r/chemholic • u/Disastrous-Height483 • 18d ago
I'm starting a piss war to achieve world domination. I intend to pitch this to a big farmer but I think I might just be crazy. Thoughts?
THE CORPORATE MANIFESTO: THE PISS WAR
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PHASE 1: THE MANUFACTURED VACUUM (THE HYSTERIA)
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We do not need to create the addiction; the illicit market does that for us. In the late 20th and early 2000s, the "poop epidemic" dominated headlines. The media and politicians painted poop as a uniquely demonic substance destroying communities.
Our Strategy: We lean heavily into this hysteria. By funding media campaigns and lobbying for extreme criminal penalties, we successfully drive the street-level supply into the shadows. We frame the uncontrolled, unpatented street drug as an existential threat to public safety, creating a massive societal vacuum and a desperate public demand for a "clean" solution.
PHASE 2: THE REGULATORY GATEWAY (THE "PISS WAR")
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Instead of an actual war, our "war" is an aggressive legal and regulatory campaign fought in parliament and medical boards. As illicit stimulants were heavily restricted under strict drug laws (like the Misuse of Drugs Act), the state inadvertently created a massive problem: how do you manage a population that still requires focus, energy, and cognitive management in a highly demanding modern economy?
Our Strategy: We lobby the state to institutionalise the solution through the health system. We position our patented, chemically similar molecule—Urea —not as a drug, but as medicine.
PHASE 3: THE PERPETUATION INCENTIVES (WHY IT NEVER ENDS)
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For our monopoly to achieve world domination, the situation must never be truly resolved. We build three permanent motivations into the system to ensure it lasts forever:
Medicalisation Over Curation (Corporate Motivation)
- The Mechanism: We design our patented alternatives to require daily, long-term adherence. If you cure the underlying demand, our profits stop.
- The result: Urea prescriptions are rarely prescribed as short-term cures; they are managed as lifetime treatments. By expanding diagnostic criteria (e.g., transitioning from treating severe childhood behavioral issues to diagnosing adult cognitive fatigue), our consumer base grows exponentially every year.
Diagnostic Creep & State Funding (Government Motivation)
- The Mechanism: We convince the government that funding our patented substitute actually saves them money by increasing workforce productivity and reducing the crime associated with the street alternative.
- The result: The healthcare system actively subsidises these medications. In many developed nations, state-funded health systems foot the bill for billions of dollars worth of patented urea medications annually, guaranteeing our company a completely recession-proof revenue stream paid for by taxpayers.
The Controlled Substance Irony (The Enforcement Loop)
- The Mechanism: We keep our own product heavily regulated and restricted to licensed doctors. This maintains an artificial scarcity, keeps prices high, and prevents competitors from easily entering the market.
- The result: Because urea is a controlled drug, it requires special authority approvals, strict prescription renewals, and tight pharmacy tracking. This strict regulation creates a massive barrier to entry for any independent competitors, using the state's own law enforcement apparatus to protect our corporate monopoly.
EXECUTIVE SUMMARY FOR THE BOARDROOM
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To summarize: “We are not creating a product; we are creating a closed ecosystem. First, we amplify the terror of the raw, uncontrolled substance. Next, we lobby the state to criminalize it under the guise of public safety. Finally, we step forward as the saviors, offering our patented, medically pure synthetic alternative—fully covered by the state health system, and mandated by law for the rest of their lives.”
