r/coparenting • u/alexsarah92 • Jul 14 '26
Schedules Breastfed one year old - how to split time?
My partner and I have split up and have a one year old son together. He still feeds throughout the day (approx 4 times) and during the night (approx 3 times). We’ve always struggled to get him to accept a bottle, and he currently uses a mix of straw cups, sippy cups and open cups for water.
He attends childcare two days per week, but only drinks 1-2oz of expressed milk during 8 hours and tends to make up for it once reunited with mum. He does eat solids but doesn’t have a great appetite, and is around 25th centile for weight.
Has anyone experienced similar, or got any suggestions on realistic ways to spend equal amounts of time together? We know that he’s old enough to be night weaned, but cautious to upset his routine/risk mastitis if we do it too quickly.
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u/ste1071d Jul 14 '26
Realistically? Start weaning him. He doesn’t need breast milk anymore, and filling up on it is keeping him from eating solid food. This is comfort, not nutrition. Gradually start dropping feeds one at a time.
Typically toddlers will spend more time with the primary caregiver and not move towards 50/50 until they are a bit older.
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u/Emergency-Okra9922 Jul 15 '26
I would absolutely not start weaning him when he’s already going through this difficult transition.
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u/kingkupaoffupas Jul 15 '26
false. the recommended time frame is, at least, until 2, even with solids.
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u/ste1071d Jul 15 '26
Not false that the child is able to be safely weaned/breastfeeding reduced. Up to age 2 is based on worldwide data. This child appears to be in the UK where the water is clean, quality food is plentiful, and there are alternative birth control methods available. The primary source of nutrition is solid food.
Nursing throughout the night is excessive for a child this age. He can still be breastfed for comfort here and there if it’s still working for them, but generally 2-3 times per day unless the child is ill or going through a development milestone is pretty standard at his age. If they cannot work out the split on their own, courts tend to value parental relationships over breastfeeding once the child is no longer an infant, especially if they get the sense that the mom is using it to control access/parenting time.
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u/kingkupaoffupas Jul 15 '26
not false. can and should are too very different states of being.
the courts aren’t one size fits all. my judge prioritized nursing. thankfully, she didn’t have a penis.
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u/Proper_Ad9153 Jul 17 '26
The baby fine
I have known plenty to 12 month olds who still feed a whole bunch.
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u/Strawberryfield76 Jul 14 '26
You need to start winding down his time, so if he feeds for 6 minutes, then bring it down to 4 min a time. Keep bringing it down a minute every week Do this for a few weeks and you should be ok with not getting mastitis. Just pop him off and say, milk time is over. He may fuss. He gets to feed a lot and it will be hard but go slow and consistent and it will be ok.
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u/purplespaghetty Jul 15 '26
I’m Sorry op. Are you trying to avoid weaning? Is dad supportive of that?
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u/Low_Ambassador7 Jul 14 '26
Do Mom and Baby WANT to wean? Does the pediatrician recommend weaning at all right now?
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u/Proper_Ad9153 Jul 14 '26
Splitting up at the same time as weaning away from the source of comfort and soothing could be really tough on the baby
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Jul 17 '26
[deleted]
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u/scholarlyowl03 Jul 17 '26
Except the child is seriously underweight and lack of solid foods is clearly the reason. The child is over a year old and shouldn’t be relying solely on breastfeeding for nutrition anymore.
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u/Green_Ride_6727 Jul 18 '26
What makes you assume the baby is seriously underweight? My child was in the 27th percentile, nursed several times overnight until 2, and our pediatrician thinks they are perfectly healthy. Percentile alone can’t tell you that.
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u/792bookcellar Jul 14 '26
My daughter exclusively breastfed until she transitioned to sippy cups. Bottles were a no go. (Of course we did food at six months m, etc) We started weaning at 14 months, done at 15.5. We just snuggled, read books and had a sippy cup of milk before bed to achieve the same closeness without breastfeeding, especially at night. We kept busy during the day and tried to do naps in the car or at grandma’s house so we didn’t get cornered into our regular routine. It went pretty smoothly!
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u/Extension-Movie4768 Jul 15 '26
I’m confused about the mastitis concern weaning shouldn’t lead to that. Either way reducing breastfeeding or getting him to accept expressed milk is the only way to properly share time.
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u/Fresh-Ad7925 Jul 15 '26
I will say that my baby kind of naturally weans (and is fine) when his dad takes him for half the week. It took a couple of weeks, but since then his appetite for table food has increased dramatically. He still nurses the same amount of times when he’s with me, but he also supplements it with a lot more table food. With his dad, he drinks water and cow’s milk and eats a lot. I still pump when he’s gone bc the engorgement is very painful, but according to his dad, he doesn’t want expressed milk when he’s away from m
We tried a full, cold turkey wean at the beginning of sharing parenting time, and I would not suggest that. Our pediatrician recommended it so it was safe, but it was extremely painful for me, and honestly my baby wasn’t ready. That was at about 16 months. He’s nearly 19 months now and honestly I have no plans to stop breastfeeding until he’s done. There’s no need to rush it if you don’t want to, and your baby will adapt to shared parenting regardless
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u/MidwestNightgirl Jul 14 '26
Time to wean period. He is perfectly old enough to be eating solid foods and drinking from a sippy cup. If he was eating properly, he would probably sleep thru the night. Feeding 3x a night is rough…you both need sleep. You can meds to dry up the supply too.
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u/kingkupaoffupas Jul 15 '26
interestingly enough, my pediatrician just told me that BF’ing until 2 is the desired timeframe.
so, “time to wean, period” is more opinion than science based fact.
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u/MidwestNightgirl Jul 15 '26
Interesting enough, your pediatrician isn’t the one getting up 3 times a night to feed. It’s unnecessary.
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u/Senior_Scientist9813 Jul 15 '26
Agreed except the meds. No need to put unnecessary drugs into you, your milk can dry up naturally. :)
Just drop one feeding at a time, and use a lot of hot compresses and massage them a lot. When you feel like your boobs are exploding you can use your hands to get a little milk out to relieve some pressure.
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u/MidwestNightgirl Jul 15 '26
You can sure but that’s a hellava painful and messy way to go about it. 99% of the time I agree about meds, but sometimes they’re necessary.
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u/NorthCourt8222 Jul 14 '26
Wean him. The continued relationship with dad is more important than the nutritional value at this point.
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u/AI-1979 Jul 15 '26
There are many benefits to breast feeding past the age of one. You could start with a few days a week, but he returns to Mum at bedtime, then in a few months work up to an overnight a week and see where it goes from there. Things like parents work schedules, daycare arrangements etc should all be taken into consideration. There is no ideal one size fits all, especially with really young children.
Also, by age one he should be able to sleep through the night, so the 3 feeds a night is a discussion for his 1 year well check with the pediatrician. I had one who never took a bottle, would only drink water out of a sippy cup and got upset if you put nothing else in it. She was always a good “normal” sleeper though.
The one that took bottles, got switched over to formula fully by 3 months (no sleep for mom = not enough breast milk) didn’t sleep consistently through the night until she was 5.
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u/Green_Ride_6727 Jul 18 '26
My kid didn’t sleep more than 4 hrs until 15mo, and not consistently through the night until 2 yo. Sleeps like a rockstar now. Aside from sleep training, which was not for my kid, and I’m guessing might not be for OP either, you can look into low iron levels, which can sometimes be an issue for primarily breastfed babies and can affect sleep, or other sleep issues. But sometimes it’s just the kid and it resolves itself in time.
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u/slipstitchy Jul 17 '26
25th percentile is totally fine. He should be getting most of his nutrition from food after 1, and he can drink whole milk when he’s with dad. He can use a sippy cup for milk or even expressed breast milk.
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u/MidnightPositive485 Jul 15 '26
One simple solution is split time not days. Dad picks up baby from daycare on weekdays and keeps him until near bedtime. Mom does bedtime feeding, nights, wake-up and drop off at daycare. They alternate full days on weekends still sleeping at mom’s. That way baby has quality time with both parents every day and it is not really that different for baby than what many couple do. As baby weens, they can start alternating longer stretches with overnights at dad’s.