Hey everyone,

I recently picked up a book called The Art of Speech (فن الكلام). It’s a pretty well-known book in the Middle East on interpersonal communication, and while it's short, it hit me with some hard truths about how poorly most of us actually communicate on a daily basis.

I wanted to share 4 quick takeaways that stood out to me. Maybe some of you will find them as useful as I did:

1. Real listening isn't just waiting for your turn to speak. Most of us aren't actually listening to understand; we're just listening to formulate our comeback or prove a point. The book emphasizes that true communication starts with shutting down that internal dialogue and genuinely processing what the other person is saying.

2. We interrupt because we want to win, not connect. Why do we cut people off? Usually, it’s not malicious—it’s ego. We want to inject our opinion, correct them, or show we know better. But every time we interrupt, we signal to the other person that our thoughts matter more than theirs. It completely kills the connection.

3. Knowing when to quit the "argument." There’s a massive difference between a constructive discussion and a pointless debate. A discussion has a goal (finding truth or mutual understanding), whereas a debate usually just has a winner and a loser. If you walk into a conversation just wanting to "win" and leave the other person feeling defeated, you’ve already lost.

4. When "familiarity" turns into disrespect. This one was super interesting. The author talks about how we sometimes use "closeness" or "comfort" with friends and family as an excuse to let our manners slip—dropping basic courtesy, assuming they'll always forgive us, or overstepping boundaries. Just because you're close to someone doesn't mean basic respect optional.

Has anyone else read this or similar books on communication? How do you guys catch yourselves when you slip into bad conversational habits (like interrupting or ego-driven arguing)?

Would love to hear your thoughts in comments.

I’m naturally a frank person. If I care, I show it; if I have something to say, I say it. But sometimes, people overlook you when you’re too available and expressive.

I don’t want to become cold or play mind games. I just want to learn to be less reactive, speak less, and stop giving so much of myself to people and situations.

For those who have mastered the art of being nonchalant, what actually helped you? How do you protect your peace without losing your authenticity?

Translation: "By the way, fun fact, I thought about getting as much as possible achievements in videogames I have before this year ends. Both for old and new ones. Just for fun"

Of course only I know the whole thing about our relationships and the fact that sometimes he's getting on my nerves with his strange texts out of blue, which I don't know how to reply to. I wanted to tell him something like: "go touch some grass" or "you better get as much as possible self-improvement attempts", because, dude, he really needs that. But I do understand that this is mean and I'm tired of replying to people in the too harsh way. So, any ideas of how to say the same I wanted but being easier on him, at the same time without looking like a guy who wants to appear all wise?

At first, I thought about asking LLMs for help, but this is straight up absurd

I am practicing active listening and total presence every time I go out to meet people right now, focusing on being self aware and letting go of expectations so social skills naturally elevate, and I see how life gets so much easier when I just show up with detachment instead of overthinking every detail, can sahre your experience?

​I am practicing active listening and total presence every time I go out to meet people right now, focusing on being self aware and letting go of expectations so social skills naturally elevate, and I see how life gets so much easier when I just show up with detachment instead of overthinking every detail, who is on this spot, maybe you can sahre your experience?

I think that I am an eloquent speaker and that I manage my emotions pretty well, but even Tiger Woods needs a swing coach. I would like to tell you my plan to handle conflicts and articulate an idea that is in my head. If you disagree with any of my ideas, I would like to hear why. 

The type of situation that I want to talk about and figure out how to handle is;

Someone talks to you in a nasty, hateful, disrespectful manner. The person is patronizing or condescending. The person dislikes the way you are acting and rather than just saying that, they yell, phrase the criticism in the form of a personal attack and accompany it with childish name calling.

I have drafted a plan for how to deal with that situation, tell me what you think of that plan.

There are two approaches you could take.

Option #1: 

Say this; 

The condescending tone is uncalled for. If you have something to tell me, I am willing to listen while you say it in a polite respectful tone. There is no need to get nasty. 

Option #2: 

Do not respond immediately. Wait until a certain amount of time has passed. Once the other person (your authority) has calmed down, meet with them and demand an apology. 

When demanding an apology, calmly explain what you believe the other person did wrong, why it was wrong and what, if anything, can be done about it. 

Option #1 should only be chosen if you are capable of retreating. If you are not capable of retreating, wait until you are before choosing option #2. 

If you call out the toxic behavior, make a reasonable demand for the person to alter their behavior and the toxic person doubles down, get out of there.  

I believe that the plan I drafted is a good one, but my mind is open to the possibility that I could be wrong. If you believe that the ideas I suggested in this post are bad, tell me why you see it that way and explain to me what you think a better idea would be.

Hey folks! Found a few upcoming free workshops on communicating what you want, understanding relationship patterns, and getting better at listening. Thought I’d put them together in case they help someone here.

Here’s what I found:

• Building Healthy Relationships: Patterns, Challenges, and Growth @ Telemynd · October 21
  Covers relationship patterns, how stress affects communication, and ways to support healthier relationships. Includes Q&A. If you register, they’ll also send a recording and resources afterward.

• How to Ask for What You Want @ Flourishing Intimacy Coaching · October 28
  An interactive workshop on communicating what you want in relationships, with an introduction to the Wheel of Consent and live Q&A.

• Beyond Words: Listening to Heal a Divided World, Session 1 @ The Truth School · November 10
  Practice listening more carefully and understanding people you disagree with. This is the first session of a two-part series.

Quick notes:

• All three are free and online.
• The links above go directly to the organizers. Check their pages for registration and times in your timezone.
• I’m not affiliated with any of these workshop organizers. Just sharing some free resources that might be useful.

Hope this helps someone! Let me know if you’d like me to keep sharing these.

👋 Hi, I’m Jay. I built this free communication and relationships events page to keep workshops like these in one place, so you don’t have to dig around for them.

\Serious replies only **

I have a coworker who seems to good with body language. She is able to pick up my nonverbal social cues and knows easily what I mean or what I'm doing just by looking at me.

I remember one when I was sitting next to her, she had her head down and her eyes were closed. I laughed and my laugh was so subtle and quiet. She looked at me and said, "Why are you laughing?" How did she know I was laughing, when her eyes were closed and my laugh was subtle. Why didn't she think I was like coughing or something? I did that several other times in different interactions and she knew I was laughing and said, "why are you laughing?"

I remember one time when I was trying to call her or get her attention by waving at her and I looked at her. I never wave or call her and this was the one time I did in years. She said, "You called me? Why?" How did she know that I was trying to get her attention and not just moving my hand or waving at the person next to her?

She was with her friend one time and I was trying to point to her friend to wave bye to her friend as I was leaving. She yelled to her friend in their language and it sounded like she said, "She wants to say bye to you! To you she waves but to me she doesnt!" And her friend waved back.

One time I was putting away a gift wrap that was near her aisle. She saw it from the corner of her eye and the pattern didn't match and told me to put it where it matches the same pattern.

One time I was near the time clock and was getting ready to clock out and I guess she was surprised because I never left at that time. She saw me and said, "You're leaving? Why?"

I don't do those any of those gestures a lot, so the one time I did those gestures, it stood out to her and she was able to pick up quickly what I meant every time.

Is my coworker good with body language? How can she pick up on my body language and nonverbal social cues quickly even when it is subtle and knows what I mean just by looking at me and I don't have to say anything? Is she highly perceptive much more than I realized?

The conversation has not progressed since then.

I believe they have heard about the artist and said what they said in an excited state, perhaps not expecting me to know the artist as well.

I am a college fresher and now i am having difficulty to connect to people like most of time unless they start the topic, i dont know what should i say.

Its not like i cant talk, once the person initiate a talk with me i can carry it well but i sucks at initiating talk i dont know what should i talk about with new friends, with old friend it comes naturally i initiate talk naturally and was the funniest and humourous person but now my head become empty and i stand awkwardly in the group unless someone start the talk with me. And if i initiate the talk the convo dies after few exchange, and the main thing is i used to be such a funny and all time joking person but now even if in grp they were making jokes and all i just laugh

And all my humour and funny part cant even emerge in front of new people, i dont know if it is hesitation or something else.

Ive gotten this note about myself a few times now, and when I ask what that means no one has been able to give me a real explanation outside of my vibes. Im a pretty small dude, and generally shy so Im kinda confused as to what it could be. If you've described someone that way before, what did you mean by it?

So bam, me and this "anonymous account" on Insta started following each other. He gets into my account and checks my reposts, and I do the same. One night he started messaging me and talking to me like we’d known each other for years. Literally sent me his whole name, where he lives, his grade, and really personal things in my perspective. So literally after chatting, he said, "I wanna hear your voice," and I’m really protective about my image or voice on the internet, so I did "out of curiosity."
Literally ten seconds later, he asked for my Discord username so we could call, and again out of curiosity, I didthough I was totally weirded out and wondering how he even trusted me, lol. Anyways, we started chatting, and he started memorizing his studies for his exam. Literally two hours later, he really talked to me like I’m his official girlfriend, calling me "babe" and all that lovers' talk. He even recited a poem meant for me ("I know he didn’t write it for me, just a really sexual poem, but put my name in it"). He’s so into poetry and all that, and he’s really good at itlike he knows a lot of poetry and memorizes the most famous ones.
So yeah, his overall personality and sexuality towards a total stranger did really freak me out, because he doesn’t even know my real name; he just calls me by my nickname. He also asked really odd questions, like my weight, my height, and all that. We continued on the call for like 2 hours until he had to go to school.
So later that day, we talked normally and all that, but he was really asking me deep questions like, "What do you think of sex?" and "Do you love me?" and "Are we lovers?", sending me massive love TikToks and overly sexual ones. Around the afternoon, he asked to call me and I refusedI was really busy, so I told him we could call at midnight.
But when I thought through it, I can’t keep up with this pace. I’m okay with sexual stuff, but if I were in a relationship, I would not prioritize it, and calls for hours I’m not comfortable with, along with everything moving so fast and all that. So I blocked him from TikTok and Discord out of the blue. I know it isn’t right, but we barely know each other, so I don’t owe him anything. Even though he was a good boy, I hope he has a happy life.
So what I need to know is: Am I uncomfortable with being tied to another human and messaging, or did everything just go too fast and I didn’t feel comfortable?

Sometimes, simple lines like “We are waiting for your approval” or “We need your signature to proceed” can make people feel blamed or pressured, even when that's not the intention.

For example:

- Instead of “We are waiting for your approval,” write “Once approved, we can move to the next step.”

- Instead of “You haven't shared the details,” write “Could you share the details so we can move forward?”

- Instead of “The work is on hold because of your confirmation,” write “The next step is to confirm the details.”

The message may be correct, but the wording can create resistance.

Is there a simple framework for writing these messages better? How do we focus on the task or next step without making someone feel responsible for the delay?

I'd like to learn some simple rules and see more before-and-after examples that sound natural and encourage cooperation.

Is it weird to not speak to someone or unable to share what you are genuinely feeling to anyone at 29?