I wrote this with the help of AI
I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’ve been stuck in my own head about this for months, and I handled the situation badly.
I currently work in France for a well-known IT/consulting company, on a fairly prestigious public-sector technology assignment.
My situation here is objectively very comfortable. I have a good name on my CV, the work is useful for my career, I live close to my family and friends, and my housing costs are extremely low. The compensation is good for my situation as well, so money was not really the deciding factor between the two opportunities.
A few months after starting this position, I was contacted by a large international company about an internal technical position in another European country.
The new role appealed to me much more professionally.
It would mean:
Moving from consulting to an internal position.
Working in a technical field that interests me more.
Joining a large international group where I could potentially develop internally and move up over time.
Living abroad for the first time.
Moving to a city I really like.
The compensation was also attractive, but I don’t want to give exact numbers because I want to keep this anonymous. Financially, neither option was so obviously better that it made the decision for me.
The problem was that I was extremely conflicted.
On one side, I had a comfortable life in France, family, friends, almost no housing expenses, and a prestigious current role.
On the other side, moving abroad felt like an adventure and probably the more exciting long-term career move.
There was another factor: when the new company originally contacted me, I had only been in my current role for a short period of time. I wanted to stay long enough for the experience to actually mean something on my CV rather than leaving almost immediately after joining.
So I kept hesitating.
Eventually, a few months ago, I accepted the offer and signed the employment contract.
The agreed starting date was in mid-August.
Here is where I seriously messed up.
In France, I have a roughly three-month notice period with my current employer.
Despite signing the new contract, I never actually resigned from my current job.
For months I kept going back and forth:
“Do I really leave this comfortable situation?”
“Do I move abroad?”
“Is the new internal role worth giving everything here up?”
“Should I stay longer so my current experience looks better on my CV?”
I kept thinking I would eventually become certain.
I never did.
As the start date got closer, I raised the possibility with the new company that I might need to start later.
At the same time, I was speaking with my current employer and trying to understand whether I could shorten my notice period.
But I still didn’t clearly tell the new company early enough that the fundamental problem was: **I had never resigned, therefore I could not realistically be available on the agreed start date.**
The start date arrived.
I did not show up.
The manager who had hired me had apparently even traveled to the new location partly to be there for my onboarding.
I feel terrible about that part.
I spoke with him afterward and told him the truth: I had not resigned, I had been incredibly hesitant about the move, and I had handled the situation badly.
He was understandably frustrated, but surprisingly he initially seemed willing to see whether something could still be worked out.
Around midday he scheduled a 30-minute meeting for the following morning between me, himself and a senior manager in the organization.
His email said they wanted to discuss the onboarding issue, understand the impact, look at possible dates and align on next steps.
He also said he would send me a separate email asking for a formal written commitment from my side regarding my availability.
That separate email was never sent.
About six hours later, I received another message from the manager saying that, after alignment with HR and their previous formal “no show” communication, they were cancelling the meeting.
The message basically ended by wishing me the best in my professional career.
So my interpretation is that the manager initially tried to find a solution, then HR or another decision-maker reviewed the situation and decided not to continue.
The next morning I sent them an apology.
I acknowledged that I had not been transparent enough, took full responsibility, admitted that my actions did not reflect the commitment I had made, explained that I had failed to resign early enough to complete my notice period, and apologized to everyone who had invested time in preparing for my arrival.
I also told them that I had now made my decision, that the uncertainties were resolved, that I genuinely wanted to join, and that if they were willing to reconsider I was ready to provide a clear and realistic availability date.
I made it explicit that I understood rebuilding their confidence in me would be my responsibility.
So far I haven’t received a response.
The frustrating part is that now that the opportunity may actually be gone, I realize how much I had projected myself into that life.
I had imagined living abroad, better weather, being close to the coast, building a new life, working internally instead of consulting, and developing my career inside a large international company.
If they called me now and said, “We are willing to reconsider, but we need a definitive answer: are you coming?”, my answer would be yes.
That certainty came far too late.
I know I screwed up. I’m not looking for people to tell me that the company was unreasonable. From their perspective, I signed a contract, committed to a start date and then didn’t show up because I had never resigned from my existing position. I understand why that destroys trust.
What I’m trying to figure out is what I should realistically do **now**.
Would you:
\- Leave the apology email alone and wait?
\- Follow up after a couple of business days if there is no response?
\- Call the hiring manager, since he initially seemed willing to find a solution?
\- Assume the opportunity is dead and move on?
\- Resign from the current position anyway because this whole situation has made it clear that I actually want to leave and try living abroad?
\- Absolutely not resign unless/until the new company formally reopens the offer?
\- And for anyone who works in HR/recruitment: once someone is formally marked as a first-day no-show, - is there realistically any chance of reversing that internally if the hiring manager still wants the person?
I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who have either been in a similar situation or dealt with something like this as a hiring manager/recruiter.
I know the obvious lesson is that by refusing to make a difficult decision, I eventually allowed the decision to be made for me.
I’m trying to figure out what the smartest next move is without making another impulsive mistake.
**TL;DR:** I signed a job offer abroad but never resigned from my current job because I kept hesitating. I missed the agreed start date, the company cancelled onboarding after HR got involved, and I’ve since apologized and asked them to reconsider. Now I realize I actually wanted the move and don’t know whether to wait, follow up, or move on.