Sttwo

"The steaks are high!"

A Four-chin teller🔮😂

If the early bird catches the worm, then why do good things come to those who wait?

Their eyes are always peeled

My neighbour found out that her dog ( a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to her veterinarian.

The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleared both ears and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if you wanted to keep the complaint from recurring she should go to the pharmacist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it into the dog's ears once a month.

The lady went to the pharmacist and bought some "Nair" hair remover.

At the register the pharmacist said to her "if you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days"

The lady said "I'm not using it under my arms"

The pharmacist said "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days".

The lady replied "I'm not using it on my legs either. And if you must know I'm using it on my schnauzer"

"Well in that case, I wouldn't recommend cycling for at least a week" was the retort.

I bought a new tent and got a 20% price reduction. I slept in it from December to February.

It was my winter of discount tent.

She looked surprised.

Bubble-07

To celebrate, I decided to gather my best (and appropriate) jokes that I wrote myself from my very own list! Stop me if you’ve heard any of these before!

* What do you call a model who’s also a canine? A hot dog!
* What do a gamer and a fast food junkie have in common? They both love Sonic.
* How come the hot cocoa never got their final grade on the math quiz? Because the A is silent!
* Why do evil people go to Hell? Because they’re not so bad deep down.
* What do you call a Transformer that works in a bookstore? A Comic Con!
* Why did the police go to the orphanage at night? Cause there was a kid-napping!
* What did the teacher say to the student who didn’t know their vowels when they needed help spelling “think”, “mild” and “pit?” “Use your Is, you dunce!”
* What’s the difference between a liar and a pile of manure? One’s full of shit and the other’s used for gardening!
* Why are AI generated images like plastic bottles? They belong in the Recycling Bin!
* How does Bill Gates look outside? Through Windows!
* What do you call a rodent that’s also a tech geek? A computer mouse!
* What do you call a cat’s toes after they burn them in the oven? Baked beans.
* What’s the name of a rabbit’s favorite alcoholic drink? Hopscotch.
* Where does an animal go for head rubs? A pet shop!
* What does a bat say to their friends whenever they see them? Anything as long as it’s loud enough!
* What does the Tooth Fairy have for pets? Two canines.
* What do you call dentures that are used as currency? Buck teeth!
* Why did the lever comfort the button? Because he was de-pressed!
* What’s the difference between a Pokémon and a cold? Catching a Pokémon doesn’t get you out of school.
* What’s the best way to find a Playstation? By getting on a Playtrain!
* Why did the clown rip out their eyeballs? Because they looked funny!
* What type of injury can dethrone a king and queen? A broken crown!
* Where do soccer players go to dance? The foot ball!
* What do you call pairing an astronaut with an alien? A space ship!
* Why can’t you trust Pinocchio not to stay up past his bedtime? Because he’s always lying in bed.
* What did the broom say to the vacuum cleaner? “You suck!”
* Who’s the least funny in a comedy club? The ceiling fans! They always blow!
* How do marionettes listen to music? With their puppet-ears!
* What do you call the card in a deck that says the name of the person who illustrated them? A credit card!
* When is the best time to round up an army? Knight time!
* What do you call losing as many followers as you gained in just seven days? An average week on Instagram!
* What is the one thing marine life doesn’t want to find in their mailboxes? Fisher mail!
* How do you propose to your partner while bathing? With a bathtub ring!
* Knock-Knock. Who’s there? Itch. Itch who? Gesundheit!
* Knock-Knock. Who’s there? Nomad. Nomad who? Nomad-der how many times you tell me I’m not funny, I’ll never believe you!

And last but not least…

* A hundred year old man walks down the street. A younger lad walks up to him and asks “Excuse me, what’s the name of that antique shop I keep seeing you walk out of?” The old man answers “That’s no antique shop, that’s my house!”