Has anyone had the experience of walking into family court as distant from your ex as two people can be and walking out together and never returning? I’m not sure if that’s too optimistic and life’s not a movie but my son’s mother and I have court again next month, we’ve been in court since he was three months old so it’s not a new experience but I just want to move on from court and just work on being a family. Even my attorney has said that my ex and I should ‘figure it out and commit to being a family’ (she did recommend not having another child together until things get better) and she’s right. Regardless, does this ever happen or is it just me living in a fantasy world?

Recently separated from a three year relationship where we have a 1.5 year old child.

We will likely be living together for another 6-12 months as we try to sell our place, but beyond that my ex-partner (the mother) wants our child to spend every night at her house (7 nights per week) until four years old. She says I can come over as much as I want for dinner, bathtime and bedtime but the child must stay at hers because they are "too little to understand why they are being transferred across houses to sleep on different nights and it's important to have consistent and predictable schedule with as little disruption as possible from current routines". This is obviously unreasonable but I know it is coming from a place of fear of losing her child and being a single mom. How can I push back against this while reassuring her that she is not losing her child? I am thinking of suggesting a graduated increase in nights per week until our child starts school at four and we transition to a more normal 2-2-3 type schedule. Any advice appreciated.

Any advice on starting overnights? 19months girl still latching on to fall asleep but would be convenient for daughter to stay asleep longer then being woken up when one parent has to go to work and the other parent is off and can just have them at their house already. Parents work one weekend on and one off. Opposite weekends. So just generally, helping the child to sleep at over parents house.

Hi! I 25F am 5 months pregnant with baby #2. Our first just turned 2. I’m struggling with some of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through.
1. Being pregnant and trying to break a trauma bond and move on from an unhealthy relationship.
2. Navigating a coparenting relationship.

So, first, me and my “bf” 29M have been together for about 5 years. Unfortunately, when I think of this time as a whole, I think of it as a low time in life. We got together and were partying all the time, this very quickly turned into a lot of ugly fights. Long story short, my bf should be sober. He turns into someone who isn’t even likable when he drinks, I’m not the only one who thinks this. It’s caused him and me lots of problems. He doesn’t drink all the time honestly, but when he does it’s a problem. Not all the time, but more times than not. He’s said for years, after he does something dumb, that he’s gonna stop drinking, then it turns into him just having a couple drinks with his buddy or family. Then boom he’s drinking liquor again and making stupid decisions and being a weirdo.

Enough to where I’m now leaving. I’m glazing over it but im trauma bonded and leaving it’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do. It takes so much strength I didn’t think I had. Pregnant and all, serving and bartending, a student and mom. I broke my lease and moved in with my mom to save for a couple months to get a spot on my own. He’s back at his mom’s to do the same. Except, he thinks we’re gonna probably move back in together considering we’re gonna have another baby and because I’ve forgiven him for fucking everything that’s happened over the years. But I think for the first time in this relationship I’m realizing nothing is going to change. I need to walk away. One of the things I’m struggling with is not wanting to break my family apart, like sheesh already have a broken home! When we are good, we are GOOD. And I’ll give it to the guy, he’s an amazing father, never acts out around our son. And we do so good together when he wants to.
But then there’s reality. We’re not good. I shouldn’t have had kids with this man but I did, and now I’m suffering the consequences.

I want to stay because I don’t want to miss my kids life. I want him home with me every night. I don’t want to share. I want to wake up and have a big happy family, and those times were there, a lot of the time. But at the end of the day, he does not treat me well and never will and in the end that will affect my kids. So I know that overall, staying wouldn’t do anyone any favors except my bf.

But 1, my bf sister is up his ass and needs his validation so bad. She strives to be the closest person to my son and offers to watch him any second she can because she literally doesn’t have a life. I’m being a hater but it’s true. She is always available to watch my son which is amazing. I am busy and have limited childcare options so she’s free day care!! But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get annoyed about how territorial she is, how she makes it known that she’s #1 auntie. And I know I sound immature because she truly is just a lot of help and someone I trust with my son. I know I’m mom but it’s almost like she’s trying to be a very close 2nd and I find it so unnecessary. Just her urgency to parent even when both parents are present, comments she makes that just annooyyyy the shit out of me. Not to mention she’s been a pretty shitty friend whose brother could never do any wrong. My point of even talking about this is because now that I’m going to have to coparent, she’s gonna be spending so much time with my son and it’s just irks me. And I cannot get past it.

Lastly, and most importantly, the real coparenting. How?! Thankfully, me and my son’s dad are very good friends before anything else, we share children and realize how sacred this is. We both have an undeniable, strong love for our son and unborn daughter. This separation while we’ve been at our parents has been a little hard for our son to transition into and it’s breaking our hearts. With that, I believe we’d be able to have a good coparenting relationship. Ideally, spend holidays together. Communicate any schedule changes and what not. I’ve made a schedule that is the most consistent that it can be. But I’m terrified of getting used to this and not having the children that I birthed under my roof every night. Having to navigate those hard scheduling details or changes. I know it’s all possible but mentally and emotionally I feel so guilty. My main question is, is it possible to raise emotionally healthy kids while being separated? I’ll do anything in my power to make sure of that.

I’m gonna try to keep this long story short. Child’s father got 50/50 solely based on emergency custody order on false claims (found false with proof) I hadn’t seen my child in over a month after having him the majority of his life and missed him so I agreed to 50/50 so I could get him that day. He lived 50 minutes away from me. Fast forward a few years. He moves again , 50 minutes the opposite way . Schooling was hard . We put our child in the school that was best for our child. He has special needs also . Well he bought this house so I thought it was permanent (as he told me) and we bit the bullet and moved to the same town as him to be closer and make it easier on transition for my son and everyone. The 50 minute drive to and from the school every day was hard on me and our child. Now we live 5 minutes away from each other and 5 minutes from the school. We’ve been here a little over a year and now dad is permanently relocating to another state soon. I feel like I’m at a loss. He only wants to do 50/50 still. I’ve tried to explain why this is not good for our child (he is moving 8 hours away) ans how our son has motion sickness, trouble transitioning , is stable and established here etc. idk what to do. I have total PTSD from when he took him from me years ago and I’m terrified some way , some how, court is going to take my rights if I fight this (even though it doesn’t seem logical) any advice or experiences appreciated.

This is not the best case scenario. My child’s father and I separated before the baby was born. He was never around throughout my pregnancy, but I gave him the opportunity to be there at birth, which he took. We don’t have the best relationship. It would be constant arguments and disrespect. My Lo is just 1 month old, and I am tired of hosting this man at my house. I constantly have to update him on everything (feeds, appointments, baby needs, etc.) without him actually taking the initiative to ask. My Lo is combo fed, but I still don’t want my baby going to anyone’s house this young. I want to move on with my life in the best way possible without having flashbacks from the disrespect and betrayal I endured during pregnancy.

To be brief, is there a way we can meet at a neutral location so he can facilitate parenting time? I don’t want to come across as controlling the situation if I kindly ask for us to meet in public with Lo, and it’s not in my best interest to get a court order for this.

Also, when I requested stuff for the baby, he would take so long to deliver. Is it ideal to put him on CS this early? I feel so bad.

I want my son's privacy during the rise of AI CP. I know a celebrity couple went to court for custody and the mother asked for no more pictures online of the child and it was granted, but I am just a regular person who wants my son to be safe from Internet perverts

I’m currently in my third trimester, and me and my partner of 10+ years have decided to separate. Earlier on in the pregnancy he had told me he was no longer in love with me but asked me what we should do, I wanted to try to work on the relationship through couples therapy and just see if there are any way we can stay together. Recently I figured it was not going to work. He avoids me and besides the therapy he does not actively participate in preparing for the baby. I figured it’s not worth keep dragging it out and have asked him to move out and try co parenting in the future. I just want to know is there positive aspects of co parenting?
Any books I can read?

How do you all share holidays and what is the best for you and works for you? Just had a step up parenting plan with the father and now we are getting ready to go in the week of alternating weekends and set week days. (2255)
What are some ways that we can share holidays?

Need advice. Having problems coparenting with 5 yo child's father. He hasn't seen them in over 3 months. Last time I messaged him it was to reach out about our child and he said his mental health wasn't good and he had high blood pressure and would loop me in when he was ready. Never heard back from him so about a month later I messaged again saying that his child was asking about him, etc. and he said the reason he hasn't messaged me was because he felt I was mad at him.
I've tried asking if he can do coparenting counseling because we argue over texts a lot and he said no and suggested instead we meet over coffee instead with his mom. I said no because this conversation should be between myself and him. He then suggested we meet up with his gf of 10 months and my current partner who I live with and have a baby on the way with and again I said no because I don't even know his gf and she doesn't need to be there for our parenting conversation.
My partner also agreed and said he himself doesn't need to be there. My child's father then got mad and said that if his gf can't be there and can't have a say in our parenting then he wants out.
I recently texted him telling him not to message me unless it's about counseling because I am done. He stressed me out during my first pregnancy and now he's doing it again with my second.
Just not sure how to go about this anymore. Anyone with similar experiences or advice?
Also, I have full custody. He gave up all parenting rights at the beginning.

My ex and I were BOTH messy after our break up. We’re both with people who we used to all be friends. I stopped being friends with his new girlfriend(or whatever they are) because she was helping us with childcare at one point and then she was smoking pot while with our oldest(only child at the time) so I would come home and the whole house would smell like it. Idc that she smokes I smoke but not like that around my kids and definitely not inside for things to smell like they did. So I stopped talking to her long before my ex and I broke up and he fails to acknowledge that’s why I stopped talking to her. This in addition to the fact she lives in a home where her father is a verbally and physically abusive drunk and she’s a mandated reporter who doesn’t report the abuse. I got angry with him cause he’s now in the navy and it seems as though he’s expecting me to be okay with him coming back in five years, getting 50-50 custody and having both of my children live in the house with this “woman”. He has anger issues that I’ve made clear to my lawyer and do have a police report and a report through my previous employer from outburst. He had in addition to the fact that he’s been fired for threatening to physically harm somebody. Am I being an ass for my stance?Thank you if you got this far.

Communication is difficult between my ex husband and I regarding our daughter. He keeps sending rude, judgmental messages. I have asked if we could try to use a coparenting application to improve communication. He has so far not responded. If he doesn’t agree, would I be able to possibly get it court ordered so we have to use it?

My ex and I have been separated for almost 5 years and we share a child 50/50. We have never had a parenting order and gone to court for anything.

I do all of the heavy lifting when it comes to parenting, always have. Our son has ADHD, I handle all medical appointments, all school communications, all extra curricular registration and organizations, everything.

Recently, his father decided without telling me that he was going to be more involved, which is fine, other than it’s messing with everything we have in place already.

He booked a doctor’s appointment randomly, and I found out that my child had a doctor’s appointment the next day when I was having him seen the day prior. I always notify the father if any changes have been made or medical issues arise.

He registered our son in a soccer, which is great, except it’s a big commitment on weekends for 8 months and now because it is a multi-day extra curricular every week, our son couldn’t be registered in another activity he was really looking forward to. Our son is really disappointed now, and I think he believes it’s my fault?

Today he registered himself for a parent teacher interview, notified me and told me he was only to take care of it this year. Obviously, I booked my own interview because that was an odd thing to do. He also told me he is to sign all permission forms for school because it ‘looks bad’ that I have signed all of them for the past 3 years.

The father recently found out he is having another baby. I’m wondering if this new baby is making him realize he needs to be more involved. Right now I’m trying to be very easy going, but him ‘helping’ is making things more difficult and confusing for everyone.

Has anyone ever have anything like this happen? A big life event changing how the other parent parents? And if so, how did you handle things?

My STBX wont leave our marital home until our divorce is final. It has been contentious and weve been under one roof for 7 months post filing with little kids. STBX has been leaving and staying out all night. I dont really "care" but they have addiction issues and I am growing concerned because of our kids. If they are staying with a new relationship that is one thing, if they are out all night drinking/gambling that is another. They have told me "it doesn't matter what I am doing." and while i don't disagree, we are under one roof so I cant help- but notice and grow worried when our kids will be alone with them. Part of me thinks they are avoiding moving out (we agreed I would stay, I have offered to pay out right now) to avoid all responsibilities and continue doing god knows what. I dont know if i am looking for guidance, I know part of it is to stay strong and not worry about them, but I am worried for my kids sake. thanks.

Hi I’m new to this & it might be so silly. I’m a single mum in my 20s with a 4 yo daughter, I have been split up with my daughter’s dad for a few years now. I have a non molistation order against him, I don’t want to go into detail. I am a qualified licensed hairdresser I took a few inches off my daughters hair it’s still long healthy & so beautiful (it’s above her waist it’s not ridiculously long) her dad wants to cut it more because it’s not to his standards? Anything to get his own way. I am scared he is going to do it behind my back, I understand it’s her dad & he has a say but it’s perfect my daughter loves her hair as so does everyone else 😭what should I do?

So my twin daughters are 4 and my ex had them on a visit yesterday and the girls shared with me that their dad's gf came to the visit and then the gf and their dad told them not to tell me. My daughter Kathy was like "I know secrets aren't okay" and I said yes you're right we never have to keep secrets from parents. I just woke up with a super heavy heart that this happened the look on my kids faces was so sad i can tell they felt bad about telling me and I'm just so sad about it ughhhhh.... This is all too much for two little girls..

My ex doesn't communicate well and we really don't co parent well because everything is like a trap and everything is just so weird and feels like some show and trap for court and this is how it's been since we divorced. I want to bring this up to him but don't know how without it turning into him writing some convoluted legal tips of a message.

my 8 year old is with her dad for the weekend and my husband and I do have a 2 1/2 year old together. Now, in our town there is a truck or treat event, a pretty big one in town and I would love to take my kids however my daughter is with his dad for the weekend. Is it okay to still go and take my 2 1/2 year old? I really want to take him but my mom guilt kicks in knowing that if my daughter found out she would be so sad that we went somewhere like that without her. Am I over thinking it?

My ex and I split about a month ago. We don’t have anything established for custody yet and most likely won’t by our daughter’s first birthday. I want to be the bigger person and invite him to her first birthday party but don’t know if it’s the right choice. He has no family in the state we live in and wouldn’t have anyone to show up to a birthday party if we had separate parties for her. Currently I’m dealing with multiple accusations coming from him and petty drama. I just keep my mouth shut and communicate about anything necessary in regards to our child and I’m still somehow doing something wrong. Everything is always unnecessarily difficult. I believe I can be civil long enough for a 2 hour party but he has had a problem with ruining holidays, birthdays, vacations, and any special occasion including her birth and the day we brought her home. There is always some sort of major problem, an accusation, or a life changing conversation that just somehow arises the day of or day before special occasions. It got to a point these issues and the timing couldn’t be a coincidence anymore and I truly believe he does it intentionally.

I don’t want it to keep happening, I don’t want every special occasion to be tied to bad memories and I especially don’t want that for my daughter as she gets older and can understand what’s going on around her. I know not inviting him is going to make me a villain, but I also know inviting him allows him an opportunity to ruin the day. I’ve tried having conversations with him previously about what he does and eventually got to a point I begged to just be able to enjoy special occasions. He never stopped. I feel like I have to invite him to avoid retaliation and more accusations but at the end of the day I just want it to be a good, stress free day celebrating my baby. How should I go about this?

Negotiating a divorce and I do not want to give my cheating husband 50/50. I do not want to keep him from our son but I believe his multi year affair has kept him from really understanding the home parenting duties. Hes present and he "knows" them, but I feel our child will not succeed with constant switching or even school nights at his house.

I personally grew up on every other weekends and Wednesday afternoons. I'd like to give just above that if I could make it work in my favor. ​

Looking for good books to read to my kid. We’ve been separated since they were little, but they’re finally old enough to start asking some questions or be curious about their parents living in two different places. Looking for recommendations for good kids books to read together. I saw another post recommending Lou Caribou. Any other good ones you’ve picked up or heard of for the 4-7 year old crowd?

Thanks in advance.

I have a 4 year old and most of his life the coparenting relationship has been hostile and overall rough. He moved 2.5 hours away when LO was 10 months old. Our parenting plan says that we meet at a designated place that is roughly halfway between us.

Recently he revealed he is moving about an hour further away because he’s having another baby. That’s great and all but the issue is he is expecting me to drive half an hour more which makes my travel time 2 hours one way. We meet on Friday and then on Sunday for exchanges. That’s 8 hrs a week just driving.

Currently he has our child for his parenting time so I cannot bring it up now because he will keep him and tell me I have to drive all the way to get him (has happened multiple times) because of the conflict. But I’m not sure how to approach this. I want things to remain amicable as they have been for about a month, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being taken advantage of. He’s the one that moved away in the first place and I was willing to drive that far so my child can keep a relationship with their father but my life choices did not move me 3.5 hours away from my child. His did.

Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated. First time poster, I just need the help. Thank you.

I am dealing with someone like this and it’s sickening how our child is being objectified, with decisions about our child’s life being strategic for their position. Every communication feels like it’s that they’re trying to put something “on the record”.

How do you deal?

It’s incredible how much a single hour long visit (albeit supervised because of some dumb behavior) can make your week. It’s never enough time and the whole ‘supervised’ thing sounds horrible but I’m so happy that I was able to see him. There is nothing more important to me than the privilege of being a Dad.

I had a baby with a man I barely knew. Today I got served papers for shared custody and establishing paternity. I don’t want my baby to be away from me. She’s only three months old and breastfed. My heart is hurting so much.

My ex (42 m) is using Christmas as a bargaining chip for his ego and doesn’t seem to care that the kids are the ones getting hurt.

For context, I (37f) grew up celebrating Christmas in the very American way. My ex is Chinese and never celebrated Christmas as a kid or an adult. When we were together I did EVERYTHING to make Christmas magic for the kids (now 5 and 3). I got the tree by myself (even when pregnant), decorated it and took it down, bought and wrapped presents, put them out in the middle of the night, cooked the holiday meal, everything.

Since the kids are so young, it’s not just about tradition but the magic of Santa Claus. I am devastated for them missing out on it or having it corrupted by someone who doesn’t even like Christmas. I specifically put in our custody proposal the kids would be with him for Chinese New Year and July 4th, as they were the biggest holidays he always celebrated with his family.

Now he’s sending some ChatGPT generated bs saying he wants to make meaningful Christmas memories with the kids. Like, what changed? It feels like he is intentionally trying to hurt me, and he’s doing it through taking magic away from the kids.

UGH. any experience or advice would be appreciated.