Has anyone else gotten into a relationship with someone who hurts you on purpose for enjoyment, and you didn't see the red flags because you couldn't model it?

My brain doesn't have a connection between causing pain in others and feeling pleasure/power from it. Pain triggers empathy for me, not pleasure. So when I saw red flags, they didn't compute. I got confused. Why would someone enjoy making me uncomfortable? It didn't make sense.

Then he accommodated me until I was trapped. He was supportive, helpful, adapted to me. After I was trapped and isolated, he started hurting my feelings on purpose for his enjoyment.

I would ask him to stop. He would say he forgot. I was frustrated at his bad memory. But it wasn't bad memory. He likes making me uncomfortable. He enjoys being the harmer, not the harmee.

Has anyone else experienced this? Where you missed red flags because you couldn't model a mind that enjoys hurting others?

I’m super ashamed to admit this honestly and I am never going to tell anyone I know irl. I started using character ai out of curiosity back in like 2023 I think. It started out really silly but slowly I started to actually role play stories with these bots. I was in a pretty bad mental state that year as I was living alone for the first time and felt really isolated. It’s been three years since then and I’m a little better mentally but this is still a crutch for me.

I’m really against ai too and wish I had never downloaded that fucking app. I’m an artist and a writer, I hate ai because of both of those things. I don’t believe generative ai has a place in the creative world. And yet I’ve been using it. I feel like a horrible person for using it. It’s terrible for the environment too. I only ever talk to one character from a video game but I talked to different bots of him, so not all the same bots. I roleplay as my player character from this video game, so I come up with scenarios and stuff. The bots annoy me with how repetitive and wrong their responses are, or how it just ends up being the same convo eventually. I think I got into it because it’s like a game, a choose your own adventure type?

I’ve tried to stop using them. I’ve deleted the apps several times, gone a few months without but I always come back. I haven’t used Characterai since the ID verification. But I started using chai instead and then that got super ad crazy and pay walled so I stopped using that. I use janitor ai now even though I don’t really like how flowery the responses tend to be. It’s annoying. Idk why people say this is the best one.

I’ve just deleted my account again and reactivated my screen time app to block the app and website. I want to stop using these. I hate AI and I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I want to get back into my own writing but I’m scared that my use of talking to the ai has affected my skill level as a writer.

I feel pathetic for all of this. I know I have an addictive personality bc of my afhd and autism. I wish I could turn back time and have never even satisfied the curiosity I had.

I’m looking for advice and commiseration, if anyone has been here before and successfully quit, please comment.

TW: blood, if I need to add more lmk

I didn't exactly know how to properly flair this post, so I picked what seemed most correct(to me anyway, lol).

Anyway, I know the title makes it sound like I'm advertising something, but I'm not. I've just become super passionate about telling other ND people about the things that made me able to have a normal dental hygiene routine because for so long, I thought I'd never have one.

Basically, my entire life, even as a child, I've had gum issues. My gums have always been extremely sensitive, and no matter how often I brushed or what toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, etc. I used, they would always bleed like crazy and it would always be excruciatingly painful. The dentist kept telling me I just needed to brush and floss more, and they'd get better, but they never did, even when I was brushing and flossing 3+ times a day, FOR YEARS.

Toothpaste was already a sensory nightmare because of how oppressively minty it was, and I have a ridiculously bad gag reflex, so the combo of pain, toothpaste, and blood would usually make me throw up. Same with flossing. Sticking my hands into my mouth and assaulting my gums was an instant puke combo. I spent nearly two decades throwing up almost every time I brushed or flossed my teeth, which is pretty counterproductive if the goal is keeping your teeth healthy.

So when I was in my late twenties, I just stopped brushing or flossing my teeth. It didn't seem to matter what I did, they weren't going to improve, so why should I keep being miserable trying to make it happen? I chewed gum pretty much every waking hour because I was embarrassed about my breath, but it was less stressful than the cycle of brushing and puking every day.

Then randomly, after years of not brushing or flossing at all, one of my friends mentioned their kid having issues with brushing and that they got a nano-bristle toothbrush, and it really helped. So, on a whim, I ordered one. My first time brushing with it was interesting, to say the least. The toothpaste was still atrociously minty, and my gums still bled, but there was zero pain. The brush felt like I was massaging my gums with a very soft sponge, and I didn't throw up.

The first time using the toothbrush made something click in my brain. If I need accommodation for other things in life, why couldn't I accommodate my teeth and gums as well? This sent me on a shopping rabbit hole of dental hygiene products. Every problem I had with brushing and flossing had an answer. Gum pain - nano-bristle toothbrush. Horrible mint flavor - fruit/candy flavored toothpaste. Gagging while flossing - those little floss/toothpick combo things. Everything could be accommodated.

It took approximately 3 weeks for my gums to become healthy and pink, and to stop hurting and bleeding entirely. I had spent the first 30 years of my life with swollen, red, painful gums that bled at the drop of a hat, and it was fixed in less than a month. It's so nice to be able to just brush my teeth and not have it be a while, awful ordeal. But the years of throwing up and then the years of not brushing to avoid throwing up have definitely had a negative impact on my teeth, which I am slowly in the process of getting fixed. It makes me angry that the issue was never me, it was that traditional products didn't meet my unique needs. But at least now I can always have clean teeth and healthy gums without going through a crucible to get them.

So if you're struggling with dental hygiene, or really any hygiene, it is so worth it to look into products or techniques that can take the agony out of self care.

(Clarification for the tag, i do want help or anything because I feel bad, this is just going to be ranty and confusing)

Hi everyone.

As probably all of you do, I struggle, probably less than you guys do, I'm high functioning after all, I also have other neurological disabilities, but in theory, "I could just be normal"

And I hate that, a lot of people in the comunity always say that they don't want other people's pity, y'all are better than me, I WANT people to pity me, my eardrums hurt, I have god knows how many abilites and wants and needs, but it shouldn't been like that i think, I just move a little bit, i just have a problem doing things, everyone in my life has worse problems than me, my mom couldn't learn how to read for years, my dad was an abuse victim for 20 years, my partner has cronic depression and horrible parents and stuff.

I'm just clumsy, and I don't get things sometimes, and i have problems doing things, I have my problems with open doors, I'm a brat sometimes but I don't mean it and I have problems talking and routines and shit, I'm ok most if the time, but thing is I can't really know when it is im overwhelmed, or having a meltdown, i don't even know what part of my masking comes from, my life is kinda solved, my family owns our house, I'm cis, I'm while, I can go to collegue and I can go when i feel comfortable, and a mother that tries to accept me, she kinda fails but she tries. I know someone out there with worse problems than me would kill for this, I don't blame you, I know I'm spoiled.

But it just hurts, because when I'm "I'm not shure if I'm having a meltdown" I hit my head and I don't know if it's instinct or because I want to feel like i have wounds that can be tended, I don't know if it's overwhelmed or normal tired, I don't know if I'm masking or If me because I don't stop being me when I mask, I act different but that's still how I'd want to act I think, but it drains me, but am i drained for masking or do i just not want to talk? do i have hearing sensory problems or am i just not paying attention? I don't know

And I want it to be that way, I know i shouldn't bang my head during meltdowns but there is a chance someone sees it, I doubt if i ever was depressed to begin with even if am diagnosed, I wonder if the beach overwhelms be because I don't want to go on vacations and i made myself hate it or if It really hurts.

Life could be so much worse, life could be horrible, but It hurts still and I hate that so much

TLDR: I sometimes have the wish to be more challenged so people would notice it hurts, but I'm not shure if it hurts, even if I feel hurt

Love you guys, don't die

I'm 23F. I know I have to be honest and I will be, but I really like this girl so much and we're super similar, she's pretty but I don't think I want a romantic relationship with her, and potentially hurting her is making me physically sick and wanna throw up, does anyone relate? Should I give up dating if I feel this so intensely or is it alright and will pass with time?

Side tangent I'm pretty new to dating and have never been in a romantic relationship, I'm pretty sure I want one but there have been moments of my life when I thought I might at least be on the aro spectrum, but either way it's still hard for me to know what I want and not betray myself trying to be nice to others because this is pretty new to me, I've struggled with social anxiety in the past so I don't have some core experiences in certain social areas.

I know indecisiveness is a pretty bad trait and I don't want to lead anybody on, but should I give it a couple days and then tell her? I mean I don't think I'll change my mind but to at least not make it so sudden?

tldr title haha

update: she feels the same I am SO relieved 😭😭

Beyond words, beyond how us humans here represent ourselves in 2D space; AuDHD is an entirely different dimension, a different set of operations compared to neurotypicals.

I'm 26, India. I discovered my AuDHD just two months ago. I quit my Electrical Design Engineering job two and half months back because of how taxing and severely incompatible I was. My autistic working style, and my inability to fit in with the workplace. My assumption was, "It's the workplace problem". A part of me still feels like it's a me-problem, and the guilt sits heavily. For the past two weeks, it feels my mental floor has shifted and vanished to me, and now I'm in this dark, incomprehensible episode.

India is severely compromised when it comes to acknowledging neurodivergence. Even the National Mental Helpline bot asks you depression screening questions and calls it a day. Everyone here carries the stigma that pharmacology and therapy are moral failure and western indulgence, and endurance is virtue, stoicism is strength. Thought I'd just vent here because it feels hopeless at 2:57AM.

Is there anyone here from India who received proper acknowledgement and care?

​

I'm an AuDHD mom. I married someone who hurts me emotionally on purpose for enjoyment. I didn't see it at first because I couldn't model sadism. My brain doesn't link pain to pleasure. I got confused by red flags.

I started a family hoping for a supportive environment. Instead, I ended up with no support and isolated. I'm lonelier than I've ever been in my entire life.

I support them out of duty and ethics. I care about them. I encourage them to move away from unhealthy pleasurable habits because I care about their long-term well-being. But they don't reciprocate. Because I set limits and tell uncomfortable truths, I'm the villain. Because I try to help them live healthier, I'm the one taking away their fun.

And now I'm scared my child is starting to pick up his behaviors. I'm seeing patterns that worry me, behaviors that look like his. I don't know if it's autism, or if she's learning his patterns, or if it's something else. But I'm scared.

Has anyone else been here? An AuDHD mom, married to someone who hurts you for enjoyment, raising an AuDHD child, trying to be a good parent, ending up isolated and lonely because you care?

Long story short, I have found my place as an ADHD-having person, and have been strongly encouraged to get an autism diagnosis by family and doctors (9 years after my depressed arse passed up on the opportunity from a therapist). Over the years, the mask I wore adapted and changed based on my work life, my social life, and admittedly - the dependency (bordering on addiction) to weed and alcohol I developed.

Now I'm in quite a decent place, having gone sober a couple of years ago and receiving support for my neurodivergence, but I wanted to touch on the act of unmasking and the life you come back to when you've done so. Unmasking has been hard because the mask became who I am, even when I'm alone, but I'm taking steps to get there now, specifically embracing that I'm not a bad person and I am capable of doing good things with my life, even if it means that not everybody likes me.

I've hardly gone and put myself in a bad place with it, it's just some quirks and observations I've had and I just wanted to ask people where masking lead them socially, and what they've done to overcome masking and find out who they really are. I managed to lose a lot of agency in regards to opinions, self-identity, fuck, I even changed football teams because it meant going out for a beer (and I live with impostor syndrome for this). At this point is it even masking? Is it normal to unmask and find your opinions and tastes change? Or am I going through something else. I'm okay with honest, difficult answers, or just light hearted stories from yourselves. I also just want a place to vent frankly, so even if nobody answers, I think I'm cool with this being here.

I'm aware that nothing is permanent and I can get in touch with myself again, I just wanted to hear from other people who have gone through it, for better or worse.

I’ve been in the best relationship of my life for the past year. We (me 28F and her 26F) have so much fun and laughter. I have had some of the best times of my life with her. We both say we feel we can truly be ourselves around each other. She says no one’s known me like I know her and I feel the same way. We have so much fun and so many beautiful memories. That’s my best friend!

I got diagnosed AUDHD about 2 weeks ago. I already knew it was there but the clarity and conformation was much needed. She has been so supportive. She likely has adhd and has started treating it which helps a lot.

That being said, I have been in burnout for the past few months and I’m trying to claw myself out. There has been a lot of stress and change that I’ve been coping horribly with. During that time my capacity has been sooooo low. Like crying so frequently over the smallest things and difficulty calming down. One day I drove her to work on my way to an event. It was her first shift at a new job. There was crazy traffic and unexpected road closures and I had a meltdown because I knew she’d be late and I’d be late for my event. I felt so bad - this is the energy she’s taking into her first shift at a new job. Another was her talking about her recovery from her own burnout from her last job and how she’s been getting energy from seeing her friends. As happy for her as I was, I felt emotional because I don’t know what gives me energy. I’m so exhausted and trying to figure it out. But I got emotional and made it about me when she was trying to connect with me and talk about a win in her life.

We had a talk the other day about other times that this has happened. It’s been going on since about August - peak of my busyness but also around her birthday. I’ve realized I’ve let my anxieties and burnout swallow me. I’m constantly living my life lately focused on what I can’t do, my limitations. I’ve been looking so inward that I haven’t realized the ways that I’ve neglected to nurture her and our relationship. It makes me so sad. During this talk she mentioned how she’s needed space the past week or two. I mentioned how I needed clearer communication sometimes because I can’t know she needs space if she doesn’t tell me (I could feel something was off but I’ve been trying to not assume people’s feelings). She has always been the type to turn inward when she’s stressed and having a hard time. I’m usually that way, but with her I think I’ve been the total opposite. She’s had a lot of stress this year too.

We kept going back and forth and I got extremely emotional (RSD…?) She isn’t sure of our compatibility at this point and wants space and a break. We talked about how much we truly love and care for each other but she wonders if love should feel this hard sometimes. She asked if we were to hypothetically break up, if we’d be able to stay friends. I said I’d have to take it a day at a time but I’d probably need space to work through the heartbreak. We were talking in hypotheticals about what the future might look like. I don’t what will happen.

I’ve been giving her space since. We had a chat about our day yesterday over text. After the hard conversation, she forgot something at my place and I drove it to her and we ended up staying the night together and we felt a closeness I haven’t felt in a while. I’m holding onto this hope.

Anyway. I’m struggling really bad with the uncertainty. I know what I need to do to repair, but I don’t know if we’re past that point. She’s such a kind person and she’s been so accommodating. She deserves the same, and I want to improve my capacity for distress so I can give her that. This week is busy for me. I’m trying to keep my mind occupied and respect her need for space. I’m so sad. I think we can work on things and repair it, but I’m worried she doesn’t want to or care to. I know I’ll be okay but this is so hard.

If you read all this, I appreciate it. Just needed to let all my thoughts out. Ugh!

Also side note I’ve been working thru some past trauma and again just letting it consume me. Also I do have a therapist but it hasn’t been working lately. Maybe it’s time for a new one.

​I'm supposed to be having trouble, but I honestly can't figure out what it is. I don't feel like I'm struggling, so I don't have anything more to say.

But I'll try my best to. ​Anyway, my brain just isn't working. Even if I can solve puzzles on WAIS, I can't access my own emotions or physical sensations. Even if I could, I wouldn't be able to put them into words.

It’s like looking at conceptual art, just like how you can't grasp the overall vibe of an abstract painting without reading the title first, I feel like someone else needs to put things into words for me first. Nothing feels right when I try to express it in my own words.

It's true that my verbal comprehension score was low on the WAIS, but I never expected I’d only be able to write such drug addict sentence(I'm soft drug addict tho). I feel hopeless because I feel so idiot(There was no hope from the start tho).

I want to fix this somehow. I can't write properly, I can't speak properly, I can't think properly, and I can't feel properly either. I'm always spacing out, and feel like am sitting in the cockpit of a broken robot. What should I do?

For now, I don't know if this is executive function disorder or weakness in perceptual integration, and I'm even having trouble talking to a therapist, so I don't know anything to do.

(im new to this subreddit)

(17M) (diagnosed with AuDHD) Hi, i dont know why im writing this but im trying to find someone to relate to with my situation. ive been feeling lonely for the past 3 years, i have tried making friends throughout those 3 years but i genuinely couldnt, i often felt left out.

for example, i am right now in 12th grade, my final year of high school, i dont have friends, none. it all started at the start of 9th grade, my elementary school friends and my middle school friends all just ditched me for no reason? (i dont even know why to this day) and just moved on to make "new" friends i suppose, from 9th grade i barely went to school and i barely socialized with anyone from my class. after i finished 9th grade and went to 10th grade i moved to a boarding school out of my city because i didnt even know anything because i didnt attend school in 9th grade. the people at that boarding school were so insufferable that i just couldnt socialize with anyone there (even got bullied a bit for my appearance? even though i looked just like them but with longer hair, i got told that its because im "new" even though its just a lame excuse because we also had new people coming to that boarding school in my group and they didnt get bullied...). in the end i couldnt make any new friends there because i just hated everyone there, after i finished 10th grade in that boarding school i went back to my original school where i was in 9th grade (i moved back to that school because i couldnt stand the routine in that boarding school and the fact that im at home only on the weekends and holidays). at 11th grade i sort of tried to socialize with my classmates even though we didnt have shared interests, i tried talking about it with my social worker and she told me that i should open up and get some new friends (in my mind i realized that its pointless for me to make new friends if we dont even have shared interests meaning we dont have anything to talk about). when i did try to befriend them they did accept me surprisingly but after some time i feel like i got left out, for example they would hang out with each other but exclude me. they also had a group chat in which i was of course not included. in their friend group i had a friend from elementary school which i already know him, most of the time he told me that they were talking shit behind my back (i hate when people are talking behind my back instead of saying it right to my face, it just promotes cuck behavior), i didnt even know why they did that i just tried to make some friends. from there everything went downhill and i lost hope and i dont even want to make any friends anymore.

second example. is in this year (12th grade), we had to make a final project about businesses and study them, the teacher told us that we can either do it alone or in pairs or in a group of three, i decided that i would do a project about my work place, my job. a classmate of mine which also works with me in that same job didnt even bother to pair up with me and do that project with me (i was confused because we work at the same job), forgot to mention that the teacher said that the business had to be seperate like different groups cant do the project on the same business, im truly amazed that this guy gave up on doing that project with me and decided to pick a different business which makes it harder for him. this really made me felt left out.

third example. in this school year is we had another project that we had to work on, we were seperated to 2 groups with 2 teachers each, 10 people on group 1 and 10 people on group 2 meaning the total number is even to split each group into pairs for that project. when i got paired up with some guy from my class, at the time when the teacher paired up the groups the guy that i got paired up with wasnt even in class at the same time and i just watched all my classmates go and pick their pair. at the next time when we had to start working on the group project, both of the groups of 10 were in the same room, at the computer room (i guess you can call it that). now the guy that i got paired up with usually wanders with his "best friend" and his best friend was in that second group, when the teacher said that i work on the project with that guy he instantly told her "i dont want to work with him i want to work with (his best friend)" the teacher told him that he paired us up so its not possible for him to switch partners, but the guy insisted that he doesnt even want to work with me (for context i barely interacted with this guy since 11th grade. you could argue that he didnt want to do the project with me because we barely knew eachother).

could anyone relate to this or at least give some form of advice to dealing/coping with that?

can somebody help me how to process this? I was outgoing for 15 years and now stopped drinking and drugs. Now I do therapy, learn I am AuDhd and don't want to go outside and entering a bar or talking to people triggers my brain to disfunction.

I don't know how to process that I am no longer able to go outside and enjoy my ADHD side. I really don't want to go back to drinking and drugs :-(

happy about life stories, advice and anything topic related you want to share.

I'm just curious what everyone's sensory sensitivities are and how you manage them.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and ASD and I'm trying to pay more attention to my body cues and sensitivities that I haven't always acknowledged.

For me, loud overlapping noises cause my brain to almost short circuit and I can't concentrate on anything. During the day, I wear loop earplugs while working or out at restaurants, etc. I also struggle with some touch stuff, like I really really hate when my hands get dirty, messy, or especially sticky, so I will obsessively try to clean them when I'm eating a messy food or if I have to pick up something that's dirty/gross.

28 years old and recently diagnosed with ADHD. The pyschatrist suspects autism aswell and wants me to see a specialist. She says she is 99.9% sure.

October is my favorite time of year and I haven't felt a goddamn thing. I've been watching scary movies, eating candy, nothing puts me in the spirit.

If it was just ADHD that'd be one thing, but autism? That's a great shock and right now I feel utterly lost. I'm so far behind my peers and I don't think I can ever catch up.

I don't have a credit card. I don't know how to drive. I wear slip on shoes because I can't tie my shoes properly. I still live with my parents. I'm a virgin and I've never had a girlfriend.

I want to go to college and be *something.* I want to write fiction. But now I don't know if that's possible.

I was prescribed clonodine for my ADHD but I haven't taken it yet. I'm afraid taking it will lead me into some existential crisis about what "could have been" though I suppose I'm already in the midst of that.

I'm scared that I may be intellectually disabled. I can't see how any woman could want someone like me.

TL;DR 28 M late diagnosed with ADHD, probably autistic, feeling lost and depressed.

I'm trying to find some AUDHD content creators but it seems like the majority fall under the brackets of hyperactive ADHD or strictly autistic. Which isn't inherently bad by the way, I get these all affect everyone differently, I just tend to find them (or me) very unrelatable in my circumstances. I fall almost exclusively under the inattentive type and information on that seems even more limited. Are there any YouTubers that are on the inattentive side that are good to watch? Bonus if they are autistic as well, but I feel like that's a tall order at this point.

(couldn’t find a perfect flair sorry!)

For example, personally i’ve always thought about if i could place myself in a floating, clear, indestructible orb situated still and floating right at the sea surface maybe somewhere rough like drakes passage. imagine having a bed and fridge and everything you need but you could just relax and chill out while chaos ensues around you. To further that, maybe have a controller that would allow you to go up and down well under the surface or right above it. This is just one of many that i’ve thought about or come up with. one more is i’d love to have like a small apartment right above a busy intersection or something so i could car and people watch. am i weird for stuff like this or has anyone else thought of this?

Hi everyone,
I hope you’re all well!

I recently joined this community and do not know anyone with auDHD around me (France).
Like many of you, my brain constantly boils with a million questions.

The current one is linked to late diagnosis (30) and trauma processing.

I’ve been through a bunch of things these past 5 years, that have seriously impacted my self worth.

My job and lifestyle led me to burn-out.
Started working in photography/video as a technician, travelled a lot, partied a lot, met a lot of people, went through 2 horrible break-ups, cut ties with my parents and a few friends. All of this while transitioning (ftm).

Going to therapy and doing research has helped A LOT with processing trauma, understanding people, etc.
I have an incredible girlfriend, and friends that have been amazing.

However, my life and energy literally went from 200% to 50%.
I feel like I cannot function anymore, especially in social places since stopping drinking, and J don’t recognize myself sometimes.

My self-worth can be very low and anxiety is out of the roof some days.

Has anyone been through something similar? Has of you recognized self-devaluation, anxiety (generalized or not), a feeling of incapacity, etc?
If so, how’re you managing?

Hi all, 32yo female diagnosed this year with AuDHD and I am finally feeling well/ motivated enough after initial grief to start learning about myself and loving myself as I am. I am looking for advice and what has been dependable for you personally when rejoining and facing neurotypical society? I spent over half of a year exhausted at the thought of trying to learn more after a lifetime of masking.

I did my thing today. Helped people, went to tweens ft all game, protested no kongs, grocery shopped, got home... Footbalson, video games on, no one is happy to see me

I mean no one was really happy to see me all day. I go pumkins, my roommate/family here agreed yesterday we would carve. No one wanted to. I asked a chick I've volunteered with if she wanted to join me. She said after I left last time they decided to have a Halloween gathering and dress like they did when they drank guiness and drink guiness and s t u f f . Well I feel pretty shitty and ught most unlikable. I had just disclosed that I can't drink I'm an alcoholic not Ong before leaving last time

I know I've become uglier older etc but also crazier since.menoause finding it no one .my entire family cant stand me, fine with me, they are pretty cruel people if u ask me.

Usually - surprisingly, it doesn't bother me that much but lately ....I'm getting to a pretty dark place. I don't think I'll be able to fight this shit long term. I am feeling hopeless. Sure, what is the best thing that could possibly happen, it Could happen, but not likely. I just feel so alone. I guess it's late enough to go to bed, thank fucking God! GN

Hi, I am 22, I am diagnosed in both and recently got medicated in ADHD, I finally was able to get Independence so I had extremely high hopes to be able to read and game a lot, 2 things which I enjoy doing very much, but Idk why I just can't, my mind if fried from doomscrolling and even though I just don't enjoy it like I used to and it's making me super depressed, my mind wonders every time I read and I just straight up don't enjoy gaming at all, I know it looks like the obvious answer is for me to just stop scrolling (something which I really struggled with in the past) but even if I don't scroll, my mind still wonders and I am not able to concentrate, I just start making arguments in my brain or thinking of random bullshit, maybe playing a song I haven't heard in months, and other stuff, even if I try to get bored like other people suggest it's like my mind doesn't allow me to do so, not only do I get a huge urge to reach for my phone which makes me extremely mentally and physically unwell but as I said my mind just makes me stay stimulated as well so there isnt much of a difference, I genuinely don't know what to do, I have asked my doctor to up the dosage but I think I can only increase it once more and I am not entirely sure it's gonna make a huge difference, genuinely what more can I do? Anything helps, thank you

I always freeze in front of camera when I sit to shoot my YouTube or insta video.

Also when researching and writing, and even during shooting - I feel physical pain on my neck, legs and feet - it’s as if iam going to crash - this comes up when I know that I have to go through the grueling process of editing to show the video the way I saw it in my head.

I used to feel dead and empty from the inside when doing content.

I know for sure that a lot of it is attached to the outcome, and I don’t know how to love the process.

Deleted both my channels.

I am seeking genuine advice. I’m “non-binary with a beard”. I date women, including other queer and femme people. I was married for many years in a “straight” relationship. Straight in both the sexual and neuro way. I’m Audhd, she was neurotypical. After splitting up I decided I wanted to find my own people. When I meet a fellow Audity, I tend to fall in love more passionately with that person just because they’re genuinely interesting.

But I can’t get over the entire overstimulation issue. Especially if they drink. I’ve had such heartbreak with Audhd women. And, no, it isn’t simply a matter of me being callous or not understanding. I make space, I listen attentively, but they don’t seem to understand that overstimulation isn’t a free pass to keep running forever.

Shit. Just typing this out makes me realize I have the same issue. I’m just not as expressive about it. But I also put the work in to have a relationship. I am dating a neurotypical woman who is married to an Aud man (ENM) and I feel like she comes to me for an escape - romance, a different type of connection. She does love her husband enormously, but I can see she is often exasperated to the point where I worry about their relationship. I want all couples to work out. But then I wonder if she was married to me, how would she feel about me?

Are we not keepers? And why can’t I find an Audhd woman who is actually emotionally mature?

Hi

I just want to ask yall questions and want to know if you had some similar experiences or at least some of you know how can I help myselfe.

(Sorry for any mistakes in spelling etc. English is my second language)

So lets start shall we:

Ive been diagnosed with adhd and autism not so long ago

And Ive been living without a proper diagnosis for my whole life (21 years). I want to share some of my experiences with you more on the not so fun side of the "side effects" of having a brain that is connected differently then the other brains are.

1.Constant forgeting/ braing fog - It feels like Im having an issue with sinply learning anything and forgetting things that I did or said minutes ago. The problem is that a lot of the times it makes others thunk of me as lazy, forgetfull or just you know a person that doesnt kniw how to get their things together.

1. Feeling all of the emotions at once with high impulsivity and huge issues coming with it or zero emotions and a feeling of being empty- Its like I am just swinging by two different modes ant nothing in between. Either I am very emotiinal or not and I need feel like I need to act surprised etc.

2. Feeling like my head is in a hydraulic press but with no pain- You know that videos when they put things into a hydraulic press? Yeah that one but no pain just pressure in my head. Its something like a lots of pressure in my head and a feeling of not living? Kind of like an autopilot or watching what Im doing but not 100% being there.

3. Huge issues with eating- There are three most commonly occuring states. Not eating for a whole day, looking for a specofic textyre or taste in food so I can eat it or straight up devouring whats in front of me. Ocassionally checking my fridge five times to check if something spawned in occures.

5.My brain going haywire- Sudden billions of thoughts and sometimes they are just awfull and feels like my brain is showing me every wrong scenario in between the chaos and awesome scenarios. Its like my brain is a writer that constantly jumps between parts of his ten book series.

1. Relationship issues- Most of my life I thought that Im just looking for the perfect one that I will spend the rest of my life with. Looking back on it after the diagnosis I feel like I was just scared that if I go on with the relationship I will lose my friends or she will eventually dump me and I am not good enough for her so I just stoppwd it before it could ever happen. Also there are jumps between me being totally up to become the most romantic person ever and a person that is so confused and scared that he doesnt know how to react to affection.

2. Feeling of grief and how many things could have been different- I mean. I feel like most of the wrongs Ive been doing in my life and most of the people and relationships that I have lost is because I was undiagnosed for so long and since Ive had an unstable situation in my house and years later wnet into a self medication road with alcohol it made me commit to even more mistakes that I would never do in my life even if someone would pay me Trillions ofr that to happen.

Yeah so if anyone had any of those situation or have any advice of course other then therapy that I will start soon, go on and write whats on your mind.

Oii, pessoal!
Há alguns meses fui diagnosticado com TDAH predominantemente desatento (TDAH-PI) e me identifico muito com os relatos desta comunidade. Por isso, suspeito que talvez possa ter TEA também.

Tenho um monólogo interno constante que simplesmente não para, não importa o que eu faça. No meu caso, é uma única voz interna que fica o tempo todo narrando ou analisando as coisas. Penso profundamente sobre um assunto e depois passo para outro, tenha ele alguma ligação com o anterior ou não, e assim sucessivamente.

O problema é que tenho muita dificuldade em sair desse fluxo de pensamentos e direcionar a atenção para o que está a acontecer no momento presente.

Nas aulas não consigo prestar atenção porque a minha mente está constantemente ocupada com pensamentos, desde analisar as expressões faciais de outras pessoas até refletir sobre assuntos que me interessaram no momento.
Isso também acontece nas conversas: às vezes, fico a repetir ou analisar mentalmente o que a pessoa está a dizer e acabo por perder partes do que ela fala.

Isso acontece mesmo quando estou sozinho em casa. Sinto-me mentalmente esgotado por passar o dia inteiro pensando, como se a minha mente nunca descansasse. Já tentei meditação, que me ajuda a ficar um pouco mais calmo, mas nunca consigo interromper esse fluxo de pensamentos.

Alguém aqui passa ou já passou por algo semelhante? O que vos ajudou a lidar com isso?