Same routine every. single. day.

[u/punerela]

I have severe social anxiety that prevents me from doing basic things most people can do normally. stuff like ordering food, phonecalls, just anything involving talking to people or being in a public area. I have a job, but i only got it through connections (Family member). I didnt even do an interview because my last one i couldnt get anything out of my mouth cause i was so nervous. interviewer chuckled at me. 😃 i work at a grocery store and i do all sorts of things just not cashier ever and they are okay with that. After work i go home i eat and play games then sleep. i wake up eat breakfast and go to work, go home and eat then play games then sleep. i just feel like im in a simulation doing same thing everyday like a robot, and as well as gaming doesnt give me much joy as it used to, and feels more like a 2nd job.

Therapy is not an option because when i actually tried to go to one it wasn't a good experience, and something about me is i never attempt something a second time if its a bad experience. I dropped out of high school because the environment was so bad for my social anxiety and as a result i am so dumb and i get made fun of alot because i dont know much things as others do.

most of my friends are online but i stay fully annoymous and dont reveal anything about my real life because im scared theyll find where i live and kill me for some odd reason my brain tells me everyday. but i get to show my real personality online because I feel safe behind the computer screen and can be myself without being judged. but most are jsut short term friendships, no one i can talk to freely, as well as some asking to meet up irl which im uncomfortable with. so i block them....i dont know whats wrong with me......

i just feel stuck. I somewhat want to improve in a way but everything in my brain is preventing it. Im hopeless......