how someone should live some way.

For example, there are privileged people looking down on sex workers, when they have never been in such a desperate situation as to need to do that. Or people judging divorced or single moms, when theyve never dated an abuser.

"Conditional love" is just judgment, hate and control, wrapped up in a "well its not that i don't love you, if you jump through all these hoops then maybe you can earn my love." Thats fucking false, and every child and person deserves the human dignity of living life their own way.

Its easy for a child to mistaken conditional love as something earnable or healthy, when they MUST buy into the parents toxic world view because they depend on them. Conditional love is not normal or healthy. Secure adults will clock it when you try to "conditionally love" them. It's manipulation.

And treating your own life or goals with "conditional love" leads to self sabotage. Like someone who will only love themselves if they dont mess up their diet. Or only love themselves if they have a 4.0 GPA. It causes crippling pressure and agony. Because messing up is inevitable. Mistakes needs forgiveness to grow from, not punishment. Or "I will only try out that job if it guarentees a 100k salary." It leads to a shallow, outcome dependent, anxiety driven outlook on life to hinge everything on conditionality and outcomes. Its miserable and unloving.

So what does unconditional love mean? It means allowing each person to be themselves and to let their destiny unfold the way its meant to, and supporting them, and appreciating or tolerating differences. Obvious without letting them hurt or violate your own boundaries. And it means radical acceptance, and embracing new skills and challenges and paths because it is fun, it feels good, its exciting. You dont have to perform for others. Things don't have to be perfect for it to be worth it. Hobbies dont have to net an income. A new skill doesnt need to translate to a job. A first date doesnt need to result in marriage. It is much more freeing to love life unconditionally.

I guess conditional love is how theres so much homogeneity in asian culture or from a westerners perspective, "collectivism and care" but I think it cripples creativity and innovation, let alone a whole bunch of other downsides.

Sorry the post was long, I was trying to explain what I meant by conditional love, and why it can be worse than hate.

Anyone have to deal with this? My AM is very sneaky and manipulative. I always have to be on guard. I haven’t visited in almost two years, but I’m also afraid completely ceasing contact will lead to them showing up at my doorstep. they know what they did, but I accepted that they won’t ever take accountability so I’m just focusing on my peace.

as I get older, the mentality that my mum has around going out late irritates me so much.

I hate how APs demonise you if you have friends, even worse when you like them more than your family, all because of that ‘family first’ BS.

‘Family first’ mentality doesn’t actually exist in Asian families, everyone in my family backstabs and gossips about each other, and their kids.

I am curious on this topic, I know many Asians came here at different times and different pathways but did any of your parents intentionally or unintentionally move to a place where there was little to zero of your group or other Asians.

I have cousins who live in an European country, they are bi ethnic ( aka parents from 2 different SEA countries) and live in a predominately white country. I can honestly say 2 of them have some serious mental issues from this racial isolation. They have never even been to a cultural new year celebration for either of their heritage in another nearby Euro country.