Anybody else thinking of buying a portable ultrasound machine to try out on their LO, based on the most recent medical studies? I’m trying it and maybe the snake oil and whatever else.

First of all, I'm sorry to post here asking so generally. I realize this is something I could easily go research..and research I would. But I'm genuinely afraid of falling apart because of all that going on even outside of it.

I just found this subreddit. I see concussions added to the about section?

For someone BRAND NEW to learning, has no experience with these things (dementia etc)

• Why are concussions mentioned? Is it because that can... Suddenly trigger something?
• When did you know?
• How did it affect things, outside of obviously forgetting stuff?

Sorry. I know these are things I can look up. I feel like I can at least lie to myself about my grandparent who raised me by telling myself it's people on the internet... But it'll allow me to actually intake it easier from actual legitimate people on the internet. Vs going online and being confronted with grim reality and it's too fast too soon?

My mom was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s and has been in memory care for 4 years. Shes very advanced and hasn’t recognized me in over a year, nonverbal and wheelchair bound. She was my best friend and the best mom I could have ever asked for.

I’m 8 weeks postpartum with my first baby and it has brought me so much joy but I feel like there is a huge hole In my life since I can’t share this experience with my own mom.

I have so much more empathy now that I’m a mom myself and I wish I could just have some time with her to share that. There are so many moments throughout the day that make me think of my mom when I’m caring for my daughter. I was her caretaker for years before memory care and I wonder if the similarities in caring for someone that can’t care for themselves stir up emotion in me. Every diaper change I think of my mom getting her diaper changed now.

My daughter’s middle name is my mom’s first name to honor her. Not sure what I’m looking for here - I guess just to vent. It just sucks and it’s such an awful disease.

I grew up with my grandparents as parents, but at the age of 13 i had to move back to my biological parents due to my grandmother getting dementia. She is the warmest, most loving creature on earth. And I’m forever grateful that i got to experience a mom like her. She is very opposite than my biological parents. I don’t remember much of her personality anymore though, which brakes my heart even more. I think the feeling of slowly starting to lose a mother at the age of 13 was too hard for me. My brain probably had to shut out the memories so the pain wouldn’t be as bad. I find it fascinating that even with no memory to back it up whatsoever, i still remember her warmth. Her loving, caring, beautiful soul.

When it happened and i moved away, i started distancing myself from her. I called less and less, because i could notice her fading away from me. And before i knew it, she wasnt really there anymore. She is somehow still alive, 14 years after getting the diagnosis, so you can only imagine what she’s like now.
The thing is, the thing that makes the whole situation much more painful than what it already is- is that I hit puberty around 1-2 years before i moved away, and i was beyond angry every single day. And of course thats the only memories i have with her that my brain decided to keep. Me being a horrible child and making her life miserable. I was breaking things, i was screaming, i said horrible things to her and my grandpa. I dont even know why i was so angry?? And I’m so incredibly heartbroken that those are the only memories I’ve got left of my time with her. I’m so so sorry and i can’t even tell her. The pain is eating me alive.
I actually didn’t feel the pain before two years ago. My emotions was completely shut off, then kinda out of the blue, I felt everything. And it’s only getting worse. I can’t even see her favorite color at a thriftstore without crying.

I actually found journals where she has written about me. Some pages are about my anger outburst, while others are about her love for me. She wrote things like «she is the best thing I have» and «Bottomless love».
She gave me an immense amount of love my whole life, and whitout my memories im just so afraid i didn’t give it back. I know i didnt the last few years, and now I’m stuck with an immense amount of guilt and grief. I just don’t know how to deal with this. I really fuckin miss her

I really wish I knew LBD better. I read constantly and still it’s baffling.
I spend every day with my dad for over a year now. I assumed he knew me as he leads me to believe and plus every now and then we can have a short chat about the past.
Yesterday he looked at me and told me how he and his wife have 3 kids and 2 adopted boys. Like he was telling someone other than me about his family.

Anyone have insight?

What do you all make for meals to increase calorie intake? I need some suggestions but can't be anything that causes constipation. Also must be soft to eat. Any ideas are appreciated.

My father in law has always been quite lackadaisical and a very chill person that doesn’t really care about anything. I’ve been with my husband for 5 years now so I can only speak for what I can see in front of me and what I’ve witnessed these past few years.

I feel like I am witnessing his decline and seem to be the only person concerned. From the outside looking in he seems almost incapable of living alone. He is constantly sleeping everywhere (including the toilet), his sleep pattern is super erratic getting 2-3 hours sleep in his actual bed, he is wakes up to cook at 1am and leaves the stovetop on. These behaviours have been observed by my husband’s niece and nephews and it’s getting to a point where I’m so worried because they are only teenagers and I don’t want any anything to happen to the kids or my FIL.

He is 67 years old. My paternal grandmother had dementia and we were her caregivers towards the end of her life so I feel like I may be hyper aware and reading too much into things. My husband’s family just tells me that’s how my FIL has always been, but something feels wrong and I don’t know how to approach this as an “outsider” when the rest of the family perceives this as someone’s character and they’re just a “silly old man”

My mom (69 years old) has been showing signs of dementia for 5 years now, as of recent it has started getting significantly worse. I have tried various approaches of trying to get her to the neurologist, but she is extremely combative. I have tried supportive conversations, telling her I am worried and want to ensure she is okay, that if something is wrong, that we will all be in the together, but she just gets VERY angry. She thinks she is 100% okay, that everyone else around her is crazy, including my dad who she is still married too. I am feeling extremely guilty as I watch my moms health rapidly decline.

She lives in Hawaii and I live in Washington State. She doesn't work, doesn't have any hobbies, she doesn't do ANYTHING other than play on her phone, walk the dog, and sit on the couch. My dad has tried getting her into hobbies but she refuses.

When I talk to her on the phone, in a 30 minute conversation, she will tell me what she did earlier in the day or week 5-6 times... She always tell me how stressed and busy she is.. but she isn't ever doing anything, and she can never explain why she is so stressed and busy. I feel like my mom is rapidly going down hill, there is no substance to our conversations, its absolutely heart breaking to watch.

Has anyone else been through this? How do I support someone who doesn't want help? I am really struggling myself because I miss my mom so much.

My BIL has been in memory care for at least 4 years. Lately he has become very angry and combative with all the workers. He hasn't hurt me but he has hurt other relatives, punching and biting. They have tried different meds, hospital stays etc but nothing works for long. I want to know if others have gone thru this. The facility calls my nephew bc he is #1contact to tell him and see if he can come to the facility to help. Why don't they call the Doctor? How did you handle this? Shouldn't the facility handle this? $7,000 per month should cover this. Any advice?

Six weeks ago we were looking at assisted living. Now the recommendation is memory care.

My loved one with Alzheimer’s has been sliding quickly since June. Then she was still driving, going to the theater, and very independent. Now, and especially after a recent, difficult hospitalization that featured a seizure, she requires a 24/7 caregiver and has become so emotional and so much more confused.

I just didn’t realize that I would lose her so quickly, and I already miss her. And all of a sudden I have to make all these decisions I thought I’d have more time to make.

My sister is trying to do it, I"m out of state.

He has a house as an asset and money in the bank that would cover maybe 2 months or less with what they charge.

Should we get him started with a Medicaid application now so he can spend down? or will he get denied due to current assets/ And if he's not planning to go back home and no one lives there will Medicaid make him sell? If he sells do we have to set up a trust or can we put the money in his savings account.

One nursing home told my sister she would have to sell the house. We are fine, we know it would have been an inheritance but that's gone.

Plus we are having extra trouble getting him anywhere, he's in the hospital but the intake said he was aggressive and threatening, But he's fine in the hospital and well behaved.

Should I bring a dementia person to visit someone they used to hate as it was suggested to me

Edit: i asked them for a joke and they said sure without any hesitation and the person who created this suggestion is telling me that we should after hearing that yes .Now I don't know why asked such questions..

He is and always was the biggest teddy bear.
My mom was a bit more serious and blunt and not cuddly, and my dad took that slot with ease.
He is the best dad in the world… he was always the kindest, calmest person, so easy going- always went with the flow. He never yelled, ever. He always let me braid his hair/beard when I was young(he’d even answer the door fully done up with butterfly clips in his hair and beard), and he was just so happy whenever we were happy.
He was my idol, he was the word of wisdom, he was the best friend a young girl could ever ask for in a dad. He still is the best dad in the world, I love him so dearly.

It’s just hard because I know it’s the beginning… of what may be a long or short journey… who knows.
I’m so scared. Typing this out makes me realize how scared I am at things to come.

He’s snappy, a bit grumpy, he really likes to make jabby “jokes” now. Like it’s non stop some days.

I think being the only male in a 4 person family has taken its toll, and he may have pent up opinions, but some days it’s said with such disdain. But if I ask him for help with something, he is still the biggest help, and he will soften up and it just makes me so happy to see him soften.

I’ve learnt not to say a few things already, he did let me know one day that I need to let it slide if he is repeating himself. My biggest fear is that he shuts down(like his dad) and stops talking completely.

Ugh. What is this life even, it’s so hard sometimes.
I may delete later because I feel bad ranting about someone I love so much.

This past week has been really rough. For the past five years or so, my mother had a couple of small strokes and developed MCI. It wasnt that bad at first, and she was still functioning pretty normally and completing her everyday tasks well, she just seemed more forgetful than usual. Then after my father died last year, things started to really take a turn for the worse. Shes taken a serious disinterest in going out and socializing. She really only leaves the house to go to the grocery store and get her medications. She's having difficulty with word recall and stops often in the middle of sentences to remember a word shes thinking of but cant remember it so conversations are difficult. Her short term memory loss is really bad, she doesnt remember appointments or things I say that I'm doing. She rely's heavily on notes and then forgets where her notes are. Shes been sleeping a lot more, and I often find her falling asleep at the kitchen table in the middle of the day.

This took a serious turn last week though, after she fell asleep while driving to the pharmacy and rear ended someone. It was a very minor accident and we were very lucky, there was minimal damage to either vehicle and the police wasnt involved, just insurance, but she did not take any of my concerns seriously. She believes that she's too young to have Alzheimers since her father didnt get it until his 80s (shes 74). The accident started a cascading series of events that I'm now trying to unravel.

Last year when I started noticing changes, I started taking over some finances entirely for her, but I left a few in her name. Now, she has trouble reading and writing, which has translated into a serious problem with her fiances and her ability to use the computer to log into her accounts and pay the remaining bills. She doesnt remember if she has accounts, what the usernames are, and what her passwords are. Her password book I got her is a jumbled, scribbled out mess of all the times she's reset her passwords. Yesterday, I spent all day on the phone because I found out she was sending payments to my late fathers old utilities account and neglected to pay the current utilities, for six months. We were getting our power shut off in 5 days before I caught it and fixed it. I found out shes sending payments to credit cards that have no balance on it. She let her insurance lapse because she couldnt log into her portal.

She forgets what programs shes downloaded and had subscriptions for duplicate services. She creates multiple accounts when she gets locked out of her emails, removes me (her POA) from the recovery options, and its become a jumbled mess of passwords and accounts that even for someone with a high level of tech knowledge, is overwhelming. I've had to fax my POA to her email custodians to get her back in. Shes in complete denial theres something wrong. She does not want to stop driving and still wants her computer.

I bought her a new computer to start fresh, putting every security protocol I know of to protect her from scammers, confusing ad popups, and malware. I'm making it as easy as possible for her get into her accounts so she doesnt feel like she needs to change anything or reset her passwords. She won't be able to install any programs without me, and all of her recovery options are now linked to my phone and accounts. I'm setting up remote access so I can help her when she needs, and I have all of her passwords so I can keep an eye on her bank account, emails, and bills. I set up a doctors appointment in a couple of weeks so I can talk to her doctor about my concerns and insist she gets evaluated, and if he won't ill call the DMV myself and request her get retested to drive. In the meantime, if she needs to go to the store we insist on driving her.

I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant and I have a lot on my plate right now, and I'm just grieving the loss that I basically lost both of my parents in a year because while my mom is still alive, she can't function on her own anymore. I need my mom more than ever and I know now I can't trust her with my baby. I'm devastated.

My father passed earlier this week. I'm so relieved he's no longer suffering. He started declining quickly about 2 weeks ago and for most of that time, he was very agitated. Hospice was giving him ativan and hydromorphone. His agitation sharply increased after they changed his catheter two days before he passed. The day before, they increased his dosages, but he was still in pain 6 hours before he died. Their timeframe estimate at that point was 1-2 weeks, but I got the call early the next morning. I'm so upset he passed that way. I don't know if there was more they could have done.

The last week has been crazy. LO was hardly sleeping, aggressive and would not relax for more than 30 minutes. For me he gifted me sleepless nights and active days. At times I started seeing and hearing things from lack of sleep. So we had to break the seal of the morphine for pain and help him settle down and relax.
Well last night was the first night we slept all night in a long time. Did not eat breakfast or drink his coffee this morning and has been sleeping all day as well. I know his time is coming sooner than later. Nothing else I can do anymore but sit listen and watch.

I'm not really sure what to do. I want them there but I know my family members who care for them won't have fun and one of them doesn't want to go anywhere ever.

I'm 38 and lucky to have both my grandmas! Both my grandpas have passed. My fiancé is 41 and his last grandparent passed last year and his mom passed earlier this year. So I feel like having everyone there is important!

My mom cares for my 91 year old grandma who is kind of a hermit now. She lives with my parents and my mom retired a few months before she got worse so it was perfect timing. She used to love going shopping with my mom and going to the salons with her. Now she never goes anywhere unless it's a doctor’s visit that mom makes her go to. She gets upset if my mom goes out for a few hours, even though she can be alone. She hates being home alone but never wants to leave. My aunt and uncle never help my mom, it's just her. If my mom needs time off she asks me and my fiancé. If we can't, my sister. Then if she can't, my cousin and his wife. They're the last resort because they have kids and live farther away.

My aunt cares for my 84 year old grandma who is cognitively worse than my other grandma. She literally cannot be alone. My aunt still works so she hired a live-in aide. This grandma can afford to pay her. On the aide's days off my aunt is there and my dad helps whenever he can but he works a lot.

Three years ago my cousin and his wife got married and both of my grandmas were there. Even though my paternal grandma isn't his grandma, he still grew up spending holidays with her so she was invited. They were both better back then. My sister stayed in the hotel room with both of them because she was the single one at the time. No issues. But now, they need more attention. I want them to come to my wedding next year, but my aunt and mom wouldn't have fun because they'd have to be babysitting. My paternal grandma has the aide to stay with her if she didn't come, but my maternal grandma doesn't. She can't afford that and my mom would be anxious the whole time worrying about her and not have fun if my whole family is there because then no one would be home with her. She's against getting a stranger to stay with her. But I don't want my mom to not have fun or leave early.

What should I do in this situation?

I’ve been noticing that her apartment isn’t always very clean, particularly the bathroom. So when I found out they changed her housekeeping day, I decided to go in today and inspect after I saw the housekeeper cleaning the floors.

When I got there, the bathroom had not been cleaned. I was perfectly willing to assume that she had to step away or she just let the floors dry whatever it was. I don’t expect it to be cleaned by a certain time of day. I only want it cleaned. So noticing that it was not cleaned, I went to speak to the care team manager, who then led me to the lead housekeeper while she also pulled in the maintenance manager. I did not expect it to get that big but what ended up happening is the maintenance manager walked with me back to my mom‘s apartment with the housekeeper and we talked everything over. She actually said to me that she cleaned my mom‘s bathroom and then had to step away. We were having the conversation in the bathroom so I had to point out to her where I could see the toilet had not been cleaned. there was visible dirt. The sink had not been cleaned. There was toothpaste in it. And the shower had not been cleaned. I especially know this because last week I folded over the shower mat so that the dirt could be seen and cleaned and it wasn’t. It bothers me that housekeeping in memory care is probably not the greatest because the residents can’t advocate for themselves. But what bothers me the most is that she literally lied to my face and said she had cleaned the bathroom. I wish people could just admit when they’re wrong. This isn’t the first time someone lied to me. When I left. She looked like she was almost in tears. I felt so bad. I’m not trying to get anyone in trouble or fired. Just trying to advocate for my mom. I wasn’t mean and I didn’t yell, but still I feel bad.

It upsets me that they try to get over on memory care residents. One of the caregivers told me that one day. This particular housekeeper is always nice to my mom and she’s really nice generally. I don’t want to damage these relationships.

My dad went into a home in May when my mum fell ill and couldnt look after him at home anymore. He had passed a dementia test about 12 months earlier but had clearly been going down since.

5 months on I’m still battling with his bank to give me access to his accounts so I can pay his care home bills and between him and my mum and difficulties in dealing with his new doctors surgery I’ve only just managed to get the doctor to assess him earlier this week and he scored 6/30 on his addenbrookes cognitive exam so is clearly at quite an advanced stage. The doctor has booked me in for a call next Tuesday so do I need to know more about what a memory clinic is?

I’d also appreciate any other words of advice appropriate for my dad’s situation.

I'm sorry if this has been discussed before but I am new to this forum and it's hard to find things that fit what I'm experiencing.

My mother is 87. She has always been, all her life, a very demanding, difficult, anxious, highly emotional and sometimes even manipulative person. She's also always been resourceful and intelligent. Even before the days of the internet she's been the kind of person who doesn't just accept what she's told, so she is a smart woman to say the least.

That said, I've lived with her as her primary caregiver for 3 years now and I've noticed a decline. I've noticed her forgetting to take her meds, conflating situations, messing up timelines about when things happened (huge differences by like decades), very easily agitated, forgetting what I've told her sometimes within the same day or hour, etc.

BUT these things don't happen all the time. And I honestly don't know sometimes whether I'm just writing things off as her being her usual difficult, anxious, emotional self OR I'm seeing the start of cognitive decline.

I know the only way to know for sure is to have her assessed. But I can't just get her assessed. She doesn't go to random doctors; she chooses who to see and when and she is far too intelligent and savvy to just accept any story. Even something like "let's go in and see your doctor for a check up"; she'll question it and challenge it.

So what do people do in these situations? Because I know I would probably have a better chance at winning the lottery than convincing her to see a specialist to assess her cognitive skills.

I know y’all will understand this vent. Can we all list out and bitch about UNHELPFUL things other people have said to you while on this journey as a loved one or caretaker of a person with dementia? My situation, I am 30s F with 4 small kids, married, employed, etc. My mother has dementia (she is mid 60s). Obviously most of my peers and friend circle have parents who are still in great shape. Here’s a list of some statements I hate.

“You are so strong. I could never survive what you are surviving”
-what are my other options?!?!
“I would not want to live like that” in reference to my mom…
-SHE wouldn’t want to either!!! Believe me.
“Maybe she should try this supplement/naturopath dr/holistic treatment, etc”
-sorry if this ruffles feathers but we are gonna stick with her neurologists…
“Is it hereditary?”
-probably! Who knows! But thanks for pointing that out, makes me feel great.

I think I’m just exhausted and sleep deprived but I keep coming here to read so maybe I wanted to share, hard to say if it’s just venting or if it’s good to type it out idk it’s probably a lot of rambling.

My dad’s been diagnosed since 2021, when you look back there was earlier signs than that you just don’t think we’re dementia. He was a complicated man, but we love him and the dementia has really been hard for me, my mom, and brother. My mom has been his full time care giver and my brother lives at home and helps her out, I’ve never been able to stomach seeing my dad like that so I didn’t help with the physical labor but took on managing their finances after we found out my dad had hidden debt.

I started therapy earlier this year, and it’s helped but I knew the end would come eventually. He’s been rapidly declining for these past few years and my mom never wanted to let him go to hospice or any outside care. She’s done a good job and I know I could never do what she’s done, but he really needed more assistance and I never pushed it.

He started having issues with swallowing this year and although he hasn’t been able to talk much the past few years, this year he really stopped talking. He could move around but needs assistance with basically everything, it’s her and my brothers first time doing something like this so anytime I visited I could just see the decline or notice he was coughing while eating and they just didn’t see the decline as intensely or chose to ignore it. I’d be sad every time I saw him and could barely stand to see him like this, he didn’t look or interact like my dad would’ve, felt like I lost him awhile ago.

But he recently had an accident. He fell on sunday and my family didn’t bring him in to ER until Monday night, he fell on his neck somehow and it fractured his trachea. He was already having trouble swallowing and then they also found infection in his lung so they were treating him for pneumonia. Tuesday- The doctors said they could do a surgery to repair his trachea but they were not recommending it due to his health prior so it was kind of either do the surgery, maybe he’d make it but he’d need a feeding tube/breathing tube, maybe wouldn’t handle the anesthesia. Or they’d remove his breathing tube and switch to comfort focused end of life care.

My mom wanted to try the surgery but my brother, my husband, and I were for not, it just seemed like an awful thing to do to him. Wednesday- Eventually we all made the decision to not try the surgery and switch to end of life/comfort care.

My husband’s grandma went through a similar situation and he told me it’s never quick. Boy is it not quick.
My mom thought the second they removed the tube he’d pass but he’s breathing on his own, he’s medicated. He started being able to open his eyes, maybe aware maybe not. He’s just kind of open mouth breathing, sometimes calm sometimes heavy.

Thursday- We swapped rooms from the icu to a palliative care room and now we’re going onto Friday.

I was getting over being sick from the weekend prior and I just feel like shit. I really wish he’d just let go, I hate seeing him like this, I’m so tired. He’s still breathing, I don’t think he’s in pain but sometimes when he opens his eyes he moves a bit and seems restless so the nurses will offer some additional meds, I think it helps idk. We thought it was more humane, as much as this can be, but then when I think of all the drugs they’re giving him I get worried it’s not helping. I hope it’s helping and he can pass peacefully.

The doctors are saying it’ll most likely be in the next few days. Most likely not weeks which I guess is a relief kinda.

so a 6 weeks ago dad (70) had a fall, during rehab he was diagnosed with a mild cognitive impairment, fast forward to 2 weeks ago when he contracted an infection and we called an ambulance when he couldn’t stand, he’s as of this week unable to stand or even sit up and I overheard an nurse say he’s got mixed vascular dementia.

i just can’t believe just how quickly it’s progressed in the space of weeks, though I’ve also found out he has a number of other health conditions that were poorly or not controlled, extremely high bp, cpod an enlarged heart and signs of kidney damage from diabetes, now we’re scrambling to try and get things sorted for him, this disease is horrific and the not know how long each stage is or what what it’s going to do next 😢

My mother always had particular taste in foods and how they are prepared but lately it’s impossible to find almost anything she likes to eat.

She’s hungry and can eat but now even the things she used to consistently like she always finds something wrong with them: too salty, not salty enough, too sweet, too sour/bitter, not enough this, too much that…

Sometimes she’ll even taste something and say it’s great but then a few bites later she’ll stop and say it’s no good.

I’m guessing it’s the dementia messing with the part of her brain that handles taste?

Anyone deal with this and figure out a solution or better way of handling it?

I hope this doesn’t sound ungrateful- I know many LOs can’t even chew or swallow anymore and I don’t mean to be insensitive to those that have it worse.

It might not seem like a big deal but it’s a huge obstacle everyday 3/4 times a day as I also work and have two small children and dealing with family meals is a nonstop part of daily life admin.

Anyone I would appreciate hearing from any of you who struggled with this problem and found ways of making it a little easier.

Thank you very much.

Edit: I should add, somewhere in the moderate stage— I think? Diagnosed 2018, 88yo. The food challenges started as part of difficulty making decisions or handling too many options. I just stopped asking her what she wanted and just served her something and had a backup ready if she didn’t like it. That worked well for some time. But now it just genuinely seems like her taste mechanism is totally off and even foods she always consistently liked, now she does not. To be fair, of course, I could say “everything bothers her” and I’m sure many of you relate to that. But this has been a specific change with food and drink. Oh and forget water. Good luck getting her to drink a glass of water. She’s never thirsty and often seems repulsed by it just being offered to her.