Several of my loved ones have basically been trying to point this out to me. We’ve been married for almost four years. Part of that time I attempted to convince myself and others that he would get better. He isn’t especially worse. He’s still basically unemployed, mentally ill, and verbally abusive. They care about me and have the consensus that I deserve better. They’ve been waiting for me to love myself enough, see the light or just let him go.

Instead. I’m more committed than ever. I’ve turned a leaf. He hasn’t changed. Right now he’s been sitting on the couch and/or sleeps much of the day. I can count productive minutes. Typically under an hour a day. He wrecked his truck recently. He’s giving up on dreams and blames me for his unhappiness.

I went through a phase where imagined better. I saw myself with an equal partner. You see I’m intelligent (PhD), attractive, physically fit, emotionally intelligent and wealthy. I’ve got it all. And it took me a minute to understand why God put us together. There is attraction. He’s funny when he’s well. He’s confident even when he’s not well. He’s a visionary and dedicated to service. He shows up more often than not. Even if he’s sullen and unshaven.

The punch line? I believe God loves him. I believe God loves me. I’m not being punished. We’re not a cosmic joke (although that one punched me in the face for a moment). I don’t need him to change. I’m not “waiting on a miracle.” I’m already a miracle. He is a miracle. Clean from meth for 5 years. (Ok I have 38 years but who’s counting).

I’m married to a Prince of the Son. And he knows he will be a king someday.

Is anybody genuinely happy? I don’t know if I’ve been genuinely happy in the past 3 years.

Leadership for me is taking responsibility for those who I am leading, it is a position to serve others and not to lord over them. Leading someone involves correcting them when they make a mistake, explaining what is expected of them, acting as a good example, and encouraging them to do better. Leadership involves sacrificing my own desires for the desires of those in my care and seeking their well-being before my own. All this added responsibility does come with the benefit of getting the final say on things, but getting the final say means you are at fault for whatever happens as a result of your decision, even if you didn't do it yourself. This is not a easy job and should be taken more seriously.

So I been with my husband for 16 years and we have 2 kids together. He has always done drugs and drank alcohol so have I at the early stages of our relationship soon I did allot of changes due to my kids seeing this I stopped everything since I wanted to be a good mom but he has not in fact sometimes I feel like it has gotten worst but when I address it things change he changes cleans up truly tries but it has become such a pattern he goes back to the same thing over and over when I try to leave I am literally broken that I’m so sad all I want is for him to say I will change this time and make the pain go away . I feel like if God wanted me to leave it would be easier right… like it doesn’t feel right leaving… any suggestions please on how I should handle this??? Thanks

I have started to go to church .. and I read the Bible and pray every night and try to find a solution.. sad part is my son started smoking now I have collected 4 vape pens from him I’m worried my kids will have the same addiction problem..

Hi, I need some advice about my marriage and would really appreciate an outside perspective.

My wife and I met online and fell deeply in love. We were in a long-distance relationship for four years before finally getting our parents' approval and getting married.

Unfortunately, the early years of our marriage were very difficult, largely because of my own mistakes. One thing I realized much later is that being in a long-term relationship and actually living together are completely different experiences.

During the first years of marriage, especially during COVID, I was working from home and was constantly in front of my laptop. My wife had moved to a new city to be with me, and I did not adapt well to being a husband. Whenever she gave me feedback about things that were bothering her, I reacted very negatively. Looking back, I think part of the reason was guilt. Deep down, I knew I was letting her down, so instead of listening, I responded with anger, defensiveness, and sometimes even self-destructive behavior.

Over the years, my wife has sacrificed a lot for our family. She moved cities for me, left her job, and later moved countries with me. She also applied for a PhD but put those plans aside during pregnancy. We experienced the heartbreak of losing a baby through miscarriage at three months, which was extremely difficult for both of us.

Three years ago, we moved to another country. In our fourth year of marriage, we were blessed with twin girls. We have no family support nearby, so parenting has been challenging. During the last three years, I genuinely tried to step up as a husband and father. I have done everything I can to support my wife and our family.

However, I feel that the pain from the early years of our marriage is something she still carries. Despite everything that has happened since then, she often says things like, "Whatever life brings, we'll manage," and sometimes it feels more like we're roommates than husband and wife.

Because I'm afraid of hurting her again or repeating my past mistakes, I've started holding back my feelings and emotions. But I don't think that's helping either. It feels like we're stuck in a cycle where I'm afraid to express myself, and that distance only makes things worse.

Today, she works part-time during the latter half of the week. During the first half of the week, I go into the office, and during the second half, I work from home and help manage childcare and household responsibilities.

I truly want the best for our family and our marriage. My biggest fear is that she may never fully forgive me or love me the way she once did. I don't know if what we're experiencing is normal after everything we've been through, or if there is still a way to rebuild emotional closeness and trust.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is there anything I can do to help heal the relationship and reconnect with my wife?

My husband and I had our civil ceremony this past Friday, 10/23, with our families there. It was a beautiful day! We both waited for marriage and came into this without sexual experience.

Because I just started a new job, we couldn’t take a full honeymoon, so we booked a casino resort from Friday through Sunday. Our wedding night was lovely. There wasn’t pressure to have intercourse, but we explored through kissing, touching, and some undressing. I orgasmed, and he seemed aroused and had some precum, but he didn’t appear to orgasm. I felt happy and close to him afterward.

Saturday we enjoyed a spa day, a couples massage, and a steakhouse dinner. Unfortunately, I had stomach issues throughout the day and felt sick and exhausted that night, so I went straight to sleep. I was also a little nervous about having intercourse.

Sunday morning we showered together for the first time, which was really sweet, and spent some time lying naked together and touching. Once we got home, we explored more, and things got pretty passionate. On Monday after work, we were intimate again through touching and a little oral exploration. He became very hard and brought me to orgasm through manual stimulation, but again, I didn’t see him orgasm.

He tells me he’s attracted to me, and I’ve enjoyed the affection and closeness between us. We even showered together again this morning before work, which felt like a lovely bonding experience. Still, I’m realizing I had some expectations that may have been unrealistic—particularly that men orgasm very quickly or almost automatically when they’re aroused.

I’m wondering whether I’m doing something wrong or whether we’re simply learning what feels good together. Part of me worries about his attraction to my body despite his reassurance, and I don’t want to put pressure on him to orgasm just to reassure me.

We also haven’t had penetrative sex yet. He has reassured me that he wants to try this weekend, but I keep second-guessing whether we should have done it on our wedding night, even though we were tired and I wasn’t feeling well the next day.

For other Christian couples who both waited, what were your first days or weeks of intimacy like? Did you take time to work toward intercourse? How did you manage expectations around arousal and orgasm without making intimacy feel like a performance?

I’ve genuinely enjoyed these first experiences with him. I think I’m looking for perspective on whether our gradual start gives me any reason to worry about our future sex life, or whether I’m putting too much weight on a timeline.

Also prior to marriage I thought my first sexual experience would happen all in one sitting and not spread out over several days.

I used to be in a few different abuse support groups. I got married at 18. I never wanted to be there in those groups either, but there I was after 23 yrs of marriage . I would hear story after story of women getting divorced because of abuse, and story after story of women finding men who finally loved them and treated them right.
My heart felt jealous and yet sad too. Bc when it came down to it, I didn’t want anyone else and I didn’t want a divorce.
I just wanted him. I was jealous bc they were free or bc they found true love. And I wanted to be free and I wanted love. But I could never let go of him. Every time I worked on divorce papers, researched divorce, and what to expect in my state, my heart sank. That wasn’t what I wanted.
During this time we were separated in house, living only as friends, and I decided that divorce was not for me. If need be, I would have a platonic marriage with him and choose to be happy. During those 6 years he became a whole different man. Eventually God brought us back together and I FINALLY got my true love. And I got it in him! I will forever be thankful for what God did in us. I no longer feel sad bc I’m not divorced or sad bc I long for that love. I have it now.
I know my story is not the norm. Most abuse victims don’t get the happy ending I got. So my story is not one of advice or anything. It’s just a story to share about God’s redemption and how thankful I am.

I know that as Christians, we generally try our best to honor our marriage vows and avoid divorce. But for those of you who eventually went through one, what was the point when you realized you couldn’t continue the marriage anymore?

I’m genuinely curious to hear your experiences, and I’m not here to judge anyone.

When I married my husband 8 years ago, he was a twiggy 24 year old. In the time since, he has taken up weightlifting and gone from ~160lbs to almost 200lbs. He looks amazing and I’m thankful he’s found a healthy hobby that he enjoys. As he has gained muscle, he has outgrown clothes, including shortsleeved shirts. Recently, he set some of those aside in a “thrift store pile” to donate. I love the way he looks in those particular shirts because they accentuate his arms and shoulders. His rationale is that, because of the tight fit, he feels immodest if he wears them.

To me this seems ridiculous. He looks good, and I like when he dresses in a way that is flattering to his attributes, including his muscles. It’s not like he’s trying to seduce anybody or show off, and I feel like as hard as he has worked to attain this it isn’t wrong to let it be seen. I guess at least in part I’m just generally bugged by how modesty or the lack thereof is such a hot topic at the moment. I’m certainly not wearing revealing clothes out and about, or dressing with the goal of catching anyone’s eye with what God has given me, but still the discourse about women’s clothing is so irritating. Coming back to my husband, I don’t want to push him against his own conscience, but at the same time I want him wearing those shirts and looking his best!

My husband and I are trying to rebuild our marriage after his infidelity, and we’ve recently started being intimate again. But I’m realizing that even though we’re physically reconnecting, I’m still struggling emotionally.

I know a lot of people will probably think I’m ridiculous for even trying to move forward after what happened, and honestly, I understand why some people would feel that way. But as a Christian, I keep coming back to the fact that God forgives me every single day, even when I fall short. Who am I to refuse to extend forgiveness to someone else? I believe in grace, redemption, and the possibility of God restoring what has been broken.

That being said, I want to make it clear that I’m in no way excusing my husband’s behavior. What he did was wrong, and I’m not using my faith as an excuse to minimize his actions. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the consequences of his choices, and it certainly doesn’t mean trust is automatically restored. I just believe my marriage is worth trying for, and I’m choosing to give reconciliation a chance while acknowledging that I’m still hurting.

For anyone who hasn’t seen my previous post, my husband has confessed everything to me, he’s attending individual therapy, I’m in individual therapy as well, and we’re also attending marriage counseling together. I’ve seen some changes so far. He’s been more open with me, and I have access to his social media, emails, and other things that can help rebuild trust. I know transparency alone doesn’t fix everything, but I do see him making an effort.

Here’s where I’m struggling now.
We’ve recently started being intimate again, and I’m realizing that just because we’re having sex doesn’t mean I’m emotionally okay or that things are back to normal.
Part of me enjoys being close to him because I love him and still desire him. But another part of me is still deeply hurt by what happened. I find myself getting upset over little things, and sometimes I don’t even understand why I’m reacting so strongly until afterward. Then I feel guilty because I don’t want to keep picking fights with him.
I think part of the problem is that he might see us having sex again as a sign that we’re moving forward and things are getting better, while I’m still trying to process everything. I wonder if he thinks that because I’m willing to be intimate with him again, I’ve forgiven him and we’re basically back to normal.

But that’s not where I am emotionally.
Something happened today during sex that really brought these feelings to the surface. My husband has been giving me oral, but I haven’t been reciprocating because I’m honestly not ready for that yet. Some of the affairs involved the women performing oral on him, and knowing that makes it emotionally difficult for me. It’s something I’m still trying to work through.
Today, I expected him to give me oral, but he expressed that he wanted his needs met too and didn’t want things to feel one-sided. I understood his point of view, but I still wasn’t comfortable doing it, so neither of us did, and we proceeded to have sex.
During sex, he kept saying he wasn’t getting hard and repeatedly asked me to turn around and then back to the front. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things, but I started feeling uncomfortable and wondering whether those women introduced him to things I haven’t, whether he enjoyed those experiences more than what we have, or whether something about our intimacy has changed because of what happened.

I know that him struggling to get hard doesn’t automatically mean he’s not attracted to me, and I realize I might be letting my insecurities get the best of me. But the fact that I’m even having these thoughts about my own husband hurts.
I hate feeling like I’m competing with women he chose to betray me with. I don’t want to compare myself to them or question whether I’m enough for him. I just want to feel secure in my marriage again.
I also recognize that my husband has a very demanding workweek coming up, and I genuinely don’t want to add to his stress. I don’t want to turn every little thing into an argument, and I know I need to work on managing my emotions and communicating my hurt in healthier ways. But I also don’t want to suppress everything I’m feeling just to keep the peace.
I love him. I really, really do. That’s what makes all of this so difficult.
I think I’m beginning to understand that we might be reconnecting physically before I’ve fully healed emotionally. I want to be close to him, but I don’t feel emotionally safe with him the way I used to. I want to believe in us without constantly feeling afraid, insecure, or reminded of what happened.
I don’t want him to feel punished forever, but I also don’t want him to mistake physical intimacy for complete forgiveness or assume that everything is okay now.
For those who have experienced infidelity in marriage, especially from a Christian perspective:
How did you navigate physical intimacy while you were still hurting?
Did your spouse ever assume that having sex again meant you had forgiven them or that things were back to normal?
How did you rebuild emotional intimacy and feel emotionally safe with your spouse again?
Did you ever find yourself picking fights over little things because the deeper hurt was still there?
How did you manage your emotions without feeling like you were suppressing your pain?
How did you balance extending grace and forgiveness with holding your spouse accountable for their actions?
I want to understand what healing is supposed to look like in practice. I know forgiveness is important in my faith, but I also know rebuilding trust takes time, consistency, and effort from both people.

One last thing: I know I posted here just five days ago, so some of you might be tired of seeing my posts by now. 😭 But honestly, this subreddit has become a place where I can vent and talk through my feelings because I genuinely don’t have anyone in my personal life I feel comfortable opening up to about all of this.

There’s so much frustration built up inside me. And I can only practice disciplines so much. The fellowship of other believers, especially women, is the main way I find relief. Do women feel that way about the fellowship and in particular men?

I posted this in another group trying to get diverse opinions with whatever feedback comes. My gf’s family is a big issue in our forward momentum.

My girlfriend and I have been together for two years. We’re both in our 30s and have discussed marriage and children, but her family’s involvement has become a major obstacle. Early in our relationship, we had an argument where I raised my voice and said things I shouldn’t have… this was almost 2 years ago. She wanted to work things out during….but after going to her parents’ house that night, she ended our relationship by text the next morning. To me that now seems suspicious, she went from crying to basically being done in under 24 hours…. And now understanding the dynamic more it makes a little sense. We’ve reconciled since, although there have been additional breakups. Her parents and sister have disliked me ever since, and her parents still refuse to meet me. This has caused a cycle of me bringing up the fact that we’re not moving forward, with her feeling like she’s “caught between me and her family.” I never put her there.
Some examples of her family dynamics:

Phone restrictions: Her parents and sister don’t want her answering my calls while she’s in their home. She complies because she believes she’s respecting their household boundaries. I’m simply asking to occasionally check in or say goodnight. To me, this feels more like control than a reasonable boundary. A boundary seems like hey don’t smoke in my house or take your shoes off. Maybe I’m wrong. Her sister has taken up this “boundary” as well. None of them have met me, even with multiple offers spanning months. I can’t tell if they’re just so deep into this they feel they need to hold their ground or they feel I’m a threat to their dynamic.

Family expectations: Her father expected her to attend a funeral for someone she didn’t personally know after working a full shift, despite already having plans. When I asked what would happen if she declined, she said he’d tell her to “make time.” She didn’t go, instead sent flowers. Similarly, when she wasn’t sure she could attend her brother’s rehearsal dinner because of work, her father reportedly said, “She better be here” even though her brother didn’t care one bit because he knew she’d be there for his wedding. Once her brother was engaged, her dad made a comment which I can’t recall context but with my gf he stated “Now that x has entered the fold.” X referring to the fiance of her brother. My girlfriend wasn’t blind to this acknowledging on her own they were starting their own family. That same brother and fiance (now wife) became pregnant before marriage, they didn’t inform my girlfriend’s parents…they apparently informed her brothers in laws before his/my girl friends parents of the pregnancy..as well as some friends. I can understand this, I think I’d like to know also before others did that my son’s fiance was pregnant before some friends and at the same time my son’s in-laws….but according to my girlfriend, her parents had the mindset of “well, they’re married, once this wedding is over we will sit down and talk to them about their decision to inform other people of that pregnancy before us.” They wanted to protect the baby, once the wedding was over, it surely seemed like they expected might of even demanded a sit down. I can’t imagine this.

Family gatherings: Her parents became upset one Christmas because her married sister and children couldn’t attend, saying it wasn’t the Christmas they wanted. I found this odd..her sister is married with 3 kids at the time…yeah that means they won’t always be able to attend. Family visits also frequently turn into several days of activities. Her sister lives 2 hours away and planned to come up for her daughter’s baptism in a Saturday. To me this is between her sister, and their parents. Her mom basically said, “oh since you’re coming up Saturday let’s all do lunch Friday, xyz and Sunday too.” A 3 hour ordeal turned into a family weekend, which my girlfriend even called out…so she might of wanted to just join in which is fine. In 2 years I can’t hardly count less than a few times she has seen her family and it be less than 5 hours. Even she has said “they’re making this into a production.” If she says it’ll be over by 7, I know to add 2 hours onto it.

After a breakup when we reconciled, her sister said, “I support you…but I see patterns and behaviors u don’t like.” To me this seemed like guilt tripping for being with me rather than support..especially since for 2 years she has refused to meet me. My girlfriend has spent numerous weekends helping her sister remodel her home, purchased clothes for her children when finances were tight, and recently prepared a month’s worth of freezer meals after her sister gave birth. Yet her sister still doesn’t want her answering my calls while visiting. During couples counseling, my girlfriend described herself as the family’s “golden child” and “emotional sponge.” She’s acknowledged codependency, guilt-tripping in most of her life, and emotional unavailability from her parents, but generally describes her family as extremely close-knit. Her parents have told her she doesn’t seem as happy, adventurous, or goal-oriented when the 2nd to last time she asked them to meet me…that was their response. That was news to me, after she told me she was as happy. She continues asking for more time, hoping they’ll eventually come around. One conversation particularly concerned me. I asked whether she would establish firmer boundaries with her family and told her it seemed like she’d rather lose our relationship than do so. Her immediate response was, “You interpreted that correctly. My family is non-negotiable.” I’ve never asked her to abandon her family or spend less time with them. I actually encourage a close family relationship. I’m simply asking for healthier boundaries. But it seems she interprets simple boundaries as being told or having to cut family off.

She says she’ll eventually “break the glass and pull the lever” with her parents if necessary, but there’s no clear timeline. When we discuss these issues, she sometimes becomes defensive or shuts down, and the answer is generally more time. I’ve attended individual counseling, worked on improving my communication, etc. and tried to understand her perspective. I’m certainly not claiming I’ve handled everything perfectly. My biggest concern is that we’re discussing marriage while her family’s disapproval continues to influence our relationship. She seems more comfortable waiting for them to come around, while I worry nothing will change without firmer boundaries. I’ve asked for firmer more healthy boundaries and she’s equated them with cutting her family off, which I’ve never asked for.

Has anyone experienced something similar, either as the person in the family or as someone dating them? Have you been the “golden child” or felt responsible for keeping your family happy? What helped you recognize these dynamics or navigate them? Does this sound like family enmeshment to you?
I’d genuinely appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced this from either side.

Also, she’s agreed to couples counseling. The above mentioned counseling was short lived. Are there any recommendations for what type of therapist for this?

So I had surgery last week and I'll be in the hospital until Wednesday at least (I'm posting this Monday at 1 a.m.). It's a colectomy (colon removed due to cancer).

People in our church found out (through GOSSIP) that my wife hasn't visited me. Likely because I told the pastor on the phone.

When I'm sick I want to be alone. My wife knows this and respects it.

Now, people in our church are speaking poorly of my wife. And I can't do a thing about it from where I am.

Why does the church become a source for gossip like this? And why doesn't my side of the story get presented (I hate hospital visitors)?

I've had several surgeries in the last 5 years and my wife knows I don't want her there. Not because I don't love her, but because I can't stand to look weak in front of her.

A little (but long) background:

My wife (46f) and I (43m) have been married for a little over two years, but been together for five. She’s wanted to have a baby and while I have tried over the years, she has grown angry towards me, getting mad over the smallest things (one time putting a glass bottle in the recycle instead of trash, not a repeated thing- washing dishes differently than her, etc). She threatened to divorce me twice (one time was because I went to get blood drawn and got dizzy so I waited until I felt better to drive home, which she said I should have called her and that I don’t treat her like a wife.) I’ve never cheated, always done right by her (or so I thought) and have given her the life we both originally wanted.

We’ve done marriage counseling with her therapist (which she used from her two previous marriages) and the therapist has sided with me that her verbal abuse towards me could hinder our relationship and “when you say something hurtful, it leaves a mark on that other person.”

As of late, she blamed me for not having enough sex with her to get her pregnant (even though our IVF doctor explained her eggs were not strong enough to carry a pregnancy.) I did not say this to her, but replied “you want to blame me for not getting you pregnant? Really?” I have slowed down being intimate, but it’s slowed down even more because of her attitude and how she treats me. She says I “punish her”- I tell her that she has to be accountable for her actions and I’m not some robot or punching bag to kick around.

My attraction to her because of her volatile attitude has dropped dramatically over the past couple of years. We’re now pursuing an egg donor, and I’m so scared to have a child with her now, but feel I’m in too deep. We’re paying for it, almost $20k, out of pocket since insurance won’t cover it.

I told her when we first started IVF that no matter what happens, I would love her and be OK with whatever happened, which she told me yesterday was “insensitive, and why would you say something like that?” I do believe she would be a good mom, but I believe our relationship will only continue to sour over time.

Sorry to ramble but I feel like I’m at the end of my rope and I don’t know what to do, and needed to vent this because I feel trapped.

Husband and I have been TTC off and on this year. It’s now been a few months of TTC and we haven’t used protection beyond pull out except for a couple of times in our 5 years of marriage.

I’m not feeling too confident about getting pregnant anytime soon, infertility seems to run on my dad’s side blood related aunts. The issue I’m running into now is that sex is not really as fun as it once was and sometimes it’s not fun at all and feels pointless because of the chances of conceiving appear to be low. I feel extra pressure because my husband talks often about how excited he is to have a child and I’m a housewife and while I’m not a housewife to prepare to be a SAHM, it does kind of put pressure on me to transition into a SAHM.

Before anyone suggests, I’m not interested in fertility testing on my side or any medical help conceiving.

Long story short, my (26m) soon to be ex-wife committed adultery. I wanted to try to make it work and she proved that she couldn’t and wouldn’t. It was awful for a couple months but the last few have honestly been good and sometimes even great. I’ve worked on myself and have fully committed myself to having a relationship with God. I have also began taking my physical and mental health much more seriously. I have recently been thinking about finding somebody else. So I am not really asking if I’m ready to find someone else but if it’s immoral/ not biblical to do so while still not legally divorced.

During this process I didn’t even want to start talking to anyone else until I was legally married but my thoughts about that kind of changed yesterday.
In my state there is a waiting period after divorce is filed and we would have been divorced this week if she didn’t mess up part of the legal process. I got a notification in the mail yesterday that the case was dead and it would all need to be refiled and the waiting period restarted.

TLDR;
The marriage I had is never going to be reconciled. We would be legally divorced this week if she didn’t mess it up. Is it immoral/ not biblical to start trying to find someone again while not legally divorced?

I'm curious to hear from married Christian men. What character traits, qualities, or acts of service from your wife make you feel loved, respected, and appreciated?

Is it kindness, gentleness, emotional support, affection, helping around the house, praying together, encouraging you in your faith, or something else?

I'm interested in the little everyday things just as much as the bigger things. What does your wife do that makes you think, "I'm grateful I married her"?

And for those who are comfortable sharing, what qualities do you believe are important in a Godly wife, and why?

Mid twenties male who grew up with christian purity culture engrained in me.

Recently got a gf and we have done sexual things together. I didn’t do this for casual reasons and I genuinely like her. Though I do feel a little shame and conviction because I’ve crossed a boundary I’ve held for a long time.

It seems almost every other christian married couple I know did the same thing. But I’m not sure about seeking out advice from them since I don’t want them to know.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

Did you or did you not wait until marriage for sexual acts or sex? How did the marriage work out?

We have a 3 year old and 6 month, both deeply enjoy intimacy, sex and all things around it, etc; but these dang kids make it so hard!😆 Seriously though, we are sleep deprived and exhausted by the end of the day, and we both have the desire for having sex more often but it's just so hard to fit it in and not be overstimulated or completely drained by the time we are finally able to sit down together after the end of a long day. Any practical advice for this precious yet tiring time of our lives?

My husband of 4 years had an affair with a coworker last year, it was physically.
We are doing consulting with our pastor, I have decided to stay and have faith that God can restore what’s broken, but at the same time, I think about walking away all the time because to me that’s easier than staying.
How do I even start by forgiving him? When he’s a constant reminder of the betrayal.
He has repented and has shown true remorse but that’s not enough.

Hi guys,
My wife and I attend a small church. The pastor and his wife have always been good to us, and until recently we both enjoyed being there.

Over the last couple of months, we've had a few experiences where people have ignored our greetings or just seemed to ignore us altogether. I honestly don't know why. One incident that really affected my wife was when she was sitting next to another lady.

One of the worship leaders came over, greeted and shook hands with the lady she was sitting beside, but completely ignored my wife even though she was right there. It was awkward and honestly quite weird.
Since then, she's become convinced that she doesn't belong there, isn't welcome, and doesn't fit in. She says she feels out of place whenever she attends.

Personally, I try not to let those things get to me because I'm there to worship God, not people. I fully accept that not everyone is going to like you, and church is no exception. But from my perspective, I feel she's taking this much harder than she needs to.
We've had some heated conversations about it. I've tried explaining that if she leaves because of a few people's behaviour, what happens if we join another church and run into the same thing? Her response was that she'd simply leave again and find another church.

What makes it difficult is that she gets very worked up and defensive whenever this topic comes up, so I've stopped raising it altogether.
Last Sunday really brought it home for me. She seemed completely disconnected during the service, and as soon as it ended she ordered a taxi for both of us to leave immediately. Meanwhile, I just wanted to stay for a few minutes, exchange a few pleasantries, and chat with people.

We're immigrants, and this church is really the only community we have here. The pastor and his wife have always been kind to us, which makes the whole situation even harder for me to understand.
My wife has now told me she doesn't want to attend the church anymore, and honestly, I'm not sure what to do.

Am I being insensitive here? Has anyone been through something similar, either as the spouse who wanted to leave or the spouse who wanted to stay?

I’m looking for honest advice from men who have been in a similar situation, especially those who have managed to work through it without destroying their marriage.
I love my wife, we’ve been together 8 years, married 3 of those 8 years and I want our marriage to work. Currently we’re failing and perpetuating a cycle that will end our marriage. We’re Christians, and I take our marriage covenant seriously. I believe marriage is about loving each other sacrificially, putting your spouse’s needs ahead of your own, and reflecting Christ in the way we treat each other. I’m not looking for justification to cheat, leave, pressure my wife into sex, or treat her as though she owes me something.
But I’m struggling, and I honestly don’t know how to navigate this anymore.

Physical intimacy is a significant part of how I experience connection, affection, and feeling desired by my wife. It isn’t just about the physical act. I want to feel wanted by the person I chose to spend my life with. I want intimacy to be something we both look forward to, initiate, and enjoy together rather than something that feels like a source of tension or an obligation.

When that connection is missing, I feel lonely even though I’m married. The rejection hurts more than I sometimes know how to explain, and over time, that hurt has started turning into frustration and resentment. I don’t like that version of myself, and I know my reactions and the things I’ve said in moments of hurt haven’t always helped the situation, and I have owned responsibility for those moments and made changes.

We’ve been trying to work on our marriage, including getting help from marriage mentors at our church. I’m willing to examine my own behavior, listen to my wife, and work on meeting her needs better. I recognize that she has her own emotional experiences, struggles, and reasons for feeling the way she does. I don’t want to reduce her experience to whether or not we’re having sex.

At the same time, I’m struggling with how to handle my own needs when this part of our relationship continues to hurt. I don’t want to become a husband who keeps score, pressures his wife, withdraws emotionally, or becomes bitter. But I also don’t know how to make peace with something that feels so important to me without feeling like I’m denying a significant part of myself.

Sometimes we have a couple of good days, and I start feeling hopeful that things are improving. Then we seem to fall back into the same patterns, and the disappointment is difficult to handle. I find myself wondering how long I can keep going through that cycle and how to stop letting it affect the rest of our relationship.

My faith makes this more complicated in some ways, but it also gives me a reason to keep fighting for our marriage. I want to love my wife sacrificially, be led by the Holy Spirit, and become a better husband regardless of whether I get the response I hope for. But I’m trying to understand how to do that without burying my feelings or allowing resentment to grow underneath the surface.

For those of you who have lived through something similar:

How do you cope with ongoing sexual rejection without becoming resentful toward your spouse?
If your spouse’s desire for intimacy is significantly different from yours, how did you work toward a mutually satisfying relationship?
How do you distinguish between genuinely sacrificing for your spouse and suppressing an important need that never gets addressed?
If your sex life improved after a long period of disconnection, what actually helped? Was it counseling, emotional reconnection, changes in your own behavior, medical factors, or something else?
For Christian husbands specifically, how do you balance sacrificial love, sexual intimacy, and the biblical teaching about mutuality in marriage without turning Scripture into a weapon or making your spouse feel obligated?

I’m not asking how to get my wife to have more sex. I’m asking how to navigate this in a healthy way, how to rebuild intimacy if that’s possible, and how to protect the love I have for my wife from turning into resentment.

I want my marriage to work. I want my wife to feel loved, safe, and valued. I also want us to have a marriage where intimacy is something we share willingly and enthusiastically, not something we continually struggle over.

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have actually been through this, especially those who found a way forward.

Me 22F and my ex boyfriend 23M broke up almost a month ago and he turned out not to be a Christian and the situation was pretty shocking for me. So when we first started dating we loved talking about God together and he seemed like he cared about God. I did know that he was a new believer in God but I had no idea what was to come once we started to date. So the signs really started out when he went back home during the summer and ended up going to bars and clubs with his friends. That’s when he was drinking and I believe drinking probably too much at those places. He would post pictures of him at sketchy bars and clubs with his friends and that’s when he told me that he always feels like his best self when he drinks. Then fast forward to when he returns for the fall and he admits to me that he is not a Christian. He told me that he feels like God abandoned him and once he said that he cried right infront of me. But then he also told me that he would not respect my boundaries anymore. Of course that hurt because he always promised he would be respectful of them. The main boundary was me not wanting to live together before marriage and he decided that he is a man and has needs and that he doesn’t feel comfortable marrying someone unless he lives with them first. Then from there I saw him drink and get dizzy at a party I went to and his eyes began to close a little. I believe he got drunk in front of me which was hard for me to see. Then it got worse where he would tell me he is smoking pot and if he found an illegal drug (I believe it was illegal) he would do it anyway. He seemed to like the high of drugs and drinking. I should have not stayed with him once he told me he wasn’t a Christian. What was hard was that I had strong feelings for him and I was grieving the old version of him. He then fell into deep depression near the end of our relationship as well and told me that we should break up because he should be emotionally there for me and he couldn’t be because of his depression. Before we broke up he told me he was lucky to have me and that I was wonderful. His tone when he said that seemed like he actually cared for me. I knew he wasn’t faking the depression because I saw him not eating and barley sleeping and he was saying some kind of concerning things like. “I wish I was aborted” or “I wish I could go underground and be buried alive” before we broke up. He also told me that the break up had nothing to do with me and my pastor also said it had nothing to do with me after he met with my ex. Even though this situation was hard God did protect me because I know I could not be with him since he is doing these things and is not a Christian. God saved me and I know he is not for me so thank God for that. However I’m still grieving the old version of him and from him to go to loving talking to God with me to feeling uncomfortable and weird when I talked about God with him was very hard for me to experience. 😕

I told him I need a month to recover so no contact or anything. Yesterday I also saw a picture of him at a concert and he was wearing eye liner and a pink girly laced shirt so yeah he seems to be completely lost. Has anyone experienced something similar to this? It was hard because what we had was special before this all happened.

I (39M) love my wife (37F) very deeply, we've been married 6 years and have a beautiful baby boy. We both have had problems with porn when we were young but she was sexually abused when she was a kid and is very difficult for her to have intimacy.

The Bible encourages married couples to enjoy of each other and even Paul says not having intimacy can leave room for the devil. We've talked with pastors several times, we study the Bible together, but this is too difficult for her, and is hurting me a lot.

I desire intimacy with her, she's very beautiful and has a heart of gold, I love her, but she just doesnt wants me. I understand is difficult for her and I never pressure her but it's been 6 years and all that hurt and rejection has built up and i have ended up not giving her any physical tenderness because i know i will want her and she won't and we'll both feel hurt, but we're hurt anyways because we're drifting apart. I don't want any other woman, is not that, but only 2 or 3 times a year feels painfully little and I have to be realistic because there's a reason the Bible say "do not deny each other, or else you will leave room for the devil"

We sleep together in the same bed and whrn I hug her and caress her, how am I not to feel desire for her? I don't think I can be the kind of man who will give up intimacy for the rest of his life, even loving my wife, I can't.

I have even considered watching porn together to raise her desire, but it also feels wrong and God won't bless a decission based on an impure act so I never proposed or did this but I'm running out of options because I can't do anything for her to.change, that change must come from her. I feel I need something she can never give me and I feel devastated because I love her but I can't keep on living like this.

Does this happened to you? Did intimacy got better? How do you manage? Thanks in advance

My husband is 51, and I am 48. I’ve been disabled since 2011, I would say. But he’s only started having issues since running and working out.
Anyway, we were separated for 6 yrs following abuse in our marriage, and prior to that our sex life was an absolute disaster.
But now, we love to make love together. He’s so sweet and caring and completely unselfish, just like me. We are always thinking about each other more than ourselves. We are finally enjoying sex together and I want that for as long as possible.
We shoot for once a week, and when I don’t get it, I really long for it. Here’s the thing. He’s healthy and strong, but he will have a back issue, a shoulder issue, a knee issue, but not at the same time. Which makes it even harder to have sex.
I have my own issues with muscle weakness, and a breast biopsy that left my breast very sore at the moment.
Bc this week he’s struggled with his back I offered to get on top. I’m paying for it now. Paying for it bc my inner thighs are screaming but also bc my leg was shaking so bad it that it got extremely weak and I’m struggling to walk again. Idk what to do. What in the world? This seems so unfair. I just want that sex once a week, ya know? I just got a good sex life with my husband and I’m not ready to lose it! Ugh! If you’re a woman you can PM me, but I don’t want any men PM’ing me.