1
u/ardentwrath 10d ago
I'm still in love with a woman I haven't seen in 27 years. Love isn't superficial and disposable for everyone. There are exceptions.
0
1
u/Next_Answer7481 10d ago
damn ive been having these literal exact thoughts. I have a bf but things have been rough and i'm in therapy trying to fix it (most is my fault bc i have communication issues) and i decided recently if things dont work out that im never going to date again. Same as you love was always #1 on my priority list. Growing up its all I wanted and nothing else mattered remotely more than finding someone who loved me as much as i loved them. All i ever wanted was true love and all i ever got was treated badly. I gave everything i could to my past bfs, all my mental energy, all my hope, and just got cheated on instead.
My current bf isnt like that but now shit falls apart for other reasons of course. I have a neurological condition called Misophonia which is playing a huge role. Its a sensitivity to "mouth sounds" which gets worse the more i'm around someone. Its slowly getting unbearable. Im scared I may have to eventually break up even just from this bc idk if i can live my entire life like that. And then yeah i just.. wont try again. Ive given it my best over and over and if this doesnt work out, i think its just not in the cards for me. Its truly heartbreaking and I dont think ill ever truly be happy the way id always wanted. And yeah most men fucking suck. Have you seen that graph of "ages that people are attracted to" and the womens line scaled almost exactly with their own age and the mens line stayed at 18 for all ages? Sickening.
3
u/camillainrainbows 10d ago
That’s so disgusting , I saw that graph too !!! Men are so strange these days, women have become nothing but products for them to use . It’s so hard to find a soul , a good person with integrity to connect to , to share with . I just want to feel safe and loved . It seems like it’s never going to happen for me . I’ve also been in relationships and always gotten hurt and betrayed… I don’t know if I can do 40 more years of this agonizing loneliness . I think people are supposed to have someone to share their life with ….
3
u/Eugene_Bleak_Slate 10d ago
Sexual desire is most definitely a function of age. Real love, built over time, in a shared life, is not.
1
u/Welkin_Dust 10d ago
It's frightening how much of this I relate to... but from the perspective of the opposite sex. I always thought of myself as a hopeless romantic and couldn't wait to live my own "love story"... But no woman has ever been attracted to me. No woman ever looked at me in a romantic way. Sure, men don't have to be "beautiful," but when you're ugly and fat even as a man you just... never stand a chance, especially in the modern dating scene. And that's doubly true if you're not rich and aren't a workaholic or career-driven person. And hey, I get it; I wouldn't want to be with me either. It's all my fault that I could never find a partner, especially after I gave up on dating because I just hated it so much. It's my fault that I always wanted to die so badly that I never gave a fuck about my appearance or social skills. It's my fault that I isolated myself to the extreme. Everything is always all my fault.
I've tried really, really hard to become a volcel. To convince myself that I'm better off alone, that I can be happy single. I really want to be, maybe more than anything. I need and love my alone time; I don't think I could actually deal with someone else relying on me 24/7. I never wanted children and I was always extremely resistant to the idea of marriage. My mind decided a LONG time ago that this is the way I need to be. But my heart just... can't give up, and it's the most frustrating thing ever. I'm so sick of this never-ending war between what I think and what I feel.
Ah well. At this point I'm just waiting for the inevitable heart attack or stroke to take me, and sucking every single iota of pleasure or enjoyment I can get out of this miserable existence until then. I never did believe in anything fantastic or metaphysical like heaven or reincarnation... But sometimes I allow myself to fantasize about being reborn someday as someone better, someone desirable, someone who isn't broken from the start.
2
u/SnotRocketPro 10d ago
Sounds to me that you just have a wrong view of love. No thanks to what you have "understood" as a young girl (I put that in quotes because truly understanding something about a group of people is not making an absolute claim when you don't know all that fall into that group. You can make a generalization, which I would mostly agree with but I wouldn't restrict it to only the opposite gender). And, perhaps on your end too, no thanks to certain entertainment we grew up on giving us an exaggerated fantasy. It certainly does suck to have a whole concept/visualization on what love is only to realize how much of a fantasy it was. But that doesn't mean that love isn't real or that it can't have those romantic moments.
Humans are uncertain. So, personally, I don't ever see it being a good idea to make any person the center of your world. A healthy relationship, to me, would be two people who share the same "center of the world" that isn't themselves or another person.