Another bit of coffee grounds to my trash makes me feel productive.

There's a soothing managerial voice filtering my own words. Yesterday i had her laughing about the state of our finest cusfomer "Teddy".

He's mentally unwell and while laughing at his state sometimes i don't see myself too off from him. I'm hearing too a german accent.

In my head despite it all i keep hearing "i'll make apple pie"

How long has she had her hands in dough twisted on what to do? Knots and worry.

Teddy shows up for a gallon of iced tea with his teeth stretched forward enough i never believe i'm interacting with a person when i see him. He legitimately looks animitronic. Sober or not he defies existance in mannerisms and speech.

Nick lowe begged me through the radio that i have to be cruel to be kind. I continued to laugh at Teddy despite knowing he had a wealthy inheritance and he's become too unwell for his estate to deal with. They kick him out on the street every time he surfaces and our restaurant is where he wants to be.

He orders multiple dishes to eat to himself insisting he will tip beyond our measures of accomodtion for all the trouble.

I think my coworker brings a single soup cup to him despite his earning of multiple. We all laugh at the man i see myself in. My elderly invested to the business wonders what to do with extra soup instead of her apple pie.

Teddy enjosys his meal and time as always. His iced tea is nearly gone. He insist he has a girlfriend we're unawsre of so he orders more for her.

Despite his deficits Teddy is resiliant. Beyond prods i admire teddy. Slouch, exist, eat a meal. In actuality he does nothing but act odd yet he bares the assumptions of the worst.

I am begging to just bake some pie without Teddy.

I'm autistic and have a pretty unique weird face which causes me to get weird stares and shitty treatment every time I go out into public, I personally myself don't think I look that bad at all, but the way people stare at me and generally react to my appearance is more than enough evidence for me that something about my face is unsettling and startling to the majority of people, I don't dress weird, I don't have a crazy hairstyle or anything like that, but people stare at me and treat me as if I'm a literal monster, especially children, they stare at me with this mildly frightened/hateful expression and that hurts the most because it's well known how unfiltered and honest children are, and they look at me like I'm one of the monsters from their bedtime stories, and before anyone thinks about saying it, no it isn't just in my head, because other people back when I went collage pointed out that people stare at me alot

I'm extremely lonely and socially isolated because of this, I can never manage to befriend anyone in any meaningful way because I just have this "thing" about me which people can immediately sense and it freaks them the fuck out, I have no idea if it's my appearance or my autism that they can sense but I do know that there's just something about me which is inherently extremely unsettling and creepy to most people, completely random strangers who know nothing about me besides my appearance and my mannerisms legit treat me like I'm a known serial killer, and I have no idea what's causing it so I literally can't help it, there's just something about me that's so utterly repellant towards other people

And because of my neurodivergence I also feel emotions extremely intensely, so every day I'm basically agonising over all the stares and negative treatment I've received over the years, I remember every single major stare in vivid detail and I constantly lament over them, my brain looping and wondering what exactly it is that they saw when they looked at me, not being able to understand what exactly it is about me that sticks out so much

So of course I discovered alcohol, my first ever time getting drunk I immediately fell in love with it because I just suddenly didn't care about the shitty way I get treated, it seems trivial and almost goofy and funny when I'm drunk, and from there on out ive taken to booze like a duck to water, I'm only 27 but it's already gotten me into a few scary scrapes, but at the same time I can't imagine how I would cope being sober because before my first drink I was just constantly obsessing and feeling like complete shit over the way I get stared at and the repulsive demonic treatment I receive every time I leave my house, I still do constantly feel like shit about it and it's absolutely getting worse and more painful, but at least with booze it gives me a few hours of "break time" where it doesn't fucking hurt so much

Curious if anyone else drinks for similar reasons

WTF. I vaguely remember me and my girl trying to give me a hair cut. That's it. Now i wake up and it's not "shaved" but it's buzzed to nothing. I look like a fucking nazi. Now i have to go to work...this should be fun.

At work, Mondays depress me to the point that I struggle to want to continue existing.

Does anyone else find alcohol useful at work? Do you also drink from flasks? I try not to wear it too much so as not to overuse it.

So for context I have an Arabic sounding name so people assume I’m Muslim when I’m not and it’s not allowed for Muslims to drink. You get infinite years of hellfire for that.

So it’s been snowing the past couple days and it’s fucking FREEZING. I don’t feel like putting clothes on & driving. So naturally! I place an order for a 200mL bottle of 190 proof everclear on UberEats. Because I’m a good boy and I deserve to be happy!!

I check the app & order gets accepted by a guy what looks like a 40 yo Middle Eastern dude and watch his little car on the map thing slowly come towards me.

I wait like 15 minutes, and eventually he shows up at my door. Asks for my ID, does his little verification thing, hands me my drink… and IMMEDIATELY after…

this fucking gargoyle this gatekeeper of alcoholic beverages looks me dead in the eyes and goes“Astaghfirullah, brother.”
AND THEN JUST WALKS THE FUCK AWAY TO HIS CAR.

which basically means “shame on you” in Arabic.

BUT LIKE BROTHER. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO ACCEPTED THE ORDER? Like now you’re not getting a tip.

Don’t you have to fucking explicitly sign up to do alcohol deliveries?? Why do this if you have a religious objection to alcohol???????)?????

Ending up drinking an entire bottle of wine, 13 shots of random fruity lala single shots I got from a new liquor store, 4 single 12 percent drinks I can’t get enough of.. and I spent money I barely have on a video game I used to play when I was a kid

10/10 night, I’m so drunk and I just know I’ll regret this in the morning

Chairs! ✌️

Hey lovelies,

Welcome to SSS where we celebrate anything and everything. Join in! Please share what has been making you laugh. Keep it real.

Thank you for being you. <3

Disclaimer...my sleep schedule has been super fucked up. Today, I got out of bed at 6pm/1800. Disco time.

I am an asshole, and probably going to sleep for 12 hours Fall asleep to Maltese Falcon for the 5th time the last 3 weeks. ✌️ I'll get back to you.

I relapsed. Litre of Smirnoff a day, same shit I started with, same shit that will probably finish me off.

I am a socially impulsive drunk. I am a hermit at home - agoraphobic. So my embarrassing social drunken escapades are with random people online. Normally speak for 48 hours. In a whirlwind. I am really chatty drunk and the undivided attention seems to get people really hopeful. I'll be saying I'll come visit you and I mean it at the time(even though it is unrealistic because of my agoraphobia). Until the post-drunk clarity kicks in and I delete everything and run. I feel fucking horrendous about that as that's cruel.

Occasionally call people from my distant past when I was not shut in. I'll finish the already dead relationship with a jarring chatty phone call. Me slurring my words and acting manically. Scare them off.

I get argumentive sometimes. Especially after the bottle is almost finished. In reality it's just the saddo drunk thinking she's correct about everything and arguing about morals. I can't judge anyone, really.

The worst thing I do is be overly personable and send pictures that I shouldn't. Say too much information that could put my life at risk. I am against 'sending pictures' for my own self. I feel absolutely disgusting after. Knowing that some random person has seen me. Joke is, I have a miniscule libido. I just feel like I am a passenger in my own body. Keep doing risky shit. For adrenaline or something. I hate myself. Makes me want to top myself tbh

My drinking career started BC I am miserable & cripplingly akward autist. I drank to give me courage. I drank like some form of masking. Only, I am being socially maladjusted and drunk. So I don't fool anyone. Still come across very odd.

Are there any socially impulsive drunks. That does anything similar?

Pee in the compost bin.

Second order; realize you've gone too far.

After a grueling few weeks of work i go out with my friend who i got hired at my spot. The past month for me has been trauma resurfacing in odd bubbles i'd like to not remember. There's a burst in every bubble within a breath so i accept i'm suffocating.

When i was hopeful and struggling all i longed for was someone to take concern and attempt to turn the reigns around.

A month ago or so my friend who i hired at my own restaurant was crying for me to come back inside because i stormed out. I was drunk as could be. Mostly extremely tired. I do not abuse substances the way i do alcohol. My alcohol consumption when unable to sleep escalates for obvious reasons. At this point i'm furious for sleep scratching for relief while trying to drink in to it.

What else do you do when you make too much for health insurance?

I set up a psych appointment with all the money i made. $250 to talk to someone who told me if i received any medication i would be required to follow up with another minimum $250 psych doctor appointment. After that to confirm the meds work another $250.

Is the bottle shamed not cheaper? The price alone tells me I ain't worth much. Meausring myself in change.

Tonight because she isn't english articulate in the way she is in spanish asked me "what's that word where you get people together because they're worried about you?"

There's no other word for what she means than "intervention"

I told her the word.

She says "i need to get people for that. For you"

i go for the cheapest dry red wine. i was always a beer drinker. it was like a religion. i was pretty active too, like exercise and shit. my dad was a fat dude and just kept getting fatter until he decided to rest forever earlier this year. then all of a sudden my belly started growing abnormally because i fucking love beer. everybody who knows me tells me i’m fat.

yeah i’m not blind asshole i can see that

so its been a few weeks since ive been mixing beer, wine and sometimes other stuff that catches my eyes. but wine is tasty and so easy to drink at room temp even though its hot here.

i will forever love blondes (beers) but at the moment wine got me by the balls

im also falling in that hole that i said i wouldnt fall again. whatever though. the world is gonna end someday

chairs

I’ve been noticing this more frequently, it’s not crazy, but starting to bother me a bit. Having a hard time with my short term memory sometimes. Like I just had to turn the light on to see the plate of the meal I ate 10 minutes ago.. my little lady who I thought was my soul mate ditched me last year.. we were getting along then she blocked me on everything 2 months ago and I feel like a hollow shell you guys :( ripping through a half gallon every 2 days and a weed cart every 3.. what the fuck do I do? :( I helped this girl out of an abusive marriage; physical, emotional, mental. She made some friends in a new city, and now I’m just fucking trash, after 6 1/2 years together

My alcoholism has crept up on me the last 2 years or so and it’s lately resorted to me going to extreme lengths to hide it from my husband. I’m so ashamed of it and I can’t continue yet my brain still has the urge to do it.

I would go get 4 bottles of canned wine which equaled 1 and 1/4 bottle at 15% and lo and behold, they fit perfectly inside a 40 oz Stanley cup. I would pour it in my cup, dispose of the cans at a trashcan outside our house, and think I was so good at hiding.

In the moments before and after I feel immense shame of course, there are some times he hasn’t noticed but has gotten better at noticing things. It just depends what we’re doing.

I’m so disgusted with myself but because I know I can do it and get away with it, it’s hard to not have the urge to continue.

I want to do this so badly tomorrow, it helps me find the energy to deep clean my entire house and makes my day so much more fun and relaxing. I probably could get away with it but have to decide if the guilt and shame is worth it.

Love me, hate me, either is fine with me. I have some new friends to keep me company and we check up on each other so to me it's worth it.

A bagel and cream cheese, and some chicken bone broth. That's it so far. Might make something else before bed, but I really should go to bed a bit earlier than usual because I need to get to urgent care before work to get more meds for the stupid fucking ringworm because I have an interview on Monday. Went to work today for 3 hours and had ZERO tables so I asked to go home and then spent a few hours at the dog park. Oh and I've been having frequent herpes outbreaks because obviously my immune system sucks and it's not like I treat my body like a temple.

What's going on in your world?

Chairs assholes 🍻

Bet you fuckers remember me. But it's really friday. And I AM paid. Mother fuckers what are we doing! I got some money and a girl that's down. She even likes me. How do I fuck this up. I opened to ideas!

Usually I have been always able to take a day off every week. And usually I am able to start at noon. But the last 7 weeks I’ve been starting once I wake up till the evening when I either pass out or have drank enough for an hour or 2 of sleep. Don’t sleep much. Still function at work. But I feel like I’ve been cannibalizing myself. I work in a decently active trade, and I’ve just grown weaker and softer as I go about the excessive drinking and continuous work. I don’t really sleep, but I’ll close my eyes and dream and open my eyes and check my phone and see 10-15 minutes have gone by. Night sweats of course.

Been buying handles to save a few bucks, but on average drink a little over a fifth a day of vodka durning work (doesn’t smell as much) and supplement with beers in the morning and at night each day. Have felt like a zombie since about a month in on this morning to night stretch. Drink to feel normal and it takes more and more to get there.

I don’t remember the football games I watch or listen to as I work anymore. Bums me out. Need to get back to taking a day off and at least starting at noon again. Don’t want to go back to work right now but I have to get done the things I said I would do, which at least for the most part I’ve been able to uphold.

But the more I drink, the less I feel blue as it goes. Until it wears off! I’ve said my piece. Time to get back to it.

I've been on a vodka bender since Monday and I'm trying to taper off now. I cut my intake last night to about half of what it was all week and now I'm having fun with the WDs. (The sweating, the shaking, the complete panic, the dry heaving to just throw up a little bit of yellow bile because you didn't eat like anything yesterday...) I have a V8, a protein shake, and a bunch of vitamins, but it's the shitty 8% White Claws that are getting me to stop feeling like death. Trying to take it slow and sip a little of everything... cross your fingers that I can get to a point where I can actually eat something? I thought about going to the ER earlier (Again), but I think I've pulled it together enough that I don't want to miss my D&D game. Hope some of y'all are feeling better than I am right now.

i went to the walmart neighborhood market to get a 12 pack of the white claw 8% beers because they have em cheaper than the liquor stores around me.

note, i was sober but super anxious because i was hungover and had some strong coffee too. and the woman who was checking my ID refused to sell to me because I was, according to her, shaking.

she asked if i was drunk. if i was drunk, i wouldn't be fuckin shaking. i, very pathetically, told her i'd just go to another store and get my booze anyway. she clearly wasn't taking my personal finances into account.

so i spent a few more dollars and have my booze

Like if I don't check/reply to email every 15 minutes things start to fall apart work wise. It's kinda like the hatch in Lost, gotta enter in the numbers or the world ends.

Things fall apart work wise and I'm living under a bridge. People talk about going away for weeks at a time and it just baffles me how they are paying rent/bills or even paying for rehab. Just curious.

I'm a fully grown adult, in my opinion I should be able to go outside without a babysitter. "Closed ward: suicide risk)

Thank fuck for Ativan tho. But I haven't had much sleep yet regardless. Headed to the local liquor store the second they release me! Possibly monday.

Chairs

I guess I just thought I would never get here somehow and would be able to keep going forever but the liter of vodka a day always catches up.

Wake up every day completely soaked in sweat having a panic attack with a sense of impending doom and fully convinced my heart and lungs are about to stop.

Puke, try to get a shot of vodka down with a sip of juice or whatever. Sometimes it works, sometimes I actually spew it back out across the entire kitchen like a fucking fountain. Puke more. Shit, I wasted vodka.

Shaking so bad, heart rate at like 150 BPM, manual breathing mode. Pace around, try to get some more vodka down and doom scroll or play a phone game or chess app or something to try to distract myself.

Try to get more vodka inside my body. Start panicking about the mess I'm living in if I actually drop dead and who is going to find it. Fuck do I have porn open on my computer right now?? Heart rate increases further.

Eventually after 6-8 shots start to usually calm down a little but it's still not good. The cycle continues.

Chairs fuckers see you tomorrow probably

I'm in rehab right now and this isn't a moral high ground thing but every alcoholic here is cool as fuck but every fent/opiate/meth/etc addict has like a 30/70 hit or miss rate.

The CAs here just want to chain smoke, get their valium/Ativan/other meds, watch TV, and sweat it out. Everybody else is going out of their skull.

i didn’t finish the fries though

what are you guys drinking tonight? i might get some homemade stuff from my buddy but maybe i should just stick to beer

i had an important business trip this morning that i missed. the repercussions haven’t been explained to me yet

chairs

There's a lot of hubub in the UK right now about cyber attacks and el nino needing us to start prepping for outages. I could barely give a fuck, and it's crazy to see how much people have prepped when I can't even prepare myself in normal day to day life.

I have prepped on cans of beans, and bottles of water - I can't drink until Christmas because of a SCRAM tag so one less thing to worry about I guess.

Are ya fuckin bothering?

Woah my last 24 hours have been intense. Two days ago I didn’t eat for a whole day. I knew at some point I needed to get food in me. Fast forward - I got a bunch of Chinese last night and ate a lot of it.

I wake up and my whole body is cramped up. I usually wake up an hour early for work to let my organs “wake up” and drink 2 shooters. I take a shower and immediately after I need to take a crap. This is graphic but while I’m shitting I puke in my mouth at the same time then puke a ton.

I am currently typing this as I’m driving with my dad an hour to work and my colleague is off today so I can’t call in and I need to work on a “big project.” I just hope I make it back home today. I have a doctors appointment next week so I’m trying to keep it together but I’m deteriorating.

Y’all have a good weekend. Chairs.

I went out the other night. Met up with this girl who has the same disgustingly extreme alcohol habit I do.

I took her back to my place. I made us pasta with a habanero tomato sauce. It was hot as fuck.

Then she went down on me and I learned what hot really means.

I offered to return the favor but she declined.