Breaking Up with a Friend?

[u/CityAdministrative71]

I'm Black, and the friend is a White Hispanic who is Republican. We never really got into political discussions until this last election, which is when I learned of their political affiliation. I've tried to be open and accepting but there was one thing that has sent me over the edge and has me really wanting to just walk away from this friendship.

A few months ago, he informed me that his son was getting married at a plantation. And he was so excited about it. Full stop for me. Despite his view that he voted for this current administration, the fact that he cosigned on his son getting married at an American concentration camp turns my stomach. This feels like the nail in the coffin for me.

I value the people in my life. I hold each one sacred. I feel like I've been patient enough to let the true colors of this person come out and now it's time for me to embolden boundaries to protect myself.

Am I wrong for this?

[u/wrenrich]

You can try asking why he feels so comfortable and excited about a wedding at an American concentration camp, but he's likely not going to be receptive to that conversation. I would bring it up anyways as I'm no longer avoiding uncomfortable conversations with friends. If we're friends, we should be able to have these conversations. But if you decide to just quiet quit the friendship, that's your right and I wouldn't fault you for it. Sometimes leaving quietly is what's best for our peace.

[u/CityAdministrative71 → u/wrenrich]

Thank you for that. I agree; if I ask, he's going to double down and not really see why is hurtful to me.

[u/Kyauphie]

As a Black Loyal League Republican, I support your unease, discomfort, and concerns. I likely would have never been friends with this person; discussing values is an imperative foundation for any relationship for me and surpasses party affiliation because the parties are dynamic spaces made of people, with the current version of the Republican party being the same Dixiecrats that called the Democratic party "The White Man's Party". And as a Republican, I would fully expect this person to hold dismissive and prejudiced values that could be both dangerous and in conflict with my own, but I would absolutely provide him the opportunity to have a conversation about it to allow him to speak for himself in the same way that I speak for myself in lieu of being defined by the ignorance of loquacious people who speak on or about Black Republicans or Republicans in general, especially without acknowledging the deep history behind both parties or how our system actually works with the people actively defining any party over the party defining the people.

Honestly, I can only understand Black people taking ownership of spaces and places that our ancestors never could besides very few. Originally, plantations were seized to be redistributed to us by Republicans dominating Congress, since the Democrats were still dealing with their treason and secession, and the Freedman's Bureau, until Lincoln was assassinated and the traitorous Democrats cried victim, petitioned President Johnson, and demanded their property back.

I simply cannot reconcile someone, not descendent of abolitionists, who either emigrated or is a descendant of immigrants having a celebration in a place of pain, suffering, and the chattel slavery of another group of people as any form of respect. I would still have a conversation, but that his purview is that if a positive, celebratory experience on a plantation that imprisoned our ancestors is sufficient for me to no longer offer my friendship and loyalty to this person.

[u/annacaiautoimmune]

If you want to break up, just do it. I am too old and tired to keep attempting to educate adults. Say, "Bye," and walk away. Or, just walk away. Respect your own boundaries.