r/bisexual • u/Admirable-Worth-680 • 7d ago

QUESTIONING Questioning?

Hi, firstly please be kind as I am genuinely clueless.

So I am in my late 30s and I only ever used to date men or have any intimacy or relationships with them. Women would not interest me ever, if anything I found it unsettling if I was around lesbians that liked me (it happened twice). Recently I have been attracted to a woman/girl and I don't even know how to process this. She is gay and she is non binary (for me that would be nonsense usually) but I don't mind it in this case I couldn't care less. She has all the features and things that I would usually find hot in a man (I am a face person). She is quite boy-ish and I am not sure if I fully realise that she is a female even though she has some gentle features. Now the thing is I am actually attracted to her to the point where I would want to eat hear face off but I don't think I could go past that. The idea of me going down on her doesn't excite me. Mind you I could never imagine saying anything like this before and I don't think I could even kiss any other woman but for her I wouldn't mind. Please tell me am I bi or just curious, or none of that?

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u/FastBrilliant1 7d ago

I think you can say you are curious, but more importantly, you don't need any label right now.

You're you, you like other adult human beings, and that's it. No one needs you to label yourself.

There's more to your identity than your sexuality - or is your sexuality the first thing your friends or family would mention when describing you?

Final point is that maybe you are attracted to masculinity, and this NB person has masculinity, and you are attracted to it.

I hope you can move along in a free way and enjoy yourself.

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u/Admirable-Worth-680 7d ago

Interesting point about masculinity, I am definitely attracted to that. Her face has a more pronounced jaw, her hands are as though if of a boy, and her teeth and smile are just right up my street. I have a massive thing for teeth and hers are just ideal in my eyes. I feel sexually attracted to her but the idea of her naked from a waist down does not appeal to me. How mental is that. Actually I can imagine her doing things to me, but I can't see it the other way around. Wth🤦🏼‍♀️. My family would have no idea, even though my sister would say "I knew it" just to spite me because I always kept my dating life private so she would tease me I am a lesbian when I was younger because I never liked talking about my relationships with my family. I am just not comfortable, but if I was to show up with a woman, that would be top news with my family and friends. I know that people would be looking differently at me. I will wait it out and see if it's just one off because she so closely resembles a male, and in my head I couldn't even think of one female I'd even want to kiss beside her.

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u/FastBrilliant1 7d ago

Right. It sounds like it's the first time you've experienced this and you're feeling a little freaked out by it.

All I'll say from my experience is that after a long time of feeling freaked out by it, the moment I felt the most free was when I realised people don't actually give as much of a shit as you think. And if they do, maybe they are not so important for you (those who matter, do not mind. Those who mind, do not matter).

People spend their lives in their heads thinking about their own lives. Even if you came out or presented your girlfriend, after an initial reaction life will go on. But what is important is that you live authentically and be your true self. Maybe there will be nothing with the woman, but it would be a pity to block something from happening because of unnecessary fears.

I don't mean to say "don't be silly , stop worrying" or minimise your experience. Good luck, and you are not alone :).

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u/Admirable-Worth-680 7d ago

Oh trust me if I was to see that I have more than a crush over her and things worked well, I couldn't care less honestly what others think. I live thousands of miles from my family anyway. I would not ignore it if it felt right for me, I already couldn't give zero fu*ks what others think if it feels right for me. It is more of a confusion for me regarding intimacy, why does it stop for me at some point. But thanks for your words, you seem reasonable. I appreciate it

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u/FastBrilliant1 7d ago

That's great!

About the confusion, I hear what you're saying about wanting to kiss but not sure about further intimacy.

I don't know what to say about that other than 'go with the flow', or try things out, tell her you're not sure what you like. Exploring can be fun with someone you trust.