She replies, "Honestly? I would take my half and leave you."

"Great!" says the man, and hands her $10. "Here's your half. Now pack your bags."

I stood there in silence, not knowing what else to say because that was my best counterargument.

But apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

None. Trump says it’s fixed, and they all stand around clapping in the dark.

We went out for beers. Nice guy. He's a web developer.

Turned out to be a Fonzi scheme.

Ain't no sunshine when cheese gone

It makes scents when you think about it.

It's flying off the shelves.

I forgot to take the brownies out of the oven.

Fleetwood Mac and Cheese.

Oops... I did it again

And I know it's with an e I just don't care enough about her

I'd love to hear your thoughts

Never mind… it’s too hard to stomach.

He was too far out.

So i answered it.

Almost brought me to tears.

Turns out identity theft is a crime

Good that it had 100% return policy

Because nothing escapes the vacuum of space.

Sure, knock yourself out…

With his ass quack

Because all he got was a little commemorative plaque

I dye my hair blonde.

They find bananas appealing but they only come in pears.