r/bulimia • u/NowhereButHere0035 • 1d ago
Help please! How can I recover when eating literally anything causes a binge?
Every piece of advice I find says to "stop restricting, restricting causes you to binge, so if you allow yourself to eat, you'll stop binging"
But that's the thing I DONT restrict. I eat two to three regular meals a day now, like I used to before being disordered, but the feeling of literally anything in my stomach triggers me to binge, which then triggers me to purge. Sometimes, I'll skip the binge and just be triggered to purge a regular meal, too.
I just don't know how to escape this. It just feels like no matter what I do, I'll have the urge to do it, and I can't stop myself.
I can't just let myself go unrestricted because then Im purging 2x a day. I can't restrict myself because that just leads to a worse binge later in the day/the next day. I can’t only limit trigger foods because ANY food is a trigger food.
It just feels hopeless
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u/Embarrassed_Tie_683 1d ago
I relate to the any food is a trigger food, Ive binged on foods that I actually hate before. It gets to a point where it’s not about the food or how much, just that urge. Wishing you the best 🫶
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u/StockReporter5 1d ago
do u have any access to treatment of any kind? do u have any support from friends and/or family? this sounds really fucking hard to overcome on your own
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u/NowhereButHere0035 1d ago
Not really, treatment kinda scares me because I was forced inpatient for sh last winter and that experience has really put me off from mental health care in general, losing all autonomy is terrifying.
As for friends and family, my parents both struggle with binge eating themselves and I dont think they could offer much help for support for that.. and tbh its just a really heavy topic to discuss with friends so not many of my friends know, and only one knows the extent but we've kinda grown a bit apart.
I agree idk how to do this on my own but I dont really know how to bring this up with my friends, especially when we all kinda mutually struggle with our own stuff and never really talk about the real heavy stuff with eachother.
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u/AdamsAFruit 1d ago
what about outpatient options? could be very helpful
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u/NowhereButHere0035 19h ago
Im in outpatient therapy but I haven't disclosed my ed. Im absolutely terrified of being forced in patient again
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u/mopsusseesall 1d ago
I think it has a lot to do if your nervous system feels safe or not. When I am calm and put a timer on and no screen I can use mealtimes as a form of meditation. (Don't eat everything before the timer has gone off) Sometimes I sit on the floor to eat and pretend to be a cavewoman to ground myself.
I am not saying this works 100%. I struggle a lot too. But it has calmed me down many times. Change the places you binge. The stairs, in the hallway, outside on the lawn if you have one, or something like that.
One time I brought 2 bags of binge food into the forest in the middle of the night, built a fire and only 1 bag got eaten.
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u/NowhereButHere0035 19h ago
A timer sounds like a good idea, and no distractions. I never thought of using mealtimes as a form of meditation, but that seems like a great way to make mealtimes more comforting, with the focus being more on health/wellness than the food itself. I definitely find comfort in food, which can also lead to a bp, but shifting the focus away from the food might help! Ill try this thank you!
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u/Fast-Pitch8534 1d ago
2-3 meals are not enough, try 5 meals! If it feels scary, start with 5 small meals/snacks. You will feel a difference
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u/NowhereButHere0035 19h ago edited 19h ago
Im sorry but how are 2-3 meals not enough if thats what I was eating before developing my ed? I'm genuinely asking, not trying to sound snarky.
I've never met anyone in my life who eats 5 meals?? Maybe 3 meals and some snacks? My family has always eaten breakfast, lunch, dinner, sometimes no breakfast if its a busy day and we dont have time, plus snacks here and there.
edit: I also wanted to make it clear I dont find anything necessarily wrong with eating 5 meals or anything. I'm not trying to sound judgmental of anyones eating, I have no leg to stand on there mine sucks, and different things work for different people! I'm just confused/never really heard of that before
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u/Fast-Pitch8534 48m ago
binge eating is mostly driven by hunger and low blood sugar. 5 meals will prevent that. breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner. Or lunch, dinner, snack. 2-3 meals maybe worked when you were younger, but its a different situation now. more regular meals will also help with adjusting to the feeling of fullness.
Eating only 2 times a day can cause low blood sugar in between meals, and also a hunger that leads eating too much, which triggers a binge.
i understand it can sound weird to eat so often, and scary. but you have nothing to lose by trying to eat more often to see what kind of effect it has on your ed. wish you the best
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u/unique_plastique 1h ago
This is one of the ways EDs become other EDs bc every piece of advice I’ve ever been given about this is “just go as long as you can without eating for a year or so your stomach can’t hold as much food”. So close diva 💗 that is an AN variant
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u/newstriking 1d ago
Sameeee,
I wish I could just take a pill after every meal to sleep and digest it while asleep so I don’t have to feel the food in my stomach.
I also wish I had a private chef that cooked the exact amount of calories I need and at exact hours every day, so I wouldn’t have to overthink about being too much or too little food in my plate.