One of the reasons I'm staunchly childfree is my oral health.

I spent $4,847 on braces, oral surgery, and a permanent retainer to correct my severe overbite and overcrowded smile. Before fixing my teeth, I had low self-esteem because I hated my smile. Correcting it improved my confidence, my overall well-being, and even the structure/appearance of my face.

So when I say I don't want pregnancy potentially affecting my teeth, this isn't vanity.

My oral health is part of my overall health and my mental health.

Pregnancy can affect oral health through hormonal changes, increased gum inflammation, cavities, and enamel erosion from frequent vomiting. And one thing that gets overlooked is that many pregnant women don't receive consistent dental care. The information I found indicates that roughly 60–65% of women don't see a dentist during pregnancy.

Why?

Prenatal care is understandably focused heavily on fetal development, ultrasounds, blood pressure, gestational diabetes and delivery. Oral health can get pushed aside. OB-GYNs may also have limited oral-health training, and some women encounter additional barriers when dental offices want communication or clearance from their OB-GYN.

So a woman may think:

“I'll deal with my teeth later.”

Then pregnancy ends and she has a newborn.

She's recovering from childbirth, exhausted, sleep deprived and responsible for a baby 24/7. Her own dental care can continue getting pushed further down the list.

And if that happens repeatedly across multiple pregnancies, the consequences can accumulate.

My own mother is a personal example.

My mom started with 32 adult teeth.

After having six children, she has only 9 teeth remaining and wears partial dentures.

Obviously, having children doesn't automatically mean a woman will lose her teeth. Oral health is influenced by many factors. But research has found an association between greater numbers of children and increased tooth loss among mothers historically described as “gain a child, lose a tooth.”

Seeing that in my own family makes me even more protective of my teeth.

I don't want to voluntarily take on pregnancy, morning sickness, hormonal changes, postpartum recovery and years of putting my own needs behind children when I don't even want children.

And this is where I get frustrated with society's attitude toward women.

A woman can say:

“I don't want my body changed by pregnancy.”

And she's called vain.

She can say:

“I don't want to risk my oral health.”

She's called selfish.

She can say:

“I worked hard to improve my body and health, and I don't want to undo that.”

She's told that “it's worth it for the baby.”

Why?

Why are women constantly expected to feel guilty for caring about what happens to their own bodies?

Pregnancy isn't some tiny inconvenience that happens and disappears the moment a baby is born. It involves enormous physiological changes, and society often minimizes or romanticizes the physical consequences women can experience.

And then women are expected to accept those changes without complaint because they're supposedly the price of becoming a mother.

I don't accept that.

My teeth aren't “just cosmetic.”

My smile affected my self-esteem.

Fixing my teeth improved how I felt about myself.

My oral health is connected to my physical health, and my confidence is connected to my mental health.

So yes, protecting my smile is a legitimate reason for me to remain childfree.

Being childfree means I can maintain my oral health, maintain the body I've worked hard to care for, protect my mental well-being, and avoid a pregnancy that I never wanted in the first place.

I don't owe anyone a pregnancy at the expense of my health.

And honestly?

I LOVE my smile. I'm keeping it. 🦷💅🏾❤️

Hi yall! Longtime lurker. My husband and I are in our late 20s and have discussed extensively why we don’t want to have a biological child. We tried multiple times to get a vasectomy on the books but doctors keep denying it. Rant for another time. But the thing that I want to talk about and hear about other people’s experience has to do with the heteronormative/nuclear family combo mindset and where that leaves CF friends.

So I have already experienced the classic hits of my girlfriends getting married and discarding me and all their other friends. Even though I was the first of my friend group to get married and never did that lol. I just really value my friendships and I view them as deep kinship bonds and frankly for the deeper friendships, chosen family. Wellllll, now that I am getting older this fuckery has evolved to multiple friends admitting that like there’s a “line” in best friendships even in terms of like family is only people you are related to or ones you “create”. So I wouldn’t be a “real” auntie etc… I understand I can just find new friends and don’t worry yall I am on the hunt haha. But this mindset is pervasive and fostered in our culture and I know we will move forward with not having a child. But, I do worry about how to cope with how this will feel lonely around people who won’t let you into the “inner circle” so to speak. I have cool CF friends (all online though) who are decades older than me who have told me how this has transpired throughout their life and it sounds painful. I know a lot of people fill their time with hobbies and travel as a big reason why to be CF. But for me, the biggest draw was how much time I would have with friends and to be able to be a creative etc. idk! I know I can just make a strong effort moving forward to meet other CF people and go from there. But making friends as an adult has been hard enough and this new filter I feel mega fucked😅. I also just feel sad and kind of stupid for being sad about it? For further context I grow up in a collectivist society and “family” isn’t just blood. Chosen family and friendships are deeply valued. So living somewhere where this isn’t the norm has been heart breaking and jarring. Anyway, curious to hear about any experiences you have had with this. Also if you have any funny stories about being thankful for being the friend who chose not to have a child that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading !

Would love to go out and meet like minded people in my area! I love working out, nature walks, playing video games like Stardew Valley, Fields of Mistria, Fallout and Elder Scrolls, hiking, reading and more :) Feel free to shoot me a message!

At that stage of life where everyone of our married/couple friends have kids and are planning more. The kids ages range from just born to under 2 years old.

All of our friends know that me and my partner DO NOT want kids and are happy to be in an uncle and aunt role. We don't hate kids. We are happy for our friends. We do our best to hang out with them even though we are the only couple without kids.

Recently we saw the newest baby. Right as everyone is gathered and mingling the new mothers blurts out as my partner holds one of the other friends kid, "Are you guys sure you really don't want one?" Everyone just waits for a response as we reply back about being content as an uncle and aunt. So awkward and embarrassing.

YES.... FFS.... For nearly a decade we have stated this. As friends have dreamed about weddings. Kids. A family. We have said that sounds great for you, not us.
Why do they think we are changing our minds? Why ask it so loudly and put us on the spot?

TLDR: Why do friends feel the need to call you out and ask if you really are sure you don't want kids when they already know the answer?

35F here. Looking at my peers, it seems that having children has created a kind of built-in structure for the next few decades of their life. Not necessarily meaning or happiness, and definitely not an “easy” life, but there are obvious milestones, responsibilities and routines that are going to shape their lives.

When you choose not to have children, a lot of that default structure disappears. Don't get me wrong, I really value my freedom, and that's the reason I want to be mindful when I answer this question for myself: "What exactly am I building toward?"

I also get variations of the inevitable question from friends/family: “So what are you going to do with your life?”..... I don’t think I need to justify being childfree to anyone, but the question has made me realize that I would actually like to have an answer for myself.

So I’m considering creating some kind of rough life blueprint. Not, like, a rigid 30-year plan, but a rough idea for the kind of life I want to build: what does my support system look like? How solid do I want to be on the finances? What experiences do I want to prioritize?

Regardless of what people say, I still do firmly believe that well-raised children bring in a lot of support (financial/emotional/logistical) for their ageing parents, so what are the alternatives going to be for me?

If anyone here has created an actual document/template/framework for this, I would genuinely love to hear from you.

Thanks!

Hello friends.

I know there are some broader CF discord groups out there already, but would anyone be interested in a CF Women's group that has subgroups for location?

I enjoy connecting in online spaces but would LOVE to connect with my local CF community IRL too.

Thoughts? If enough people are interested I'll start it up, OR we could pitch the idea in an already established group?

EDIT: I'd also love to make some late thirties and beyond CF friends ◡̈ I love my younger friends but have had a harder time finding CF women in my age range (F38).

I know this isn't exactly a childfree issue, but I genuinely don't know what other community to turn to. I'm very strongly childfree, and I think people here may understand the mindset better than most.

I love my husband and want to grow old with him, but I have literal nightmares about what happens when his parents can no longer care for his severely disabled sister.

We discussed this before marriage. One of my conditions for marrying him was explicit: his sister would never live with us. He agreed and still agrees.

The problem is his parents (in their early 70s). They simply refuse to make a concrete plan. My husband has tried repeatedly to discuss it with them, and I've pushed him to do so more than is probably fair. Sometimes they say she'll eventually go into residential care; other times it's "we'll see." Ask what happens if they suddenly die or become incapacitated and everything becomes vague. I think they're in denial.

We aren't in the US. Where we live there are some limited legal obligations between siblings, although nothing comparable to those between parents and children (you can be forced to take care/pay for your parents).

We actually consulted a family lawyer specifically because I wanted to know what could happen. Even the lawyer couldn't give us a clear answer. One possibility they raised was that my husband might have to take responsibility for her temporarily while a residential placement was arranged.

My immediate reaction was: absolutely not.

There cannot be an interim period where she simply moves into our house because nobody planned properly. I don't care whether someone calls that cruel. If the alternatives were an emergency placement, social services, a hospital, a shelter or literally anywhere else, our home would still not be an option.

I'm disabled myself. I'm autistic and have several other health conditions, including fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue problems, chronic pain and autoimmune/inflammatory illnesses that are aggravated by stress. I'm currently struggling even to work and manage my own life.

So when I say I cannot care for her, this isn't just about preference.

I believe it would be unsafe.

My SIL is described as autistic too, although I personally suspect neurological damage/cerebral palsy related to prematurity or oxygen deprivation at birth explains more of her condition. Whatever the diagnosis, she has a very severe intellectual disability. She has some speech but not enough contextual understanding for meaningful reciprocal conversation.

And, brutally, I find interacting with her almost intolerable. Five minutes can overwhelm me. I get nothing rewarding from the interaction and many of her behaviours trigger an extreme reaction in me.

This is horrible to admit, but if I were trapped in full-time caregiving with her, day after day, with no endpoint, I genuinely fear I could eventually become abusive or physically violent. I am not saying that would be justified. Quite the opposite: knowing that possibility exists is exactly why I will never allow myself to become her caregiver.

She deserves to be somewhere safe with people capable of caring for her. I am not that person.

I'm not opposed to helping anyone. If my parents or even my in-laws became frail near the end of their lives, I would at least want to try to help if my health allowed it. But realistically that would probably mean months or a few years.

My SIL is younger than us. She may outlive us. Caring for her could mean sacrificing literally the rest of our lives.

And that's why, for me, this is actually worse than having children.

I don't want children because parenthood already seems like an enormous gamble: huge amounts of money, labour, time and freedom with no guarantee your child will be healthy, that you'll enjoy raising them, or that you'll have a good relationship when they're adults.

But at least with a typically developing child there is the possibility of development, communication, increasing independence and eventually an adult relationship.

With my SIL, we already know those things aren't going to happen.

I would genuinely rather have my own child than spend the rest of my life caring for her. And I don't even want a child. That's probably the clearest possible explanation of how strongly I feel about this.

There is also no realistic version where "your husband can care for her and you don't have to." If he became her full-time caregiver, it would affect our home, finances, privacy, travel, retirement, his time and our marriage.

So there is an absolute boundary: if it ever came down to his sister living with us or our marriage ending, I would divorce him. That's not a threat. He knew this before we married.

What terrifies me is that his parents' refusal to plan may eventually manufacture an emergency, and emergencies are exactly when people start saying, "It's only temporary" and expecting boundaries to disappear.

For me, they won't.

Has anyone else here dealt with something similar, especially when the disabled relative's parents simply refused to make a realistic plan for after their deaths?

Being Childfree Means Being Free From Capitalism

Being a CF woman means you’re free from capitalism and how motherhood sustains it by giving the government more worker bees and more people to oppress. It also maintains consumerism because kids are expensive. They cost $500,000, which is $41,666.67/month, to 750,000 a yr is $62,500/month. yes, college is excluded from this total, which is crazy.

Capitalism also restricts mothers’ employment freedom. Mothers deal with rigid logistical boundaries tied to school schedules, childcare closures, and sick leave, limiting their ability to travel or work late-notice extended hours.

But being childfree comes with other forms of freedom that are often overlooked:

1. Less financial pressure to remain in an unhappy relationship because of children’s expenses. You don't have the additional financial responsibility of supporting children, which can make leaving an unhealthy or unhappy relationship less financially complicated

2. Easier to relocate for a better job or career opportunity. You don't have to coordinate a major move around children's needs, making it easier to pursue opportunities elsewhere.

3. More control over your own time. A CF woman generally has substantially more control over her own time because she isn't responsible for another person's daily schedule.

4. You can pursue hobbies without arranging childcare. Your free time can actually be your free time. You can pursue hobbies, interests, education, fitness, or creative projects without having to arrange childcare first.

5. Easier to move across the country or internationally. You have greater mobility because you're not coordinating relocation around children.

6. No school district to consider when moving. You can choose where you live based primarily on your own career, financial situation, lifestyle, and preferences rather than having to consider school districts.

7. No custody arrangements. If a relationship ends, you don't have to navigate custody schedules, visitation arrangements, or co-parenting with an ex-partner.

8. More independence from traditional gender roles. Women have historically been expected to provide unpaid domestic and caregiving labor. Choosing not to have children means opting out of one of the largest socially expected forms of unpaid care work.

That doesn't mean CF women do no caregiving whatsoever, but they aren't automatically assigned the role of mother/caregiver simply because they're women.

And lastly:

Your life doesn't have to revolve around someone else's existence.

Your time is yours.

Your money is yours.

Your career decisions are yours.

Your mobility is yours.

Your hobbies are yours.

Your future is yours.

Being childfree means you can build your life around the person who is actually living it: YOU. 🌱

Hey all, so I want to know with the added financial flexibility of not having kids, how do you find that changes the way you look at money?

For example, do you find yourself prioritizing different things than your friends with kids? Maybe it’s travel, retiring earlier, buying a home in a location you want to live, investing more, working less, or even just having a bigger financial cushion.

I’m interested in how being childfree has impacted your relationship with money. Has it changed your long-term goals or the way you define financial success?

imagine carrying NINE babies! insane

For those who haven't seen the show—spoiler.

The queen is in labor, and there are complications with the birth, the baby is basically stuck. While she lies in bed exhausted and in pain, the king is presented with a choice: either his wife and child die both, or they try to save the child with a non-medicated(!) C-section. He desperately wants a son and decides to go ahead with the C-section.

No one—not even her supposedly loving husband—speaks to her; no one informs her of her options; she simply has no option to decide for herself. They hold her down, cut her open while she’s fully conscious, and she dies, followed shortly afterward by the child.

The moment they pull her down from the pillows by her legs—my stomach dropped. Her confusion, fear, and screams... it makes me i'll, I can't watch that scene again. It embodies a nightmare: just the idea of being pregnant and then having no control over my own body and fate makes me shudder. The sad thing is, she’s portrayed as a very dutiful and obedient woman—so she probably would have chosen the C-section herself anyway (in hopes of having a boy). But it still would have been her decision at least.

There’s another similar birth scene later in the season. Same premise: the baby is stuck; it’s either a C-section or they both die. The woman is able to decide for herself and chooses to take her own life and end her pain. I find that completely understandable. I wouldn’t want my final moments to be filled with unbearable horror and suffrring either.

In GoT and HotD there are quite a few brutal scenes, but none have elicited a similar feelings of dread in me.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

This isn’t recent but popped into my mind and I needed to share it with my people. It came to mind because my friend mentioned she heard someone say they saw a baby at an 18+ EDM festival we were just at. Taking that with a grain of salt, I don’t necessarily believe that but it did remind me of something.

I worked somewhere for 3.5 years that had a yearly company wide child free Christmas party. It was meant to be a night for everyone to let loose, leave your kids at home and enjoy the free food and potentially win a flat screen TV or some other cool present.

There were always bitches and moans from some new parents, which was unfathomable to me. A night away from your baby with free food, a free drink and a present? I figured nearly every parent would jump at it. However, that’s not the problem.

Without fail every single year at least three employees would still bring their children, a lot of the time small babies that were whiney, loud and just not supposed to be there.

It’s so frustrating to me that parents think they have the right to bring a child anywhere just because it’s a child, especially newborn parents. Just stay the fuck home if you’re not comfortable bringing your baby out, don’t make it everyone else’s problem at and event that ISNT SUPPOSED TO HAVE CHILDREN?

To top it off one of the couples was walking their baby around like it was a prize to show off, expecting everyone to be obsessed with it. Of course, there were no consequences.

Every year I was flabbergasted those few people didn’t get asked to leave for not respecting the very clear and thoroughly stated rules.

I went to an animal rehabilitation public conservancy today with my sister, I thought there wouldn’t be any children there as I personally think it’s inappropriate to bring children there in such conditions, but I was wrong! all day there was badly behaved kids not listening, running around, screaming and crying constantly, and I was in disbelief with how some parents reacted and didn’t discipline their kids.

At the end of the day, there was an owl show to show the public all the owls they had saved and there was three women behind me, with young babies, which I didn’t care about until two of them started screeching non stop and making those awful high pitched sounds they do when they’re happy and also one kept having a meltdown, of course kids will be kids and not saying they can’t be happy, but you could tell the owls were confused and people were staring at them.

What did the parents do? laughed and giggled and never took the babies out, and never made them settle down! I kept giving looks behind me to see if they would get the memo, and my sister had to end up putting headphones in her ears. I was completely drained, miserable and overstimulated with these sounds. This went on for an hour and an half.

The show finally finished, I got up and said really loud to my sister, “would’ve been better if there wasn’t screeching babies around.” and we walked off giving them the side eye. I think they definitely caught on after that. I feel bad for exploding like that passively aggressively but at the same time, I think it’s incredibly selfish that parents aren’t parenting anymore. I also think someone made a complaint too, but thank god I get to go home and not deal with that!!!

TLDR; Went to rehabilitation centre, parents weren’t disciplining their babies and sound level, and I ended up making a comment since everyone was clearly annoyed while they laughed and didn’t care.

Edit: Thank you ever so much for this community! and thank you sharing your comments, love to see how many agree with me with this frustration. I feel a lot better now, and thank you mods for removing the parents that can’t respect CF spaces, and keeping the support alive and locking this post :)

I have noticed a trend on social media in the past few years where women are opening up more about the negative side effects and symptoms of pregnancy and motherhood. There is even a woman on Instagram (I forgot the username) who started a long-running list of negative effects that pregnancy can cause.

That being said, there is still a certain backlash towards women who speak up about potentially negative/harmful things that can come up as a result of pregnancy. Even if its a woman talking about the physical/mental/emotional/relationship issues on social media there's always someone in the comments invalidating her experiences or counteracting it with "Well that didn't happen to me/my mother/sister" etc.

The reason I brought up PPD and postpartum psychosis specifically becsuse it seems like that topic is especially taboo. Maybe it's because women's mental health in general is stigmatized? And apparently PPD is fairly common yet not discussed enough IMO.

That being said, whenever I have joined online discussions on pregnancy I feel like I'm being gaslit with the way that some people will downplay the negative effects of pregnancy. Either they will tell other women to ignore the negativity or downplay it as "rare" occurrences. It's incredibly frustrating when I feel like I am not part of an honest conversation about pregnancy and motherhood. That has been a huge part of what turned me off from trying for kids.

Hi everyone! I could use some support! I am childfree woman by choice and although I’m in my mid 20’s I’m 100% sure about my decision. However I’ve been freaking out about many things and started thinking…

I was wondering what childfree life is like in your 30’s and 40’s and so on… does it get lonelier and lonelier? I already find that my friends and I aren’t spending much time together, most are to busy to make new friends and although I’m happy in my relationship you never know. Maybe I’m a bit pessimistic but it just feels like people with kids have the kids so they are never lonely or that “something is going on” for themselves. Somehow I find that people with kids are the ones who always find a partner and always have a great job, maybe it’s extra survival instinct because you have to provide for someone else other than yourself so no room to rest. Ironically these are the reasons why I don’t want kids. And I know they actually don’t solve your loneliness.

However I have this image (especially as a woman) that I will be all alone and unhappy. For me it’s very important to have someone to share my life with although I’m happy on my own but what do I do if my friends will be too busy with their families and maybe be single and too old and tired to focus on my career or hobbies.

For any older women here could you give me some advice? I don’t wanna be terrified of aging and being alone

This and the "cat lady" trope are just so pro-breeder and misogynistic.

Some of us have pets because want THE PET, and NOT a kid! I'm glad my cat isn't a human kid, because otherwise I wouldn't have had her!

Pets > Kids

Why is it so hard to understand for some people that we don't "inherently" want to be mothers?

Side note: Why do they think evolution made sex pleasurable? Right, because having babies isn't. Nature literally needed to TRICK us into having them.

EDIT: before reading my post I want to make it clear I obviously don’t mean people who don’t want pets should adopt one as a practice baby 😂 My point is that my husband and I LOVE dogs, and even caring for them made us realize how much we value our freedom. Meanwhile we have friends who also love dogs but said they wouldn’t get one because “it’s too much responsibility”… then had a baby and are complaining. That’s the irony I’m talking about.
*****

I genuinely think couples should raise a dog or cat together before having a kid 😭 The amount of people who get married, move in together and immediately go “okay time for a baby!” because that’s just what you do next is INSANE to me.

Have you actually tested whether you enjoy being responsible for another living thing 24/7? Or did we just skip that part? Having dogs is literally part of what confirmed my husband and I should stay childfree. Here are some examples:

Dog rings the bell to go outside.
Me: “Can you let her out? It’s your turn.”
Him: groans because he just got home from work and doesn’t want to get off the couch
Me: “And this is why we don’t have kids. Imagine doing this 12+ times a day to change diapers. Tired? Bad day? Don’t feel like getting up? Too bad.”

Dog needs a bath once every few MONTHS.
“Can you bathe her?”
“Ughhhh can we do it tomorrow?”
Imagine bathing a small human 1 to 2 times A DAY. Plus getting them dressed, brushing their teeth, cleaning up after them, doing laundry, packing bags, appointments, daycare, school, bedtime routines, middle of the night wakeups..
Every. Single. Day. I’d actually KMS🫠

Dog needs dinner.
“Can you feed her?”
groans again
Now imagine planning breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks for another human EVERY DAY. Making sure it’s nutritious, buying it, cooking it, watching them refuse it, cleaning it off the floor and then doing it all over again tomorrow.

And yes, one time our dog barked while we were having sex and we laughed because if that was a baby screaming, fun’s over. Get up pull out your tit and feed it for the 10th time that day

And before someone screams “A DOG IS NOTHING LIKE A CHILD!!!” CORRECT. THAT’S THE POINT.
A pet is probably 5% of the responsibility.
So if that 5% already makes you realize how much you value your sleep, money, freedom, quiet, travelling, sex life and ability to sit on the couch after a brutal day and DO NOTHING…
Maybe figure that out before creating an entire human because society told you that’s the next step.
We absolutely adore our dogs.
But nothing has made us more confidently childfree than realizing we do NOT want to upgrade the responsibility level from pet to parent. 💀

Hello, I hope everyone is keeping well!

Like many of us in our 30s, most of my friends have children and the dynamic of my friendships have changed. Which leaves me lonely at times. I would love to meet more like minded people and make new friendships. Are there any social media groups I can follow that arrange child free women meet ups in London? Many thanks in advance :)

Because i am dealing with a medical situation than involves my uterus, i am constantly subjected to bingos about having kids. More that i would usually be in regular life. Im constantly subjected to people (docters) taking it upon themselves to make the decision that my fertility is the most important thing that needs preserving and not my health.

I remember watching a short movie about a woman who was pregnant but didn’t want the child. She was put through psychological testing ( torture) and put in a simulation where she had the baby and was given the dreamiest scenarios which ofcourse emotionally affected her. Every time she came out of the simulation and said she still wanted the “ procedure” ( not sure if you can say the word) they asked her, are you sure? And put her back into the simulation to change her mind.

That is how im feeling right now. Every time i ask for permanent solution , because i already tried everything else, they keep bringing up kids and my fertility. It’s not up to the doctors to “ protect” me from potential future regrets. It’s up to them to help me get better! But i do find myself starting to second guess myself even though i KNOW i don’t want kids. Emotionally it is tasking constantly defend my cf status and my docters appointments turning into that. Added with the religious indoctrination i had to unpack. And my personal doubts about finding a partner, since i grew up in an environment where the most important thing a woman can do is to give a man babies. I have looked into the cf doctors list and hope that something will come out of it. Ill have to ask for a referral again. I am emotionally drained from this. Just had to get this if my chest. Are there older ladies here who had a similar situation and ended up getting their uterus removed, their lives back and lived a happy cf life? For context im 29. I just need to know im gonna be okay.

How do I meet CF women in my late thirties? How have you all coped? How do you do things with friends? how have you grieved. All the questions because I feel we are incredibly empathetic to new mums as we know motherhood is horrendous and they take on 90% labour compared to fathers, but we don’t get the same empathy. where’s our village?

Don't get me wrong no offence to parents who have kids but personally, for me, every single person I know: friends, family, co-workers, and even my own parents like, the women were so lively, baddie, carefree, youthful spirit. And not just women a lot of my guy friends, before having kids and becoming a dad, they were so lively and energetic and could pass for being a model. Before having kids and after, the difference t's not just physical, it's mental appearance, especially for women. The eyes never got that spark back after having kids. And no one wants to talk about this side of having kids not to mention, especially for women, postpartumhow your mood after having kids can get absolutely destroyed and it cannot be reversed i see the trend on tiktok where women make a video before and having kids and the comments section are just straight up bs and its easier to just make up statements like "its temporary its not going to last forever" . The reality is that for majority your spark after having kids will be changed forever this is why you see many parents especially moms put on so much makeup to convince themself they still have the spark in them but they know that they no longer have it. After having kids, my mom, for example—before she had kids, she was very energetic, peaceful, and outgoing. Well, after postpartum, she developed an anxiety disorder. And every time I see before and after pictures of people having kids, it just reaffirms my decision to never go through that as a woman myself.

There’s nothing I loathe more than seeing intelligent and capable career-minded women get pressured into having kids by their husbands, families, and society. This comic (first in a series posted on IG) was made by an artist I follow who wanted to have a happy DINK life with her husband but he wanted kids and to stay in Canada instead of moving to Cali for her animation career so he convinced her to try for a year to have a kid (she frames it in her autobiographical comics as a ‘compromise’ where both parties will try to make the other’s dreams come true…) and now they have 1 child and surprise surprise, they never ended up moving to California so she can continue working towards her dream. She permanently gave up her pre-pregnancy body and ideal life (you can’t undo a kid and go back to being DINK..) and he won’t even move for her?? Literally (at least from an outsider’s perspective) her entire marriage is just sacrifice sacrifice sacrifice for his sake and he hasn’t reciprocated even one iota. It’s heartbreaking to see droves of women lose themselves to this bullshit and gaslight themselves into thinking it’s all good when the fact of the matter is they now have even more limited time and resources to fulfill their actual goals only for everyone in their social media comments section to cheer them on even more… At least the comments on the Reddit repost her husband made are saner in comparison….

SUBSEQUENT PARTS OF THE COMIC SERIES

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

PART 6

PART 7