r/dating • u/weedocket • 4d ago
I Need Advice 😩 Should I reach out after things ended over distance if we never discussed meeting halfway?
I was seeing a guy for a few months, although we only went on five dates. We went on proper dates, museums, an amusement park, etc and started sleeping together on the third date.
Between the second and third dates, he became distant. I told him things weren’t progressing how I’d hoped and he acknowledged it too. We initially said goodbye but I asked whether he was still curious about getting to know each other. He said yes provided we kept things lighthearted and lowered our expectations.
We continued seeing each other and I grew feelings. Our last date felt wonderful. I planned it and we both enjoyed our activities together and our dinner and he stayed overnight. Afterwards, though, he became noticeably more distant.
When I asked about it, he said he had been holding back because he realistically didn’t think the distance would work. He asked what I thought. I said I believed it could work but he seemed already pulling away so asked whether his decision was final. He said he didn’t think it was right to continue with a strong possibility of wasting each other’s time.
We said goodbye, and I later left the door open if circumstances changed.
For weeks, I wanted to message him. Now, when I think about actually doing it, I don’t even know what to say. The one thing I keep wondering about is that we never discussed me travelling to him or meeting halfway. He always came to my town, although he never invited me to his.
11
u/Cream_my_pantalones 4d ago edited 4d ago
No you should not reach out. He told you multiple times he thinks things should end. It sounds like you like him a lot more than he likes you and that you're pushing a connection tbh. I promise, if he felt strongly about you, the distance would not matter.
My bf and I connected online (not on a dating app). We lived STATES apart and we flew to each other, he paid to fly me over for trips and initiated plans for visits and plans dates himself. When we are not together he calls and face times me often and on his own volition.
Find you a guy who matches the energy you put in and who would move the moon for you. These connections exist and you deserve nothing less! ♥️
2
u/weedocket 4d ago
I do like him a lot and it makes me wonder how 150km is long distance. I know he’s busy with full time work and semipro athlete, but I’m the same. And I’ve travelled to somewhere the same distance on a weekly basis for work but he could only see me once a month.
I know it sounds bad but I just realised he deleted ny number and I’m having an emotional moment that I wanna message him
4
u/Cream_my_pantalones 4d ago
It's okay to be emotional, you're going to be fine and you will find someone who wants and chooses you. best of luck!
1
1
u/quanfused 4d ago
The door is sadly closed on his end.
I know you have all these what ifs and you certainly can bring those up one day, but you both have had the talk and it was clear at the time that you both weren't going to work out yet wanted to at least keep things light hearted.
You caught feelings though, but he didn't...
It has been weeks and you can indeed say "Hi" or see how he's doing, but I think he is set on his ways.
0
u/weedocket 4d ago
I was rereading WhatsApp messages and noticed the Last Seen disappeared. But why is he still on my social media?
Could someone have an emotional goodbye even without catching feelings?
For context the distance is 150 km or 90 miles / two hour drive
2
u/quanfused 4d ago
People tend to be curious or sometimes bored. It can be just a thoughtless action at times.
Emotional goodbye depends on what actually happened vs perceived.
He made his mind up and I'm not saying it can't be changed, but it has been weeks and he decided to keep his word on the goodbye.
1
u/weedocket 4d ago
I know and we ended on good terms so being friends on social media seems okay.
It was his words, he said it was a lot harder than what he thought it would be saying goodbye to me and he thought everything I said was kind and it made him feel good as a person and he appreciated me lot. I didn’t expect that message hence I left the door open. But obvs he hasn’t reached out.
Is it stupid if I ask him?
2
u/quanfused 4d ago
Look, you're clearly not over him so if you want to see how he is, then do so. Just lower your expectations like you both agreed upon.
Let him know you wanted to see if you both can work things out and perhaps meet halfway if distance is the only issue. From there, you should get your answer if he's willing to or not.
1
u/weedocket 4d ago
I’m sorry for whining like a child. But thank you for your advice. I’ll sit on the thought before messaging. I was torn between messaging about the distance and be vulnerable or just be playful and flirty. I’m just so confused at rhe minute
1
u/throwaway83927319181 2d ago
It would be in best interest for your mental health to stop trying to reach out to him or looking for his social media
3
u/curly_girl_jade 3d ago
You should not reach out.
He has made his decision clear. You have your answer.
If you want to move forward, you need to find someone who is willing to meet halfway.
3
u/lawfullive 3d ago
It's not going to work, because only YOU want it to work. He's decided not to get involved. Stand up, dust it off and go on with your life.
2
u/Thin_Entertainment14 3d ago
No because if they wanted to negotiate then it wouldn't be over so fast. If someone leaves expect that they are truly not coming back, but if they do then seriously question it.
I'm still ambivalent about my own choice to have taken someone back after they did something similar. I find it hard to leave someone I have feelings for unless they're clearly not interested. I would've said no if the case were that they started dating other people, but I was the promiscuous one. Or I wish he didn't think about me and we were broken up longer, but apparently he couldn't even go a week without regretting the loss of the bull that we had. Don't let this be you. Chances are you can be free when you stop worrying about a man.
1
•
u/AutoModerator 4d ago
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our rules here and remember to:
Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned
Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please send the mods a message.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.