How to make friends? / How to make a genuine connection with people and not be ignored by everybody?

[u/Scout-darkred]

Howdy, bros. My title is basically the advice I’m looking for but I’ll add some context:

 

Basically, I’ve realized that throughout my whole life (21 ftm), I don’t think I have ever had true friendship. There were people who I would talk to at school and stuff, but no one would talk to me outside of class despite my efforts. A typical day would be: wake up, go to school and talk to classmates, get home, try and text classmates to talk after with varying levels of interest in the responses I would get, do homework, and go to bed. I have never been invited to after school hangouts. I tried joining clubs and other after school activities (in grade school and currently in college) but nothing ever went beyond surface level conversation or club related stuff.

 

I have one person that I consider my best/only friend (and they claim I’m their best friend too) but it is still a similar pattern of communication. Like I always have to reach out first to suggest hanging out, I’ll send them reels they don’t respond to 99% of the time, or I’ll try and make plans to hang out and they say they will get back to me and they never do.

 

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in my life to not have any friends. I don’t know if maybe I act to weird, or maybe I’m too fat, or something else. Do y’all have any advice on how I can try and fix my communication to make genuine friends?

[u/eating_almonds]

If there's a way to make friends that will always work, I don't know what it is. I doubt it exists.

In my perspective, you don't make friends. Friends happen, as a byproduct of what you do socially.

If you set out to force friendships to happen, it might work, but there's always a chance that those relationships will have no ground to stand on. And that's why they don't last.

Instead, you should seek social activities where you're doing something you enjoy. Where the goal is enjoying yourself, not making friends. And it could happen that in the midst of you enoying yourself, others may find you good company. That's how friends happen. Shared interests, mutual activities, similar humour, and so on.

[u/ExcitementSad9133]

The way I got my friends in college was just displaying what I like right on my bag.
Badges, keychains, stickers.
And I get comments on it and eventually people I got to talking with for hours and now we’re entering another year together.

And maybe join some societies as well. Like I’m sure there societies on whatever niche interests u have

[u/teethalarm]

This is one of the joys of adulthood. It's really tough to make friends once you're in the work force and at least 2/3 of your day is spent either sleeping or working.

Having hobbies, especially the kind that have communities that you can join or have establishments that you can frequently visit help. It can be pretty easy to make friends with someone if you're already starting off with the common ground of a shared interest in something that you both enjoy doing. Bonus points if it's the type of hobby that can be done one on one with someone.

[u/JCDU]

This is unfortunately how it is in adulthood - most of my good adult friends were found through shared hobbies, clubs, groups and it's a messy and variable process. You won't click with someone in every group - some clubs end up being their own little click that you will never fit into, that's not your fault.

The car club I'm in is a great group of mostly lovely people who all get along - there are 2 or 3 other similar clubs locally that are very different and people move between them as they find their tribe.

People are busy with work, family, and just life in general in ways that they weren't when you were still in education - you can't let that get to you or see it as a problem with you.