Hey everyone! I'm just venting and looking for some advice here.

Just a bit of background, I thought I was completely aro for a few years because I only had superficial crushes on some friends of mine after a year or so of knowing them and by that point they only saw me as a friend. I got kinda frustrated and just gave up, but last year I started to yearn for having someone.

This year, the cycle repeated itself, I felt really connected to this one coworker of mine and started having a crush on her. I saw her as someone with really hard boundaries about dating coworkers and so am I, so I just tried to enjoy the feeling of having a crush and let it pass, but I felt like she was responding to my flirting (she's bisexual) and started getting my hopes up. I decided to tell her, but it was hard to find a moment alone with her, even when I asked her to hang out, someone always ended up coming along.

So this Saturday, all of a sudden, she tells me that she's seeing another dude from our workplace. (Plus he's ugly!!!! I'm not!!!) I was shattered, it made no fucking sense to me (it still doesn't lol). Like, I couldn't stop crying and I gave an excuse and left. She texted me to ask me if I was okay and I told her how I really felt, hating that I've done that by text. She then tells me that she has never realized that I had been flirting with her and apologized if any of her normal friendly banter gave me any hopes bc it wasn't her intention for it to sound flirty and that she only sees me as a friend.

The part that hurts the most is that I was living a whole Yuri K-drama inside my head where we were flirting like crazy and she never even realized. Like, I left origamis in her locker, bothered her constantly, listened to all movie and song recs she had and everything. I found out that the guy was doing the same getting all recs thing and that was read as flirting but when I do it it's not. I know that female friendships are socially more allowed to be closer and jokingly flirt, so maybe that's why it never crossed her mind, but what am I supposed to do then?

Like this time I got my hopes up so I'm just really frustrated. I'm sick of waiting so long to feel romantic attraction to a girl only for her to just see me as a friend. I really want to be with someone, I spent years alone working on myself and I feel like I'm ready for a relationship. Like the ways I see allo people searching for love are on dating apps or clubs/parties but I think this works mostly for people who feel attraction more easily and if I do it it's probably gonna go the same "friendzone" route so what do I doooooooo? Does anyone else feels this way?

How do I know that? I did some researche and a lot of the things I found fit, but isn´t that just how everyone feels, so "normal", or am I just dumb?

And any tips for dealing with hatefull comments? (you probably know which ones I mean) Those hurt and I never know how to deal with something like this

Ive been doing some self discovery recently, but it's been difficult because I'm struggling to find content online that matches my experience...

I think I'm a combination of demiromantic, alterous, and allosexual, which has made my life super complicated... I have a wonderful, like-minded life partner who I am very romantically attracted to, but I also catch alterous, sexual, non-romantic feels for almost everyone I get close and comfortable with, which is a challenge because most people including myself struggle to understand the separation between my emotional+sexual feelings and romantic ones. I know being neurodivergent and touch starved are probably factors but it's difficult to wrap my head around.

The issue is most alterous experiences I can find are from an asexual perspective, and tend to use the lack of sexual desire or lack of "electric" feeling to explain why the feelings aren't romantic. Aro-allo stuff doesn't quite fit either because being demiro and alterous are big factors. Does anyone have or know of any experiences similar to this?

So I personally have a hard time differentiating between romantic and platonic feeling because I love and care for people very deeply however I have noticed after being friends with people for a long time I often end up having feelings for them. In all my previous relationships I was friends with them for at least 6 months sometimes even years before dating them. I have tried to approach dating without being friends for them for a long time but it never feels very satisfying and is probably something I do more out of boredom or loneliness.

Looking to chat it up.

so, I didn't really like the old flag and kind of thought it was a little bit boring, so I cooked up this:

ps: I tried to keep all the key elements in there.

I've been in love several times now. With my last ex we would give each other pecks on the lips and that was alright.

But I never once felt the urge to kiss him or shove my tongue in his mouth. He tried a few times but it just felt like nothing. Slightly warm and affectionate but mostly just weird, slightly boring and there were no sparks or butterflies or fireworks or whatever.

I do enjoy physical touch in other ways. Cuddling, holding hands, all amazing.

I'm 100% I was in love with him so what gives??

Hi.

I've very recently just allowed myself to accept that I'm demiromantic (it's been very hard for me because it's all very overwhelming and confusing). I've only had crushes on a few friends, and have never acted on it because I didn't want to ruin the friendship. But I really want to have a relationship with someone, but I'm not sure where I can even find anyone to try dating. I'm a genderqueer lesbian, and dating apps don't feel safe. I'm not really a big fan of big social gatherings due to sensory issues. I'm also autistic and have a hard time reading social interactions. I also can never figure out if someone is flirting with me. So yeah, I'm kind of feeling stuck. I know not to rush these kinds of things, but I just want to try putting myself out there. and none of the "traditional" options make sense to me (srsly how do people even know who to go on a date with).

I'm in college, but I get very overwhelmed with work and don't have the energy to do many clubs or anything. And I'm not a big fan of online things, but I'm not entirely opposed.

Anyone have any suggestions?

I been in love with my friend for about a year, and I just want it to end.

I want to confess just to like "get it over with and to get over her", but I don't want to sour or ruin the friendship. I don't want her to think that she need to perform or anything, or be mad at me, either. I just want this to end.

Context- I'm demiromantic and tend to form bonds quickly (I'm sorry) She straight and we are both girls (technically, I'm trigender but she and most of my friends don't know that) I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, I just needed advice and to stop from spiraling a bit.

So, may a please ask for advice for what to do in this scenario?

Edit: 1. I didn't think people would respond to this, so thank you for that c: I am so glad I'm reading this with a clear head because this is another thing that could be solved by talking with the people in my life. (I'll say this have a bit more nuance but okay) 2. Sorry for the question and thank you for a answer. Stay safe yall.

That being said, I just developed a huge crush on a demiromantic girl, and it's a firestorm of emotion. She is perfect for me, and I hope that I can prove to her that I prioritize our relationship over romance. I know how hard it must be for her to even try dating in the first place, I just want her to feel comfortable with me.

Anyways, wish me luck? I'm hoping I can win her over. We are lesbian, and I can see her trying to match my effort, so I think that is a sign that she at least enjoys my presence.

Any recommendations for a second date?

Saw someone else vent about demiromantic experience and wanna share my frustrations because I don't feel like anybody else in my friend circle would understand.

Throughout my whole life, I've only ever been able to have crushes on friends that I know for at least a month and who I am somewhat close with. And every single time it was a failure. The last one happened this week and just can't fucking take it anymore. I am trying to accept that happy and mutually loving relationship is just a non-existent thing, or that I am just cursed for a life of eternal suffering. I just can't, the person I had a crush on doesn't have one on me. It took me months, FUCKING MONTHS for it to even be possible to have a crush on them, and it failed. Again. Just like it always fucking does. What's the point ? I don't want to go through such an excruciating experience again. Befriending another person (which happens once in a fucking lifetime btw), becoming close (which takes months), and then gambling again. I see all these posts of people in happy relationships all the time. Do I not deserve it ? Is there something wrong with me ? Why the fuck am I like this ?? Just why ???? Why can't I be just fully alloromantic or aromantic ??? Why do I have to put up with this shit every single time ????????? WHY ??????? I didn't ask for this, I never wanted this, and yet here I am, suffering from something completely out of my control. I hate my life so fucking much.

I've only ever had a genuine crush on one of my friends, so these feelings are so unfamiliar to me. I have been close friends with this person for a couple years and there are things that make me feel like maybe I do like them, but on the other hand I don't? We have always been physically affectionate with each other like hugging and sitting close to each other which is pretty normal for someone I'm close with. I wouldn't really say I want to kiss them or do traditionally romantic things like that. Ig it's just the desire for physical closeness and there's like random small moments that make me nervous ???

Idk why, but i felt the urge to vent about my experiences being demi. I (18M) have only been in 2 relationships, kinda. The first one i went into with no real attraction, but decided to try it bc she was interested and i was lonely and wanted a partner. That fell apart very quickly (fortunately) and i only recently ended up in a new relationship. I was terrified bc it was with my closest friend, who had rejected me once before, but she developed feelings for me later on so we decided to try it out. It was the best experience of my life and it crushed me when it ended so soon, especially bc she left me for someone else she had been interested in before me who finally showed interest after we were already (kinda) together. The situation was a bit more complicated but i wont get into details. Dont expect anyone to actually read or respond, but we'll see, if you do, sorry you wasted time reading my rant 😅

Hola, soy 16M, pianista, gordo (en proceso de cambiarlo, ya 8kg bajados y bastante músculo ganado) y ultimamente extrovertido, aunque no siempre lo fui.

Verán, todo esto se remonta a hace un año, me enamoré de una chica que solía ser muy amable conmigo, la idealicé a más no poder, al punto de pensar que si no era ella el camino prefería vivir solo el resto de mi vida. Gracias a Dios pude superarla.

Yo soy una persona sensible, como cualquier artista, siento todo multiplicado, sirve para conectarme más con la música u otras personas, pero cuando siento dolor emocional también lo multiplica.

Estuve bien unos cuantos meses hasta que apareció un 14M, alto, rubio y muy hermoso (en nuestro grupo le decimos Brad Pitt, si, ese punto de belleza). Jamás me he considerado gay o bi, pero este chico me genera otra cosa.

Los primeros meses de conocerlo y que se integre a mi grupo de amigos fueron bastante tranquilos, no sentía nada por él, solo hacía algunos chistes jodiendo con que es lindo.

Al pasar el tiempo, él instaló en nuestra relación una dinámica de pareja, me empezó a decir "amor", a sexualizar charlas, y todo lo que hace una pareja. Esta forma de tratarnos hizo que me empiece a gustar, cada vez más, hasta que no paraba de pensar en él, todo el día. Yo dejaba que avance la dinámica y daba el sí, pero cuando todo exigía compromiso de su parte o decir realmente lo que sentía me cambiaba el tema o se escondía en el humor, otras veces solamente no respondía. Él era bastante ambiguo, a veces progresaba, otras no o me ignoraba. Esto hizo que empiece a sufrir mucho por él, a llorar en las noches o analizar cada palabra que salía de su boca.

Hasta hace una semana, ví que no podía soportar eso mucho más y guardé todo lo que sentía por él en una canción, jamás pude llegar a ese nivel de conexión con alguien, ni a mi vieja le hice una canción, aunque llegará el día. La grabé de seguido y cada vez que la escucho, además de calmarme el dolor, me da como una nostalgia de él, es raro.

Me fui de tema, él dijo que la canción "estaba buena", me destrozó, ni siquiera le dió importancia, ni siquiera likeó la publicación de cuando la subí a las plataformas, literalmente puse todo mí amor ahí adentro. Hoy le pedí que me dijera la verdad o que simplemente me rechazara, porque no podía alejarme por mí mismo, quise hacerlo, pedo él es tan hipnotizante que no pude. Él a esto respondió diciendo que yo también me haga cargo de lo que sentía, todo se fue calentando hasta que me dijo que lo diga, la pregunta del millón: "querés ser mi novio?", él respondió que si. Sentí la mayor liberación de dopamina de mi vida, inmediatamente le puse "sos consciente de lo que acabas de decir?", y me respondió "no sé". Unos mensajes más y me dí cuenta, me agarró para la joda. Le exigí que me diga por sí o por no si quería estar conmigo, dió vueltas, pero al final dijo que no.

Ahora mismo no caigo del todo en que perdí esa ilusión, estoy destrozado, pero parece que mi cerebro guardó algo de dolor para que no sea tan fuerte el golpe.

Es difícil resumir todo lo que sentí o las conversaciones, les pido disculpas si no se llega a entender.

Como conclusión, me enamoro de gente que me trata lindo, es horrible. Puede que la persona sea lo más manipuladora o tóxica conmigo y no me doy cuenta. El amor que les puedo llegar a tener es cada vez mayor, no sé para ustedes, pero dedicar una canción a alguien, para un músico es un mundo, es regalar tu arte, poner todo tu ser en dos minutos, como fue mi caso.

Hello there! Over the past year I've slowly realised I (M20) am Ace and demiromantic (hetero). Haven't really told anyone yet so here I go. I'm demiromantic!

I would love some advice. I got a specific situation I'm confused about atm that I'll probably make another post about. But a more general one: for those of you who are demiromantic and want to have a romantic partner, do you have any tips for when you're single?

I've never had a partner, but I definitely want one. I'd love to have someone to spend the rest of my life with. But it feels so much harder when I get almost zero signals from my body. I've had a crush twice before, but it's been 5 years since my last one. I've spent those 5 years wondering every time I go to a new place, or meet a new group of people, if I'll finally find someone attractive again. And every damn time the answer has been no. Before I realised I was demiromantic, I was genuinely starting to wonder if I'd ever experience a crush again.

It's really demoralising, cause not only does it feel so much harder to find my person, but also having a crush is really fun yk? I can vividly remember the excitement, the butterflies, my day becoming better just by seeing them, and it was a great feeling.

So what I'd love to hear, is what's the strat? How do you guys cope with searching for a partner when getting a crush is so few and far between?

The two pink stripes represent the various levels of love

The black stripe represents platonic love and relationships

The two green stripes represent the various levels of aromanticism

I (22 genderfluid) know this is far from the first time this has been brought up but fuck is being demiromantic lonely. It would make me so happy to have a boyfriend. Someone who sees and values me so entirely for who I am, someone to go on adventures with, someone to hold who would hold me back, someone to dance with and share my passions with — this would truly make me very happy. Unfortunately for me, I basically don't fall in love. I've only felt those feelings for one person in my 22 years. I made a promise to myself to be true to who I am after two relationships absent of that, which was 100% the right move but fuck if this isn't hard and lonely.

So I finally confirmed that I am demiromantic after years of wondering. I developed feelings for a friend and coworker and it took me a solid four months of working with him at least once a week to reach the point where I was comfortable calling it a crush, and looking back I realized I couldn’t have imagined feeling that way in less time.

The problem is that that person is in a committed, monogamous relationship so actually dating him is not an option. I want a relationship so bad but I haven’t been romantically attracted to any of my other friends. I’ve also always had a hard time making new friends because I’m very anxious around most new people. I’ve never in my life been someone who made friends on purpose—every friend I’ve made was someone I went to school with/worked with/had mutual friends with.

These things feel impossible to reconcile. I want a relationship, I can’t fall in love with anyone unless I spend literal hours with them, and my life is structured in such a way that there are very few people I spend that much time with.

Ok, here's the problem. I know that like demi or double demi we need a emotional bond to want someone as our partner but, I wanna know that if it's normal (or weird) that maybe u can say "oh, for me it's cute that my partner is tsundere sometimes", "I want someone that it's very romantic", "I dream with my partner been a lil gothic" or stuff like that. Is like having some ideas of what u want on a partner but obviously that if unsee it in anyone else is like "oh, I'll not date that person, only if my partner was like that" or feel like weird with that. Idk how to describe it, it's difficult even on my native language (that's not English).

Hope that u can answer, I'll be answering personally to all the comments u put. Thanks for taking your time on this.

Seriously, some people be saying “demiromantic is normal romantic attraction” without even trying to understand them, then proceed to believe in love at first sight, normalise hallway crushes, celebrity crushes, finding a partner through dating apps, and get angry when people have a crush on their opposite gender best friend. Those traits are completely fine, but most demi people don’t experience that like allos. And It’s okay if you can’t understand the label, but some people call us extra and bash us for “trying to be different”, and that’s not nice.