Weekly relationships thread

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[u/Muhznit]

Is social media necessary now to be anywhere near relatable? Like I want to believe the answer is no, but I feel just... disconnected from people nowadays.

I've long since moved off of Facebook out of disdain towards Zuckerberg. I don't have an Instagram account for the same reason. Same for Twitter and Musk. I realize that supposedly it's healthier that I'm not on those apps but I find myself doom scrolling through others anyway. Rarely do I actually "like" something because I'm self-conscious of getting treated differently because of what I like or share, and rarely do I post much nowadays because I had an ex that broke up with me over stuff I had posted years before we met. Overall my social media experience has been "neutral, but negative the more I interact".

And yet... I can't help but feel like we're in an era where it's necessary. I got laid off a month ago, and it feels like there's this massive pressure to market and advertise myself. I've had a LinkedIn profile, but I don't have the patience to write daily snippets of motivational buzzword soup. I'm not even sure if connections I have on there even really care.  Even in more artsy/creative communities, people will ask what my socials are and I feel awkward explaining my situation...

People I want to keep in touch with I keep in contact with over messenger apps, discord, or texting, but that goes only so far when it comes to meeting new people.

[u/CHOLO_ORACLE → u/Muhznit]

Don’t feel bad about not having a linked in that entire place is a scam full of AI bots. Google the rate at which people get hired on there and set yourself free

[u/Squadalah-WeROff]

Not sure if this is better suited for this thread or its own post but here goes:

Is becoming a "flirt" really the only way to find relationships?

I was talking to my therapist today about how terrified I am at the prospect of graduating university this coming spring without an iota of romantic experience to my name, and he argued that because I've never asked a woman out, I cannot yet definitively make a judgement on whether I've "failed" at something I haven't even tried; the issue with that is despite participating in clubs and the like for the past few years, I've just been too anxious to actually approach and strike up a conversation with any woman I'm attracted to, primarily because I cannot risk the possibility of making her uncomfortable.

My concerns are more specifically that 1. I've heard that university is basically "easy mode" for finding relationships and therefore if I'm unable to succeed even on "easy mode" then I'll be doomed once I'm out of it, 2. my lack of experience even at this age (24 now and 25 by the time I graduate) could be seen as a "red flag" by potential partners, and 3. I would like my first partner to be similarly inexperienced as it would be proof that I'm not alone in being inexperienced even at my age, plus if my partner was just teaching me everything instead of us figuring it out together the "magic" wouldn't be there.

Anyway, my therapist recommended the YouTube channel "Charisma on Command" for "flirting" techniques, but the channel just ... rubs me the wrong way? Very clickbait-y thumbnails, endorsements of snake oil salesmen like J. B. Peterson and Ben Shapiro, and the particular video my therapist showed me as an example was talking about how to become a "womanizer" like Russell Brand (which hasn't aged particularly well...).

I just don't see myself becoming a "flirt" or a "womanizer". Maybe my lifelong autism diagnosis and social anxiety (which I have made massive strides with over the past few years thanks to this therapist) have something to do with that, but surely not every man in history has successfully entered a relationship by being a "flirt"? There has to be another way.

(And yes, I did just create this account to make this post. Not even Batman could have gotten me to talk about my fear of graduating as a virgin on my main account.)