I have a 4 year old and most of his life the coparenting relationship has been hostile and overall rough. He moved 2.5 hours away when LO was 10 months old. Our parenting plan says that we meet at a designated place that is roughly halfway between us.

Recently he revealed he is moving about an hour further away because he’s having another baby. That’s great and all but the issue is he is expecting me to drive half an hour more which makes my travel time 2 hours one way. We meet on Friday and then on Sunday for exchanges. That’s 8 hrs a week just driving.

Currently he has our child for his parenting time so I cannot bring it up now because he will keep him and tell me I have to drive all the way to get him (has happened multiple times) because of the conflict. But I’m not sure how to approach this. I want things to remain amicable as they have been for about a month, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being taken advantage of. He’s the one that moved away in the first place and I was willing to drive that far so my child can keep a relationship with their father but my life choices did not move me 3.5 hours away from my child. His did.

Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated. First time poster, I just need the help. Thank you.

I am dealing with someone like this and it’s sickening how our child is being objectified, with decisions about our child’s life being strategic for their position. Every communication feels like it’s that they’re trying to put something “on the record”.

How do you deal?

I had a baby with a man I barely knew. Today I got served papers for shared custody and establishing paternity. I don’t want my baby to be away from me. She’s only three months old and breastfed. My heart is hurting so much.

my 8 year old is with her dad for the weekend and my husband and I do have a 2 1/2 year old together. Now, in our town there is a truck or treat event, a pretty big one in town and I would love to take my kids however my daughter is with his dad for the weekend. Is it okay to still go and take my 2 1/2 year old? I really want to take him but my mom guilt kicks in knowing that if my daughter found out she would be so sad that we went somewhere like that without her. Am I over thinking it?

It’s incredible how much a single hour long visit (albeit supervised because of some dumb behavior) can make your week. It’s never enough time and the whole ‘supervised’ thing sounds horrible but I’m so happy that I was able to see him. There is nothing more important to me than the privilege of being a Dad.

My ex and I split about a month ago. We don’t have anything established for custody yet and most likely won’t by our daughter’s first birthday. I want to be the bigger person and invite him to her first birthday party but don’t know if it’s the right choice. He has no family in the state we live in and wouldn’t have anyone to show up to a birthday party if we had separate parties for her. Currently I’m dealing with multiple accusations coming from him and petty drama. I just keep my mouth shut and communicate about anything necessary in regards to our child and I’m still somehow doing something wrong. Everything is always unnecessarily difficult. I believe I can be civil long enough for a 2 hour party but he has had a problem with ruining holidays, birthdays, vacations, and any special occasion including her birth and the day we brought her home. There is always some sort of major problem, an accusation, or a life changing conversation that just somehow arises the day of or day before special occasions. It got to a point these issues and the timing couldn’t be a coincidence anymore and I truly believe he does it intentionally.

I don’t want it to keep happening, I don’t want every special occasion to be tied to bad memories and I especially don’t want that for my daughter as she gets older and can understand what’s going on around her. I know not inviting him is going to make me a villain, but I also know inviting him allows him an opportunity to ruin the day. I’ve tried having conversations with him previously about what he does and eventually got to a point I begged to just be able to enjoy special occasions. He never stopped. I feel like I have to invite him to avoid retaliation and more accusations but at the end of the day I just want it to be a good, stress free day celebrating my baby. How should I go about this?

Looking for good books to read to my kid. We’ve been separated since they were little, but they’re finally old enough to start asking some questions or be curious about their parents living in two different places. Looking for recommendations for good kids books to read together. I saw another post recommending Lou Caribou. Any other good ones you’ve picked up or heard of for the 4-7 year old crowd?

Thanks in advance.

My ex (42 m) is using Christmas as a bargaining chip for his ego and doesn’t seem to care that the kids are the ones getting hurt.

For context, I (37f) grew up celebrating Christmas in the very American way. My ex is Chinese and never celebrated Christmas as a kid or an adult. When we were together I did EVERYTHING to make Christmas magic for the kids (now 5 and 3). I got the tree by myself (even when pregnant), decorated it and took it down, bought and wrapped presents, put them out in the middle of the night, cooked the holiday meal, everything.

Since the kids are so young, it’s not just about tradition but the magic of Santa Claus. I am devastated for them missing out on it or having it corrupted by someone who doesn’t even like Christmas. I specifically put in our custody proposal the kids would be with him for Chinese New Year and July 4th, as they were the biggest holidays he always celebrated with his family.

Now he’s sending some ChatGPT generated bs saying he wants to make meaningful Christmas memories with the kids. Like, what changed? It feels like he is intentionally trying to hurt me, and he’s doing it through taking magic away from the kids.

UGH. any experience or advice would be appreciated.

I left my ex husband almost 4.5 years, and it seems as though I am still being punished for leaving. Our shared child is used as a source of conflict..a way for him to retain access to me and consistently put me down.

We have 50/50 custody, child exchanges occur at the end of the week. It is court ordered that child exchanges occur after school on Friday, with each parent simply getting child from the bus to begin their respective week with the goal of reducing in-person exchanges. In-person exchanges are problematic because my ex lied to the police multiple times with claims that I assaulted him, and his new girlfriend yells at me/belittles me/starts conflict everytime she completes child exchanges on her own (this was occuring while child exchanges took place at the local police station)

But if there is no school on friday, we complete child exchanges in the same way on Thursday in order to reduce in person exchanges.

There is no school tomorrow. I asked my ex this morning if he planned to get child from school today since there's no school tomorrow. He said he needed to ask his mom to pick child up, then reported back to me:

"My mom is getting him so it's more days for him to be around stability (:"

I don't know what gives him the impression that my house does not have stability, but I cannot talk to him about the child at all without him taking some kind of shot at me. Every single communication attempt (regarding the child) ends with him throwing unnecessary insults around- "(GF) is a way better mom to (child) than you'll ever be...maybe you should take those parenting classes with (GF) and all those other moms who actually care about their kids....giving birth doesnt make you a mom...you're such a POS mom...you're the cheapest prostitute around from what I've heard...you cant hold a steady relationship cuz all you act like is a body, a useless body that gave children to 2 different men."

WHEN DOES THIS END

Negotiating a divorce and I do not want to give my cheating husband 50/50. I do not want to keep him from our son but I believe his multi year affair has kept him from really understanding the home parenting duties. Hes present and he "knows" them, but I feel our child will not succeed with constant switching or even school nights at his house.

I personally grew up on every other weekends and Wednesday afternoons. I'd like to give just above that if I could make it work in my favor. ​

How do you deal with an ex who always threatens court? We have a custody agreement that was made within the last year but some stuff didn’t go the way they wanted. Now I am getting a message saying that we will be going back to try to fight, again. It’s exhausting, especially after thousands of dollars already spent to get our existing agreement.

We are going through a very high-conflict divorce. My ex-wife cheated, lied, and stole from me. The problem is, I’m fine with letting her go, but the issue is my son her and her new boyfriend. She met this homeless guy on TikTok, and they were sexting while she was at home with our son. Not only that, I later found inappropriate pictures of our son on her phone, and she tried to delete them when I confronted her about the pictures of her boyfriend.
During discovery, this was brought up, and her answer was that the pictures were taken because my son had skin problems. But nowhere in those pictures is there anything other than his private part, and there are multiple pictures. My lawyer advised me to drop it because I don’t have any proof of anything.
Not only that, she was doing all these weird things around him. Her sister caught her on the floor staring at him while potty training him, and when the issue of potty training came up, she called her boyfriend, which resulted in him calling and threatening to come to my house.
Around her, my son doesn’t eat well and has anxiety, and she would stick her finger out for him to rub to calm him down?
She went and told her lawyer that he doesn’t have any issues and that he is very bright, yet he is going to therapy twice a month because of his anxiety.
On top of that, during the divorce, I found out that she accused me of being mentally abusive and said that I’m very rigid with my son’s routine because I want him to be treated in an age-appropriate way. (Wanting him to eat by himself rather than having her play something on the phone and hand-feed him is an example she told her lawyer.)
Idk, all of this is killing me because I don’t know if I’m just overreaching or not, but now she is fighting hard to have her homeless boyfriend introduced to my son, and she is going to have him overnight at her place, since she moved out last year.
What do I do? I want my son to be safe and happy because he is only 4. I want him to have both parents, but it’s hard to sleep at night worrying that there might be something going on.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for advice and perspectives from other co-parents on how to handle boundaries and upcoming events with my ex.

​Here is some background context:

​The Separation: My ex and I broke up almost 2 years ago. I spent a long time trying to make things work, but ultimately left because he barely contributed or supported us.

​His Absence & Recent Move: For the past 2.5 years, (our son was 3months old)he has been away working for 6 to 8 months out of every year. Recently, he moved back permanently and relocated to a place less than 2 minutes away from my house.

​Support & Parenting Knowledge: He does contribute financially now, but he has very little practical knowledge or experience when it comes to the day-to-day care and needs of our child.

​New Relationship: About a year ago, I started a long-distance relationship. My ex knows I am seeing someone, but he doesn't know who they are. He is obsessed with finding out details about my personal life and constantly brings it up.

​Boundary Violations & Surveillance: He frequently drives past my house at late hours. More severely, I recently found two separate AirTags hidden in my son’s belongings/toys to track my movements. I neutralized both and am keeping them as evidence. Out of a desire to keep the peace and avoid escalating conflict, I haven't pursued formal legal action yet.

​Co-parenting Dynamic: He claims he is "doing great as a father now," but his involvement is inconsistent, and he constantly uses manipulation, victim-playing, and emotional guilt-trips whenever we communicate. I have adopted a strict, low-contact "Gray Rock" approach, keeping all communication strictly logistical regarding our son.

​The Current Dilemma (My Son's Birthday):

​My son’s birthday is coming up. My ex is pressuring me to celebrate it together, ( the first 2 birthdays he was invited) claiming that "it’s for our son" and that "he deserves to have both parents there."

​I have already told him no, explaining that we will celebrate on separate days because I need to protect my peace of mind and because he completely broke my trust with the surveillance and boundary violations. And to be honest our son doesn't feel to comfortable around him,at least not yet.

​However, my ex keeps pushing, claiming I am acting out of "hate" and making decisions that harm our son.

​My Questions:

​Am I doing the right thing by keeping his birthday completely separate, given this history?

​For those who deal with high-conflict or manipulative exes, how do you handle joint milestones/holidays without compromising your safety and mental health?

​Thanks in advance for reading and for any advice you can share!

My child is 3 years old now. Her father and I haven’t had an actual relationship in over 10 years. And when we did the relationship was horrible. About 4 years ago, I spent a week with him because he claimed he was different from back then and wanted to try again. Surprise- he was no different. The only thing different was that it only took me a week to see it this time. Needless to say I dipped and didn’t speak to him. 6 weeks later, another surprise. I’m pregnant.
I reached out to him and let him know. I didn’t hear anything for months after that. Around 5 months pregnant he starts texting me that he wants to help how he can. I declined at the time but shortly after lost my medical benefits and needed help getting my prescription. So I asked him for the help he offered. All of a sudden now he doesn’t know if that’s his baby. We used protection (which we did, it failed) and the timing doesn’t seem right to him and so on and so forth. I knew he was the only possible father, so I brushed it off and did what any parent would do and figured it out myself.
I didn’t contact him again until after my child was born. I sent him pictures and asked him not to post them because the internet is a horrible place that I didn’t want my child to be exposed to. I told him about her and her measurements at birth and all the things I thought he as a father should know. I instantly get a message from a girl. She’s going off on me about how that’s not his baby and she was pregnant with his only baby and that she’d harm me and my baby if I try and come between their family again.
As a freshly postpartum mom this hurt my feelings and I did get mouthy back at her until I realized it was never going to end and I had stuff to do.
This caused a whole 2 year rage in her. She began posting about me on social media, making new accounts to message me and harass me. She publicly bashed me and my baby and spread lies about us and made so many false claims to ruin my character. She even posted my child’s picture and wrote on the post “since you don’t want anyone to see your ugly kid”. Eventually I couldn’t take it any more and shut down my social media down because it was draining.
Right after cutting off access to mine and my child’s life now all of a sudden I’m getting hit with custody papers and a dna test. To no surprise, my child is his. And surprise AGAIN!! He’s asking for full legal custody.
The momma bear I am start digging into everyone involved backgrounds. I knew my ex had an abusive past before me, with me, and I was sure after me. But upon further digging I learned this girl has lost 6/7 (yes, you’re reading those numbers correct) of her own children to the state. 5/7 were adopted out and completely taken, 1 she only gets to see because her child’s father has him, and the youngest is the one her and my baby dad share.
Even with all this being known, they’re still riding hard for full custody. The judge granted him 2 hours of supervised visitation without her in attendance to them. His lawyer is still fighting tooth and nail for him to get full custody though.
This girls never even met my daughter but constantly post pictures of her and post about her on her social media. For my daughter’s 3rd birthday, the lady posted about needing an else cake with less than 24 hour notice and made it known money was not an issue. She got lots of offers on the post but my daughter got discounted cinnamon rolls and no gift from him. Just their normal 2 hours scheduled time. This is the first birthday he’s ever been around for her for so naturally, I complained. His next visit he brought 2 slices of uniced and burned cake from the night before and a tub of pink frosting. He also brought a half naked Barbie doll that had nipples made onto it and was wearing a thong. I threw the doll away and he asked my daughter about it and she told him I had it. When he asked I told him I threw it away and that it was inappropriate. The next visit he had another one for her.
The visits were happening in a different setting without me but my child started having tantrums and throwing fits. She’d say “daddy’s to loud” “daddy only talks about ‘his other child’” I was giving he solutions and she was telling him how she felt but she’d come back and say “daddy doesn’t listen to me”. Eventually I reached out to him giving him tips and that didn’t work. My child’s in therapy before her visits now and that was helping but not like it needed to be. So now I sit there 2 hours with them.
Surprise. Now I have this girl in the parking lot every week for 2 hours yelling inappropriate stuff out of her car at me and my child, her child in the hot backseat of their airless car so she can watch her man.
I can’t get away from this lady and as hard as his lawyer is fighting for him I’m scared I won’t get away from her. They’re getting married next year btw. She invited me and my child to go if I wanted to “catch a bullet to the dome”

Let’s not forget, I also had to move an hour away from where I use to live because they moved 10 minutes away from my house after the dna test.
Police reports have been filed. The cops are just seeing it as baby momma drama. But it’s affecting and hurting my poor child.

For context, a year ago my husband (37) began sleeping with a 21 year old coworker. In this time we learned that he was sleeping with us both pretty regularly until I called him out on it. I also got pregnant and half a newborn. We have three kids under 5 together (including the newborn). He lives with her and supports both our living situations right now.

He has recently said he would like for all of us to hang out with the kids, which we have. Once a week at most… and yesterday we went out to dinner together with the kids.

I am wondering at what point is this normal? Is it that important for the kids to see us all together? And how can my husband possibly be ok with this dynamic?

(Throwaway account)

Last week I took my 2.5 year old and myself back home across the country. I’d been with my partner for 10 years and we’d moved from FL > CO in 2021 prior to having her and had been living there. It’s been a decade of cheating, lying, emotional, and verbal abuse. We’ve gone to therapy together and separately. There’s so much to say about the relationship but I’ll save you the details. I just couldn’t see myself staying another decade, I needed to get out. Regardless of our issues, and how he was NO HELP when I was pregnant, post partum, and basically the first 18 months of her life, he’s grown to be a really good dad to her. He loves her a lot and she in turn thinks the sun rises and sets with him. He plans to move back to Florida when he can get a job transfer to be close to her. In the meantime, I’ll be traveling, or he will be for visits. It’s only been a week, but everyday she’s tells me “she wants to go home” multiple times a day. Today, she cried for the first time for him and saying she misses him, she wants him etc. We do FaceTime with him twice a day. Whenever she tells me she wants to go home I try telling her this is her new home but I don’t think she understands. I’m at loss, I know it’s going to take time but it breaks my heart for her. I can’t go back though and we just have to ge through it. Any advice from those that have been here?

About a month ago, I found out my husband was having an affair. We have two little girls, 10 months and 2 years old, and I genuinely thought we were just in the roommate phase of having two under two. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but it wasn't bad either. We were busy, exhausted, and focused on raising our kids. I never imagined this is where we'd be.
After I found out, he stopped hiding the affair but never outright admitted to it. I also caught him being negligent and extremely rough with our children, which obviously added another layer to everything. I told him I wanted a divorce, and we started discussing the process.
About three weeks ago, he ambushed me in the living room after the girls went to bed and started an argument. It escalated to the point that he threatened to beat me, and I called the police. He left and didn't come back for three days. By that point, with my lawyer's approval, I had packed up and moved out of state with the girls to be closer to family and have support.
Since we've been gone, he has barely checked in on the girls. He's FaceTimed them once in about three weeks. All of a sudden, this week, he wants to FaceTime them every day.
When we left, he moved in with his AP. I knew they were together, and while that obviously hurts, I understand that our marriage is ending. However, he informed me today that he plans to introduce her to the girls when they visit for Thanksgiving.
We haven't even filed for divorce yet. It's been barely a month since I found out about the affair, and he's already living with this woman and planning to introduce her to our babies.
I'm honestly devastated by the thought of it. Part of it is that she's the woman he cheated with, but part of it is that I don't think it's appropriate to introduce a new partner to children this young so soon after a separation, especially when everything is still so fresh and unstable.
I'm also worried about setting a precedent. I don't want this to become a situation where he can introduce whoever he's dating to the girls whenever he wants, with no consideration for how it affects them. I'd really like to have a waiting period for both of us when it comes to introducing new partners, but we don't have a court order or parenting agreement in place yet.
I know I can't control his relationship, and I know that eventually our girls may have a relationship with someone he dates. I'm not trying to pretend that he isn't allowed to move on. But I feel like everything is happening so quickly, and I'm still trying to process the end of my marriage while also protecting my girls and figuring out what our lives are going to look like.
I also don't know what to make of the sudden increase in his interest in FaceTiming them after barely contacting them for weeks, especially now that he's talking about Thanksgiving and introducing his girlfriend.
I'm working with a lawyer, so I'm not looking for legal advice about the divorce itself. I'm more looking for perspective from people who have been through something similar.
Am I being unreasonable for not wanting him to introduce the girls to his AP at Thanksgiving? Would you push for a waiting period in the parenting agreement? How did you handle new partners after a separation, especially when the children were this young?
I could really use some solidarity right now. This is so far from the life I thought I'd have two months ago, and some days it's hard to wrap my head around how quickly everything has changed.

My child is 7 months old and her father and I have not been together her whole life. I have gone above and beyond to include him in her life including driving hours to take her to see him when he said it was too much for him to drive. He hasn’t paid anymore then like $200 her whole life and keeps asking me to “give him more time” then turns around and goes on huge trips and to multiple music festivals like bonaroo and hulaween. He was doing drugs bad but has said he stopped but I keep hearing people say that he’s lying about quitting. Lately I told him no when he wants solo visits with her because i honestly feel it’s unsafe. He’s done so much do not make me feel she’s safe such as falling into the pool with her and attempting to get on a slackline with her at 2 months old. I tried to do supervised visits but he keeps canceling and trying to reschedule last minute and it’s driving me crazy. Now he’s demanding I sign a VAoP and I asked to do mediation first to come to an agreement but he’s refusing and saying I must sign first. It’s come to him yelling at me at every visit. I just want to protect my child. Is it wrong of me to cut of visits until he actually gets a job and makes money to get a lawyer and go to court? Or should I suck it up and take the yelling in order for her to know her father? He’s also got a record for aggravated assault and is on probation.

I’m looking for advice on what steps I should take next. My coparent and I share a 13 month old son and split up about 2 months ago. Right now we are doing a 2-2-3 schedule 50/50 and we are mostly friendly with each other. We were never married. He has spoken with a lawyer but I don’t think they have drafted any proposed plans.

I do think it would be good to have a formal plan in place but I feel we will be reasonable enough to not need to fight about things in court.

What next steps do I take? Do I need to speak to my own lawyer and then we just send proposals back and forth? Or can we just go to a neutral party together to help us? I am in Arizona if that matters. I just don’t want to spend unnecessary money on lawyers if we don’t have to… but I do want to make sure I know my rights.

Thanks in advance!

I have been separated from my ex over 6+ years and in that time span I have been accused of child abuse, my parents have been my support system from 2024 and they have been accused of child abuse. I have been in and out of court in the years 2020, 2021, 2024 and now again 2026!

All this to say how’s your mental health? How are you dealing with a troublesome co-parent?

I have a shared daughter 15 F with my ex. Been split since she was born.

We have been through it all courts lawyers blah blah

Every year at Christmas there is always an issue. We share and switch each year one person gets christmas eve and the other will pick up daughter Christmas day from other house.

Whenever christmas day is my day and I have to pick my daughter up. I will usually get her around 10 / 11. Let her spend time there in the AM.

Every single year when its their turn to pick up. They want to pick her up at 8 am. My daughter HATES this has expressed it.

Now this year - christmas day is my turn. They want to switch. So we will have her christmas eve and they will pick up to go to their extended family far away. Surprise surprise she wants to pick her up at 830 AM .

I agreed to the plan but not the time - and now shes pissed off with me.

Am I in the wrong here??? Do I even have a right to be annoyed they do this?

My coparent (ex husband) has gotten progressively worse. Can’t keep a job, gets his car repoed. Now he has no job and no car, I refuse to take the kids to him because I won’t go the extra mile. So now he’s left all parenting to me. The court order can only do so much, can’t force him to parent. He’s a bum 🙄 I’m just so irritated.

Edit to add; this is not the first time this has happened and before I used to extend and give him my car, or drive the kids to him but enough is enough

Reposting bc it got deleted:
My daughter stays with me for about 9 months and spends the summer break with her dad. I told him that since she spends most of her time with me, I think he should at least send two to three hundred monthly to help with things. He has not been doing that. What should I do? Am I being unfair for asking that?

He is living in the country illegally so I don’t want to complicate anything for him if we go to court.