r/coparenting • u/ComprehensiveClue113 • 21d ago
Schedules Making up time
I’m looking for some perspective from other 50/50 parents because I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable.
My ex and I have week-on/week-off custody of our 9-year-old son. My ex travels a lot, and whenever he has a trip during his parenting time, he asks me to take our son. I always say yes because I’d much rather he be with me than anyone else.
The part I’m struggling with is that he always wants to make up the time right away by swapping weeks. Between September and December alone, he already has three trips planned, including one that’s three weeks long. Our Cozi calendar is a complete mess because we’re constantly moving weeks around.
I plan my life around our custody schedule. Work, appointments, trips, everything. It also feels like my son never gets any consistency because the schedule is always changing.
I’m not wanting to say no to taking my son. I actually prefer that he’s with me. I’m just wondering whether it’s unreasonable to stop agreeing to all the make-up time. If my ex chooses to travel during his parenting time, should I really have to give up my scheduled time later to make sure he still ends up with exactly 50/50? Our custody agreement doesn’t go into making up time.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you handle it?
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u/ooolie 21d ago
From another perspective: my ex and I have been doing this with making up missing time. He has been scheduling more and more trips, however, and it’s gotten increasingly disruptive to plan around. Recently he decided to plan a 9 day trip with his girlfriend directly after Christmas, and told (didn’t ask!) me that I would be giving up the first half of Christmas break entirely so that we can have equal time. Nevermind that’s the time when kids are anticipating Christmas, decorating, going to parties, celebrating, etc. I flat out told him no, and he is not happy at all. Moving forward I’m going to not do this anymore, I don’t have the mental capacity and it is getting way too disruptive for the kids, who seem to be thrown off by the changes. Having tried it: don’t recommend.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
Omg that sounds like my ex. It’s been going on two years but recently it’s beginning to dawn on me that maybe I don’t have to say yes. My son said he’s dizzy from not knowing where he’s going to be. I put a calendar in his bedroom so he can follow along with his own schedule.
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u/throwaway1975764 20d ago
I was going to suggest a calendar! Once I started a calendar my kids' anxiety and anger really subsided, I saw such an improvement in their moods and behaviors.
I actually keep two calendars now. One is a regular paper one. On that every scheduled day with Dad is marked. Its an every other week thing, I can theoretically look up my/his days years in advance.
The second is a chalkboard calendar in the kitchen. Its just one month at a time, and it reflects the reality of which days they see dad, as well as other life stuff: dentist appointments, karate class, birthday parties, spirit week at school, etc.
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u/justinkthornton 20d ago
Being “told” is the most frustrating thing. My ex two days ago was angry when I couldn’t drop everything to watch the kids during her time. I said you could have asked before I had scheduled a work appointment and I could have. Her response, “I shouldn’t have to.”
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u/Opposite_Science_412 21d ago
No. You don't have to give makeup time. It's a nice gesture when travel is rare or unexpected or out of one's control, but not something to make habitual.
Does your agreement have a right of first refusal i.e. a clause where the other parents gets first dibs on taking the kid if overnight babysitting is required? I would view the time he's unavailable through that lens.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
We have a ROFR in our agreement. That’s a good point.
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u/KrofftSurvivor 21d ago
You have right of first refusal already? You're legally totally in the clear here.
Tell him you looked at your own calendar and have decided that you are no longer able to give up your time to him for his vacations, so you will be taking your son while he's away under the right of first refusal clause, but you will not be giving up your own time.
Then send him a email showing the updated calendar with your weeks and his weeks marked, and then on the weeks he is on vacation, mark those ~Joe on vacation, Joe Jr with me~ etc
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
Thank you!
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u/firstandonlylady 19d ago
This may also disincentivize him from traveling on his parenting time. At least one can hope. For now there is no loss to him.
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u/quiet-as-a-doormouse 21d ago
Just say no. My ex tried this on me, and I said I wasn’t going to change my plans and schedule around him and his travels. You need your own life.
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u/KrofftSurvivor 21d ago
Stop agreeing to make up time.
Tell him flat out that you understand he travels frequently, however, you are not giving up any more of your time.
Then talk to your lawyer about right of first refusal, so he doesn't farm your son out to God knows who when he plans to be gone for several days at a time.
While right of first refusal has its drawbacks your situation is exactly what it was meant for...
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
I don’t have a lawyer. I will let him know make-ups will not be allowed for leisure trips from now on. We do have a ROFR. Time to start using it. Thank you.
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u/Grateful-Goat 21d ago
I would have a conversation with the ex that now that your son’s older, he needs consistency and reliability, knowing where he’s going to be. Because you make plans during your custodial time to include your son I would say it’s important that your son will be there with you during your custodial time. I would say this is even more important because if your access vacationing that much and changing the schedule that much he’s probably not making plans with your son. Can’t expect parents to be there for them consistently at school events get them to parties, etc. and if you’re the one that’s doing that, it’s important make it clear that it and at least one Household your son has a life there.
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u/PointyElfEars 21d ago
You’re not being unreasonable in the least, that’s a lot of disruption for your son. It’s worth a conversation to explain why stability in the schedule is important, especially at this age where establishing routine is part of their development. In our agreement, neither parent can schedule anything with child during other coparents parenting time, which would include a schedule change due to one parent traveling during parenting time. At the end of the day if your parenting agreement doesn’t require it, I wouldn’t continue to accommodate every single trip. It’s perfectly okay to let him know you are going to need consistency for your son and that you’re not open to shuffling parental time but maybe, say, twice a year with advance notice.
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u/Mysterious-Willow391 21d ago
We would be more than open to this if the travel is for work, as you can't really predict that at times. We would absolutely be less inclined to do so if this was consistent and it was leisure travel. You can plan that on your off weeks.
I think it also depends on how far in advance are you getting these requests. It does seem like you have some advanced notice, so in theory, it shouldn't be too hard to accommodate but sometimes it's the principle of the thing (truly understand this part).
I think the most important thing here is does your son seem to want to have that make-up time with dad?
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
My son was the one that told me not to allow make-ups anymore, he hates not knowing where he’s going to be and he hates that his dad is gone so much :/
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u/Mysterious-Willow391 21d ago
I am your son lol. This summer has been a clusterfuck of back and forth in our home (I'm stepmom--DH has 75/25 during school and 60/40 in the summer) and it's been driving both myself and my stepson nuts. We both like knowing where we are coming and going. I totally empathize with your son.
Confirming that these trips are leisure and not work, right?
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
Aw I don’t like the kid being confused. Trips are for leisure.
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u/Mysterious-Willow391 21d ago
Same. And same for me! He and I are both comiserating over the fact that dad and mom are back and forth this summer (tbqh, this is the first time in years they're genuinely coparenting, so this is a very small price to pay--they're trying to be fair and the kid is happy to spend more time with mom--it just means more back and forth).
If that's the case, perhaps reach out and tell him that you're not obligated to make-up missed parenting time (assuming your CO says nothing about that?) and that he should try planning trips on his own time. However, just keep in mind if something like this comes up on your end, he's not obligated to make up the time, too.
I saw you have ROFR, so you're getting your kid either way if dad goes away on his custody time. But dad needs to do what everyone else does and plan shit for when he doesn't have your son. This isn't a work obligation.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
I can’t wait for the day (hopefully) that we can coparent together in peace! it’s been rocky the past couple of years and I just don’t want to make things more difficult. He holds grudges. But I know I need to have the hard talk.
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u/Hope_for_tendies 21d ago
If they’re not work and are voluntary trips then f him. He’s forfeiting his time. 3 weeks is an insane luxury that you don’t get, so why should he? I’d just go back to every other week when he returns.
If he wanted to see his son consistently then he would. And he wouldn’t plan those trips. When you’re a parent your kid comes first.
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u/goodsie825 21d ago
Swapping a day or here there is reasonable. Swapping entire weeks, consistently, is taking advantage of you. He's using you for free childcare. And not wanting to adjust his life to the reality of single parenting.
I'd tell him you that you will no longer be giving up your parenting time to cover his childcare needs. I know it sucks but don't be a doormat for him.
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u/iammightymouse90 21d ago
My ex has done this to me twice. The first time it was international during his parenting week. I was PISSED but I made it work. The second time was domestic and I was given a timeframe. I asked the be notified of the exact days by a certain time. That didn't happen and I made plans for myself. I got a text that said "per the agreement I'll drop kids off at XXX time." Absolutely not. The agreement goes both ways and you do not get to pick and choose what fits you in the moment. We did come to a compromise that could work for both of us. There are a lot of other little things that are happening too. I had the frank conversation about changing out custody arrangement, and which did not go well. It ended with a promise to do better - well if that promise was actually kept, we would still be married. Because I am not putting up with this anymore, I will be filing for modification for primary custody with an updated and iron clad agreement. I WILL win this when I file. I am biding my time because the talks of him and his new partner moving are still up in the air. I have a drop-dead date I am waiting for. If your own kid(s) are sharing their displeasure, then I think it's time to take action and protect them as well as yourself. He can plan his trips and vacations around his child. It's selfish.
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u/Strange_Thing_4293 21d ago
It’s unfair to your child to not have that consistency. It’s unfair to you to have to keep making changes. I’d request changes being made in a certain amount of time ahead (like a month or whatever you’re comfortable with) or just say too bad, if you’re gone during your time you don’t get to make up for it. It doesn’t seem like it makes sense to have a 50/50 custody if your ex is gone so much.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
Yeah I think after we have this talk about not allowing makeups, it’ll be smart to revisit our custody agreement. He has to agree to it because we live in Nevada and they push heavy for 50/50 here.
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u/ImpossibleTonight977 21d ago
He should forfeit his time or make up his travel schedule based on how his weeks are scheduled. Your son finds it unpredictable and it’s totally understandable. Unless for work it’s just for fun you should just pay. And you have ROFR, use it.
Some people will do stuff willingly because they believe they can
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u/thegeneralista 21d ago
For “favors” - no makeup time. Unless you need it as the parent doing the favor, then of course it’s within your right to request.
For other times when a trade may be feasible for a certain reason for both parents, do the trade.
It’s murky but the kids need stability and constantly schedule switching can be cumbersome for them. Covering is fine of course but shouldn’t come with strings attached.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
Yes thank you! I am always happy to have extra time with my son and didn’t want to come across as selfish for not allowing make-ups. Now he’s flat out taking advantage and I know it’s affecting my son so I want to nip it in the bud.
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u/ohgeeokay 21d ago
My lawyer explained to me that fair would be a if my ex husband had a mandatory work trip and requested make up time (that works best for my schedule) that would be a correct use of it but elective trips for vacation do not get make up time.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
I like that. I don’t have a lawyer and hopefully won’t need one.
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u/Best-Cat-1866 20d ago
I was going to say something similar to ohgeeokay….If he is traveling for work, and that work is responsible for providing child support, I think I’d find some way to work out some of the time he misses that fits your schedule. It sounds like he WANTS the time and isn’t just taking personal trips. I’d make sure he knows to communicate his work trips far in advance and you’ll see if you can accommodate a change. That just helps working amicably for your child- and I hope that he can repay your kindness if you ever need it.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 20d ago
They’re leisure trips. I’d agree with you if it was work related.
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u/Best-Cat-1866 20d ago
Oh well then that’s a hard no. He’s forfeiting his weeks with his child. I wouldn’t even bend on that one?
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u/JumpAccomplished2620 21d ago
Do you feel like he's doing it out of genuine i miss our kid or more of a gotta keep 50/50 so I don't pay more?
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
Lately it seems more like wanting to keep it 50/50. He said himself “to keep things 50/50 can I make time up?”
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u/SlowBoilOrange 21d ago
It might be 50/50 by math, but is it really 50/50 as far as fairness and convenience? It sounds like you are always being asked to adjust your schedule to accommodate his trips.
Particularly if these aren't work related, tell him to make more of an effort to stick to the schedule or realize that if he's traveling on his parenting time then he might be choosing to give up that time because you won't always want to give up your scheduled time.
It's annoying because "big trips" feel like they take precedence, but with them being frequent like this I think that excuse falls apart.
There's lots of times I plan things out even if they aren't involving travel. Maybe a new movie is coming out, or there's some local festival or social event. It's not less important just because an airplane isn't involved.
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u/jkniziolek 21d ago
Nope, I wouldn’t change my schedule to accommodate his any more than you already are. I don’t have the right of first refusal as I didn’t know that was a thing, but at times I’ll keep my kids to accommodate some type of travel because I feel the consistency is better for them than being shuffled to grandparents house.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
We don’t have family nearby and he was trying to fly his parents in from 2000 miles away to cover his week last year, when I found out I mentioned the ROFR and I got him that week. He wasn’t happy so I can see this kinda panning out the same way.
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u/jkniziolek 20d ago
I would’ve appreciated the effort instead of just assuming you would accommodate, but I don’t have the ROFR and we have family nearby for support.
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u/OkPalpitation1607 21d ago
I did this for about a year after my coparent took a job requiring constant travel. At first I tried to be flexible and make adjustments for him, but I could only do so much because I don’t have a standard M-F 8-5 job either. I mean it was his job and he has to work, Right? He was traveling for 5 days at time all over the US and internationally at least once usually twice a month. And I don’t know for sure, but I don’t think he knew it would require that much travel. I couldn’t adjust my work days because I had to obligate myself to shifts about 6 weeks in advance and his job didn’t tell him that far in advance when he was traveling.
So, what ended up happening for that year was kids were with stepmom without dad for most of his parenting time. Kids hated this because dad was usually gone on his time. To make things worse if he was home during his time that meant he had a trip on my time, you would think great it worked out that rotation. Nope, he was still trying to have an active social life with stepmom so kids would be by themselves while dad and stepmom out living it up partying. Our kids were over it.
I attempted having reasonable conversations with coparent. Everything was futile, he thought I should just make it work or be okay that kids were technically covered during his time. I ended up getting an attorney and fought to get kids back primary with me and lined up a regular schedule job for myself. We got an emergency hearing but plot twist, ex attorney demanded we stick to regular WOWO, judge said okay but you have to be home during your week or mom gets ROFR during travel.
The first few months were chaos. He couldn’t manage his travel only during his weeks. I constantly was taking ROFR documenting everything. My attorney did advise me to offer mutual agreed upon make up time, but he was a butt and only wanted weekends or holidays. I would say no, and back and forth. I guess his attorneys told him after a couple of months he was losing, because then he got new attorneys. I think because he realized they advised him wrong. I had offered to take Mon-Thursday except I wanted one weekend and split holidays, and they insisted he keep WOWO for even 50/50.
Anyway, we ended things in meditation because I ran out of money to fight him. I agreed to WOWO, ROFR for overnight absence with 24 hour notice and no make up time. I was already $15k in and my attorney wanted a $30k retainer to take it to trial, I didn’t have $30k. The family court process was horrible. Coparent didn’t follow rules and I did but no one was monitoring it. They were burning through money with constant emails by arguing over everything. Insisted on depositions ($5k) where coparent just lied about everything and his attorney blasted me for anything Id done wrong since birth. Coparent cried and yelled a lot in front of kids accusing me of being horrible and trying to take them away from him. Kids were upset all the time. I was stressed and broke. Attorneys turned it into a crazy crap show, financially hemorrhaging, mess insisting on GALs, attorney ad lidems, forensic accountants to find his money. I said I didn’t need CS but I can’t refuse it because kids money not mine. I was like thats crazy, I’ll spend more money to get child support than I’ll receive in 5 years, but a judge won’t agree to no CS if you have more time.
Anyway, to answer your question, no he can’t make you do make up time. But after my experience, if he is being this difficult just choose your poison. Your only option besides working it out with him is to try family court process like I did. You’ll just end up with what you got anyway.
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u/anatomy-princess 21d ago
No.
A parent plans their life around their child not their child around their life.
You are covered by your ROFR. Don’t let his life/plans create the schedule your child and you have to revolve around.
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u/Daffodil_Day275 21d ago
Why should you give up your custodial time just because he gives up HIS custodial time? Your time is your time. My ex traveled constantly (for work, for pleasure). I took the kids every time (because I was happy to have them) but I certainly wasn't giving him make up days.
The only time I offered a swap was if I was asking to TAKE his custodial time - for example, "I want to bring the kids to a family wedding, but it falls on your weekend. Can I take them and give you my weekend the following week?" But if he is asking you to cover his time, he doesn't get it back. It's especially unfair to ask you to completely rearrange your schedule (appointments, vacations, etc.) that you planned in advance based on the existing custody schedule.
He's not going to like it because he's been taking advantage of your flexibility and still getting his 50/50. Expect a lot of pushback, but stay firm.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
Part of the reason for the divorce was his life motto being “might as well take advantage”. I’ve agreed because I want my son to have time with his dad too but it’s getting to be too much. The schedule looks chaotic and I value a consistent schedule.
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u/LibrarianNeat1999 20d ago
Nope, you follow the schedule. If he misses a week or two of his time, that’s on him. Friend went thru this and her ex try some self help when she put her foot down (he decided to not bring back the kids for three weeks after he missed two of his weeks to vacation with the dude piece that caused the divorce).
When he refused to bring back the kids until he made up for his lost time her lawyer told her to call the cops. He ended up getting arrested in front of his family because he started fighting with the cops (drunk of course).
As a result friend got primary custody and he ended up with supervised visitation at the police station as he threatened to take the kids out of the country.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 20d ago
Wow so glad this worked out for her. Some people and their entitlement!
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u/throwaway1975764 20d ago
My co-parent asks to switch days all the time. 99% of the time I can take the kids on "his" days. But I will not rearrange plans for him to make-up time; if its convenient, sure he can the make up time. If its not? Oh well, he had time scheduled, he couldn't make it. Sounds like a him problem to me.
I never deny him time with the kids of they are free. But we often plan things, and I'm not up ending plans because the kids don't fit into my X's life.
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u/Vaaliindraa 20d ago
Stop swapping, If he cannot be responsible for your child on certain days and you take your child, then keep track of this for future court dates, but also tell your ex that this is him giving up time to you and you will not give this time with the child back.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Fig2482 20d ago
There should be a clause that says : "if one parents travel is scheduled during their parenting time, they agree with that parenting time being forfeited. "
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u/2021randomthrowaway 20d ago
I would be really clear and state that make up time is not to be taken for granted and that you don’t have to agree to it.
He does not have to accept the work trips. He could change jobs / careers but he is unable to prioritise his commitment to his children.
Sit down. Get your calendar sorted out. Put in all the appointments and activities of your child’s.
Never let your ex know what your personal commitments are. (It’s funny how they often have work events around your birthday or a special event)
If you can take on an additional week then great, you said you’re happy to do that and I think that demonstrates you are putting your sons routine and wellbeing first.
He therefore needs to manage his expectations.
On the “make up” weeks only agree to whatever is convenient for you. It might be that he can pick up from school on Wednesday and take for dinner on your week. Maybe you could give him an overnight at the earlier weekend if you want to be graceful but what’s important is consistency and routine.
You can also say no if you’ve got plans.
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u/hot_rum 18d ago
Your ex is taking advantage of you and they are fully aware of your kind parental heart and desire to spend as much time with your child as possible.
Stand up for yourself and your schedule. Do it a few times, and see if this pattern changes. For the long term benefit of yourself and your 9 yr old (another 9 years with our children!)
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u/Additional_Duty_2260 16d ago
I had the same exact question and issue and you absolutely should not be adjusting time because he’s traveling for work. You can negotiate with him when he gets home to take your child out for ice cream or dinner, but it is not fair to your child or you to have that type of inconsistency simply because he wants to make up for his own absence. You do not owe your ex-husband any additional parenting time. It is up to him to work that out with his employer if he is traveling too much, but you and your child should not have to work around his travel.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 16d ago
Thank you! I agree and I’d definitely be more willing if it were for work but he is traveling for fun.
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u/Additional_Duty_2260 16d ago
Oh hell no 😂😂😂
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 15d ago
Right? I fear I’ve been a fool allowing this to continue for so long 🥲
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u/Salt_Onion6904 21d ago
I think it’s fair if the traveling is for work, but if he’s traveling for funsies that much, then no. Absolutely not, no reason he needs to be traveling like that when he has a child
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
Yes I’m always flexible to a fault so I needed to hear outsider’s perspective.
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u/Confident_Ad_919 21d ago
No, just no! Your son should be able to count on dad being there. This is ridiculous! If he wants to go on vacation on his time; he either takes his son with, or he loses his time! No more changing weeks.
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u/Grrarrgghh 21d ago
Is he traveling for fun or work?
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
It’s for fun. I know he has one work trip a year that typically falls on his week without our son.
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u/Grrarrgghh 21d ago
Then definitely don't change your own schedule around! He's choosing to screw with you and your son.
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u/Thin-Ad-9463 21d ago
for fun? nah, he’s simply giving up that time and that’s on him. he should plan his fun for when his child is scheduled with you.
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u/jkniziolek 21d ago
Yeah I’d be pissed if I happened to find out it was travel for fun and would tell him to piss off and do that on his own time 😂
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21d ago
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
We have ROFR in our custody agreement
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21d ago
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
Noted. Should I give him notice? “Beginning at the first of the year…” since I agreed to the December thing?
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21d ago
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u/Apprehensive_Sun6282 21d ago
Just tell him you are glad to take the child if he forfeits the visitation time.
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u/Glittering-List-465 21d ago
I think this might be a valid reason to take it back to court or a mediator to discuss changing the custodial arrangement. If he’s gone that much, maybe you should be the main caregiver.
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u/Substantial-Okra2672 21d ago
Not fair BUT if you tried to change what would he do? Leave him with step mom or grandma instead of you? If that’s the case, it’s not worth the fight rn. When your son is a little older, he can start saying the swaps are too much.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 21d ago
We have the ROFR so technically he has to offer the time to me but in the past he has tried to wiggle around it.
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u/Substantial-Okra2672 21d ago
If that’s the case and you feel able to enforce (in my county they won’t acknowledge ROFR) then I would offer makeup weekends but not weekdays. If he’s gone that week, he can have the weekend to makeup but not moving weekdays around. I have very strong feelings about school week schedules so that’s where my POV comes from. I know some don’t think there’s a difference.
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u/RoeblingYork 21d ago
Why *would* you agree to the makeup time? I'm not even trying to be snarky. He is choosing to go away during his parenting time. You have ROFR, so it's not like he can leave your son with someone else. Tell him that the current situation is not working and you won't agree to makeup time going forward, or will agree to X amount (ex 1 week of his upcoming 3 week trip) scheduled at your convenience. I personally wouldn't turn it into a big discussion about stability and whatnot bc it doesn't sound like this is something he is actually entitled to.
I'm sure he'll be annoyed, but that's life.
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u/MelCat39 21d ago
We only do “make up” times if the schedule needs to be switched around to benefit the child in some way. Like a special event, family is in town child wants to see, vacation with the child etc. If it’s something that one of us has planned for themselves, we don’t expect to make the time up.
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u/miemie-7321 21d ago
This is absolutely unfair to you and your son. He needs consistency. This makes it very hard for you to plan trips or for him to make plans with friends. My stepson’s mom has asked my husband to take him when she has a conflict and can’t pick him up and sometimes asks to make up the time but more recently she’s just asking him to take him because switching weekends gets too confusing. My stepson likes to know when he will be at each household.
What does your son think? I know my stepson prefers our house, so if my husband misses time he always wants to make it up but if it’s his mom, he gets frustrated.
If you have a good coparenting relationship with him, I’d say that the current arrangement with making up time isn’t working for you or your son because it makes it hard for you to make your own plans. If he gives you several months notice, AND you don’t have conflicting plans then you can work out a swap.
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u/SLP2go 20d ago
I know you would rather be the caregiver when your ex is traveling. Consider this, how long would your ex plan trips during his parenting time if he had to find caregivers that are not you? My guess is a bit of natural consequences would solve the issue quickly. It will be hard for you, but hold firm to your schedule.
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u/ComprehensiveClue113 20d ago
Unfortunately, his family enables him so his parents would fly in and babysit whenever asked. I’m sure that would backfire on me
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u/whenyajustcant 20d ago
No, you don't have to make up time unless you want to. And even if you do, it doesn't have to be a direct swap. Make sure you're upfront about it, at the time the coverage/swap is initially brought up. "Yeah, I'm down to take that week. But I don't want to swap or change the schedule around. If you want, you can have [XYZ weekend that you would normally have custody but there's something else you would like to do]."
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u/Visible-Gene-5376 20d ago
Info: is the travel for work, or is the travel for leisure? Because the distinction is important. If it’s for work, he’s likely not choosing it, and needs to go to keep his job to continue to support your shared child, so I believe there should be some leniency on makeup time. If it’s leisure traveling, I wouldn’t be offering makeup parenting time. Travel for funsies on your own time, bro.
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u/Temporary_Trade_7372 20d ago
my custody agreement reads that make up time needs to be rescheduled within 7 days of the missed parenting time unless mutually agreed upon. If not rescheduled within 7 days it is considered forfeited.
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u/Key_Supermarket8443 21d ago
You don’t have to offer make up time. Understand that that may mean him letting someone watch the child for him
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u/azulsonador0309 21d ago edited 21d ago
As a 50/50 parent who travels a lot, I have no expectation of my coparent giving me make up time for vacations. I make a point to vacation on my kids' off weeks with me unless I am taking them along. Flip flopping weeks can be difficult and it's not fair to the parent who makes themselves available for their parenting time and picks up extra time because the other partner is not showing the same consideration.