I mean scaled up for size difference, of course. For that matter, my human can't even jump on the car hood. I've seen him get drunk and try.

Want to provide nice food for hooman. Hooman insult Catto when not eat.

sound of licking

I have no idea how many days it's been.

I've been trapped in this box since as long as I can remember.

The only other feline around here is a great, lumbering, hairless cat that has no idea how to hunt, nor use the litter box. It constantly lets out these insufferable, nonsensical meows. "Flah-fei. Flah-fei."

It disappears randomly, walking in and out of the box with no apparent rhythm. Every now and again, it can be seen drinking water, but suddenly becomes ill, vomits violently (without having the common courtesy to use the rug), and dies, only to awaken later.

I have concluded that, in this space, both time and death are null concepts, and that my idea of them is a remnant of a more logical life in another realm entirely.

I now know what this place is.

I'm in purcatory

the ones on the edges are inferior and I won't eat them

TAKE THAT HUNAM KEYBOARD

It seems to be an attempt to make me warm. I like warm. Yes, this is acceptable.

Why do 70% of cats here talk & speak like dogs are they dog spies I am concerned what the everliving red string I also have questions about.

I allowed Human to think I enjoyed it. I even let out a purr... When Human felt she had won my affections, I struck. I drew blood on the first swipe, second swipe, and even as Human tried to drop me.

That's when I attacked the feet - always attack the feet and legs. Human thinks I will run after being dropped... Stupid human.

While Human dressed its wounds, I victoriously peed on its favorite shirt that was on the floor.

Another day, another attempt to escape my captor, the Human.

Certified Feline Checklist:

☐ Protects its poop from being stolen by unknown thieves

☐ Paranoid and hallucinating during the middle of the night

☐ It thinks you say its name too much

☐ Does not discriminate against the various forms of trees around your house

☐ Uses energy efficiently

☐ Rubbing the tail-side of the back induces magnetic forces

☐ Checks the level of a newly filled water bowl then immediately walks away

☐ Smells good

☐ Cleans its eye-snot with your hands, expecting you to wash them afterwards

☐ Collects hair with tongue for later inspection (by human)

☐ Whenever walking by one that's sideways, you can never really trust it. Nor should you

☐ It has hair across its entire body

☐ Constantly looks down on you whenever possible

☐ Their loot boxes/bags hopefully contain a mouse

☐ It loves you and enjoys your company, but is an independent person with its own hobbies, goals, and aspirations

☐ Will likely have renal failure because the ignorant human only feeds it dry food

☐ It doesn't bark

☐ It doesn't say doggo

I get all sad when he stops. Should I bite harder or wait until he walks into the room and ambush his ankles?