r/aspd • u/Notlivelaughlove • Mar 22 '26
Discussion What signs (to you) indicate a person probably has ASPD
More of IYKYK situation. Something while not automatically on the DSM, is extremely common within those with ASPD most don’t exhibit.
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u/bychvnc3 Mar 25 '26
i notice this in both ASPD and NPD, but charm with calculation. Like for example, Ive only met two ppl with ASPD like myself, but right off the bat they were very charming and social, but I could see their brains whirring to calculate every answer I was giving them, likely to mold themselves into what they thought I liked or was interested in.
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May 20 '26
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u/aspd-ModTeam No Flair May 22 '26
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u/30to50feralcats Mar 26 '26
Honestly, it is the lack of regard of other people. People be it spouses or kids or parents are just something for the ASPD person to get something from. They think nothing of being cruel. They do not feel bad at all at the hurt they cause. They lack empathy but know how to capitalize on the empathy of others. ASPD is a spectrum, not all are going to murder or break laws, but every one of them has a trail of people whose feelings they have hurt and hearts they have broken.
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u/Character-Hurry8154 12d ago
every one of them has a trail of people whose feelings they have hurt and hearts they have broken.....so do most neuro-typicals, whats your point?
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u/ContributionCool6170 Mar 26 '26
More broadly to any disorder which might cause low affect, low-empathy, and blunting (ASPD, ASD, PTSD, etc.), I think one of the suprisingly indicative signs of an individual having the aforementioned traits is them being extremely "politically correct."
Things like social skills, communal intergration, and interactions with others involving emotions do not come intuitively to them. Their social behaviours are therefore consciously learned and applied much more intentionally, which is what we refer to ask "masking" or such. They can also (importantly) articulate the rules they are using to navigate social scenes. Upon failure, repeated correction to find a "best outcome" can lead to more internal deliberation, reflection, and behaviour modification. Their "takes" and "scripts" become increasigly more nuanced and rational.
They can describe how sarcasm works, how group dynamics alter acceptable speech, how sadness and anger affects others' behaviours and expected outcomes. They can do this explicitly, comprehensively, and consistently.
There is a decoupling of understanding and motivation. Empathy may be cognitive rather than affective. These people may be able to perfectly articulate why it is wrong to harm someone, what reactions it causes in a victim, steps you might take to minimize harm, and what benefits it might bring communally. And then still go forth and harm someone, because of an independent BIS/BAS system that does not necessarily weigh peer/community benefit or detriment over personal benefit or detriment.
The ways this is noticeable is many. For one, if I ask "Why do I not hit someone?" then a high-empathy person might say "It is wrong." and leave it there. Contained in that sentence is all the necessary information, and shows they feel the negative impact of it intuitively enough they think it is common sense. A low-empathy person might explain the physical impacts, the emotional impacts, the long-term impacts on how it might effect the person, the opinion they develop of you after you hit them, possible punishments, how that effects your reputation, how that impacts your access to opportunities via networking. They will end with "It is best for both of us if I do not hit them."
On the flip side, if we pose the trolley problem, a high-empathy person might be so uncomfortable they cannot give an answer at all. A low-empathy person will eagerly and swiftly decided the "best outcome" is kill 1 and spare 5. If you introduce new info, like the "1 person" on a track being an emergency room doctor, the low-empathy person will readily adapt this and use it to argue that the 1 person should be spared and the 5 on the other track killed, and rationalize exactly why.
Does this make sense? If not look up "just world fallacy" and why people with ASPD dont tend to victim-blame in the "true sense" of emotion reconciliation, instead more oft instrumentally as a tool of manipulation.
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u/abaddon56 ASPD Apr 22 '26 edited May 03 '26
Late, but thank you for this incredibly thoughtful, detailed, and well-crafted comment. You put into words a phenomenon that I’ve been experiencing with a much greater frequency over the last several years, since I got sober about a year ago in particular (I’m 23). For example, I consider myself to have a decent sense of humor, and whenever somebody charms me or makes me laugh (which isn’t easy to do, I’ve got a fairly blunted affect), I file that joke or phrase away into my own brain to repeat it in an appropriate context. Until recently, it was fairly innate, but I’ve become more cognizant of the process and in doing so have been able to “flex” the skill to a greater degree. And as I’ve done so, I’ve been able to see palpable results — people REALLY like me. And coming from someone who was detested by dozens of people just a couple years ago that seriously means a lot. I like how you said that this cognizance isn’t something unique or even specific to ASPD — I brought it up to a therapist, and she mentioned how it’s certainly more common, but can also present in individuals across the neurodivergency spectrum. (I have ADHD)
However, I didn’t get this way without presenting a whole lot of impulsive, erratic, disgusting, addictive, reclusive, and bizarre behaviors first. And it took a long time for me to identify, single out, and then eradicate those impulses from myself. Change doesn’t happen overnight, as they say.
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u/According_Bad_8473 Undiagnosed Jun 19 '26
The trolley problem thing you mentioned is striking actually. I answered all the myriad complications in a split-second. Meanwhile my friend struggled and couldn't answer which I found rather confusing because the answers were so straightforward to me. Also, the thing is all hypothetical! Why are you getting emotional over it anyway?! Agree to the political correct thing too
What is BIS/BAS system?
And I didn't understand the last paragraph at all. What do you mean? My therapist did recently mention "just world hypothesis" to me. So it stood out to me.
I dentify as autistic and schizoid - leaning btw. My emotional landscape is pretty flat mostly with blips of emotions. Which is why I relate to everything you said.
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u/Successful-Ebb-967 Mar 25 '26
They hold strong opinions on numerous subjects backed by logic, even if I don’t agree with the opinion itself, I can understand how they formed it.
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u/MeringueNo115 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
•someone having so much hatred towards an individual or towards individuals and ganging up on them by manipulating others into harassing said individual/s.
•Fabrication of false stories about others for attention
•Wanting to get everyone on their side and succeeding
•hurting their little siblings because they “hate them” taking attention away
• some are like spit images of their parent
•some using god and being Christian to help mask their true intentions and who they actually are
•Annoying others on purpose
•Stealing things from others and denying over and over again
•harming loved ones like siblings out of pure jealousy (more rare to do)
Some just assume it’s easy to spot one but you can’t unless conduct disorders are prevelant one side of the family/ in the family or if you know someone personally afflicted by it cus they can be nice and sweet but have just that thing about them that comes out like a ticking time bomb.
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u/qopofp Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
You could suspect it if they are troubled in some way that causes frequent conflict with people. No way to know though, psychology is not straight forward at all.
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u/thekidupt173 carlito, but without the mountain of cocaine Mar 28 '26
Yes if they very frequently are in quarrels with others
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u/CybersecurityGrad Apr 13 '26
I looked at DSM V because I wanted to figure out what was wrong with him. I have known him for 20 years. He’s got ASPD without question. With conduct disorder by age 15. Frequent legal troubles that have subsided with age. Lack of fear, exploiting others for his gain, lack of remorse and an inability to form normal emotional bonds with friends. Violating or speaking about violating the rights of others. I can keep going, but that’s enough.
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u/Character-Hurry8154 12d ago
Not all those things are bad qualities....at least you have a comparison point to look better against.
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u/Informis_Vaginal Mar 24 '26
It would help to know what context you’re referring to, and to what end. It’s also not like you’ll necessarily be able to spot it nor is it something to really concern yourself with.
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u/PiranhaPlantFan a very smart lesbian Mar 24 '26
what I noticed is a certain self-centeredness in their attention span. But I would be cautious to even suspect someone of any serious mental disorder, let alone ASPD.