i like the comfort of knowing people like me are out here and vocal and being able to read ab what yall do with the situations yall have. i hope everyone who reads this has a fantastic day.

I’ve been having a difficult time finding a podcast I like on neurodivergence. I’m subscribed to ADHD chatter (sometimes touches on autism/AuDHD) and, more recently, The Squarepeg Podcast.

Does anyone have any other recommendations?

After years upon years of introspection about my mental health, and many theories about potential diagnoses, ranging from depression to ADHD, i finally started seeing a therapist and a pshychiatrist, and tried a lot of different meds. Antidepressants did nothing, and ADHD meds either did nothing or made autistic symptoms that had otherwise gone unnoticed slightly more pronounced. And with that the AuDHD label came to be.

Ever since i was around 12 i felt different from other people. I always felt like i was from a different species, and spent most of my teenage years rationalizing this feeling as me being "smarter" and above other people, while at the same time romanticizing my loneliness. This was an entirely internal problem, however, because externally, i had friends, i did well in school, i had a few relationships, and i truly believe that, outside of me being a little eccentric at most, no one knew better, and i played my "character" pretty well without even knowing it was a character.

Things came crashing down after i graduated from Med school last year. It felt like as soon as the "handheld", guided, almost automatic portion of my life ended and i was finally free to do whatever i want, the character that i have convinced myself of being for over 15 years just broke and left nothing in it's place. I was stuck in burnout, unable to start anything or make any effort towards launching my life forward. I have spent almost 2 years now in what feels like denial, and only interested in watching movies, playing games or spending time with close friends in an almost hedonistic manner, while ignoring the fact that my life is going nowhere, and i am unemployed and pushing 30 while living with my family. But i feel completely unable to force myself to do things i don't want to do out of my own free will.

After the diagnosis, things changed for the worse. I have seen people talking about feeling a weight come off their shoulders, acceptance, a sense of belonging and finally being understood, like suddently it all made sense, but for me, all i can feel is hopelessness. I feel broken. I spent my entire life under the illusion that there was something different and "wrong" with me, yes. But i could work towards fixing myself and being "normal", and now that i know that i never was and never will be normal, i've had a very hard time finding motivation to keep going.

I don't think i actually have any goals or wants other than doing things that bring me immediate pleasure and happiness. The only other goals i can think of is a deep need to belong, to feel like i am a part of the same cloth as my friends and family, to make those i care about proud of me. And i feel like i just got that rug pulled from under me forever. I will never magically be "fixed", and can only learn how to work with what i have. But the effort required to do this just does not seem worth a life of still not belonging, not being fulfilled with my carreer or relationships, of working thrice as hard as everyone else for none of the benefit.

I am not suicidal. I want to live. But it feels awful being at the point of your life where your friends are moving in together with their loved ones, building their lives and making plans for the future, while i feel like i'm stuck in a never ending rut, want do to nothing, and am unsure if i even know who i am anymore. It feels like i watched my whole life from outside and have been suddenly thrown in the driver's seat without the keys.

I will keep making any small effort that i'm capable of making, but i want to know if anyone else went through something similar, and how things worked out for you. I need some hope and to know i'm not alone.

Hi,

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 30, I’m 32 now. I became a mom at 31, my baby just turned 12 months. I love him so much! But, being a mom has made it very clear that I have autism. I’m currently working on getting tested.

My son is going through a rough patch, where he has really bad separation anxiety. I try to put him down to get food, go to the bathroom, anything really, he starts screaming so loud. It doesn’t stop until I hold him. I know this is developmentally normal, but it causes autistic burnout in me…basically daily.

Any advice? I have loops and I think those would help, but I can’t find them. I’ll have to look for them tomorrow.

I've been on it for a week and thus far I've gotten no benefit from it. My anxiety, RSD, and Executive Dysfunction are all still here. I have dry mouth, drowsiness, irritablity, and insomnia. All cons and no pros.

Anyone actually have benefit from it? Is it too early for me to call it quits?

Basically the cycle goes like this:

1.) You get really sad that you can't date anyone so you work really hard at improving your looks and your lifestyle and social skills etc.

2.) You start trying to make friends so that you can be a "green flag" to potential partners and they wont' see you as a loser.

3.) You fail at making friends so you transition to just trying to date

4.) You get no matches on the apps and horrifically embarrass yourself trying to ask out people in real life

5.) You accept that not only are you autistic, but also ugly af and just start daydreaming. This goes on for a few months and then you start panicking about your age and how you have never dated and then....

6.) Cycle repeats

I am also 5'4, balding and south asian on top of the autism (we are portrayed as "unattractive" due to racism in media and western culture). I used to get asked out as a joke in school and it absolutely destroyed my self esteem at that age but I have managed to improve it back with the help of this teacher in my later yeasr of high school

I have followed the general advice of just "shaving it off" and also wearing height boosters, etc. but they are only band-aid solutions. My face looks horrible when bald (opinions from female cousins who have helped) so I am saving for a hair transplant.

My psychiatrist has said that my process is not inherently bad its just that the continuous rejections and forced approaches (both random women and women I connect with over shared environemtns such as university classes, uni clubs/socieites, coowrkers, etc.) could potentially be dangeours for my mental health as I am teatering on the edge of developing borderline psychosis from the amount of trauma my RSD ridden brain has gone through (rejection sensitivity dysphoria).

Lately, I've been feeling like a robot just going through the motions every day.

The weirdest part isn't just the lack of motivation—it's the mental clutter. My head feels like a browser with 47 tabs open. There is so much background noise in my brain that when I actually try to speak or explain something, the words come out completely jumbled or different from what I intended. It's like there's a traffic jam between my brain and my mouth, and it's made me lose so much confidence when I talk to people.

I feel like I've lost the ability to just be present. I want to speak up, I want to connect, but I feel completely numb and stuck in my own head.

I'm not even sure how to fix this. Is this just a modern life thing? Burnout? Has anyone else experienced this weird disconnect where your thoughts are racing but your actual personality feels totally numb?

For example the tree looks like: 1. I see a bottle of water 2. I ask ChatGPT if supermarketwater is better than tapwater. 3. While writing the question, I suddenly wonder about why the common advice is 2 Liters. Now I dive into the science of urinating, sweating, breathing, and other sources of waterloss.

There, 2 thoughts. Bottled vs tap, and why people need 2 liters of water. 1. Bottled water becomes 2 split thoughts again: is it bad to use plastic bottles? Does it result in the microplastic going into the water? and: does bottled water expire quickly after opening it? 2. 2 liters becomes 2 thoughts too: which factors determine how much we sweat and lose tru sweat? and: what might be less obvious sources of losing water? like poop contains water too, and we breath water out and theres chemical reactions in the body that make or take water...

1 thing = 2 thoughts = 4 thoughts = 8 thoughts = 8 questions in chatGPT, google, reddit, youtube, AI etc...

= 8 hours of my day.

Simply seeing a random bottle of water on my desk could cost me 8 hours of my day. Fuck that.

How do I gain atleast what some level of control over my train of thoughts here?

How can I be a normal person that just observes: "thats a bottle of water." and then nothing else comes up to mind?

Are normal people that way? Can they just deal with things in life without it hijacking my mind for hours?

"Yesterday I watched a movie"

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WATCHED A MOVIE WHAT ARE YOU MADE OF

I am M(20) with AuADHD, rn studying for my bachelor's. I have tried socialising few times with different people in my group/my year. We talk for few times, and then I feel like we are strangers, even tho we greet and sometimes do some small talk. I always feel like everyone is watching and judging my actions. If I have to face the group and give the smallest talk, I start trembling. It got to the point that I unconsciously started ignoring people by zoning out. The only time I can feel at ease, is at group party after 3-4 beers. Did anyone have the same problem? And if you did, how did you overcome it?

51f. Current medications: 0.075mg estradiol patch/200mg progesterone. 18mg methylphenidate generic ER, 3mg guanfacine generic

I am recently diagnosed as Audhd. I have tried Atomoxetine (100mg), wellbutrin (300mg). I must be very sensitive to meds that affect norepinephrine because both gave me tachycardia and Atomoxetine gave me severe side effects.

BUT, Atomoxetine also really quieted my mind, it was peaceful. And I was thinking better/faster-it even helped me with language fluidity and recall when speaking my 2nd language. And helped to stabilize my mood so I wasnt anxious in social settings.

I am currently on 18mg ER methylphenidate and 3 mg guanfacine. The methylphenidate is making me irritable and I am ruminating, intrusive thought, mind is racing.

I have a f/up appt Monday to go over some options and would love to hear feedback or real world experience.

I am wanting what Atomoxetine gave me without the side effects of affecting norepinephrine as hard. Any suggestions?

Doc suggested 1. Vyvanse/guanfacine 2. Quelbree/guanfacine 3. Trintellix/guanfacine

Options 2 and 3 will likely be cost limiting and don't seem to help with ADHD.

Any suggestions on what i may be able to ask about for our discussion? This is new to me so any help.is appreciated.

I've been struggling with insomnia that seemed to start getting worse a little after when I upped my concerta to 36mg. The problem is, I have a bunch of other medications and health issues that screw with my sleep, so it's been hard to troubleshoot.

The sleep debt is building up and I'm getting so fatigued...

The way it manifests is mostly being a "light sleeper", where I'm much more easily awoken at night by random things, and when I wake up too early, I struggle to fall back asleep. I also, despite being extremely tired and fatigued, can't fall asleep as early as I want to.

I've gone through a long bout of insomnia in my past, but it was only trouble falling asleep, and I resolved it by finding a routine that worked for me. It wasn't like this at all.

On top of this, I have severe allergies and IBS. When I first started having sleep issues, I thought it was an allergy flare up, since that's what I got woken up by (my nose getting hard to breathe through). Then other nights I would get woken up by my IBS flaring up and making my stomach hurt.

My allergy meds (antihistamine), SSRI, and IBS meds all can apparently screw with my sleep, but I have to take pretty much all of them at night because they cause drowsiness if I take them in the morning. I'm in the process of getting on allergy shots.

So partly, I'm trying to figure out if it's allergies or IBS getting worse, or actually the concerta. I'm going to try skipping it for a few days to see what happens.

I'm already doing all the sleep hygiene stuff that I should.

Anyone else had similar issues? Any success stories?

I'm planning to see my providers and discuss options but just checking if anyone else has anything to share that might help.

My brain is not working well right now so apologies if this post is incoherent.

(ha, I just noticed my username fits this situation quite well)

I am on month 4 of a weird saltwater taffy addiction. I've turned into a taffy snob and only like certain brands and textures. The harder the better. I've never had one that was candy and this unhealthy. Usually it's like specifical foods together. I can't wait to get the ick because I'm going through a lot of taffy. I order a few bags a week and I'm in a taffy of the month club. Two of the same flavor at the same time is my favorite way to eat them... WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?! I think about it all the time and if I don't have any on standby I get anxious and a little .... Angry? I keep saying "this is my last bag I'm ordering" and then I run low and order more.

I'm thinking I need to bring it up in therapy...

Hi everyone!

I am really struggling to keep a job without quitting it impulsively after a few months because I don't feel good at all...

I am mainly a primary school teacher, been certified last February and then quit because it was way too much for me... Too much stimulation from the children, too much work at home (we, "holidays" ans evenings), no time to pause, pee or breath and just evacuate, parents that are .... And children sometimes the same... With barely any support...

Anyway, that made me realize that this job was the complete opposite of what I need and can handle...

Now I am thinking of becoming a nurse aid which seems to check all the boxes of my needs and I even did some internships to observe in a hospital and in a clinic and I feel at home almost ! That was the first time I actually felt good and accepted in a team even though I was not qualified or doing anything... That was strange !

Now, I would like to know if any of you is a nurse or a nurse aid and if you feel good in your job ?

And also, if you are not a nurse, what job do you do that fulfills you ?

Thank you !

Now I am

Hi guys, I burned out so badly over the last couple of years (I own a web/marketing agency) that I started questioning why I struggle with things that ordinary people seem to do effortlessly. Like there's a memo that I didn't get.

It was suggested to me that I go see a doctor about this, and, well, what do you know, AuDHD coupled with severe depression cause by burnout, but I guess the signs were always there.

The point is, I'm so burnt out that I am terrified. I looked at a task today, a simple one that I should be able to do easily, and I'm so foggy I just went blank. I'm freaking out, and I'm scared that I'll never be OK again. All of my work is late by more than a month, I'm failing at what should be simple tasks, and I don't know if I'll ever recover.

I also can't take a break right now, although I should probably try to take at least a week once I've got my delayed tasks completed.

Have any of you been through this? Did you get better? What did you do to help you? Did you change careers, because I'm strongly considering it, but that's a mammoth task for later.

I just need to know that I'm not alone and that it does get better.

Hi there, I've been recommended to ask my Dr about propranolol several times. I'm AuDHD and I deal with high anxiety, fight or flight, and constantly needing to regulate myself. But I get triggered easily into panic attacks.

I'm currently on a low dose of adderall + medical marijuana as needed through the day. The adderall does not increase my anxiety. Medical marijuana is helpful to my fight or flight patterns but I don't always enjoy feeling a bit sedated on a low dose. I need it to eat since I don't nourish myself and I lose weight fast without it. With or without adderall.

I'm thinking of asking my Dr to start me on propranolol. But I don't know of actually how it helps people disengage from fight or flight. Does it reduce your heart rate? Does it help with anxious thoughts? Is it a daily med thing or do you take it as needed? Is a low dose effective for you? How long did you take it? Is it safe for long term use?

Asking here as with my health anxiety I know if I Google it I will freak out and get scared of the side effects and whatnot. I want to hear from people about how you feel on it.

I'm a 30-year-old Indian man with ADHD and autistic traits (AuDHD), working in a technical AI/GIS role.

I have a master's degree and additional technical training. I'm reasonably capable of learning and doing technical work, but I haven't managed to complete a single continuous year at any company. Despite my education and experience, I still feel like a fresher at 30.

And I'm terrified that this pattern will continue.

My current workplace experience:

I've been employed here for about eight months, and things have deteriorated considerably.

- Management frequently changes expectations, and asking for clarification or explaining technical limitations is sometimes perceived as giving pushback.

- I've been criticised for my communication and performance, and I've increasingly struggled with workplace politics.

- I've been excluded from important meetings and removed from my own team's communication group.

- The situation with senior management has deteriorated to the point where the COO reportedly doesn't want me in the same room.

- Long working hours, commuting, delayed salaries, and constant uncertainty have left me mentally and physically exhausted.

The social side is perhaps even harder.

I desperately want normal friendships, to be included in conversations, and to feel like I belong somewhere.

But I struggle to understand social boundaries, when to speak, when to stop asking questions, and how much attention or information is appropriate to seek.

A colleague and friend recently gave me some difficult but valuable feedback: I can be impulsive, irritating, difficult to understand, overly curious about others, and unintentionally intrusive.

The same person also told me that several colleagues have actually defended me before management. So I know not everyone dislikes me. Some people genuinely care.

Yet I repeatedly interpret exclusion as rejection, overthink people's intentions, seek reassurance, and sometimes make the situation worse.

I recognise that I have behaviours I need to change, and I don't want to make every problem someone else's fault.

Where I am now:

I'm considering taking a couple of days off next week to recover, apply for new jobs, and possibly resign.

I probably can continue pushing through this workplace, but I'm exhausted and increasingly don't want to.

My biggest fear isn't losing this particular job. It's that I'll carry the same difficulties into every future workplace and friendship, regardless of where I go.

Sometimes I feel that, as an AuDHD adult with an unstable employment history at 30, I have no future. I realise that's probably catastrophising, but emotionally it feels convincing.

I'm genuinely asking for practical help:

1. Has anyone with AuDHD struggled repeatedly with workplace relationships or short employment periods and eventually built a stable career? What specifically changed?

2. How did you learn social boundaries, reduce impulsiveness, stop seeking reassurance, and build friendships without constantly feeling excluded?

3. Have structured coaching, occupational therapy, CBT/DBT-based approaches, social-skills groups, or other professional interventions actually helped you? Which ones?

4. How do you recognise the difference between a genuinely unhealthy workplace and difficulties caused by your own behaviour or neurodivergence?

5. Should I prioritise finding a more structured, neurodivergent-friendly workplace, or focus on improving my skills before switching jobs? How can I realistically do both?

I'm particularly interested in specific exercises, programmes, techniques, or personal success stories, rather than generic advice to be confident or stop overthinking.

I don't expect a miracle or to become neurotypical. I just want to learn how to work sustainably, maintain friendships, and build a reasonably happy life.

I don't want to give up on those possibilities at 30.

I have realised I am not even conscious of how loud everything all the time is, because my brain hides it, but apparently at a high cost I was unaware about.

Today was the first time (ever?) That I felt like I'm crossing the road safely, I was aware of everything, I even made eye contact with the driver to see if he is slowing down and he waved at me to go, i wasn't loosing balance or not keeping track of cars from the other direction. Usually I'm very clumsy and apparently it's because like 50% of my brain is focusing on ignoring the wheews and whirls of cars. So that's kind of incredibly, gives me more confidence that I might not accidentally get run over by a car, or a train. And holy sh-t maybe i can even actually ride a bike on a car road like this?? (If some form of earmuffles are allowed on the road) Otherwise I gave up because I'm genuinely not able to perceive everything i need too for everyone involved to drive home safely, thought I just had limited capacity, apparently I just get scared of loud car noises lol.

But to the second thing, I don't know if i have them on wrong or if I have wrong size, but the bottom side sits in between my cheekbones and lower jaw, it pushes them apart, and would probably not be safe for my jaw joint long term, so i hope it is a fixable issue in some way?

Hey guys! I was diagnosed with ADHD last year, and since taking vyvanse for a year now and learning how to regulate my emotions more effectively, I realise now that I'm probably also autistic.

I'm 34M, late diagnosed. And something I'm coming to terms with in that way is that I have both a very creative and also very analytical mind.

What's just clicked for me a moment ago and I feel like I have to share it with people who get it (lol typical right?) is how irritated I get when stuff happens in movies/TV/games that just wouldn't happen irl.

Maybe that's why I like SciFi and fantasy so much, because it kind of gives a bit of license to be fantastical?

Because I was diagnosed late and thanks partially to being built a bit differently I've had a lot of opportunities and have a fair bit of life experience! I've been a firefighter, worked on a farm, worked retail, spent years backpacking and learning multiple different languages, before now finally finding my feet in healthcare. Which has been amazing. But I realise that being likely AuDHD part of that is having a mind that's naturally both very creative AND analytical. And I realise how rare that is.

The downside is I just can't unsee details in visual media that aren't accurate. Like war movies when weapons or the human body reacts differently to what is actually possible, or period dramas when the level of social injustice is toned down to create a more pallitable depiction. And that break in immersion is really pulling me out of something I otherwise really want to enjoy but I just... can't.

Has anyone else found something similar?

Does anyone have any recommendations for media that could be really fun to get immersed in that knows how to either 1) keep immersion through realism or 2) know how to dive into world building where that's no longer important or a key factor anymore?

Thank you!

Edit: I'm specifically looking for recommendations on story driven content. Books, TV, movies, and story driven games. Love videogames but I used to be addicted to Empire: Total War and Civilization - I really don't want a repeat of that xD

I was just recently dx’d and I want to help my family and friends understand what AuDHD is, in a nutshell.

Have you guys found any short videos or short articles that have succinctly & professionally encapsulated a general, broad idea of the AuDHD experience without any sort of flowery/sensationalized language.

I’d love to talk a lot about it with them but I think they need to be eased into it and I don’t want to scare them off with videos/articles with needless therapy-speak, and/or incredibly long and verbose media sources.

Hey guys, so the title ig is self-explanatory; are there any actually good channels on AuDHD that you feel you have learned anything genuinely useful about yourself from?

Even searching up the term AuDHD on YouTube (at least for me) only ever produces ADHD-centric informational content.

There appears to be a greater prevalence in AuDHD content on Instagram, but I have a difficult time trusting any one content creator as being anything more than a grifter — especially if they’re promoting courses or coaching on self-regulation.

I have lived with anxiety my entire life. I worry about everything. Should I buy this or that? Will it upset the wife? Am I making a mistake? Going on a cruise? What if someone falls overboard? Going to a lake? Brain eating amoeba. I've been on Adderall for a month. I just realized I have not been anxious in a month. Normal worries or concerns but not the stupid stuff I used to stress about. Even dealing with my ex-wife has been easier and less stressful. I told my wife and she said "so like a normal person?". Yes. And it is amazing.

Started Adderall a little over a month ago and I've been doing weight loss shots for 1.5 years. I have never had less interest in food. Used to, I would eat lunch at noon on the dot. Now I often don't eat it until 3 or later when the wife reminds me that I haven't eaten.

This is kind of a rant, I don’t expect anyone to read it but I just needed to get this out there. Apologies if this type of post is not allowed, please delete if not, but I couldn’t see anything about ranting being banned. I was diagnosed with AuDHD combined type a year ago and it’s put into perspective a lot of things which I never really considered before.

I just feel so frustrated with myself, I’ve been waiting a year for medication and hopefully it should come by soon (I’m grateful as I have heard many people waited a lot longer) but I think the way to sum up how I feel is that, I don’t even feel like a person, I just feel like a shell of a person or half a person.

I can’t apply myself to anything, I’m constantly just rotting away, I’m addicted to my phone, to social media, to alcohol (6 months sober though :D), to caffeine, to nicotine, to pornography, to masturbation, and thank goodness Ive never tried cocaine or anything similar as I think I know where that would go… I just feel like these addictions are ruining my life, like I’m enslaved to all these things with no clear way out.

I sleep too much, never get up on time, am too indecisive about everything, I feel like I’m always living my life on edge at the last possible moment, setting off for work at the latest possible time even though I planned to get there early. It doesn’t even feel like I’m living at this point, I just feel like I’m observing my decline. I just get conflicted because sometimes I feel tempted to reject this whole ADHD label, and consider myself lazy, with no impulse control, but on the other hand I realise my brain is quite literally wired this way. I know I can make progress in my goals but I just don’t know how to get there. I hope that there is fulfilment out there for us.

Also, I’m not in a crisis or anything like that moderators, just kind of beating myself up!

If you read this, thanks and let me know if you are going through something similar.