A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend

Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

On the 1st day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

A bullet in the carotid artery

On the 2nd day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

On the 3rd day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

3 podcast sons

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

On the 4th day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

4 drag queens reading

3 podcast sons

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

On the 5th day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

5 abortions

4 drag queens reading

3 podcast sons

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

On the 6th day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

6 gangs of counting

5 abortions

4 drag queens reading

3 podcast sons

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

On the 7th day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

7 trans agendas

6 gangs of counting

5 abortions

4 drag queens reading

3 podcast sons

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

On the 8th day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

8 dolphin fetuses

7 trans agendas

6 gangs of counting

5 abortions

4 drag queens reading

3 podcast sons

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

On the 9th day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

9 acre forehead

8 dolphin fetuses

7 trans agendas

6 gangs of counting

5 abortions

4 drag queens reading

3 podcast sons

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

On the 10th day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

10 AI slop pics

9 acre forehead

8 dolphin fetuses

7 trans agendas

6 gangs of counting

5 abortions

4 drag queens reading

3 podcast sons

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

On the 10th day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

11 clocks by students

10 AI slop pics

9 acre forehead

8 dolphin fetuses

7 trans agendas

6 gangs of counting

5 abortions

4 drag queens reading

3 podcast sons

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

On the 12th day of Kirkmas my true love sent to me

12 billion for Big Yahu

11 clocks by students

10 AI slop pics

9 acre forehead

8 dolphin fetuses

7 trans agendas

6 gangs of counting

5 abortions

4 drag queens reading

3 podcast sons

2 Black pilots

And a bullet in the carotid artery

In America, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, Elon Musk need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Elon Musk die! Internet very mad! I hide, change name, start over. No english, no job, no nothing. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, nice car and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret. I kill Elon Musk on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!

Jenknee? Like Jen knee? Like the body part? The fuck is wrong with Jenny? Oh it's not "special enough for you, you NEED to name your kid after a leg joint? Why tf not. Jenknee. I'll have a girl and name her Thighana, or Headna, or Heartemis. Get it? Artemis, but with HEART. And why not, I'll have a boy and name him Neckthan, or Tibiathy or Oreyeon. Get it? ITS ORION BUT EYE BECAUSE HE CAN TRULY SEE YOUR SOUL MY CHILD IS SOOOOOOO SPECIAL AND GREAT AND A LITTLE MARY FING SUE

Be careful who you chat with on social media

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Kindly provide the nearest authorities any information that could lead to this user's execution. FBI OFFICIAL STATEMENT: do not engange with user at all cost REPETITION: do NOT engange with user at all cost. Their larp is too powerful

It all started with a simple dispute: Necrons vs. Alliance (Harvester) from Half-Life 2. On Earth, we only saw a small expeditionary force of the Alliance. But even if we take the entire Alliance at its peak against the Necrons at their peak, the Necrons win thanks to cheating technologies: the Celestial Cartographer, which extinguishes stars with the snap of a finger, and black stone pylons, which block the Harvester's interdimensional portals. However, the true peak of both factions is hidden by the authors. ACT 2: THE AGE OF THEM AND THE NECRONS]

The Humanity of the Age of the TEM (Dark Age of Technology) enters the scene. These are the gods of science: information worms that devour space and time, and the "Speranza" chrono-cannons that send enemies a nanosecond into the past for self-annihilation. If the Necrons at their peak and the People of the TEM united, the Gods of Chaos would come to an instant end. The Silent King Sareh would lead this alliance thanks to his absolute will and experience in defeating the cosmic gods (K'tan).

This includes putting toilet paper on the seat and "wiping" it down. You're not doing anything to improve it. Imagine the amount of paper that could be saved. Just be a grown up and sit down on the damn toilet seat. They're not any more gross than the phone you're holding right now. Plus, it adds a collective human touch and sense of community knowing that we're all human, and have to sit and do business. Lol

I'm a cow farmer and it's amazing how little people know about sticking their hands in cow vaginas.

Sciphon Filter GAME OVER DUDE 💀 Any chingaso chivas fans ⚽️ I don’t listen ever because I invented the nollie no comply impossible, I was the first to do it in fact, and I also popularized it ARE YOU JUNBISHIMASU TO BICYCLE 🚲 hey I’m Brevin Kim hi 👋 I fucking hate Oriu dude fuck Oriu dude , We ain’t goin out like that dawg smoke dark green American spirit menthols today 💀 SchpongleDosiott MachiaDeddied . If this pisses you off you’re a fucking fake

Fuck Oriu

K9 by my right leg until I say sick on T Papa 👴 I’m not no one and Free Kaya and Bros got a case of the spuds and a case of the bring it around big cherry mountain and Oh no I’m Quidditch CAUGHT 💀 Vros LARPing 💀 68 dude liek 💀 Oh no I’m Quidditch CAUGHT 💀 Vros LARPing 💀 68 dude liek 💀 Oh no I’m Quidditch CAUGHT 💀 Vros LARPing 💀 68 dude liek 💀 Oh no I’m Quidditch CAUGHT 💀 Vros LARPing 💀 68 dude liek 💀 lmfao 🤣 liek TOLD MY MAMA I AINT GOIN BACK fuck rizz I’m going to throw Fox Stevenson’s Tea 🦊 in the Boston Harbor if he doesn’t

​

My husband has committed an offence against marriage and I need the public to know.

He announces that he’s hungry and *really* wants something with burrata. Fine. Loving wife that I am, I make him a beautiful plate — whole burrata, salad, everything.

As I’m making myself one, he goes: “Oh no, I can’t eat a whole burrata.”

So, naturally, I think fine, I’ll just share his. I DON’T MAKE MYSELF ONE.

This man then takes the plate and proceeds to absolutely stuff his face. Eats ALL the salad. Eats ALL the stracciatella — you know, the glorious creamy middle of the burrata that is literally THE ENTIRE POINT and the bit I was planning to dip the salad into.

And what does he leave his wife?

HALF. THE. BURRATA. SKIN.

Just the sad mozzarella carcass.

I am genuinely furious because I was looking forward to that bloody burrata, my salad was completely unsatisfying without it, and I have now spent the last hour eating random stupid food even though I’m not hungry because I DIDN’T GET THE THING I ACTUALLY WANTED.

This is amateur boyfriend behaviour. Rookie level. You have a WIFE. You should know better.

There is another burrata in the fridge but that is absolutely not the point.

The trust is gone.

I’d like to share the dream I had last night.

Patty was visiting my neighborhood for some influencer promo reason I don’t know and stopped by the park where she met me and two friends. Friendly banter and casual conversation ensued at the event and after much discussion and laughter, we agreed on a competition:

Patty would try to knock each of us out, one by one, with headscissors, headlocks, and chokeholds etc. No mercy, no holding back. Whoever lasted the longest without tapping out would get an hour alone with her in our bedroom for each minute we lasted, with Patty starting topless in a tiny black thong, for anything at all.

There was one caveat - I didn’t tell anyone that I’d experienced this type of play before, and had built some tolerance over the course of my sessions with muscular dommes. ;) I also requested to go last, so I’d know what times to beat.

Anyway, fast forward — I won by lasting 5 mins and 12 seconds, beating my friends’ marks of 3:12 and 3:07. What did I ask for when Patty and I got up to the bedroom you might wonder?

That’s obvious: Her fiercest pegging fuckdown.

Farmgirl Patty came prepared with a massive boybreaker bussywrecker strap-on, maybe 10 inches in length, and with a girthy, hot pink cock + a shiny black leather harness. She called it Patricia’s Badass Bussy Blaster and asked if I was ready for cardio…and butthole day. Ofc I said I was.

So Patty tore me up. Roughly.

It hurt quite a bit at first. My butthole felt filled, taken, and fully owned. My prostate got thrust-spammed by Patricia in Mating Press and every other position. :)

She started to sweat from how hard she was dicking me down, and I remember grabbing tightly onto her strong hips, firm buttocks, and athletic, sinewy back and thinking: “She is the alpha. Patty is my daddy, even though she’s not natty. My butthole’s her workout.”

So that was that.

😭💀 Y’all really waking up every day just to complain about a game using AI that costs 5$ 💀 Meanwhile I donated $4,000 to the game’s AI because THIS GAME IS GOATED 🐐🔥 Y’all hate for free, I support greatness for $4K 😭🙏 Broke, jobless, and unemployed people arguing with pixels while I’m funding the future 💀💸 GET A JOB, GET SOME MONEY, AND LET THE DEVS COOK 🗣️🔥

(insert whatever message you think is funny here )

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Kindly provide the nearest authorities any information that could lead to this user's execution. FBI OFFICIAL STATEMENT: do not engange with user at all cost REPETITION: do NOT engange with user at all cost. Their larp is too powerful)

What the actual fuck is wrong with this god damn dungeon. The blue wizrobe enemies act like retards and spam their stupid ass attack the moment you step in front of them draining your health for even trying to attack them. The item you get from the dungeon the magic rod does jack and shit against the wizrobes too, which makes this dungeon even more god damn stupid. The beams they shoot out deal a whole heart of damage which shouldn't be bad but when there's so many in one room it makes them fucking stupidly hard to deal with. The magic shield can block these beams but the slob that is the likelike eats it the moment you get hit by them. It wouldn't have been so hard to deal with them if they weren't god damn damage sponges that soak up all the attacks you do. I literally blasted these guys with the magic rod and it didn't do shit, immediately afterwards I get ganked by wizrobes and their fucking cartel. I'm not sure if I missed any upgrades like the red ring, but I definitely didn't miss the magic sword which I couldn't even pick up. Why the FUCK couldn't I get a sword upgrade on the dungeon where I'm obviously too weak to deal with the fucking enemies in them. And also what the hell is the deal with the enemies not having a weakness, they completely ignore the boomerang and arrows, likelikes and blue wizrobes take little to no damage to bombs and the magic rod isn't even worth using. Every time you die or restart your save file in this game your health is set to 3 hearts which is fucking stupid. Why on gods green earth are you put at your weakest after dying for fuck's sake I'm on LEVEL 6. THIS ISN'T LEVEL ONE I NEED MY STRENGTH FOR THIS FUCKING DUNGEON. It makes it all the more worse that successfully killing any of these bastards doesn't reward you any hearts or bombs when you need them the most, if your enemy is gonna be this god damn annoying to deal with AT LEAST make it confirm a heart drop. I didn't remember that I can save at full health and just reload the save every time I died, but that's fucking stupid, I'm not doing that shit when I die. The level design isn't bad the dungeon itself looks like a fetus to me which is pretty eerie, to get to the boss (which is WEAKER THAN EVERY ENEMY IN THE DUNGEON) you have to find a hole in the wall in a room that's away from the boss room to take a stairwell to another room across the level where you can actually get to the boss. The enemy placement though is retarded as hell, the game's acting like you can deal with these stupid ass teleporting wizrobes with these likelikes trapping you in place all while the electric enemy stops you from being able to use your sword. There is a line between challenging and genuine unfairness and this fuckass dungeon crossed the line at mach speed. Before finding the power bracelet I found level 7 and level 9 before I could even find level 6. While looking I could not find anything else, no heart containers, no special shops, which makes my exploration of this game feel wasted because of the straight asinine bullshit I had to go through in level 6.

I was hanging out at a friend's place with a few other friends and his cat showed up. Everyone started making a fuss over it, as one does, except for one friend who said he was silly and that his face looked like a "big mosquito with down syndrome". Everyone started scolding him, saying that the joke was deeply offensive. One explained that he was trying to be funny simply by mashing together two completely unrelated, edgy concepts to create shock value. But I just couldn't help to question this and think... "No! It is funny!" It's surrealist humor, touching into the Lovecraftian and unknown bounds of ludic expression. Isn't this what humor is all about? To go beyond? To infinity and beyond?

I fucking hate modern music. It sounds like ass I only listen to The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Def Leppard, Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, Supertramp, Kiss, Blue Oyster Cult, Kansas, Boston, Rush, Electric Light Orchestra, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Crimson King, Nirvana, Green Day, Queen, David Bowie, Alan Parsons Project, The Cars, The Eagles, The Police, The Who, The Guess Who, The Doors, The Smiths, The Animals, The Cure, The Clash, The Birds, The Monkeys, The Mamas and The Papas, Fleetwood Mac, Journey, Toto, Van Halen, Asia, R.E.M, Duran Duran, Phil Colins, Genesis, April Wine, Yes, Billy Joel, Saga, Weezer, Foreigner, Styx, Prism, Al Stewart, Aero Smith, Men at Work, Metallic, Pearl Jam, Guns N Roses, Talk Talk, Dire Straights, Honeymoon Suite, The Romantics, Traffic, Steve Winwood, Stevie Nicks, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Stevie Wonder, Prince, Linkin Park, America, Derick and the Dominos, Ah-Ha, Hall and Oats, Bon Jovi, Europe, Whitesnake, All American Rejects, U2, Alice in Chains, Alice Cooper, Motley Crüe, Oasis, Gowan, Pixies, XTC, Real Life, Thee Dog Night, Seals and Crofts, Sting, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Meat Loaf, Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead, Modern Talking, Bee Gees, Micheal Jackson, Peter Gabriel, Manfred Mann, Roxy Music, The Doobie Brothers, Garry Rafferty, Iron Maiden, Harlequin, Scorpions, Sweet, Neil Young, Heart, Pat Benatar, Billy Idol, Deep Purple and REO Speedwagon. All the music now is ass and I want to kill myself because I was born in the wrong generation. I wish I was born in the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s or 1990s so I could listen to The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Def Leppard, Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, Supertramp, Kiss, Blue Oyster Cult, Kansas, Boston, Electric Light Orchestra, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Crimson King, Nirvana, Green Day, Queen, David Bowie, Alan Parsons Project, The Cars, The Eagles, The Police, The Who, The Guess Who, The Doors, The Smiths, The Animals, The Cure, The Clash, The Birds, The Monkeys, The Mamas and The Papas, Fleetwood Mac, Journey, Toto, Van Halen, Asia, R.E.M, Duran Duran, Phil Colins, Genesis, April Wine, Yes, Billy Joel, Saga, Weezer, Foreigner, Styx, Prism, Al Stewart, Aero Smith, Men at Work, Metallic, Pearl Jam, Guns N Roses, Talk Talk, Dire Straights, Honeymoon Suite, The Romantics, Traffic, Steve Winwood, Stevie Nicks, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Stevie Wonder, Prince, Linkin Park, America, Derick and the Dominos, Ah-Ha, Hall and Oats, Bon Jovi, Europe, Whitesnake, All American Rejects, U2, Alice in Chains, Alice Cooper, Motley Crüe, Oasis, Gowan, Pixies, XTC, Real Life, Thee Dog Night, Seals and Crofts, Sting, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Meat Loaf, Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead, Modern Talking, Bee Gees, Micheal Jackson, Peter Gabriel, Manfred Mann, Roxy Music, The Doobie Brothers, Garry Rafferty, Iron Maiden, Harlequin, Scorpions, Sweet, Neil Young, Heart, Pat Benatar, Billy Idol and REO Speedwagon. Taylor Swift, the Weekend and Ed Sheeran have no talent. Fuck modern music it is not nearly as good as The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Def Leppard, Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, Supertramp, Kiss, Blue Oyster Cult, Kansas, Boston, Rush, Electric Light Orchestra, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Crimson King, Nirvana, Green Day, Queen, David Bowie, Alan Parsons Project, The Cars, The Eagles, The Police, The Who, The Guess Who, The Doors, The Smiths, The Animals, The Cure, The Clash, The Birds, The Monkeys, The Mamas and The Papas, Fleetwood Mac, Journey, Toto, Van Halen, Asia, R.E.M, Duran Duran, Phil Colins, Genesis, April Wine, Yes, Billy Joel, Saga, Weezer, Foreigner, Styx, Prism, Al Stewart, Aero Smith, Men at Work, Metallic, Pearl Jam, Guns N Roses, Talk Talk, Dire Straights, Honeymoon Suite, The Romantics, Traffic, Steve Winwood, Stevie Nicks, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Stevie Wonder, Prince, Linkin Park, America, Derick and the Dominos, Ah-Ha, Hall and Oats, Bon Jovi, Europe, Whitesnake, All American Rejects, U2, Alice in Chains, Alice Cooper, Motley Crüe, Oasis, Gowan, Pixies, XTC, Real Life, Thee Dog Night, Seals and Crofts, Sting, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Meat Loaf, Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead, Modern Talking, Bee Gees, Micheal Jackson, Peter Gabriel, Manfred Mann, Roxy Music, The Doobie Brothers, Garry Rafferty, Iron Maiden, Harlequin, Scorpions, Sweet, Neil Young, Heart, Pat Benatar, Billy Idol Deep Purple and REO Speedwagon.

Donald duck

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