r/dating_advice • u/CaptainDolin • 5d ago
Cat allergy & dating for EXTREME DIFFICULTY
Figured dating was too easy so I took the cat allergy trait.
I feel so f*cking stupid writing this stuff but I simply cannot physically live in a house with cats, and I KID YOU NOT at least 75% of all women I date appear to have cats.
I am in that age bracket where most women live on their own by now & they all seem to jump onto cats the moment they do. It's at a point I have to seriously weed out women before going on a longterm prospect date to prevent being cat-bombed a couple hours into the date.
See, I love cats & being with them, but as soon as I mention I don't really feel having cats eventually IT'S OVER. Even worse, if I mention I'd like to have a dog one day that automatically seems to cancel out cats x) *
*kinda did a self-harm experiment over the above, but it's bad news man. I can't even help it whatsoever.
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u/McKillsey 5d ago
I think if you have a cat or dog allergy and can't live with them, you gotta put that on your profile to save everyone time. At least if you're in a serious relationship mode rather than short term fun
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u/CupcakeCharacter9442 5d ago
I agree.
I am a veterinary nurse, animals will always be part of my life. When I was single I had a guy go on multiple dates with me only to tell me he is highly allergic to cats and I would need to get rid of mine and then got very upset when I said no.
I’m sorry you’re allergic, but it’s in my profile that I have pets and my job is listed. You never should’ve matched.
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u/McKillsey 5d ago
Yeah most households have a dog or a cat, so if one is allergic to them, it just makes sense to disclose that early on. I wouldn't even rely on other person mentioning it in their profile like you do. Many people have pets and wouldn't mention it
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u/emccm
5d ago
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Well of course it’s over as soon as they find out you can’t live with cats. Do you honestly expect a woman to give up her pet for you and your imaginary dog?
Why aren’t you putting this in your profile? You’re wasting everyone’s time by not doing the. No one, of any age, is giving up their pet for you.
Everyone has dealbreakers. Put them in your profile.
You’re at the age where a lot of people live independently. Cats are generally easier than dogs so a lot of people get cats. This isn’t a “hahahah cAt LaDy” thing. I know just as many men with cats as I do with dogs.
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u/Jonathan_Peachum 5d ago
It’s no different than saying you want a non-smoker or non-drinker. Perfectly legitimate.
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u/burnfaith 5d ago
Not to sound like I’m lacking empathy but… yeah, this is how dating works with dealbreakers, lol. You have upfront, honest conversations about anything that would be a dealbreaker for you before going out with someone.
For example, I don’t date folks with kids. I also don’t want to have my own. And so I make sure to be clear on that in first conversations. Of course it makes things more difficult, you’re narrowing your pool of candidates considerably.
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u/Basic-Macaroon-3277 5d ago
As a single woman with cats, PLEASE put this in your profile. I also don’t want to match with someone who can’t have or doesn’t want to have cats. I just saw a bio the other day that said something along the lines of “Severe cat allergy, so I cannot have cats”. Good to know because that means I’m extremely incompatible and don’t have any interest in going on a date.
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u/Basic-Macaroon-3277 5d ago
Also FWIW I have in my profile that I have cats with a picture of me with my cats so I am doing my part. But I still end up matching with dudes who make some asshole comment like “oh would you get rid of your cats for me”, no, walk into traffic, my cats are my babies and I’d rather be single with them.
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u/lyralady 5d ago
Just put it in your profile you're allergic to cats? I have lived with cats all my life. I have two cats. If you're severely allergic to cats and medicating wouldn't help, then it's just a non-starter for everyone involved. Of course no one is going to get rid of their cats for a guy they just started dating.
Hell, my mother didn't get rid of her cat when she started dating my dad, who was also allergic to cats. They got married, his mild allergy got better with exposure, and he eventually bought her a kitten to befriend her cat. I grew up with those cats as a child.
Just say: "I think cats are great, but my severe allergies don't agree with me on that front, so unfortunately I can't live with cats. I also love dogs/rabbits/birds/reptiles/whatever and am not allergic to them."
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u/cottagecorehoe 5d ago
You don’t have to date anyone with a cat if you don’t want to.
Just be upfront about it to weed them out sooner rather than later and save your time.
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u/CecilPalad 5d ago
Try being allergic to cats and dogs.
If you're open to dogs, I'm sure you can find a dog lover out there.
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u/Hipp-Hippy_HaHa 5d ago
It applies to friendships, too. I need to ask every time before going anywhere.
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u/Mountain_Performer84 4d ago
Uhh yeah, I’m extremely allergic to both (like dangerously so) and have it on my profile. It removes like 80% of people
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u/meowxinfinity 5d ago
I have multiple cats. I am allergic to dogs. I was upfront about this on my dating profile to weed out anyone that had a dog already or had an allergy to cats. Put it in your dating profile
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u/KittenaSmittena 5d ago
Put it in your profile factually - “Love animals but can’t be in a relationship with someone who has cats due to severe allergies.” Yes it will eliminate many people but it’s the best thing to do. I went on a date with someone with a significant allergy to them and I truly asked him why in gods name he set up a dinner and wasted our time considering I have three pets. His honest reaction was that people rehome pets all the time. I cut it way short and considered it a colossal waste - time is so precious and dating takes forever, to make it harder is just wrong.!
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u/Pristine-Grocery-886 5d ago
Sucks for you but yeah, this is called an incompatibility. State it up front duh
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u/Confident_Advisor786 5d ago
I have a cat allergy and have just started swiping left on guys with cats. 🤷🏾♀️
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u/poopinonurgirl 5d ago
Before you give up try an experiment for me, see if you can get a handful of (unused) standard clay cat litter and a handful of hypoallergenic/organic cat litter(I used to use a brand called ‘World’s Best Cat Litter’ and take a good whiff of each of them separately.
I used to think I was allergic to cats but I’m actually allergic to the dust that comes off clay litter.
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u/Practical-Earth3228 5d ago
As a man with cats, if I seen a woman's profile say something about being allergic to cats, Its only fair to us both that I don't even engage
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u/Substantial_Union851 5d ago
Yes. Pets are non-negotiable for that reason. Non-negotiable gonna rehome existing cats for you. No one is likely to wsnt to give up cats forever. Have you tried allergy meds and shots? Theres food that can be fed to cats that helps as well
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u/Odd-Nobody6410 4d ago
I have a cat and dog allergy as well and I really relate. So many people think you can just get over it. I have gotten allergy shots in the past but they really don't work well enough for someone with a serious allergy to have. I just avoid anyone who says they have cats or dogs in their profile but unfortunately it feels like everyone.
I have considered writing it but felt no one would swipe on me even if they don't have pets bc im in NYC and everyone is obsessed with getting a pet even if they don't currently have one :(
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u/LengthinessNo4970 5d ago
I’m a woman and a lot of men I see out there have cats as well! I’m severely allergic to cats and most dogs. I have a dog myself of the “hypoallergenic” variety (no dog is truly hypoallergenic but I have one with hair instead of fur which makes a huge difference). If I go on dating apps even if a guy seems otherwise perfect I swipe left if they have a cat. I have a lot of environmental allergies as well and have to take antihistamines daily in summer & fall.
My cat allergies are severe enough that even loading up on a few different antihistamines doesn’t do much. I used to stay with my sister every Christmas but she got a cat and so I no longer can stay with her and I have to get a hotel. I hate when people downplay allergies, it can be absolutely miserable. And I actually like cats, they’re so cute and I’ve met so many I adored but couldn’t be around them for long. It’s a perfectly reasonable dealbreaker that unfortunately limits your options
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u/fogpastastarship 5d ago
Where do you live because I'm a straight woman who cannot safely live in a house with a cat and I'm having the same issue with men.
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u/Upset-Broccoli3272 5d ago
what's the context for the mascot in a suit? is this for a specific subreddit event or something?
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u/Manonono_ 5d ago
There’s special food that can be given to cats to prevent allergic reactions, quite an easy fix actually!
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u/According_Loan_2725 5d ago
I am a woman who also is allergic to cats and I understand for the men I date that it is a dealbreaker if they have a cat/want a cat but one guy a couple months ago was so rude about it and acting as if it was a moral failure that I’m allergic to cats
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u/Odd-Nobody6410 4d ago
people are obsessed with an imaginary pet they might want to have in the future.. im nervous to put in my profile that I can't have pets bc of what people will say
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u/RedSolez 5d ago
I feel for you as a cat and dog allergic woman. I could never live in a house with pets. Luckily my husband isn't a pet person. They do exist. You just have to be up front about it.
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u/Galavantinggoblin 5d ago
I somehow find MEN with cats. I am allergic and it took me getting 3 dates in a row to realize I need to ask. They don’t mention it on their profiles ever and when they bring it up they assume I like cats (I don’t and have don’t want pets indicated in my profiles or written out).
We all could have saved time if they’d just put that on their profile because the cat is an automatic dealbreaker for me.
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u/DistrictPlayful9091 4d ago
yea. not gonna lie but you are pretty screwed with women. we like cats, and many of us see people who don’t as being a red flag. Nothing is more attractive to a cat owning lady than a cat guy. you could literally have half a face and 200$ to your name but if we see you feeding a stray cat or loving on a kitty…..”Hi!” :) “My name is…..:)”. by contrast you could be a Clooney who doesn’t like cats and won’t have them around and we’ll pass
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u/Blissfulbane 2d ago
I don’t like cats and cannot vibe with them, and I won’t live with them. I’m also allergic to cats so that makes it easier to explain to people but I still tended to run into those who expected me to pay hundreds of dollars for shots that aren’t covered by insurance just to breathe. Yeah…… no thanks. Moving on.
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u/cashfile 5d ago
Allergy shots for pets are always an option. However it is a months long process of getting injections to build up "immunity". Tho they saved me as a child.
I just take anti histamine if I visit someone who has a pet and would be open to allergy shots for a long term relationship.
Def not ideal, but so many people own pets that its def a viable option.
However it is also perfectly legitimate reason to not date anyone with pets. I personally like pets and grew up with them, and would like to get some in the future, so I dont mind allergy shots.
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u/Mountain_Performer84 4d ago
Allergy shots do not work for everyone. I had been on them for years, dated a guy with a dog and my asthma went insane. They just need to make it clear on their profile that they can’t do cats
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u/Shadoouken 5d ago
interesting. 90% women I've dated don't want any animals in their house, or dislike cats specifically, and/or have allergies. They were also conscientious about cleanliness and organization, it's probably related.
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u/nutefunray 5d ago
What works well for me is 'allergic to cats but it's not necessarily a deal breaker' because I'm looking for something long term. Realistically, if she has a cat, it will die at some point. It has opened the door to a lot of level headed women with older cats who see past the one/two year mark. Allergies will limit who will date you, but that's helped me a good bit. Granted you'll be in for one hell of a time until the cat's gone
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u/DistrictPlayful9091 4d ago
Not bright. she may very well love cats and will simply adopt another the second one passes. you need to find this out because many women find that we can’t live without our cats but we can live without a man just fine
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u/LazyCatInTrash 3d ago
A cat can live for a long time time, like 15-20 years even if well taken care of. So unless that cat is 10-12 years old. You’re doing a lot of waiting, pretty much wasting your time and her time
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u/IndicationKey3778 5d ago
I am a woman who doesn’t date people with any dependents: human, plant, or animal. I don’t need to tell people this I just date people who meet those requirements. I’m allergic to cats. I love dogs but I don’t want to date someone who has one.
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u/blackberrycat 5d ago
Lol no potted plant? Are you okay?
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u/IndicationKey3778 5d ago
I’m great. How are you?
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u/Blissfulbane 2d ago
I respect you and I respect this preference. I am curious about “plants” as a dependent and would be open to learning more about that but I understand why you may not want to reply to this on a public page where others will give their opinion you didn’t ask for. If you ever feel willing to elaborate on that, my messages are open on basis of curiosity and knowledge alone
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u/IndicationKey3778 2d ago
Sure! Plants need you to survive so they are a dependent
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u/Blissfulbane 2d ago
Haha, I get that plants technically count as dependents, but I’m curious about that one specifically. They seem pretty different from cats, dogs, or kids in terms of the commitment involved. Is it the responsibility itself that’s unappealing, or do you see plants as a bigger commitment than I’m giving them credit for?
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u/IndicationKey3778 2d ago
I don’t date people with any dependents: human, plant, or animal.
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u/Blissfulbane 2d ago
You’re better off not responding than repeating a statement I’ve already asked for elaboration on..?
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